Vivien Leigh - Proof of Reincarnation
Preliminary Book
By
Evgeny Meshkov
Copyright © 2024 Evgeny Meshkov
You may quote a reasonable amount of this book which falls under Fair Use, provided you clearly cite the author and the title of the book (e.g. Evgeny Meshkov, “Vivien Leigh - Proof of Reincarnation - Preliminary Book”).
You may share this book with other people on the condition that the book is not modified in any way.
This is not a regular, polished and finished book! I simply publish it online so that I have shared at least something with people while I’m still researching reincarnation and my past lives. In case something happens, I want to share at least some findings with other people. But don’t be discouraged, as far as Vivien Leigh is concerned, this book contains all the evidence you’ll need to see I was her in my past life. And if you have doubts, then I provide some information you could use to try and confirm I’m telling the truth about my life’s experiences.
In this document I will show unedited script for my video about me finding my Vivien Leigh life.
Then I will show you the entries from my diary, which relate to the topic of reincarnation. You will discover there how I found out I could ask my Higher Self questions for which I’d sometimes get direct and clear answers. This is how I was able to get more confirmations I was indeed Vivien Leigh, and later I’d find more of my past lives thanks to my Higher Self.
After that I will show you every potential link between my current life and my Vivien Leigh life, as well as possible links between my other past lives.
Contacts:
https://www.youtube.com/@EvgenyMeshkov
https://vk.com/evgenymeshkov1988
https://www.facebook.com/emeshkov1
evgenii_meshkov@mail.ru | evgeny2017m@yandex.ru
Intro
(--Proof--) Good day everyone! The topic of this video, reincarnation, is highly important. In light of this I urge you to watch the whole video because I provide proof some researchers may follow to confirm that I have identical spiritual knowledge, similarities and synchronicities with Vivien Leigh, as well as to confirm I was suffering or living in situations which closely match those in which Vivien Leigh made errors. This will be a huge step to proving that I’m at least telling the truth about these connections. And it would also be a huge step to proving that reincarnation exists.
If I wasn’t 100% sure I was Vivien Leigh in one of my past lives, I would not be making this video.
A book called Thiaoouba Prophecy has played a major role in my life and I know from many experiences and research the book tells the truth. I talk about that in my other videos and in my free e-book Simple Truths of Life. And for the proof I’m telling the truth about my experiences you can see my telekinesis videos. (#HH) The fact that I learned to do the thing considered by many to be science fiction should tell you a lot.
I got the confirmations that I was Michele Avila also. For simplicity and shortness of this video I’ll be talking about the connections between my Vivien Leigh life and my current life only in this video. (#First_Person)
True Dream
(--True_Dream--) Having found many synchronicities with Michele Avila & Vivien Leigh, I didn’t know reincarnation was the reason behind them. I only saw it as an option, and in my thoughts, I felt that while that experience was very interesting and unusual, I could have been anyone else in my past lives. What are the chances one would find two of his past lives just like that on the Internet? And what are the chances that, out of billions of people, I was a once famous actress?
In fact, it’s what I told myself before I went to sleep. That night, on September 4 after 4 o’clock in the morning I woke up from a dream in which I was at some type of past life regression, and the question was asked who I was in my past life. All of a sudden, I started to speak in 40-year-old Vivien Leigh’s voice, saying: “But I already know the answer! I was the actress Vivian Leigh”. (#Other_True_Dreams)
I’ve had multiple dreams since then, reconfirming I was Vivien Leigh in my past life. It’s important to say, that I would ask my Higher Self to give me some answers about my past lives via dreams, and it did. In one such dream I saw a photo of Vivien Leigh after asking my Higher Self to show the photo of me in my past life if I lived in 1785; In another dream I heard myself say in Scarlett O’Hara’s voice ‘Oh Rhett!’ after I asked my Higher Self if it was possible to view a glimpse of my past life of Vivien Leigh. I’ll talk about other dreams in my video about my past life of Michele Avila, and you can also read about them from My Diary I’ll share with you at the end.
Later I’d realize it’s not about chances. Each action and decision has a consequence. Errors lead people to unavoidable suffering – in the current life, or in some other life. It follows then that our good decisions lead us to receiving benefits, which we may also get in another life. So, it’s not surprising life can guide us to our past incarnations if it’s what we have to discover in our current life. Apparently, this is what have happened to me, and as I continued to discover more and more of my past lives, it started to become more clear why this had to happen.
I started seeing new synchronicities with Vivien Leigh and shortly after I remembered about true dreams and that they can tell us our actual past life.
I knew if I was Vivien then there is a way to prove it by finding her errors linked to me suffering. We’d also have similar psychology since I’ve lived that life not so long ago, and psyche being part of Astral body doesn’t die.
I decided to watch more movies with Vivien and in Waterloo Bridge I saw the almost exact reflection in the scene with Kitty and then with the bridge corresponding to one episode from my life with prostitute Natasha. This is where I knew I was actually Vivien Leigh and my dream was a true dream.
Movie/Play Reflections
In the movie, Vivien’s character Myra finds out that her friend Kitty had become a prostitute. Shortly after, Myra decides to do the same to survive. It’s shown that she has been doing it for the whole winter at least. (%Natasha)
In my case with Natasha, she told me her friend had become a prostitute first and then Natasha had to join her because she couldn’t find work and her money had run out. She’d been doing it the whole winter; for 6 months in fact.
Both Natasha and Myra were unfairly fired by their bosses.
Much later I found another smaller reflection in that movie with the same episode of my life. It concerns Roy who wants to see Myra again but there are issues with the note. He decides to leave, but then Myra’s friend Kitty runs out and says Myra wants to meet him. They do meet later.
In my case I wanted to see Natasha again for the second time because I wanted to help her. But there were issues delivering my request to see her. I was about to leave when a girl, who might have been Natasha’s friend, came in and, having realized what was happening, ran to bring Natasha in. We did meet again.
Then I also remembered I was falling in love with Natasha during the same day I saw her. I realized upon second viewing of Waterloo Bridge that Myra and Roy fell for one another in one day also.
After this finding I watched all movies with Vivien Leigh in search of new connections. I did find several, and it’s quite possible that after learning the details of my other lives I could find even more reflections.
I’ve noticed that I seem to have suffered for some of the errors of the characters I played in my Vivien life. At the very least there are similarities between those scenes and my life. For now, I think that maybe the characters people play should pay for their errors so that the actor doesn’t have to pay the penalty himself. If I’m correct the reason may be in the fact that movies and plays are influencing people, and so if the message is wrong then it may make some people who watched it decide to make the same erroneous decision in their life, causing suffering to themselves or to someone else. (#tags)
Gone With the Wind
Scarlett realizing she doesn’t love Ashley and then her returning to Tara which signifies her coming of age.
That is reflected in me realizing I don’t truly want to go to live abroad and I’m okay living where I am. Then I started going to my village which I didn’t visit for many years. When I first watched Gone With the Wind in English several years ago and didn’t know I was Vivien Leigh yet, the connection was still very noticeable. In fact, this movie and Scarlett’s ark moved me so much I thought it could help me ($1) live my life more peacefully. It did help for a while.
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($2) At about 2:22:30 into the movie there’s a close up shot of a check for $300 dollars, which Scarlett got after marrying Frank Kennedy by lying to him about her sister. The date of the check is 20th February. On 20th February 2020 I was almost scammed and cheated at a highly important moment of my life when I tried to publish my official translation of Thiaoouba Prophecy. The publishing company’s employee, Michail, gave me a different contract to sign after I read the original which had no obvious issues. Thankfully the signed contract was illegal and so I managed to get them to destroy the copies of the contract.
In Alexander Walker’s biography of Vivien, there are mentions of contracts situations, showing that Vivien made an error. Of note is the date – 20 December 1938. But then Walker also writes that Vivien was actually brought to court. So, as Vivien I did suffer somewhat for that error, and maybe this might explain why I got out of my current life’s contract situation quickly if that was the suffering for my past life’s error.
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($Mischievous) Then mother writes about my mischievousness in her diary. I was about 1.5 years then. She writes I’d demand something, cry and wince, while looking with one eye – what is the reaction like? This reminded me so much of Scarlett O’Hara at 2:24:00 into the movie! Of course, it also reminded me of how it was said that during the production of ‘A Yank at Oxford’ my antics were seemingly paying dividends.
That Hamilton Woman
The dead face. “I know it. I knew that face. For 10 years it looked back at me from different mirrors. Must be me. But I always wait for the miracle. That one time just once [can’t make out] it will be another face that looks at me again. A face I knew before, but that face must be dead”
(--Dead_Face--) This was exactly what I had been experiencing for some days after I realized I must have been Vivien Leigh after all – When I looked at Vivien Leigh in photos and videos, it was literally the face I knew before from my past life as Vivien, and since I now live another life in a new physical body that face is dead. (#syncs_Emma)
On top of that I try to use mirrors in dreams and lucid dreams to see the physical bodies I had in my past lives.
The ending of life theme is present in 4 movies with Vivien and I had so far exactly 4 episodes in which I thought about that same thing rather seriously.
The movies are: 1940 Waterloo Bridge, 1948 Anna Karenina, 1955 The Deep Blue Sea, 1961 The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone ($suicide_movies)
And while watching The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone there was a very special synchronicity. At about 46:41 for some reason I touched with the fingers of my left hand my lower jaw. And as I was doing it – at exactly the same time, and at the same speed and manner - the character I played, Karen Stone, also touched the exact same spot with the fingers of the left hand on her face! I rarely touch my face and not in this manner!
That movie also mentions and implies a cut throat. I’ve had 3 dreams in which my throat was cut. One had theater; another had blue car which looked similar to Camaro, but it could have been something else; in the third dream I was on a city’s square. Also, I had a somewhat prophetic dream about two people with slit throats.
I was called ‘dog’ – пёс – by two of my village friends because of my stutter.
I was not at all surprised to see the dog theme present in two of Vivien Leigh movies, just as I was not surprised to see very close resemblances to what I had to experience in my life in those scenes.
In Look Up and Laugh movie the boyfriend of Vivien Leigh’s character, played by Tommy Fields, is stammering. In one of the scenes his speech resembles highly well my speech which I had in school when I couldn’t speak normally. The other important detail is the fact that in the movie Tommy says he’s lost a lot of money on the dogs.
($SimilarFaces) I will also note that Tommy’s appearance at one point reminded me of the appearance of the same guy from the village who was the first to call me the above-mentioned word. And I have also noticed more than once that at some points in my past lives my appearance was similar to that of people whom I knew in my current life. These facts do not surprise me much, since it makes it possible to experience life from a different point of view - to experience life on the other side of the barricades, so to speak - and this is one of the reasons for the existence of reincarnation.
And in Storm in a Teacup the dogs play the major role now in the story. I play in Viven Leigh life the daughter of a local politician in Scotland who tries to break the reporter who wrote a negative story about him. At one point the army of dogs storms into the house of that politician and the chaos issues. People find out about the incident and during the politician’s speech they ridicule him by making dog sounds. When I was watching that scene, I remember well how immediately I knew they do it in the almost exact way the two guys from my village did.
So the question is what did I do wrong to have stammer in this life?
Maybe the line I say in the movie Look Up and Laugh: “I like him tongue tied!” could be of some connection, but I doubt it’s the main reason because that line has at least two interpretations, one of which simply means she likes him the way he is and she doesn’t mind his stammer.
(--Stutter_Reasons--) Now, at the moment of making this video I’ve read two biographies about my old life in Vivien Leigh’s body, and I’ve read a lot of articles also. On one hand I’m sad that I found nothing which would show the exact error I made which resulted in me having to deal with stammer from the early age. On the other hand, I found some hints. One of them has to do with the fact that the critic Kenneth Tynan, who would often write negative reviews about Vivien Leigh, had stammer. I know that I was sharp-tongued in Vivien Leigh life, and it’s more than possible that in that life I said something bad about him and his stammer after reading one of his bad reviews.
But there’s more. Recently I’ve got confirmations I was Emma Hamilton also – meaning I played myself in Lady Hamilton movie. It’s a long separate story, and what’s important right now is the fact that in Emma’s life there was a moment when she treated badly a stammering painter whose name was Guy Head.
This led me to have a theory that maybe sometimes different errors in our different lives can result in one major suffering – meaning they add up just like two meeting waves’ peaks will result in a large peak. ($stammer)
The Skin of our Teeth
Her asking the question about improving the world.
“In her role as resident pessimist, lacking vision, Sabina says, "That's all we do—always beginning again! Over and over again. Always beginning again." After each disaster, they just rebuild the world again. She also says: "Don't forget that a few years ago we came through the depression by the skin of our teeth! One more tight squeeze like that and where will we be?" And later she says,..."My nerves can't stand it. But if you have any ideas about improving this crazy old world, I'm really with you. I really am."”
I’ve been trying to share Thiaoouba Prophecy book for many years. I also was fortunate enough to make official Russian translation of the book. Since I know for a fact from my own experiences and experimentations that the book is true, and its knowledge is very important to all people because it can help the whole humanity greatly, I’d say I have several ideas on how to improve the world now, and I actually mentioned them in the Manifesto chapter of my free e-book Simple Truths of Life.
Since my early childhood I liked watching movies and probably have watched all significant films since the day of cinema birth. I have never encountered any reflections in any movies until I started watching movies with Vivien Leigh. This proves that this experience is of no coincidence.
(#MA_Life) There are also at least 2 reflections, and also synchronicities, with the life of Michele Avila, but I’ll talk about that in another video.
Errors
(--Errors_Intro--) According to the Universal Law we have to suffer for all of our mistakes. I knew that if the dream was true and I was indeed Vivien Leigh then I’d find clear connections when reading biographies about the actress. Of course, the situations in our lives are influenced by many factors, and the consequences for our past mistakes don’t have to be 100% identical to the error we made – nevertheless if you know you were that person in your past life you will probably spot a direct link.
You watching this video means I did find a lot of links between the errors I made in Vivien Leigh’s life and different types of suffering I had to endure in this current life.
And you have to understand that chances of the following interconnections happening in the lives of totally different souls are very, very small.
I’ve already mentioned about the stammer.
Due to various reasons, I was not able to find a girlfriend. I have no family of my own. I wasn’t surprised to learn that Vivien Leigh slept with other women’s men. Even if the illness caused the elevated sex drive, resulting in the aforementioned facts, it was still an error.
($Leigh_Holman_Alone) There’s evidence Leigh Holman, Vivien’s first husband, was suffering the abandonment, and since in Vivien’s life I never experienced living without anyone by my side, it seems like I must pay the penalty for those mistakes in my current life.
I’ve had problems having sleep during quite a large amount of time in my current life. One of smaller reasons had to do with the neighbors upstairs engaging in loud adult activities. Aside from the woman’s screams, their bed also would hit the walls very hard, making huge noise.
(#SB_Proof) It just so happens Scotty Bowers wrote in his book Full Service that Vivien Leigh screamed while the two of them were engaged in the same activity as my neighbors were. And he mentioned before that they needed to be silent because George Cukor was sleeping. Scotty writes that Vivien wailed deliriously: “I don’t care if George hears us. I just don’t care.” My neighbors upstairs clearly didn’t care either about other people. At that time, living without a girlfriend and with all the problems I had to face it was difficult to hear and realize someone has what you desire but seemingly can’t have.
Then several biographies of Vivien mention how I in that life would, unfortunately, deprive Olivier of sleep. Larry himself in his Confessions of an Actor said he had lack of sleep due to all the partying.
The major reason I had serious issues with sleep had to do with the air conditioners of Sberbank attached to the wall near our windows. They also had iron mesh covering them too tightly, and that resulted in the air conditioners making huge amount of noise. They were working from 7 AM till the late evening or even night, and sometimes the air conditioners would be left working during the whole night too. The noise and lack of sleep almost killed me, but then the issue was found and resolved.
Since then Sberbank moved to another place, but the noise issue still continues – from neighbors and from other equipment which is probably in the basement.
Tamara Tchinarova only briefly mentions Vivien in her book, and yet the episode she described revealed several interconnections between my old life and the new one. In fact, the three of them were written by her in the same sentence!
Tamara wrote about Vivien’s visit to hers and Piter’s apartment, and then mentioned how Vivien complained their flat was too stuffy, opened a few of their drawers to inspect the contents, and finally commented on their cheap curtain linings.
Stuffy room. A woman from Roskomnadzor said my room was stuffy when they came to measure the noise made by the bank’s air conditioners.
Opening and inspecting other people’s drawers. Then, when I was about 15 years, a policeman, along with a woman, who might have been his girlfriend because of her casual clothes, came out of the blue to my apartment. I was home alone at that time. At one point that policeman opened the door to our bathroom without asking permission. He just looked inside, inspecting the contents. Both of them smiled at the sight of us having an issue with the toilet tank, which was open and a wooden stick had to prevent the mechanism from letting the water in until the repairs were done.
Curtains. When we were kids, my friend Anton visited our apartment once. For some reason he decided to mention our curtains. More precisely the fact we close them at night. And I think, if I remember correctly, he then mentioned that fact to someone else because somehow it was a funny thing to say in his mind. We live close to the ground floor, and so when the darkness comes and we turn on the light we have to close our curtains so that people from the street don’t see what’s inside; they lived on the 7-th floor where there was no need for such privacy; we were kids and maybe he just didn’t know the purpose of curtains.
One episode in my Vivien Leigh life had led to three separate events in my current life. I actually can’t remember if there were other events when somebody would mention something about my apartment or village house. These events of two lives seem to be direct matches, given the whole context, including the true dream.
Then Tamara mentioned Vivien’s manic depression and how Vivien cut up all her clothes. I remember a situation in my current life when my winter jacket was cut by a knife. My school peers brought that to my attention. We quarreled with my mother days earlier and she cut it.
It leads us to Tamara mentioning how Vivien tried to attack her with a knife. During the same school period I just mentioned my mother did try to do the same. That period of quarrels is long over and we live more or less peacefully.
Then Tamara mentions several other details about what I tried to do in my past life - but that time to myself. I won’t mention them, but I’ll say that the window of the 9-th floor did appear in my mind before I found out the cause for stuttering, which dissipated that idea and helped me start changing my life. The taking of certain amount of drugs also had a reflection in a situation with my mother. And the mention of the water related attempt did remind me of how I died in my life of Michele Avila.
Then Tamara mentions how Vivien laughed at her appearance. The length of her nose in particular. Later Tamara writes she underwent a cosmetic surgery because of that. I have several problems with my current physical body’s appearance and I’ve suffered quite a lot because of them.
Vivien slept with Peter Finch, Tamara’s husband. Tamara and Peter had a daughter, Anita. They eventually divorced because of the affair, which ironically came to an end after the divorce too. Tamara never remarried. Once again I see a reason why I have to live alone without anyone by my side in my life.
They say that Vivien bit one police officer on the finger. If I didn’t pay for that error in my past life, then this could be one of reasons I’ve had negative interactions with police in my current life.
Also, when we were kids, my friend’s dog bit me 2 times on my leg. But this episode might be the suffering for the error I did in another episode of my Vivien’s life: as a kid Vivien bit her mother Gertrude on the leg when playing a lion a bit too realistically.
Alexander Walker wrote how one night during a party Lilli Palmer wished to go to bed because she went to bed late the previous night. Vivien agreed, but apparently she found it to be a lame excuse to retire while they were all enjoying themselves so much.
I remember how when we were making a bonfire near our village I would go early to sleep and I remember how 2 girl friends whispered something to themselves as I was walking off.
Vivien, in one of her letters home, compared The Reverend Mother in her school to a sour-looking cat, which was sketched in a postscript.
This reminded me of how I and other people were playing a game in which they’d describe the profile picture of the person who left the last comment. One person said ‘a gloomy man’ - I believe - about mine and that affected me for I wanted to have a bit of fun, not misery.
Walker wrote that Vivien bought an exquisite Boudin painting with money Leigh Holman gave her to buy a refrigerator. If the story is true, it may relate to me suffering when my father sold his mother’s apartment for the fraction of the price and some portion of that money was wasted on alcohol – but he also bought himself a car, tv, a tiny house, and also a motorcycle for me.
From what I know, Vivien disliked Charles Laughton’s gross body; she said she felt she could never get near enough to him. It’s actually very similar to how Vivien’s heroine in the movie ‘Sidewalks of London’ feels about Charles’ character, and she never pays the penalty for the thoughts she expressed in the movie’s story.
I have some asymmetries in my body. While I was said to be beautiful looking as a teenager, over the years I’ve changed in appearances. Some people clearly didn’t like how I looked.
Vivien and Larry sailed for home from Wellington on 17 October 1948. Vivien probably had the manic phase starting to show itself, for she behaved quite hectically. The charades led to Olivier needing to rebuke his wife for ‘humiliating’ him by making up to one bold young man a bit too publicly.
I’ll note that 75 years later, On 17 October 2023, I decided to tell my mother about me being Vivien Leigh and Michele Avila in my past lives.
Then I remember how in our village my mother, when I was very little, was ‘making up to’ Виталик - a guy who was older than us by quite a lot. I felt awkward and unsure at the sight; and the looks of smiles at me from my village friends didn’t help either. If Olivier’s rebuke did not have any results – meaning as Vivien I didn’t suffer for my behavior in that episode -, then the episode with my mother was probably the suffering for that error.
In case with mother the reason for that episode was also in certain psychological problems, which are now gone, I’m happy to say.
Generally, in my Vivien’s life I’ve had mental problems which impacted other people too. In my current life there were several people with mental problems around me, and their lives did impact mine also. I found several possible interconnections between my past life and my current one in regards to those problems. I mentioned them in the document I’ll show at the end.
When Vivien was with Jack Merivale, she at one point went off with several men who said they were ‘seduced by her beauty’. For the first time she didn’t include Jack in the invitation. Marina in the village once had several guys flock around her and I was excluded.
Both Vivien’s and Emma Hamilton’s daughters were, during a certain period of time, left without their mother around.
I remembered how one day, when I was a little kid, my mother took me to my father’s apartment and left me alone at his door. She went away… but I started to run after her and cry and beg her not to leave me… I followed her in tears for many minutes and through many streets, in front of many people’s eyes. Eventually we drove together on the bus to our home and that was it.
I’ll mention that I lived separately from my father in this life. In my Missy’s life father also left the family after a certain point.
Potential errors shown in movies:
Laughing at Ceasar’s bald head in Ceasar and Cleopatra. There’s also a hint on prediction of death of Vivien and Michele in that film. It looks like I had to experience baldness for the first time living in my current body. It’s been years since I learned to be more or less okay with how I look.
Face reference in Sidewalks of London. I’ve already mentioned the issues I’ve had in my life with my appearance. My facial expressions were also influenced by my problems during the low periods of my life.
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There’s also a possible reflection in Vivien’s character being a pickpocket, thief, and me having to deal with scammers who took my laptop for repairs – but there were no repairs at all - and then they demanded money I didn’t have to give them.
They say that Vivien in The Village Squire played a rather snooty Rose.
Snooty means “showing disapproval or contempt towards others, especially those considered to belong to a lower social class”. It’s interesting because I was at some points in my life in a reversed situation; I certainly belong to the lower part of social class as far as materialism is concerned.
Gone With the Wind. “If I have to lie, cheat or kill as God as my witness I shall never be hungry again!”
This could have a certain connection to why in Michele’s life I was lied about, cheated, and killed.
The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone. The scene with the blonde character that Vivien Leigh played in the movie, who, as we assume, is killed by her throat being cut.
I’ve had 3 dreams ending the same way. The first had theatre theme going; the second showed a blue car which might as well relate to my past life of Michele Avila.
21 Days Together. The accused innocent man has heart attack. I’ve got problems with heart.
Then he’s believed to be the murderer but he’s innocent. I’m not believed by many people it seems like.
Psyche
(--Psyche_Intro--) Psyche, or psychic body, is part of our Astral body and so it never dies also. From what I understand our Psychic body gets filled with data during our lives, and that data influences our decisions and behavior during certain situations. Since Psyche doesn’t die when our physical body dies, the data recorded in it stays with us when we are reborn in a new physical body and live a new life.
People from Thiaoouba made it clear that Psyche is very important, mentioning that it’s in the area of the psyche that, on Earth, our greatest problems exist. Right now, people mostly take care of the physical body, and Thiaooubians said it to be a serious mistake. If the psyche is poor, it will influence the physical appearance accordingly. Since psyche is immortal, we may be reborn with psychological issues we didn’t get rid of in our past life.
It should be noted that people also have Astropsychic body and psychotypical body. Since I’ve only recently discovered my two past lives, I haven’t yet attempted to see if I can categorize the psychological similarities I found existing between my lives. So, they may relate to one of those three bodies.
Some say Vivien Leigh had sex obsession. In this life I thought the same thing about myself; only it had to be masturbation due to many reasons.
In Vivien’s life I had manic depression, signified by mood swings. In this life I’ve had highs and lows which would replace each other; I was depressed but managed to find the reason for my problems and so I also found the solution.
In Vivien Leigh’s 1939 Screen test for Gone with the Wind I noticed that I – Vivien - turn my head and eyes in that video in similar way to how I sometimes still do in my current life.
It should be noted quite a few of people do that.
Scotty Bowers. Vivien said to him it was wrong and asked to leave, but then changed her mind.
I did a similar thing but in a different situation when I’d leave the groups about movies and tv shows and then I’d change my mind and ask one of admins – Venera - to add me back. This happened several times.
David Niven says that Missie – as he called Vivien Leigh in one of his books – harried him endlessly to play hide and seek.
In my childhood there was a silly moment when I’d beg my village friends who were older than me for many minutes - if not an hour – to play, I believe, hide and seek or another game with 2 teams where 1 has to catch the members of the other. I did play hide and seek with my grandmother in her 2-room apartment when I was little.
I was afraid of needles to various degrees in at least my three lives – Vivien Leigh, Michele Avila, myself.
And in my current life and in my Vivien’s life I used to show signs of fear regarding some doctor appointments.
The director of Look up and Laugh movie, Basil Dean, wrote about Vivien in his memoirs: “She was so uncontrollably nervous that for a while she seemed unable to take direction, a circumstance for which I made insufficient allowance. I became impatient.”
It was also said that Vivien was shaking during some other important moments of life.
This describes me during several moments of my life.
Vivien was, at one point at least, thinking too much about reputation or what was written about her in newspapers.
It’s been difficult at first to reveal the truths about my experiences with people from another planet – Thiaoouba – because of what I was afraid some people would think or say about me.
Romantic experiences seem to have mattered equally both to Vivien and me.
The negative way both Vivien and I dealt with losing at certain games matches up.
Vivien and I are quite fastidious.
Vivien and I have made impulsive decisions in our lives.
Both Vivien and I share the love for gardening and Nature in general. Although this may relate to spiritual knowledge more than to psyche.
Vivien said: “Every single night I'm nervous. You never know how the audience is going to react.”
I used to be, and sometimes still am, nervous, thinking of something I want to write to someone for example. In school I was often nervous thinking if I was going to be asked a question – stammer was the reason for that.
Spiritual Knowledge
(--Spiritual_Knowledge_Intro--) There’s material knowledge, which gets erased when we’re reborn (#mat_knowledge_erased), and there’s also spiritual knowledge, which we get to keep in our Astral body for the rest of our lives we’ll live in this Universe. The importance of spiritual knowledge is that as we obtain more and more of it, we do less and less errors, which means we have to suffer less. For example, when we say that a person has high morals, it means that person has gained some spiritual knowledge in the past.
In our case, the spiritual knowledge is another important element that can show if you could or couldn’t be a particular person in your past life.
There are two points to consider.
First, what spiritual knowledge a person had in their past life must be present in their current life.
Second, if the person has a spiritual knowledge in the current life, but there’s evidence they didn’t have it in their past life, there must exist an event in or between those two lives during which the person acquired that spiritual knowledge.
If all the findings you get match these two points, then you could be that person in your past life.
In this regard I’ve also found many matches between my current life and my Vivien Leigh life.
I’ll mention the examples of lack of spiritual knowledge also.
The very first thing I’ll mention is the fact both Vivien and I at the very least believed in reincarnation. Of course, I know it exists now. This is very important, and later I found out I knew about reincarnation at least in first century – that is in my past life I lived during that time.
John Gielgud said that Vivien barely talked about her depression or ill health. I’ve talked about those things only when it was necessary.
John also said Vivien was always enormously interested in everything, people, places, changes of fashion - and she had friends of every different sort and kind in London, in her country homes, in America and Australia. The things mentioned do relate to me too.
Vivien and I are impatient and headstrong people. We both want some joy out of life. And Vivien said that Scarlett O’Hara had more courage than she’d ever have. I’ve already mentioned that I had to go through a lot before I could start not giving a damn about people’s opinions about me – but not always, though. There’s been other indicators that I lack courage in certain other situations.
Vivien hoped she’d never have selfish egotism. I’ve tried to help a village friend who had bullied me previously because of my stutter. I’ve also been sharing Thiaoouba book and my experiences and what I learned in my life with other people despite the fact it gives me nothing material or monetary.
In Vivien’s life I was restless and had to be doing something. I’m still the same.
As Vivien I said: “Big picture contracts are good financially, but I advise young actresses to think twice about them.” I agree with that statement. In fact, I remember how when I was dreaming about linking my life with movies, I thought that I don’t want to have much more than I need.
Vivien said: “The snag in success is that the nearer you get to it the farther away you feel yourself to be. The world may call you successful, but in your heart you know that you never fulfil your own hopes. Which is perhaps all to the good, for complacency is a fatal state, though a very pleasant one, if you can remain in it. I never can.
Whenever I let myself feel thrilled and flattered by the approbation of other people self-criticism rears itself, like a snake, at the back of my mind and destroys the illusion.”
No surprise that I agree with old self, because that’s the way I pretty much am too. And there were moments when in TPXP group I was called ‘genius’ by some, but I knew it’s not so, even if it can be pleasant to be thought of like that. But I know myself, and I know I’ve yet to learn a lot and then some more.
Vivien said: “So that is the first and most important lesson that success has taught me: to beware of self-satisfaction.”
Following the above note of mine about Thiaoouba book – there were times, of course, during which I felt very happy that I know the truth. But I was cautious for the feeling not to get to my head. I was cautious to concern myself only with facts and truth.
Vivien: “They gave me that flexibility of mind which is so necessary to an artist, and taught me, I hope, understanding. Through knowing them I have always been able to recognize the characters I played, and love them.”
I think that I’m understanding as well, sometimes being able to as if “feel” other people’s lives and situations.
Vivien: “Sixteen years have passed since that first night of The Mask of Virtue when success came so suddenly that I distrusted it. I do still, but it no longer seems so important, for I have learnt many things since then. One is that to live in the fullest sense is worth more than to attain any material reward.”
Again, I see the point.
In Vivien’s life I would wear gloves to hide the ‘paws’. I my current life I had to wear a cap to hide my balding head until I was okay with how I look – more or less.
Vivien says she’d prefer a smaller house. Me too.
Vivien: “I act because I like trying to give pleasure to people”
Interesting because it may be another reason that despite of the skepticism and casual hate towards me I still keep on going trying to spread the word about Thiaoouba; it can help people greatly – in a way, it’s pleasure related because people’s lives would become easier and so more pleasurable.
Vivien: “I am innately religious, but not in the church-going sense. I say my prayers and I’m a Catholic. I like the broad range, which is what the word catholic means. I like a great variety of people and things.”
The last sentence clearly defines me; my views on many adequate religions, each having some truths in them, but also some unfortunate distortions; so we have to have knowledge to be able to weed through the false data in those texts.
Vivien about Brando: “He used to say to me ‘Why are you so damned polite? Why do you have to say good morning to everyone?’ and I’d say because it is a good morning and anyway it is a nice thing to say. So why not?”
I say Hi even to those who are rude to me - perhaps not always but I try to.
Vivien’s feelings about Hollywood; she wrote to Leigh “All their standards are financial ones” and to her mother she wrote “I know I could not stay here without Larry ... I should go mad.”
In the Manifesto chapter of my free e-book Simple Truths of Life I mention how society could live without money.
Selznick didn’t cast Vivien to play in Henry V as Katharine. They say that Vivien, while remaining always friendly, never felt quite the same about Selznick thereafter.
Again, this is me. I’ve several people I try to remain friendly with, but I don’t feel the same about them after the things they did to me.
Vivien usually was on time for rehearsals. I try to be on time too. I’d rather be a bit early than late.
Both Vivien and I like independence.
There was a moment in Vivien life, when she played a game, the name of which I will not pronounce. But it relates to the lack of certain spiritual knowledge, which I have evidently not had until a certain point in my life also.
Vivien would have her curly hair straightened fairly often.
I’ve had periods when I had curly hair and was teased about that fact by two school chums. I actually bought a hair straightener but it was faulty and I decided to just refund it and never bother about my hair.
Vivien was not paying attention to the fashion, and was wearing the clothes that suited her. It is similar to my tastes and views on what I want to wear.
Other Syncs
(--Other_Syncs--) During my research I’ve encountered many more synchronicities present in my two lives. I use the word ‘synchronicity’ for now, but I feel like there could be a direct link between many of the synchronicities I have. Meaning that the existence of the first synchronicity played a role in the appearance of the second synchronicity in another life. But for now it’s not very clear what causes that or how exactly this phenomenon works.
To start with I’ll have to talk about a peculiar synchronicity some of you might find disgusting – but it’s just life and what I had to deal with because of my past life’s mistakes. And it actually relates highly well to some of the errors I did in my Vivien Leigh life.
It concerns a woman by an alias Lora Black, who one can see in p movies. The thing is I’ve been interested for quite a while exclusively in the girls who didn’t do a lot of bg scenes, which does not describe Lora at all. There was just something about her that was drawing my attention. You’d think it had to have been the looks… And it was absolutely unusual for me to return to watch more scenes of the woman I ended the past session to. This was some time after I had the dream saying I was Vivien Leigh. I was actively searching for proof it was a true dream and I was Vivien Leigh. And so, I discovered Lora also called herself Vivien in some of p movies she was in. I don’t want to give here more credit than required, so I won’t go into the details, but you have to understand that, as weird as this episode may seem, it was actually very important at the time.
Much later there was another episode when I had to go to certain websites again after the wild imagination working together with the sexual drive got the better of me. Out of the blue one of links led me to a video on a p website, and in that video, for some reason, there was shown Laurence Olivier’s Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It was ironic that I had to be engaged in that particular activity because of the mistakes I made as Vivien Leigh, and some of them were done while being married to Laurence Olivier.
Needless to say, there’s almost zero chance of happening to come across a p video showing Larry’s star, when you’re clearly searching for different types of material… unless, of course, I was called Vivien Leigh in my past life and Laurence Olivier was my husband in that life.
In A Midsummer Night’s Dream Vivien played Titania who had fairy wings. It’s a synchronicity with a young woman, Katya, who was drawing fairy wings onto the phot of herself. We met in Sokolniki park. There are certain similarities between her and myself.
Many years ago I was driving in a bus to my father. There was a woman standing near me and reading Gone With the Wind in English. It was probably the first and only time I could read a book along with someone in a public transport, and I did read some sentences.
Thao told me ‘there are other joys in life’ in a telepathic message. Joy by Jean Patou was my main perfume in Vivien’s life.
I assume it was Thao who said ‘Look!’ to me when the clock of the tennis match I was watching displayed 33, and Vivien Leigh appeared on the cover of several Look magazines.
Sydney Carroll said: ‘I took a big chance. But I just knew she was the one. A lot of other people claimed they discovered Vivien, but I was the one. I have a great knowledge of palmistry, and Vivien reluctantly let me read her hands. She was ashamed of what she called "my paws." After that reading, I decided the role was hers.’
I was a bit surprised to read this, because 3 times the palmistry played very important roles in my life. The Mask of Virtue made Vivien known – it was an important play in her life.
In July of 1957, Vivien was campaigning against theatre closures. That same year she loudly protested in the House of Lords against the demolition of the St James’s Theatre. She said later in her dressing-room at the Stoll Theatre that when she spoke the peers "did not move a muscle."
Sadly, the history repeats itself, and I see a similar thing happening with Thiaoouba. Not many help me spread the message - even when I showed telekinesis is real, having learnt the basics of it. Not many people move a muscle it seems.
I also shared recently my latest discovery – that you can ask your Higher Self to show you some truth in the dream. It’s how I was able to have many more true dream confirmations I was Vivien Leigh, and since the answer was always accurate, since then I also discovered many of my other lives I lived before being born as Vivien Leigh. And yes, when I looked into those lives, I discovered synchronicities and other types of connections with my current life, and with my other lives too, confirming that I was indeed those people my Higher Self told or hinted I was. It is a separate topic, though.
Then I found a photo of young Vivien. What caught my attention is the fact there’s a figure to the right of me, and it looks like someone wearing a fedora. Reminded me of Freddy Krueger and my synchronicities with A Nightmare on Elm Street movie. There’s another photo showing a shadow of my Vivien’s hands, and the way the fingers positioned once again reminded me of my synchroneities with that movie. ($Nightmare_Photo)
($IT_Photo)
As for IT synchronicities, Vivien did dress as a clown once.
She also used ‘it’ instead of ‘she’, ‘her’ in her diary when writing about young Suzanne, her daughter.
And in Alexander Walker’s biography of Vivien there’s a photo caption that says ‘it’ instead of ‘She’ when clearly referring to Vivien Leigh overexerting herself in this Royal Variety Performance with Olivier and John Mills that brought on another miscarriage.
It’s of interest, of course, to note that both movies would exist many years after my death in Vivien’s life. Yet there’s still a possibility that I have synchronicities with those movies in that life. Actually, the numbers 14 and 28 are present in what certain people say about my past life of Mary Magdalene; It’s possible what those people say is wrong, but it’s a synchronicity regardless.
My mother wrote in her diary on December 14, 1991, that I played a theatre at home. I drew some figures of kolobok, bear, wolf, grandpa and grandma. I remember almost nothing from such a young age; I was three years old then. From what I know it’s rare for children to play as if in a theater at home, so I find this a very good connection to my past life.
They say that at one point ‘the tiniest pin-prick of a pupil’ were visible in Vivien’s eyes.
(%Eye_doctor_visit) It’s of great interest to me because in my current life I had episode when my pupils were so tiny that they almost weren’t visible. You could see only iris, and maybe you could distinguish a tiny speck in the middle among the iris’ black wavy lines. During that time my sight was as if ‘very light’ to the point I couldn’t feel my eyes – so light they seemed to me, almost nonexistent… it’s difficult to explain. I had to see an eye doctor because of that. Their eyedrops enlarged my pupils to the large size, and after that I’ve never had such tiny pin-prick pupils.
I don’t know what was the reason behind me having such pupils in my two lives, but it is one of connections between them.
Outro
(--Outro--) There’s a mountain of other synchronicities and possible connections to my past lives, but I can’t make this video any longer. So, I’ll just show the rough and unedited notes I made during my research into my past lives. If you’re someone who’s interested in reincarnation, some of the information I present may be of value to you.
Maybe I will eventually write another free book (#free_books) about how I found my past life and what ideas and theories I have made now that I know who I was. And I might do some more videos on the subject of reincarnation now that I have something to share.
Having said all that, what are the chances I have all these similarities, synchronicities, various movie reflections, errors and clear matching suffering for those errors, (#psyche_growth) almost identical psychology, I had two true dreams plainly stating I was Vivien Leigh, I’ve had other dreams in which I either was Vivien Leigh or there was some reference made to my life of Vivien Leigh, and yet despite all of this I wasn’t Vivien Leigh? For me it’s literal zero.
This is the time for me to say goodbye, and show you all of my current findings.
I will briefly say my thoughts, foreseeing one question some people will ask. Why I don’t look and don’t sound like an actor, if in my past life I was an actress who won 2 Oscars?
I think I’ve already answered the part of the question concerning appearances. I made errors in my past lives and according to the Universal Law I had to pay the penalty for them, living in such a body.
As for my voice - actually, when in school I started to talk perfectly and I was confident, I would read with expression in the literature class. It was like I lightly played the characters. And when I was watching movies, I would pay attention to the way actors were playing their characters – their mimic and mannerisms. It’s so happened in this life I was destined to experience a different life, as you know by now. So, I have never trained my speech or acting abilities. It’s one of reasons I don’t sound the way I did in my past life.
Then – and I don’t wish to return to this topic again and again, but these are facts – I have certain problems related to my health, sleep, and the environment of the place I live. All of that also affects my voice. I think that in my videos you could notice how I sound differently – sometimes better, sometimes worse. English being not my native language in this life is also a factor.
It’s also important to note that I don’t read fictional books here. I simply share my knowledge with you. I don’t need to be an actor to do this.
The life path of my soul gives people an important lesson to learn from – nobody can be spared from suffering for their errors. It doesn’t matter who you are, or who you think you are – the Universal Law is the same for all, and it’s working perfectly.
You can be an Oscar winning actress in one life, and you might start stuttering in another life if that is what your payment for the error should be. In one life you’re a skillful scammer, and in another you’re the one who’s the victim of scams. There can be many examples.
Life will find a way to teach a pupil a lesson.
Index for Text Cards
(#intro_text) – I will present all of my present day (~ May 4, 2024) findings regarding my past lives at the end of the video – all 250+ pages! In the video I’ll only focus on a portion of the main evidence because otherwise the video would become way too long. And to save time I will not go into a lot of details and explanations during certain moments.
When you read that document, you’ll have to keep in your mind that life had led me to realizing I have a bunch of synchronicities with Michele Avila & Vivien Leigh. Then I had numerous dreams saying I was Vivien Leigh, and also Michele Avila. After that I found out I could ask my Higher Self questions to answer in my dreams, making the part with the answer possibly a true dream – so far, every answer has led me to finding synchronicities and other confirmations I probably was the people my Higher Self (and in some instances maybe people from Thiaoouba too), via dreams, said I was.
At the very least this proves our lives are interlinked. If you know reincarnation exists then one of the possible reasons behind those links should be very clear.
There will be a lot of references to errors and suffering, because I have to mention those events as a proof of my reincarnation. I wish I didn’t have to write about all that negativity, but it is essential to prove I was Vivien Leigh and that reincarnation is real.
Since it was my life, it’s correct to say ‘I’ when referring to my past life. But because at times it may sound weird to people who don’t know a lot about reincarnation, I’ll be referring to my past self in the third person too.
Those people who don’t believe me, can try to prove the existence of Higher Self to themselves, and once that’s done, they could try asking their Higher Self questions about me. If you read My Diary at the end of the video you will know how exactly I ask my Higher Self and what answers I receive look like in my dreams.
(#HH) – Also, you can check my video on how to prove I’m telling the truth. One of the things I could try proving is resurrection for, as far as I understand, it requires communicating with Higher Selves. Only the dead person’s Higher Self can resurrect that person by sending the soul (Astral body), which has not yet reached its Higher Self (I think it takes 3 days for that), back to its physical body, which the Higher Self has cured enough so that it can live.
Of course, the person and his/her Higher Self should be willing for the resurrection to take place. This means that some dead people will not return to their old bodies, and that’s normal.
If just several people get resurrected it will prove that both resurrection and souls (Astral bodies) are real.
(#First_Person) - As I continued to find more and more clear evidence I was Vivien Leigh, I realized that it’s madness to continue thinking of Vivien in the third person for it’s the same as thinking of oneself in the third person. So, I started to break psychological barriers and started thinking as “me”, “I” - in the first person – when reading or thinking about Vivien Leigh.
(#Other_True_Dreams) After I found all the proof I needed to know I was Vivien Leigh I had another true dream. I was in dungeon from Dark & Darker video game. I asked my Higher Self create a mirror on a wall, and then I asked my Higher Self to change my body in that dream to those I had in my two very last lives. First, I saw Michele Avila and then Vivien Leigh in the mirror’s reflection and said those facts out loud.
Michel Desmarquet had a true dream about Thao’s past life on Thiaoouba. This is how we know such dreams do exist.
I’ve had several prophetic dreams, and that experience proved to be enormously useful in my initial realization that the first dream with Vivien had a good chance of being true.
(#tags) – omitted
(#syncs_Emma) – omitted
(#MA_Life) – omitted
(#SB_Proof) – Some people say that Scotty Bowers invented the story about dead people who can’t tell the truth any longer. But there are also people who confirmed Scotty’s accounts. And in his description of Vivien Leigh I noticed a top A synchronicity, a psychic similarity with myself, and also an error for which I probably paid in this life. Because of all those connections I started to think his book must be truthful.
(#psyche_growth) – I think it’s logical to assume that learning new spiritual knowledge can make some problems with our psyche go away. I’ve lived another short 17-year life since I lived Vivien Leigh life, and I’ve lived for 35 years when I found out I was Vivien Leigh, equaling to 52 years total – almost the age of me in Vivien’s life (53 years). Some things did change over all these years as I was having new experiences on this planet.
(#free_books) – I strongly think that the knowledge which can greatly help people should be freely available to all people.
(#mat_knowledge_erased) – …meaning if a top NASA scientist has to be reborn and live his whole life in a tribe of uncontacted peoples, he will not be creating anything even remotely close to a rocket in that life.
(#dream_male_face) In the lucid dream that I had on 10/26/2023, I must have seen one of my past physical bodies. It was male body. The important thing is that in my face, which I saw in the mirror, I was able to recognize familiar features! By the look and style of his hair, that man was noticeably similar to Anton. And in some facial features, he was noticeably similar to the son of my mother’s friend Anya, as well as to the streamer Scatman from Goodgame.ru.
Index for Evidence Text
(%Natasha) – We met in an apartment on Velozavodskaya Street, 11/1, Moscow. It was the 3-rd floor. The entrance is in the internal corner of the house (I can’t say all the numbers, obviously, but their digital roots do relate to “the secrets of the Universe”, as Nikola Tesla would say it). It was probably early June (or late May, but unlikely) of 2007. Later, in August of that year, there was a murder in that apartment. They said a guard (охранник) was killed. It’s possible Natasha isn’t her real name.
(%Eye_doctor_visit) - The situation with pupils existed around the year 2000 +/-. I don’t know if this entry in my medical record was made when I went to the ophthalmologist because of my pupils since it’s difficult to make out the handwriting. I remember that when I came, either because of stuttering and fear of speech, or I was of the opinion that if such tiny and almost imperceptible pupils are a problem, then the doctors will understand everything without my words. Therefore, you should not be surprised by the entry “no complaints.” Perhaps, if there are ophthalmologists among the [Russian speaking] viewers, they will be able to understand what is written here and will say whether this entry is relevant to our topic of conversation or not.
My Diary
(THIS IS A GOOGLE TRANSLATED VERSION OF MY ORIGINAL DIARY, WHICH I USUALLY WRITE IN RUSSIAN. I HAVE DONE MINOR CORRECTIONS.
I WILL LEAVE THE DETAILS AS I WROTE THEM. SINCE REINCARNATION IS A BARELY STUDIED TOPIC ANYTHING COULD BE IMPORTANT, OF SOME CONNECTION.)
I will note that in this video I say that I have found my past life of the actress Vivien Leigh. I am 100%++++++++ sure that I am right.
As for my other past lives, I am sure, but with fewer plus signs, that I was Michelle Avila and Emma Hamilton. Proof of this:
1. There were several dreams where one true statement - the fact that I was Vivien Leigh - made another statement * most likely also true. (that I was Michele Avila in one dream. That I was Michele Avila and Emma Hamilton in another dream)
2. There are many synchronicities not only with my current life, but also with other lives, which, apparently, should be my past incarnations.
3. The fact that their faces in some photographs/portraits remind me very much of people I know or have known in my current life. This is one of the proofs for those who will not believe me.
4. Similar spiritual knowledge, retribution for mistakes from other lives, similar psychology - all these things show that I could be those people.
5. There are reflections in films and even in Emma Hamilton’s paintings with the lives of my soul.
As I wrote in my journal, I will ask my Higher Self questions, and at times I will receive a direct answer.
I must note that the Higher Self will not drive us crazy by giving false information. They don't need this, because then they will have to filter even more negative sensations coming from us. They won't make things worse for themselves. Therefore, you can and should trust your Higher Self!
But there is one BUT! You need to be able to determine what exactly is the answer and what is not! Not long ago (when I asked about 1340 BC, and then about Nefertiti) I learned a lesson about being strict about what you accept as an answer and what you don't.
If you ask to see the color green in a dream as an indicator of receiving an answer, then the answer can only be the green color that you saw in the dream - and even in this case, it seems that not any green color is important, but only the one that clearly stands out in the dream, the one which you noticed. If you wake up and have the thought that you seem to have seen green, but do not actually remember seeing it in your dream, then this is most likely not the answer. This may have a different meaning, but I do not recommend taking this as an answer, since you asked for something completely different.
There were people who said that by asking my Higher Self a question, and saying, for example, what color I want to see in such and such a case, I see that color because I expect to see it.
This is not true for many reasons.
1. There were times when I went to bed without any expectations, but I still received an answer.
2. There was a moment when I asked to see orange as an indicator of receiving an answer to the question when Hypatia was born (diary entry dated 04/08/2024). And guess what? I 100% didn't expect to see The Lack of Orange! It was a completely unexpected experience! I didn’t see/hear any date in that dream either.
And then there was another similar moment when I saw the absence of green as an indicator that I still could not find out who I was in the period between 1815 and 1913.
3. If we really saw what we expect to see, then I would see pigeons almost every night. But in fact, I have seen pigeons in my dreams several times in my entire life.
And no, I don't think about pigeons every time I go to bed. But I also don't think about my question and the answer indicators.
4. The recording dated March 20, 2024 also proves that I do not hear what I expect to hear. As far as I remember, I've never heard the name Jade before. But at the same time, the dream said 2 times that this was my name in the life that I lived in 1530 AD.
Moreover, I asked about that year because of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne_Boleyn
If people's thoughts were correct - and I heard what I expect to hear - then one would think that I would hear “Anne”, “Boleyn”, but not a name, the existence of which I didn’t even know about at the time! And yes, I knew that Will Smith’s wife’s name is Jada – but the pronunciation is not the same as Jade’s.
5. The entry dated 02/25/2024 also proves that I am not receiving the answer I expect to receive. By that time, I already thought that I could not be Mary Magdalene purely logically (I thought that she was of the 3rd spiritual category. But then it turned out that in that life I was of the 1st category). The dream that day was simply something incredible in its structure! I had several dreams in dreams (which was kind of my second such experience in my entire life), and also my attention was drawn to green several times (grass and grapes), and then I said a couple of times the name that I saw on the building - name of Mary Magdalene.
6. I'll stop here. I think if you read my diary, you will see that I never expected to see many other things in my dreams, which, at the same time, are connected with my past lives.
Regarding the life of Cleopatra, I also did not expect that I would receive a dream in which it would be said that Vivien Leigh was Cleopatra (Note that I then I did not yet ask my Higher Self questions before going to sleep). Moreover, I thought that this could mean that she was Cleopatra during her acting in films and theater. But no. Unexpected answers showed that it was a matter of reincarnation. There are also synchronicities.
I believe that I really lived all those other lives that my Higher Self told me about (7 names, at the moment - 05/05/2024.). After 1340 BC situation, I thought if the answers were really answers regarding those people, and yes, at least most of the answers came in a dream, and many were very clear. I also have several different confirmations that I was those people in my past lives.
But I also understand perfectly well that this is still a very little-studied topic, and mistakes can also be made.
I will note the period of 1340 BC. This was the first time I started waking up and had a thought in my head that I might have heard a name, seen a color, or heard music. It was that experience that taught me the lesson that you need to be very, very careful in understanding what is the answer and what is not.
You will read the details in the diary, but I will just note that I have several clear synchronicities with Nefertiti. Judging by one clear true answer regarding that period, which was precisely in a dream, I was not that Nefertiti. If so, then this is the first time I have had synchronicities with another person who I was not in a past life. The reasons for those synchronicities are not yet clear. Moreover, to this day it is not even clear who I was in that year and whether I even lived then. All the answers I received can be lessons for me. For example, asking a simple question without a bunch of additional information that could influence the answer - after all, when I received an obvious answer that I was not that Nefertiti, in the question I listed a bunch of facts about her in order to better identify that Nefertiti. The point is that if one of the facts is not true (and this is more than possible, given the historical facts surrounding Nefertiti and her husband, who was poisoned by evil priests), then this could be the reason why the answer meant that I was not that Nefertiti. Of course, I am only interested in the truth and nothing but the truth - whatever it may be. I could never even dare to think that I was someone like Cleopatra... and then it turns out that I was many people who history knows about and who played an important role in their lives... The experience with Nefertiti only gave me more reason to think that even more people will stop believing me - which I don’t need at all, because it means negativity towards me, loneliness, and frayed nerves. But again, the truth is the truth.
Why did I wake up then, realizing that I might have heard Nefertiti? Perhaps otherwise the information could not reach me. If I heard her name in a dream, that would be the answer for me. But what if I wasn't her, and I needed to know that I had synchronicities with her? Here is a possible answer - just give the thought of Nefertiti during awakening.
I’ll note this for the last time so that no one thinks anything wrong. It’s still completely unclear to me whether I lived in 1340 BC or not. And if I lived, then who was I then? I will show my entries in my diary about that period as is, and I hope for your understanding.
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September 4, 2023. I woke up after 4 am. In the dream I was either with shamans, and there was something like hypnosis. Perhaps it was a past life regression. Either I asked, or I was asked, who I was in a past life. I suddenly began to speak in the voice of actress Vivien Leigh “But I already know the answer! I was the actress Vivian Leigh.” (Or ‘Vivien’). Her voice matched what I heard from her old interview, where she was already over forty (https://youtu.be/4c6kR9ORqUc?si=SZE_zFItd7AnR0MT).
Then - probably in the same dream. I took the train and one of the stops was called “US Post of the Future.” I was driving south (southwest, maybe southeast). I explained to the person sitting next to me (Mom?) that post means mail. At one time the train passed by Gorky Park, but neither the stop nor the surroundings looked at all like modern Gorky Park. It seems that a certain Chinese motif in architecture was visible.
Then there were other stops, but I don’t remember their names. I decided that I needed to go back.
Before this dream there was another (or the same) one about Happy Hobbit & Elajjaz (streamers). At one time the hobbit either called Ella, or said something to him in some voice. Suddenly, out of the blue, Ella began to tease the Hobbit for his voice. This was not typical for the real Ella. It was the first time I saw him like this. There was a feeling that this was not a joke. Ella seemed to be struck by the Hobbit’s voice, and he began to behave this way. Perhaps the Hobbit began to make excuses - I don’t remember.
Then either I or he (Ella?) was in the tent and pressed on some hanging sticks, and they could open something...
That day before bed, the 3rd (went to bed at +- 11). I was thinking then about the Titanic, about synchronicity, and about the fact that I could have been anyone in my past lives. And synchronistic experiences with people with whom I believe I actually have them only slightly increase the chances that I could be those people.
(note: Michel Desmarquet had a true dream under the influence of lacotina. Could it be that my dream, in which I said I was Vivien Leigh, was also influenced by lacotina and so it’s a true dream?)
(Note: 4th of September 2023 was the day when I had to meet with the tenant to sign papers. I also had to go and print out the papers; the shop on Otkritoye Highway was closed, but I managed to go to the one near the library. In the evening we met at about 6 PM near a bus stop at the Cherkizovskiy lake)
(Note after writing (September 17, 2023). When I spoke in Vivien's voice, the dream seemed to come into focus. It became more clear. And when I woke up, I remembered those words.)
(Note: I felt like when I spoke in Vivien’s voice in a dream, it was like I knew the answer, but I was still asking questions... like how much can I doubt! (when I said “But I already know the answer!”)
(Note: The dream is probably a reward to me since I did my best not to jump to conclusions. I kept maintaining that while synchronicities with those 2 women are of great interest, I could have been someone else in my past lives.)
(Note: after 4am could mean I had that dream at 4am.)
(I’m writing this note after I saw another synchronicity in the film Waterloo Bridge with Vivien Leigh. If it weren’t for the dream of September 4, I would hardly have started watching new videos about Vivien Leigh, and I’m also not sure if I would have started watching others films with her. That dream became a huge catalyst.)
(Note: “in a past life.” I would expect to hear Michele Avila, given my synchronic experience. But perhaps I shouldn’t hang on to the words. Now that I understand for sure that I was Vivien Leigh, then surely synchronicities with Michele mean that I was her too.
New note from December 11, 2023. As I remember, I actually expected to hear the words ‘I was Michele Avila’, but I heard Vivien Leigh. This is important because it shows that the dream was not showing me what I expected to see [hear]. The same thing happened with a lucid dream in which I saw a young man in my bathroom mirror - I expected to see myself in my current body)
(Note. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Skin_of_Our_Teeth I found here another reflection in my life. Vivien, Sabina, asked for ideas on how to improve this world, and I found the answer in mine - Manifesto, Mu)
(Addition: On September 4, I signed a new contract for renting out an apartment. At the same time, I rode the tram for the first time in the past year (so that my card would not be blocked). I rode from the beginning of Khalturinskaya to Prostornaya street. The beginning of the journey corresponded to the place where I had a dream with Olya, saying whether it’s time to go up. But in the dream the tram was going in the other direction - towards the turn to the metro, Vivien Leigh was in a Streetcar, which had a special influence on her life)
(Addendum dated October 31, 2023. Michel Demarquet had a true dream about Tao’s PAST LIFE - also in the fact that she “was” a statue on Easter Island! Isn’t this proof that true dreams can show past lives and we don’t have to be able to use the psychosphere for this?)
On the evening of September 17, I watched a video with backstage photos from Gone with the Wind set.
Also on the 17th evening there was a certain feeling that I seemed to have merged in self-identification with Vivien... (this may sound strange. Some may think ‘crazy’. I’m just writing this just in case; to show that I understand, what's happening). After 10 pm, some device turned on again, emitting a hum (50 Hz). It had a negative effect on my head – I could feel some pressure on my brain. At one time, my mother suggested that I change beds, although I already said that I just needed to move the bed if something happened. At that moment, it was as if I could not stand it and told her “Иди в чёрту! / Go to hell!” I regretted it, but I remembered how I thought such moments had already passed - if they had ever existed in my current life. The thing is that I remembered Vivien, who would lash out at Olivier. It felt like exactly lashing out, which is what I expressed because of the irritated state into which the rumble brought me. I thought that in the context of the fact that a couple of minutes or hours ago I noticed that I seemed to merge psychologically with Vivien, this again could be an unusual indicator that maybe I really was her, and at that moment old problems came to the surface ...
September 19, 2023 In the morning I woke up and again thought that it was unlikely that the universe was trolling me, and that dream with Vivien had to be true - at least the part where I spoke in her voice.
After breakfast, my mother and I decided to go to the store. Before leaving, I wrote down the meter readings. All the numbers on all the counters mattered to me.
440 - Cold water
693 - Hot water
13003.66 – Electricity (if I had come at a different time, the last numbers would have been different. After the walk, 66 had already changed to 97, or something like that)
Certain numbers have been appearing in my life for a long time, and this episode seemed to me not just a coincidence.
After the store I went out for a walk. Almost the entire time, I was in the state of a human being who felt like Vivien Leigh, whose actions led to events in my life... it's hard to explain in words, but I felt like Vivien, finally allowing myself to believe that I was supposed to be her. (I’m adding: I felt like a soul that lived in the body of Vivien Leigh, and whose actions brought her, the soul, to life in my body). I liked that feeling; as if everything had changed... I felt Vivien’s presence in me... Why is it so important to KNOW the truth and not believe... because if it turns out that despite all the dreams and similarities I was not her, this could have tragic consequences on my life...
My goal is to have lucid dreams in which I’ll ask my Higher Self, and possibly Thao, Biastra, Latoli, to change my dream body to the one I had in my previous life; in my life before last; in a previous life; in my first life; to my second life; and so on until I reach the body that I have already seen.
This idea made me realize that it shares resemblance to Nightmare on Elm Street. Lucid dreaming is part of that movie.
(addition: if I have a lucid dream and assuming I see myself as Vivien in the mirror as to show about Vivien what the public doesn’t know but know her relatives. If it works it could be the evidence for people.)
September 20, 2023, I had dreams, but due to the fact that my mind was loaded with different thoughts, etc. I almost do not remember anything. I think a couple of the dreams were about Vivien Leigh, who I've been thinking about all last day, and in one dream I might have been her.
In the morning I thought that I had another dream a long time ago - about a killer beaver. There was also water there...
While watching Waterloo Bridge with Vivien I felt some closeness to her. It could be due to the fact that I’ve so many connections to her, including the dream saying I was her.
In my childhood I did remember her unusual sounding name, and I liked the way it sounded.
When I was rewatching her movies (GwtW; and I also watched the Streetcar for the first time ever), not yet having my synchronicities, I did feel something, but I can't remember because I didn't pay too much attention to it at the time.
Michel at first also didn’t know it was his past body until he was told. Later in Psychosphere he would realize right away that the shown person was him – possibly due to astral body getting attracted to the one in the psychosphere’s body.
Night from September 20 to 21. It feels like Vivien appeared in dreams again, but I remember little about them due to absent-mindedness. Constant thoughts that I most likely (yes, I’m being careful again) was Vivien haunt me for another day.
This morning, too, I’m only thinking about recent dreams and discoveries. The worst thing is that I began to relax while I was still lying in bed, and then my fantasies again consumed me due to strong excitement.
In the evening, around 20:00, I was able to clear my mind and relax a little. I started watching Waterloo Bridge at one o'clock. In this state, I did not have the obvious feeling of familiarity that I felt yesterday. I tried an experiment and watched part of my video that I recorded a few weeks ago (INCELS. In it I look into the camera and just talk from memory about the topic of incels). It's funny, but I didn't really feel a sense of familiarity there either (although I understand that it was me - naturally). Perhaps it’s normal that sometimes I seem to be Vivien Leigh (in this case), and sometimes I just calmly watch a movie (i.e., it depends on your mood, mental activity - whether you actively analyze what you see, or simply absorb information with your eyes and ears). So this does not mean that I was or was not this or that person. In short, this turned out to be an interesting topic...
One thought popped into my head - what if recent events have made me see myself differently - both directly and indirectly? After all, one morning I really seemed to merge with Vivien Leigh, until I returned to caution? But these are just thoughts.
In the film Waterloo, dark-haired Vivien is forced/decided to engage in prostitution after she and her blonde friend, Kitty, are left without work. In fact, her blonde friend is the first to start doing this... God, this reminded me so much of dark-haired Natasha, who also followed in the footsteps of her blonde friend when she could not find a job and ran out of money, and they prostituted themselves together in one apartment.
(Edit: I'm guessing that the blonde who ran out of the room to get Natasha was Natasha's friend. Why else would she run after her? Anyway, Natasha was with her friend)
I was just thinking (not directly at that moment) that even though a movie is a movie, nevertheless, the ideas played out in them have an impact on the world around them. And I thought what if actors can suffer, so to speak, for roles that allowed not the best of ideas pass into society...? Considering all my experience with Vivien, this did not come as a big surprise, but nevertheless, I am again in an elated state, since this is yet another synchronicity that I have with this actress. And this is another indicator that, given all of the above (plus dozens of pages written about synchronicities and various similarities with her), I really should have been Vivien Leigh...!
Natasha had been engaged in prostitution for 6 months when I came to her at the end of May or beginning of June. Thus, approximately from November-December, before Moscow is covered in snow. Vivien's film shows rain and then snow... after Myra, played by Vivien, decides to become a prostitute...
Next, a couple of years ago I found a book on bookcrossing about a prostitute in London... The author was Brooke Magnanti. In fact, this was the only book of all that interested me, because I wanted to know how girls look at sex and related topics...
Apparently, I have a very interesting month ahead of me while I watch all the films with Vivien Leigh.
(Note: why could that scene be a mistake for which I am suffering? The film does not show that the girls could not find work for many months, the money ran out and they were left starving on the streets. They, as shown in the film, immediately began to work as prostitutes. This is where the mistake lies)
If earlier I could only assume that some of Vivien’s decisions could lead to some suffering in my life, then this episode in the film is literally a reflection (yes, not a 100% reflection, but it shouldn’t be 100%, since many factors influence life situations) a real situation from my life... plus that situation was very important for me, which determined my future path in life... and at the age of 24 I literally could not find a place for myself when my love for Natasha returned after the psychological block that I had put was destroyed, and I understood that most likely I would never see her... (I write this and remember that in the film Vivien thought that she would never see Roy, believing that he was killed in the war. And then the opposite happened: Roy is looking for Myra. I have been looking for Natasha for several years... this is another synchronicity) We must suffer for our mistakes, and this moment already shows a direct and specific cause-and-effect relationship - here is a specific mistake and here is a specific punishment for that mistake. It was this moment that put, I believe, the last point [full stop] in my caution regarding the fact that if I really was the actress Vivien Leigh...
(Addition: I realized that I was falling in love with Natasha in the evening after I left her. Then I thought of helping her, but due to severe shyness and the fear of speaking, I could not tell her why I really came to her the second time... Roy and Myra fell in love with each other very quickly. Myra wanted to be his wife when she found out that he was alive.
Myra throws herself under a car, unable to bear the consequences of her life decisions. I at least wanted to seriously finish everything 3 times, and such thoughts also visited me many times. Now I understand that this is not a solution... we will still be reborn and we will still have to suffer for our mistakes... there is no escape from this. No matter how bad it is, it’s worth looking for other solutions to get out of your grief)
September 22, 2023. Finished watching Waterloo Bridge. I saw myself in Vivien again, after yesterday...
Today I spent the whole day writing a post for a group chat that Marced invited me to. I reminded people of my experience with the Thiaooubians, and also wrote briefly about my synchronicities and Vivien Leigh.
At about 9 pm I started watching “That Hamilton Woman” with Vivien Leigh. I was interested in the words of the not-young Emma. She says things that are echoed again in my real life experience, which I have had in recent days when I look at Vivien Leigh and it is as if I see myself. Considering that I admitted that I should have been her, then I literally look at myself... In the film, a woman, adult Emma, looks in the mirror at the 5th minute and says that she is always waiting for a miracle, that one day it will be a different face that looks at her, a face she knew before, but that face must be dead. (“I know it. I knew that face. For 10 years it looked back at me from different mirrors. Must be me. But I always wait for the miracle. That one time just once [can’t make out] it will be another face that looks at me again. A face I knew before, but that face must be dead”)
Before going to bed I was able to relax and also be in a positive state. I fully accepted the idea that I was Vivien Leigh before. Various thoughts came to me - now I need to find out even more about Lee, what if those two blondes with whom I fell in love at first sight could be her husbands or partner? Eventually, I let the thoughts overwhelm me.
September 25.
I was wondering if it is generally normal from a moral point of view to attribute to yourself the merits of the person you were in a past life. On the one hand, it seems a little strange, creepy somewhere, but then I was that person! I made his decisions - right and wrong. But for the latter I am paying with suffering! So I thought that yes, it is normal to be proud of your merits and achievements in past lives.
Today I came across a book from S---- C---- on archive.org. It was supposedly about the ghost of Vivien Leigh, who accompanied the author for many years. The story is either lying (even if he considered his work fiction, since it affects a real person, and he does not write anywhere that it is fake, then I consider it a lie), or the author had some kind of hallucinations...
I'm glad I have telekinesis videos that show me speaking and writing the truth about my experiences from my life.
I was trying to find The Village Squire 1935. There is only a short video with Vivien on the Internet - which I'm glad about. It's a pity that you won't be able to watch that film. This shows that it is important to preserve information...
And I think that then I will try to upload the translation of Thiaoouba and my book (when I correct my thoughts about knowledge and faith) on archive.org. If they have the book of the above-mentioned person, then they should not delete mine, right?
I also see again the importance of being in the present, and not allowing yourself to get too far into yourself. At such moments, I can clearly see myself as the soul that was before Vivien, and now inhabits this body (not exactly how I see myself, but it’s hard to describe)
There is no need to try to see yourself as someone. Relax, live in the present, and everything will come naturally.
September 26, 2023
Continued watching Anna Karenina with Vivien Leigh. And I still sometimes think about why sometimes I see the actress Vivien, and not myself in my other body? Yesterday, for example, I clearly saw myself in a photo of a young Vivien with short curly hair (I think because there she didn’t look so much like an actress, but was more like a [regular?] person, if that makes sense...). This morning on YouTube, an interview with Vivien appeared in the recommendations - the one where she speaks with a voice like in my dream, and I also saw myself in her face in the preview - there she is herself.
Perhaps I'm just not getting into the right state of consciousness. Perhaps I still don’t skillfully “merge” with this famous actress (3rd person again), and I don’t think about the fact that I’m looking at myself in my old body (plus I often switch to the actress - to her, and not to myself. That is, I think in the third person, not the first.).*
Then, in films, she naturally plays characters and shows their character, their traits and behavior, and not her own - this can also play a role. In Waterloo Bridge, Vivien plays a role similar to herself - perhaps this influenced the fact that for a good part of the film I saw myself in her? And in the scene where she makes the fateful decision, I definitely saw myself when I rewinded and she was looking down the bridge...
*By the way, I remembered a dream where I could see a naked man from the side, but at the same time feel him as if I were him, in him, felt my body, but at the same time looked at myself from the side (3rd person). This was a third person - I was still thinking that day before going to bed about whether it was possible to have such an experience in a dream, and that same night I was given a direct answer - yes it is possible. This, by the way, is another (even if indirect) confirmation that my dream with Vivien Leigh, saying I was her, is true. Also that night, when I had the dream with Vivien (September 4, 2023), I thought that my synching experience with two girls (Michele, Vivien) was interesting, but I could be anyone.
---
September 27
This morning on YouTube I saw myself in Vivien Leigh in the Gone with the Wind test video, as well as in The Village Squire.
While watching Anna Karenina, sometimes I could also see myself in Leigh
At night I saw a picture where there was a man, and to the left of him and a little behind was the monster IT, looking at me. He would be white with red hair. I don't know if it was a dream, a vision, or both. I decided to look at the clock a short time after that picture, and the clock showed that it was already September 27 (the date that caused me to notice the synchronicity with IT in the first place) 00:11 (if I remember correctly)
Then at night I had a dream where IT suddenly appeared in front of me and began to try to scare me. I woke up, but I wasn't scared. Rather, during all these episodes I thought to myself, why am I being given this again, when I just want to recover and come to my senses?
September 28, 2023
Watching The Skin of our Teeth with Vivien Leigh, I think about how sometimes I see myself in her, and sometimes I'm just an outside observer (like when I looked at my video and didn't feel the same sense of familiarity).
I see that she is a completely different person and a very wonderful actress. This made me remember dreams where I had knowledge that I never had, but at the same time in the dream I acted in accordance with that knowledge (I went to a store that does not exist, for example). We humans also act in accordance with the knowledge we have. Vivien Leigh's material knowledge has been erased, and it's no wonder that sometimes I don't recognize myself. This is logical, because we must learn new and new things in literally different lives. This is how we gain more spiritual knowledge.
Essentially, this all confirms my thoughts about knowledge, and that we do what we think is right in every situation in life.
October 8, 2023
(1 month and 4 days after my dream with Vivien Leigh, which turned out to be a true dream)
Yesterday, the 7th, I washed myself and asked my Higher Self that if I live my next life on Earth, then I want to find my past life in the body of Evgeniy Meshkov, as well as all my other lives that I learn about in the current one; and would also like to find out about all my knowledge and understanding - in fact, find my book Simple Truths of Life and everything else that I may write in the future (books, videos, etc.)
-
At night I had a dream in which I asked my Higher Self to change my body to what I had in one of my past lives. In that scene, I saw some kind of building in the distance... perhaps it had a domed roof. I even think it might look like the building you see from Waterloo Bride - but not necessarily that building.
Then the scene changed to another. I was among the mirrors. I walked among them, and there was a realization that I was as if in a mirror maze.
Then I realized that I was in the body of a woman/girl who, apparently, was completely naked. Her hair was dark, her face seemed pretty, and her breasts were big—bigger than Michele and Vivien's (and Emma's), which makes me think I wasn't one or the other in that dream. Her forehead was exposed by hair that may not have been completely straight. Her skin was fair (about the same as mine, probably). I began to take a closer look at my body from that dream and for some reason I felt a little awkward, and I woke up.
Well, it was a good step in the right direction - even if I didn't have a lucid dream. It’s a bit of a pity - after all, I was already among the mirrors, and I wouldn’t have to look for them, or ask the Higher Self to create a mirror for me nearby. But I'm glad I had such a dream.
Of course, it doesn't say much yet. It only provides fuel for thought. Was this dream true (like Vivien Leigh), and was this my real past body? Again here we need to take into account what preceded that scene - in the dream I asked my Higher Self to change my body, which I had in the dream, to what I had in one of my lives.
When I walked among the mirrors there was some kind of narrative (mental, perhaps), but I don’t remember anything... I should have been more concentrated during the day and in general.
Afterwards there was another dream... I even think what if it was a dream within a dream? After all, in it I was, like, in the kitchen and making an audio note about my dream with the dark-haired woman. I noted in the dream note, and then wrote in the real note in the morning that she was “beautiful dark-haired woman – 90 60 90 – in mirror maze”
Unfortunately, there is little to learn about a possible past life. If only I could see her face better... maybe... but no, if only she too (!) was somehow famous, I could find a photo or portrait of her.
(Speaking of portraits and paintings and Emma - I remember how I met Asya in Gorky Park, and when we were crossing the road to the museum, in the transition she asked about the paintings - like where they were, but they were still there. Honestly, I don’t think so here there is something, but after the synchronicities with Vivien, I can no longer just take and sweep everything aside. Plus, there were paintings in the museum itself - on the street under the roof)
(As I think: the situation here seems to be the same as with the dream with Vivien Leigh.
I was at a past life regression, and they asked me who I was - in the voice of Vivien Leigh, I said I was her.
I asked the Higher Self to transform my body in a dream into what I had in one of my past lives - I was among the mirrors and saw myself as that woman.)
(There were many mirrors. Some looked at each other. I wonder what if the number of mirrors is equal to the number of my past lives? And their accumulation symbolizes different reflections flowing from one life to another (from one mirror to another)? I did not have the opportunity It’s good to look around, but what if in other mirrors there was a different reflection - of a different person? But these are just my ideas...)
(ray tracing interested me. Mirrors reflect rays of light between themselves. Just a thought)
Before that dream with the girl and the mirrors there was another one:
2 hours 8 minutes October 8. This is the time when I started recording an audio note about a dream I had. (metadata shows 2:09).
It was a dream. It said something about Vivien Leigh being Cleopatra.
When I saw the synchronicities with Emma Hamilton, I thought, what if Vivien Leigh was playing herself in that movie (her past life)? Then I saw that she played Cleopatra. I thought, not very seriously, that if she could be Cleopatra then she could also play herself? Seriously speaking, Cleopatra was exactly the same person as everyone else - i.e. was influenced by the same Laws of the Universe as all other people. And it is clear that Cleopatra’s soul probably already lived in another physical body of lesser fame - and maybe not in just one; those people didn't even know that they were the famous Cleopatra! So anything can happen here...
It is also worth thinking about how much my thoughts about the possibility that Vivien was once Cleopatra could have provoked the motive of that dream? After all, I spent the whole day watching the film Cleopatra 1963 with Liz Taylor. But in fairness, the dream with Vivien turned out to be true, so... (it was 3:03 when I wrote these thoughts and I heard knocking in the kitchen - which often happens when I either think correctly or incorrectly, do something... 3:13 at the time of this note)
https://www.quora.com/What-did-Cleopatra-look-like “If this painting does indeed depict Cleopatra and it is an accurate representation of her, that would mean Cleopatra was pale-skinned with frizzy red hair”
October 17, 2023. Tuesday.
In the morning I decided to tell my mom about the fact that I was Vivien Leigh and Michele Avila in one of my past lives. I mentioned synchronicities, reflections, psychological similarities, spiritual knowledge, etc. She didn't seem to have much faith, but, alas, I didn't expect much.
When I finished my story about Vivien Leigh, I looked at the clock - it was 8:33 in the morning.
October 23, 2023
8:27 p.m. I'm re-watching Mulholland Drive and hit pause on the part where we see Betty at the airport. I remember how I so wanted to be in that 'dream place' when I was 19 years old, and now I found out that I ALREADY was in that place and was in movies in one of my past lives. It is so unusual…
27 minutes. Betty says she couldn't afford a place like this in a million years. Vivien and Olivier lived in Beverly Hills. They say houses at 1107 cost 25 million (I’m sure we rented a house, but still). At $333 a month, I could only afford to buy a house like this in 6,256+ years. It's just interesting how thanks to reincarnation we can experience different things and look at the same things differently.
Then she says that she would like to be known as a great actress than a movie star, but sometimes people end up being both. It seems to me that this is what happened to me in Vivien Leigh’s life... even though V did not star in many films, Gone with the Wind and A Streetcar Named Desire are still very famous.
44 minutes. The words I don’t know who I am / I don’t know what my name is make us think about reincarnation and the fact that we don’t know who we were or what name we had.
How interesting that Mulholland Drive had such an impact on me back in the day, and it turns out I was experiencing that life - both lives. To some extent I was also Betty & Diane. Of course, there are plenty of differences, but some of the basics are very similar. Is this synchronicity?
Betty Elms. It's interesting that elm appears here.
(I wanted to write down something else, but I forgot what exactly after sleep... but I thought about writing it down, but I decided that I would definitely not forget this... well, well)
I don’t know who I am... I don’t know what my name is... Reminded me of my 18 years, when I found out about the cause of stuttering and realized that I had become very lost over the past 4 years. I was so dreamy then that I didn’t remember my last name and I had to look for my passport to refresh my memory. Now everything is fine and I remember school events, etc. Regarding I don't know who I am - to some extent there may be a connection with the fact that when material knowledge is erased in us, we do not remember who we are to some extent. After all, past lives are also part of us, influencing our realities and events in our present life.
I’m reading dark-star-a-biography-of-vivien-leigh (Oct 30, 23) and when I get to The Mask of Virtue, I realize that there are some similarities with the way Betty stuns everyone at her casting. Vivien was also at the casting for that performance.
(Michele Avila's mother's name was Irene.
In the film, Irene is a sweet older woman with blond hair.
Irene Mayer Selznick - wife of David O. Selznick)
https://youtu.be/gYeacxcFzs8
10/26/2023. Today I finally had a lucid dream in which I saw another myself in the reflection of a mirror.
At 3:58 I looked at my watch after coming from the toilet. I was collected and cheerful. Thought it would be a good time to have a lucid dream - I tried to reinforce the idea that when I had the dream I would realize I was dreaming, gain control of my body in the dream and try the mirror experiment, asking my Higher Self to change my body in a dream about what I had in past lives. But then various thoughts came to me, and I focused too much time and attention on them. Then all this flowed into deep thoughts and fantasies. After 6 I thought that I was sleepy and could easily fall asleep and at least get some sleep.
As it turned out, I actually fell asleep and had a dream:
I flushed the toilet and saw how a piece of plaster fell off under the pressure of water and was washed away, exposing even more of the red brick wall. Then I noticed that the entire toilet was made of brick, forming a rectangle no more than half a meter, I believe. The front wall was already almost completely exposed, as far as I remember. Then I noticed another problem - the drain pipe was twisted. Then I realized that there was no toilet at all - where did it go? - I thought. Then I noticed a second hole in the pipe in the middle - why is there one if there is already a hole in the front? Then I realized that the drain tank was also missing. But how then is the water washed off? (Which I obviously drained a couple of seconds ago) Trying to figure out where the cold water pipe was connected, I apparently realized that it was flowing past the brick toilet. I found confirmation of this when I saw water already flowing across the floor from under some rags lying on the floor. Here I am thinking what should I do - or something like that. Then the thought came to me: is this really reality? I specifically began to think about this - after all, if this is reality and there really is a leak in my bathroom, then something needs to be done (close the pipe valves, for example). Then I asked a question in English (to myself or out loud - I don’t remember) - “Is this reality or a nightmare?” At that moment, I turned my head to the left towards the brick toilet, which was now suddenly normal and with a cistern.
It was at that moment that I realized it was a dream and I gained control of my body. I got what I wanted for weeks - a lucid dream. I immediately remembered my experiment with the mirror. Luckily for me, I was already in the bathroom with a mirror; unfortunately for me, I was in a very narrow bathtub with only the exit behind me (and the unknown behind me). Trying to leave all the horror stories behind me, I took a couple of steps to the left (in reality I can see half of my face when standing close to the bathtub), expecting to see my current body, and I think there were thoughts about how to ask my Higher Self about transformation of my body in a dream to what I had in other lives. But when I finally saw myself in the reflection of a rectangular(?) mirror (in real life the mirror is oval), I saw there a naked young guy of about 20-30 years old. His skin was light. He had short blond hair, combed slightly to the side, and it completely covered his head (there was not the slightest hint of baldness). His face was normal, symmetrical, and he smiled slightly (?); I would consider him quite handsome - but he is far from a fashion model; I think girls would like him. The body was, if I remember correctly, neither thin nor full, slightly pumped up (?) - it was normal in all respects.
Alas, I did not expect to see this “stranger” (?) person in the reflection, because I thought I would see myself there (in my current physical body), and I became confused and woke up (plus maybe my recent thoughts about “Is this real or nightmare?”, together with the claustrophobia of the room, also had an impact on me).
I can say, in order to better remember his appearance, that in terms of the texture and styling of his hair, he reminded me of my childhood friend Anton, who had and still has a similar hairstyle. Regarding facial features, some moments made me think about the son of my mother’s friend Anna (also the streamer Scatman from Goodgame.ru has vaguely similar facial features). I don’t remember the color of my eyes because I didn’t have time to pay attention to them.
Regarding the guy himself in the reflection. On the eve, I wished to have a lucid dream in which I would ask my Higher Self to change my body to what I had in one of my past lives. Therefore, I believe that it could again be one of my past physical bodies - 99%. Regarding whether that body could have been something else - a mixture of different subconscious processes and thoughts - I don’t think so, because I can’t see the reason for lying to me when I more than once wanted to see my past bodies in a dream. I don’t think there is anything to punish me for; I can learn from mistakes and admit them; I'm open to different ideas as long as they make sense etc. (I actually thought that my life path would move a little further away from Thiaoouba and its topics, and I would study something else... and now I often visit TPXP again...)
Then it is important to note that the guy in the mirror had hair, and in this life I had a clear thought as a child, looking at my father's bald head, that this would be the First Life in which I would have to experience baldness - this means that I 100% had to have hair in all my past lives (or I did not live to the age when baldness would show its full extent). So far everything is coming together.
I note that in the 19th century men had short haircuts. Just in case some of my ideas turn out to be true and it was the same man from the Titanic... But so far there is almost no evidence to draw conclusions. Just thoughts.
(NOTE FROM THE 28TH: I remembered how Anya came to us once and went to the toilet at the same time. Afterwards I saw a puddle of liquid on the floor... and in a dream there was a leak on the floor, and then in the reflection of her face I noticed the features of her son.
That reflection is still, perhaps, my past body, and the above story is synchronicity. But due to the fact that I did not specifically ask my Higher Self in that dream to replace my body with what I had in past lives - and there are people who see themselves as living famous people in their dreams - I decided that perhaps I would to give a 95%+ chance of a past life to the reflections of other bodies in the mirror only when I specifically ask my Higher Self specifically in a dream to do this. I think that's the correct thing to do.
My current opinion regarding this guy in the dream is that there is a chance that it was still 1 of my past bodies, but there may be other reasons why I had that body due to the above. But what then?
The note. One of Anya’s sons is called Alexander, and the other is Slava (Vyacheslav).
)
(Reflections. When I saw the face of another person in a lucid dream (the first such experience. I saw a brunette in a mirror maze in a non-lucid dream) it was unusual and awkward for me... it’s difficult to explain, but I’m writing these words after I remembered that sometimes I see myself in Vivien, and sometimes it’s difficult for me to see myself. There is a connection, it seems to me. To some extent, from the point of view of appearance, this is really a different body, and at first, out of habit, you can feel discomfort (if you see another yourself (in this case). if this is really my past body) in a dream...)
.
We need to analyze the dream. Why did I realize that this was a dream only when the newly installed brick toilet was replaced with a normal one, since in reality it is impossible for things to change like that in a second? But for some reason, the very fact that the toilet was brick did not lead me to any (serious) thoughts (maybe again it’s a matter of data (knowledge) that is implanted in us in dreams?).
I think I need to reinforce the idea that even though lucid dreams can “feel” very real – nothing and no one is threatening my physical body! Rather, it’s a matter of the psyche, which may possibly suffer, but only if you allow yourself to be soaked through by unreasonable fears. If I remember this, then I will be calm, no matter who I see in a lucid dream.
.
How to ask a question correctly?
My Higher Self, please replace my body in this dream with what I had in the very last life before the one I live now.
...on my penultimate body.
...to my very first physical body. (and I can go on like this until I reach Vivien Leigh. But I would like to go from the end to the beginning, and counting won’t help here because I don’t know how many lives I’ve lived)
-
For an experiment, you can ask to create a piece of paper with a number showing how many past lives I have had. But I don’t think it will work because it would be too easy...
-
If I see an unfamiliar face, don’t panic and don’t get lost! Take a good look at yourself, and then ask to change the scene to the place where I lived in this body.
The city where I was born in that body?
Maybe later, where I died...
October 29, 2023 There was a dream in which I was in the square near the former Kodak store (irl there is a public garden there). I think I was sitting on a bench and thinking that how did it happen (?) that I was able to find Christina (?) - It was like finding a needle in a haystack. And then I started saying that I found Christina and someone else (I don’t remember) - and the idea was the same - that it was like finding a needle in a haystack. When I woke up I thought that perhaps there could be a hint that I really was Michel Avila and found my 2 past lives thanks to synchronicities - like how I met Marina?
Then I was on the other side of the highway (the side where I once met Anton’s mother, saying that I had left home...). There were two guys there. At one point I suggested exchanging phone numbers – in a friendly manner. Strange excuses began on their part due to the fact that they thought it was something gay or the like. Maybe we exchanged phone numbers after all (?), Then I crossed the road at Dixie. For some reason, I was in the middle of the road on the tram tracks and decided to quickly cross the road - without even looking both ways, and only using the headlights of the cars on the road to determine whether the cars were moving or not. Then I remembered that I had left a bag of torot (?) by the tram tracks. People started looking at it and trying pieces (?). I thought then that now I won’t be able to eat it...
There was a moment when I seemed to be controlling myself with a joystick or keyboard. Here one could understand that this is a dream.
I woke up; couldn't sleep; fell asleep after 6.
In the dream I was somewhere in the basement. I had a weapon. It felt like I was in a video game. I needed to take some kind of card (?) somewhere. There were also moments when one could understand that I was in a dream.
Yesterday, the 28th, I chatted for a long time in a group chat on Facebook. Marced did not delete her cropped photo of my book. At the same time, she said complete nonsense about the fact that she has the right to do whatever she wants with photographs of other people - and she doesn’t care that she distorted the information. Her friend Dmitry clearly considers her nonsense to be the norm. Today, the 29th, I tried to report Marced in that chat, but I don’t think anything will come of it.
Just yesterday I watched and finished reading all the material about Vivien, which I saved in tabs.
Yesterday, 10/30/2023, I finished reading the book Dark Star on page 72, when Vivien wrote “Left with Larry”. I felt sad about Leigh Holman and my past life mistakes. He was left alone and never married again.
Today, the 31st, I wrote a letter to Shavaun Avila in the morning and sent it.
In the evening I saw a new video from Minty in YouTube recommendations https://youtu.be/9PlUA9X0CNU?si=63q4lZ1I55oufgmU and decided to rewatch Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me.
I've seen some similarities. Laura Palmer (played by an actress named Sheryl Lee), whose lifeless body floats on the water. She was 17 years old. She lived a double life because of which she was killed (then I remembered Vivien and Michele Avila, who may have been killed for mistakes of the past). Laura took drugs.
At one time (15:--) the FBI agent says that it is now 3:30 am (in the morning). Reminds me of how Michele left at about 3:30 pm on the last day. The name immediately follows - Irene at Hap's. Of course, David Lynch also filmed Mulholland, and therefore there is little surprise here. It’s just that something about Michele Avila always reminds me...
When at about 1:10:-- Laura enters the bar where Julee Cruise is singing, I could see myself (I forgot for a while that I don’t know 100% yet that I was Michele too in my past life)
1:13:-- sex for money. A familiar topic.
Finished watching 4 minutes before November 1st. I cried at the very end and during the credits. This was the second film, after Mulholland Drive, that I watched the end credits to the end. This time in an emotional state, thinking about my life, about my past - in this case, about what I did by living the life of Vivien Leigh, about a possible life like Michele Avila, and about paying for my mistakes.
I noticed several similarities in the movie Mulholland Drive and was not surprised to see them in this movie, which I “suddenly” remembered on the very day I wrote and sent a message to Michele’s relatives.
I thought a little about reincarnation. How we must sometimes learn what we already knew before, but at the same time we can look at the same situation differently. That's what happened with this film and with Mulholland. Previously, I naturally could not look at these stories from the point of view of reincarnation - from the point of view of the actress Vivien Leigh. Now everything has changed.
November 7, 2023
I had a dream where at one time I and other people were building log houses. I drove long nails into the logs at the joints (corners). The nails were running out, and then I saw that in the middle of the house, at the junction, two nails were missing from the lowest logs. But the problem was different. In that place, the house stood on a warped small white brick, which stood on a crumbled (?) block. After some thought, I placed logs under the house to remove and replace the brick and block. I later saw how another man built a house from rotten, falling apart logs.
Then I was in some two-story house. I think I was a dark-skinned girl and there were several (2?) girls of similar appearance with me. When I left (or went out?) from the house, I turned around to say “I love you, mom!”, looking up at the empty 2nd floor (the stairs led there on the left). Whether it was MA - I don’t know - but these are exactly the words that she uttered on the day of her death.
Then there was a dream about Dark Souls. I killed a dragon by jumping from a very high tower (headshot). I was given souls before I died, and then it turned out that I was wearing a ring that preserved souls, etc. I went to look for a bonfire to level up; Having found it, I realized that I don’t know whether I will use the weapon for dexterity or strength.
I woke up at night with a slightly sore throat. Gargled with soda. Later I drank hot water. In the afternoon I went to the store for milk and other products.
November 8. Perhaps there was a dream where I asked the Higher Self to change my body to what I had in my penultimate life itself - and in other lives - and it changed, but I don’t remember almost anything at all. Perhaps malaise and the terrible heat and humidity were the cause. I couldn’t sleep all night and only fell asleep in the morning.
November 9. I had a normal dream in which I essentially repeated my thoughts that I had before sleep. It was said in a dream that I was almost all of those people (Butler, Kennedy, Hamilton, etc.). I don’t know how I feel about it and I don’t remember the details.
15th of November. Memento was a film that, watching for the first time, I was able to concentrate almost entirely on the present. Every time side thoughts came to me, I became aware of this fact and turned my attention to the present - watching a movie.
Today I read the last 18th chapter of the book Dark Star (I still need to read the Epilogue and the chapter about the incorrect events described in other books, etc.) and in the evening I decided to rewatch the movie Memento.
While watching it, I sometimes thought how interesting it is that memory is the main theme of the film, and the memory of my past life is what I tried to acquire by reading a biography about my past life... And of course, it was on the day when I read that book in full that I see Memento, browsing movies on IMDB to watch... Synchronicity...
November 17. Had a lot of dreams today. (December 18, 2023 - I note that a day ago I read a book with the word Dark in its title - Dark Star. Dark & Darker theme may have some connection and specific meaning. Alas, Michele took drugs and it is unknown whether she was a bully - how wrote an anonymous person - and did she really sleep with other people’s guys? I’d like to believe that she didn’t, but then who knows...)
In one “normal” dream, I was in a dungeon in the game Dark & Darker. There was a young woman with me, to whom I told about my plan with the mirror. Finally, I asked my Higher Self to create a mirror - 4 by 4 - on the wall near the stairs. It was created there. I asked my Higher Self to change the body in my dream to what I had in my most recent life. I saw Michele Avila and said this fact out loud (that I see Michele Avila). I turned away and asked my Higher Self to change my dream body to what I had in my penultimate past life. I saw Vivien Leigh in the mirror (which is true) and again spoke this fact out loud in my sleep. I was thinking about further asking my Higher Self to change my body to what I had in the life I lived just before Vivien Leigh's life, but then a monster appeared coming down (?) from the stairs to my right - it seemed like it was on purpose was spawned, there was such a feeling - and... I apparently woke up in another dream, which I realized only when I actually woke up.
In that dream, I apparently thought that I was attacked by a monster that had jumped from above, which is why I woke up.
There was also a dream in which I returned to that cave and found the body of the woman. Apparently she was killed. I looted her, taking the ring for good luck (passive bonus).
There was another dream that night where I was in bed (?) and suddenly there was a ghost (?) next to me with whom I was talking, and realizing this - a nightmare - I woke up. I thought (I don’t know in a dream or in reality or half-asleep) that I actually had a lucid dream - as I wanted - it became lucid when I realized that there was a ghost next to me, but I got scared and woke up (just like the person on the forum said – that we have a lucid dream during a nightmare, but just wake up immediately).
Then there was a dream in a modern setting. There was an interviewer (somewhat like the guy from the SciFi Show if I remember correctly) and he was talking (interviewing) a woman (I don’t remember if I was watching from the sidelines, or I later became that woman) and there was a reference to Vivien Leigh, when that woman noticed that since her last visit (this was my first dream there) many things had been rearranged - I remember only a small pyramid, a couple of centimeters high, turquoise (Vivien Leigh learned to train her memory this way as a child). Then the woman saw that behind the man there was a small toy clown... (also moved) and she said to him “(It’s [?]) Behind you, Jamie!” (a reference to the movie Scream. The actor's name is Jamie Kennedy - Kennedy... the name is familiar to me from GwtW). Then a man with dark skin (?) appeared behind him who wanted to scare Jamie, and I or the woman (?) told him about it.
Even if it wasn’t a lucid dream, I still did my experiment in it 100% as I wanted. I saw Vivien Leigh, as I should have - everything matches here. Then in the previous days I had dreams that indicated that I was Michele Avila. Again, the question is about the chances that all these dreams are talking about something else...
Again, nightmares cannot harm my body in reality. I need to not succumb to such oppressive situations, atmospheres and fears. But I made progress, so to speak, because I remained in the mirror in the dungeon despite the darkness and claustrophobia (but it was not a lucid dream...).
December 20, 2023. Woke up in the morning after a dream in which I heard the words “Would have no recollection of is past life.” I think these words were read from Thiaoouba's book, and I thought I would need to read it again to refresh my memory - plus now I can look at the topics of reincarnation with new eyes. I also saw and understood that this was an allusion to how I saw the film Gone with the Wind as a child, saw Vivien Leigh, but did not understand that this was my former body. I woke up and had a clear understanding that I was Vivien Leigh and this is another confirmation.
Until that moment, the conversation in the dream was about some kind of forum, where people from the institute left posts about sex parties, etc. Then there was a request (from me?) to remove the words “sex” from the topic title and write “X” at the end to mark 18+ type content. Maybe this was a hint that in my life I was able to learn from the mistakes from the life of Vivien Leigh and maybe this also somehow influenced the fact that life led me to finding my past life? Don't know.
December 28th. It was 6:26 (approximately) when I woke up somewhat disappointed from my lucid dream.
I remember that before gaining consciousness in a dream, I was in some kind of bedroom, where my mother was sleeping on a very large bed (? - either she was young, or it was another person, it seemed to me). I left the room to another where two people (?) were sleeping. I found my bed, apparently. I fiddled with it, but didn’t go to bed right away. I went to the toilet. And after I came out of it, I realized that it was a dream, and I began to try to gain consciousness. I managed to get it after a few seconds.
I immediately started looking for a mirror. I thought about going back to the bathroom, where it would be logical to find it, but I decided to go further. There I found a small mirror on the shelf of some sideboard (or something similar). It was big enough to see my face. I saw myself in my current body.
Without turning my head much - looking ahead of me at the wall - I began to ask my HS (Higher Self) to change my body to what I had in my very past life. I look in the mirror - I’m still me (but it seems to me that the face was as if distorted in the mirror - an effect similar to liquefy in Photoshop, applied to the entire face.)
I turned to look at the wall and again ask to change my body, but this time to what I had in my penultimate life. It was still me in the mirror.
I look at the wall, and my voice must have already trembled because of the failure. I ask to change my body to what I had in my very first life. Nothing and I wake up.
*
Thoughts.
- I was again in a hurry to find a mirror and did not look around in the dream in order to clearly understand where I was at all - and, ultimately, to fully gain consciousness when I feel the dream as if it were reality; Today, although I had awareness, I was in a haze in my head most of the time. I only remember that the ceilings were very high, and the surroundings seemed rich in material terms.
Also, when I saw myself distorted in the mirror, I did not examine myself better, but immediately went to speedrun to the next question.
And I’m thinking here, what if - unlikely, but - what if my body in the dream was changed, but the mirror was distorted, and because of my haste, I simply did not understand that I was looking at my other body? I looked at the photo of Vivien and Michele; I tried Liquify in Krita on three photos (mine, Vivien and Michele), and then turned the image into black and white. Provided that the hairstyle in the dream remained approximately the same - I had shoulder-length hair - then technically, in my haste, it’s possible that I could not notice in the distorted mirror that the body had been changed after all. If so, then it teaches me to be attentive and not to rush – including with conclusions.
- But if my body was changed, then why did my voice remain mine from my current life?
Here you can again think that since this is a dream, only my reflection in the mirror can change, and not my actual body, which I have in the dream. It’s funny, but that dream could also have hinted at this, giving me a lesson. Whether this is so I can find out only in another lucid dream, which I hope to have, and in which I can try my experience again. (I can check this if I see another body in the reflection; if there are moles that I do not have on this body, then I can try to touch them on my body; if the conclusions are correct, then I should not feel them at all)
But I must note that I still ask to change the body that I have in the dream, and not the reflection of the body in the dream. I’m of course trying to cling to the idea that we can still see our bodies in lucid dreams.
- It may well be that I asked the question incorrectly. I think it was necessary to say, “My Higher Self, please change my body in this dream to the physical body that I had [at such and such a time].” I think I said just change my body, but that might mean my physical body, and that's not what I want (even if it's possible - who knows, Thiaooubians are able to change height, what if we can still change bodies to those , what they had before? I highly doubt it, but who knows...). You need to remember to ask questions correctly.
- Maybe it happened that since I had already seen Vivien and Michele in the mirror of a non-lucid dream and received my answers, then HS did not show me what I already know - even if I never saw those past bodies in a specifically lucid dream. Regarding the first life, perhaps there are reasons why I don’t need to know what my very first body looked like. But if so, why? What can I see there?
There is also a positive result. I did not wake up during my calls to the Higher Self when I was no longer looking down behind my right shoulder, but looking straight ahead of me.
*
Adjustments.
So far I am more inclined to the first two options. I shouldn’t rush in a lucid dream, now that I see what rushing leads to. We must strive for quality, not quantity. Experimenting with mirrors should be one of the activities in lucid dreaming for now, but it should not be the only activity. Today I did not carefully examine my surroundings at all and remember everything only superficially. There was only one moment when I really felt that I was in reality (but in a dream) - my sensations were so clear and precise.
Then you need to remember that it is important to ask the right questions. I must clearly say that I need to change my body in the dream in which I am at the moment of turning to the HS, and also speak to the physical body at such and such a time.
And now you need to learn not to get frustrated if nothing works out.
January 17, 2024. Yesterday I watched David Lynch’s Lost Highway. Some moments in the film also resonate with me a little (escaping hard reality into fantasy, p***), but not as much as in his other two films.
A couple of days ago I saved portraits of Emma Hamilton to my computer. I found several synchronicities:
dogs;
17-year-old Emma in the portrait that was in the film;
Titania, which I played in VL’s life, and with whom there is synchronicity with Katya from Sokolniki, who draws fairy wings on her photo;
And several others connected with labyrinths, and with disbelief in the words of the prophetess.
Synchronicities, as we now know, actually pointed me to my past lives in the case of Michele and Vivien. Due to the fact that little is known about the nature of synchronicities, I do not risk rushing to a verdict on Emma's experience. But if I had another true dream, saying or refuting that I was Emma, then everything would be clear to me.
Also, while reading about Emma, I found other synchronicities that I could not see when I had not yet read the books about my two past lives.
And for now, according to spiritual knowledge (lack), I could well be Emma (in the life of Vivien Leigh, who is closer to Emma than mine).
January 18, 2024. The name of Emma Hamilton was said in the dream, but I did not gain consciousness in the dream. I don't remember the details of the dream.
In the evening I watched Anastasia. A cartoon for children, but some themes were very close to me, now that I found a couple of my past lives - and the names Anya and Anastasia are close to me. The real Anastasia was killed at age 17 in 1916. I was thinking about Irene Avila and the fact that she had to pay for an old mistake when her 17-year-old daughter was killed. Of course, she could have been anyone and done anything as a mistake, but then life actually led me to past lives, and who knows what else it will lead me to.
January 27, 2024. Yesterday before bed I meditated for about 10 minutes and, at 9:33, began to concentrate on my breathing. I haven't practiced these things in a long time and they definitely helped me. But then I got lost in my imagination, and I again started having problems with sudden breaths.
Had a slightly unusual dream last night. I remember that in the dream I was next to the bust(?) of a woman with large breasts (possibly the one I saw in the mirror maze). A white (?) robe was worn over the body, and perhaps there were precious colorless stones on it. On the left breast was written a name, which was then erased (? - and I don’t remember it) and in that place it was written “Emma Hamilton”, on the other it was written “Vivien Leigh”, then - sort of below - the names were written " Michele Avila" & "Evgeny Meshkov". I woke up. Vivien, Michel and Evgeny - all these people are inhabited by the same soul. Perhaps this dream was a hint to me that I really was Emma Hamilton? From the knowledge and data that I have now, nothing contradicts this. There are synchronicities, and retribution for mistakes is also visible - if I were Emma.
Woke up after 11. Went outside and walked for about an hour. I was at the pond, where I hadn’t gone for a couple of months because I wasn’t feeling well. Overall I felt better today. Yesterday the tenant said that they need to do temporary registration again, and this cannot be done online - which is strange. I don't know what will happen there.
(Addition from 02/21/2024. If the woman from the labyrinth (mirror maze dream) was Cleopatra, and in this dream the body belonged to that woman, then this could explain why there were jewels on the clothes - Cleopatra definitely had them. But they say that Cleopatra loved emeralds, which are green
https://www.aureusboutique.com/abx/cleopatras-love-affair-with-jewels
)
February 4, 2024. Decided to rewatch Scream. What if I’d find new synchronicities, now that I have new knowledge from the books about Michele and Vivien.
31:18 Tatum drives up in a red Volkswagen Beetle*. Laura Doyle had the same car, same color. This was the last car I drove in Michele Avila's life.
*Tatum Riley drives a 1967 Volkswagen Beetle or Type 1 in the first movie. The year I died in VL life.
.
Sidney Prescott's mother's name is Maureen Roberts Prescott. Maureen O'Sullivan was my friend in VL life and I already found Sullivan last name to be Shavaun’s last name before she married.
.
Sydney said at the trial that she saw Cotton Weary leaving. He was sentenced to death. (But Billy was the killer, as we find out at the end.) Sydney begins to have doubts. After killing Sydney's mother, Billy has a relationship with Sydney. This reminded me of how Karen came to live in Irene's house after she killed her daughter Michele (me).
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1:31:55 “Watch a few movies, take a few notes.” Of course it's a movie. But. As I said myself, this very film had an impact on me; If I had not found my past life (Vivien Leigh) and found out exactly why I am suffering so much, plus if I had not had my knowledge of Thiaoouba and the truthfulness of that book, then who knows what could have happened. I didn't have the best thoughts during the difficult moments of my current life. I want to say that I know from my own experience that films can influence the psyche of people who can actually use the ideas in films for crimes. This is not a theory. Is it any wonder that I have synchronicities with this film?
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Billy's Motive - Sydney's mother sleeps with Billy's father, causing the latter's mother to leave and leave him alone with his father. There are similarities with my past lives.
February 7, 2024. Wrote “Missy” on a piece of paper. Yesterday I asked my Higher Self to show me in a dream a fragment from my last life of Michele Avila - in case I was not destined to have a lucid dream that night. “Missy.” Was the first word in Michele's poem.
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Yesterday I rewatched Inland Empire. Understood nothing. They say the film touches on the theme of reincarnation.
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Today on Facebook I saw that one of the women who knew Michele Avila responded to me. She said she didn't know why Michele was afraid of windy days and other things. I wrote to her briefly about Thiaoouba and that I was Michele. I asked the Higher Self, if possible, to give that woman some kind of sign, or a dream, that I was telling the truth.
Also, before this, I asked the Higher Self to show me a fragment from my life of Vivien Leigh - if possible and if I was not destined to have a lucid dream today.
02/12/2024 – I had a dream where I needed to synchronize something - like how audio is synchronized with video. In the afternoon I found a documentary about Vivien Leigh’s life – “Vivien Leigh: A Delicate Balance”. In English, the video quality was not very good, but in Russian it was much clearer. I decided to try to synchronize the English audio track with the Russian video of better quality - successfully. This was another prophetic dream in my life
February 16, 2024. I thought I woke up. Mom was taking things down from the shelf above the gas stove. For some reason the sides were dark in color, not light. Then I remember how I went to the toilet and saw in the mirror that I had long hair. But I shaved my head bald a couple of days ago. Did I shave it? - I thought in my dream. I touched my hair with my hand and it felt real to the touch(!)
Then I thought, what if this is a dream? I decided to turn away, cover my eyes with my hand and asked the Higher Self to change my body to what I had in the life before last. When I turned to the mirror, I realized that it was really a dream, because my face in the mirror seemed to be in some kind of transformation. Thus, it didn't look like the face of a real person. It was too white, the eyes were too dark... then it seemed to me that everything was becoming cloudy. Alas, I decided to rush and asked my Higher Self for something else and woke up.
When I saw a reflection that was not mine and realized that this was really a dream, it was better to anchor myself in the dream. There was no need to rush. I had to look at the face, but also look around. What surrounded me? And so on. I made the old mistake.
In any case, this is the second lucid dream in which I asked the Higher Self to change my body to what I had in a past life, and had some result.
Why did I see such a face instead of Vivien Leigh? Perhaps this was Vivien Leigh's face. I was an actress in that life, and maybe this time the Higher Self decided to show me in some character.
https://www.facebook.com/vivandlarry/posts/vivien-leigh-max-factor-make-up-diagram-1951/543663719009424/
“In 1951, Vivien Leigh lent her face to Max Factor for a cosmetics campaign. The diagram shows which products she used when making up for the role of Cleopatra in Shakespeare's "Antony and Cleopatra". Both Vivien and Larry were experts at applying stage make-up. While making Gone with the Wind, she reportedly baffled Selznick's make-up artists by doing her own touch-ups.”
Interestingly, Cleopatra is mentioned in the image of my former body, which is quite similar to the face I saw today in a lucid dream. The fact is that yesterday afternoon I asked the Higher Self to show a fragment from my life that I lived in 40 BC (if I lived then). Of course, I wanted to get more information about whether I could be Cleopatra or not. Therefore, I now understand that there may be some kind of connection here, and that that face was shown to me for a reason.
I’ll note again - I needed to anchor myself in the dream, and also get a better look at that face. I need to understand that everything happens (in lucid dreams) for a reason, and that no one will give me food on a plate - i.e., for example, I shouldn’t expect to see a young Vivien Leigh without makeup and with the hair down. I need to learn to pay more attention to what is shown to me in such dreams.
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Update dated February 23, 2024. Today I watched a documentary about Cleopatra (https://youtu.be/pLtZTzSatHY?si=jrblEz4jkwQEVRDZ) and at 24:50 I see a photo of the actress (Theda Bara) playing Cleopatra in the 1917 film. Her face in that photo is very similar to what I saw in my dream!
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0007801/?ref_=ttmi_tt
02/21/2024. Had a very long dream. Of the possible significant scenes: one showed pigs in a sack. Either a person or someone else was thrown towards them. I heard crunching, as if pigs in a sack were eating what they were given. Then the man pulled the woman out of the house - so that no one would see her. Perhaps there was a box on it - like in the Metal Gear Solid game. Then she ran through the forest. Among the trees there was a man pointing to a forest house - perhaps he was saying that the police could be called there, but maybe he was saying something completely different. The girl ran further in the darkness, and only the spotlight illuminated her and the forest to the right, and then I saw in her an actress who had to wake up at night to film a scene. One of the thoughts was why actresses are paid so much. At the feet of the running girl there were flowers - it seems some were purple. Then that girl and the entire film crew were in my apartment. It all ended with me being given a piece of paper. I tried to remember what was written on it for my role (?), but I don't remember anything. I only remember that it was not for me, but for the actress - but why did they give it to me then? I had to give the piece of paper to her. Everyone left the apartment except me. […] I suddenly remembered that I needed to go, took the bag with the piece of paper and woke up a little later.
Before that dream, there was a dream in which a dove with a leg similar to that of my 1st pigeon flew onto the window. I fed him, pouring some millet onto the snow on the windowsill.
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Yesterday I asked HS to show me a fragment of my life in 1790 - if I lived then. This afternoon I decided to look for ‘pig’ in a book about Emma Hamilton. I found a story about how Emma fainted while seeing the head of a roasted pig being cut off. But, as the author writes, she also ate a pig and even brains! I don't know if this could be related... in Missy's case, I wrote the word ‘Missy’ on a blank piece of paper - as I must have done once in that life. Here everything was very veiled by the inherent artistry of dreams.
There is a rose called https://eu.davidaustinroses.com/products/lady-emma-hamilton
Emma,%20Lady%20Hamilton.pdf “Relations rallied round with offers of millinery and flowers, velvet for her bodice, shoe buckles.”. Purple flowers.
04/06/2024 – Meshkov may have some kind of connection. Like a pig in a sack - in me - like when I ate a pig. (Meshkov – my last name – has a root word «мешок» - a sack/bag)
02/22/2024. Yesterday I asked HS to show me a photo of my past body if I lived in 1785. I definitely saw a photo of Vivien Leigh in one dream. Eh, it seems I asked the question incorrectly. But it also goes back to the fact that I was Vivien Leigh and also lived in 1785 (Emma Hamilton)
02/23/2024. Yesterday I asked HS to show me in a dream a fragment of my life in 40 BC - if I lived then. I saw a few photos. One showed 3 people, one of whom was aiming a gun (?) at the camera.
Another photo showed a girl (?) to the left of whom there was a red face. The camera initially zoomed in on that mask/face. I thought it was a reference to my photo of Vivien Leigh, where to the right of my face you can - if you want - see a face.
Today I decided to search for “cleopatra red mask” and found this photo
https://uk.cleopatramask.com/products/cleopatra-led-light-therapy-mask?_atid=MuLL8vhDDW33PJ4StS5T50PqhfqC9U (2nd)
The composition is very similar to the scene that I saw in my dream. Of course, other details are different.
02/24/2024. Yesterday I asked HS to show the inscription of my name in 40 BC - if I lived then. I asked to show the color green - something green - when the name was shown, so that I knew that I needed to pay attention. Alas, when in a dream my fishing rod got caught in the grass (not far from the monument stone at Cherkizovsky Pond), in reality my neighbor started knocking and I woke up. Then I fell asleep and at one time I either woke up or something else, and I had the idea that I was shown an inscription where Cleopatra’s name was. But I don’t have a clear memory of that dream – if there was one.
There were various other dreams.
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Yesterday I watched a video on YouTube about Cleopatra. At 24:48 there is a photo of the actress, Theda Bara. Her face in the photo is very similar to what I saw in my dream on February 16, 2024.
https://youtu.be/pLtZTzSatHY?si=7HaJPMqQMkeuDL35&t=1488
I wrote that in the dream the face seemed not real - it was in transformation. Again I’m trying to understand the reason for that face and thinking - maybe it was some kind of mix, one part of which related to my request to show me my body from the life before last, and the other part was a prophetic dream since I saw that face in the video (but it took about 7 days after that dream). In any case, the connection with Cleopatra is obvious here.
Theda Bara (Theodosia Burr Goodman) was born July 29, 1885, died April 7, 1955. My best childhood friend Anton's birthday is on July 29, 1988. Then Theda had a Jewish father, and Anton had a Jewish mother.
Then -
1885 + 28 = 1913 (my year of birth in Vivien’s life)
1917 + 28 = 1945 (the year Theda's film about Cleopatra was released and the year my film about Cleopatra was released)
(You’ll know from my edited for @ document with my findings why I even started adding up the numbers)
Diary of Evgeny Meshkov
https://www.youtube.com/@EvgenyMeshkov
25.02.2024. Yesterday, before going to bed, I asked my Higher Self (and I also addressed Thao, Biastra & Latoli, for the topic is very important to me) to show the name I had in the days Jesus – Aarioc – walked this Earth if I lived at that time. So around 30-33 AD (I mentioned this date). As before I asked my HS to show [something] green (frame, object, or whatever) before showing me the name so that I know what’s about to happen next is the answer to my question, and so I pay more attention.
Jumping ahead, I definitely had a dream withing a dream. And it’s possible I had 2 such dreams this night – if so, then I had 4 dreams because I ‘woke up’ in one of them and then ‘fell asleep’ again withing the dream.
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Dream 1: All I remember is that I see a clown with red hair on the sides of his otherwise bald head and I wake up. I think this was the dream in which I got lucid and immediately woke up. I might have seen my old light blue t-shirt with palm trees on myself in the mirror before waking up.
[Possible] Dream 2 (a): (I don’t know if what happened in the (a) paragraph was a dream or reality) I woke up after seeing the clown. I was lying in bed for a while. It was night. I remember looking at my pictures of Vivien Leigh on the wall to my left. Then I remembered how I was thinking something like ‘and here I am, trying to remember if I had a dream and if I have seen any names in it, instead of falling asleep again.’ Then I remembered how I made conscious decision to get out of bed (with intent to go to the bathroom), and I did so. So far everything looked seemingly exactly as it should be in my real actual apartment.
Dream 2 (b): (This part was 100% a dream) I don’t remember actually walking to the bathroom, but I was in it. At one point I decided to move aside the washed reddish bedclothes, which were hanging on the strings above the bathtub. The reason was I still had memory of that clown in my dream I just had. And I also remembered the 1990 movie, in which the monster clown IT was standing behind the bedclothes at one point… but I also thought that since this is not a dream there won’t be any Pennywise monsters behind the bedclothes… and there weren’t…
Dream 3: I remember how I was walking with 2 (?) people near the old hospital building (now it’s an Institute). It was getting dark; colors weren’t as vivid. We came to the square with bushes. Maybe there was a green light that we had to wait for to pass the road. On the square we were riding on the winding pavement among bushes (I was riding on something strange and the other person was probably riding scooter). We knew it was illegal to ride on the winding road, and that it was legal to ride on the pavement in just several meters from us.
We came to a stop between two buildings of no higher than 4-5 floors. The left one was inhabited, as was evident by hanging washes clothes (women’s’ pinkish panties, etc) in the windows. The right building was seemingly also inhabited, but it was much more run down. We had guns. The man was shooting at something with his gun (probably пневматический пистолет / air gun). And before that I was curious to shoot at some bricks in front of us to see the consequences or something. Then the woman of our company noticed that the right building was inhabitable and mentioned I shouldn’t shoot at it for we’d have trouble with police or something. I didn’t shoot anything at all; and it was understood that I actually had a real weapon, firing real bullets – not a ‘toy’ firing small pneumatic bullets.
What happened next is important. Suddenly I started talking about the green grass on the ground – I started paying attention to the color. But it was dark and colors weren’t as vivid as they are under sunlight. But then there was an image of vividly green grapes as if overlayed over my vision; they were clearly well lit for the color was distinct – green. The fact of seeing green grapes was also voiced out loud I believe. And I think I asked two people to confirm the presence of green grass and green grapes.
We went back in the direction we came from the square. At one point I turned to the building to my right now (on the side of the definitely inhabitable house). There was a name written on it in huge letters. I started reading it out loud – Mary Magdalene… Maria Magdalene (Maria/Мария is how Russians say her name) – then I took out my phone and pressed the button to take the photo of that building and the name. I wanted to make sure I remember this.
Dream 4: I wake up, realizing that I somehow fell asleep on a chair (?) near my desk or computer. I still had my denim shorts or jeans on, and I had my light blue t-shirt with palms on my body (the one I used to have more than 10 years ago. It was one of my favorite clothes). There was also a thought about ‘экстравагантные цветные рубашки’ / extravagant colored shirts which I think Tom Chalko liked to wear (I also wear such shirts) – why he was in my dream I don’t know, but maybe him, as 1 person told me, believing he was Thomas the Doubting has a connection here. There was a distinct knock on the wooden furniture near me when I was remembering the dream I just had, thinking something along the lines that I said that name because I was partially waking up and probably remembering Mary Magdalene and so that could be the reason… It was already daylight outside, but I’m still looking at my bed, thinking that perhaps if I undress and go to bed, I can still have a normal sleep [in a bed].
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Shortly after that I wake up and this time it’s actual reality that I find myself in – I realize that I had a dream withing a dream, and shortly I realize that I got my answer – if the dream was true dream, I was Mary Magdalene…
I’m recording audio after 5 o’clock in the morning note and at one point I’m looking at the bathtub, above which there is no bedclothes of course – why would they be there if we didn’t wash anything the day before? This is where I realized that the part with bedclothes was a dream.
I also had to pee after making the first very short audio note, because it was actually distracting. It means that I probably never went to the bathroom in reality (usually I only wake up 1 time for that and then continue sleeping); so it’s possible the Dream 2 (a) was a dream also and it was so accurate and felt so real I still can’t figure out if it was reality or dream… logic, based on facts, tells me it has to be a dream… it’s the first time I had a dream so real.
The structure of the dreams on this night is clearly something else! Why? I asked HS, Thao, Biastra & Latoli an important question. It literally concerns them directly because a) Jesus (Aarion) could have been Thao’s past life; b) Thiaooubians were behind that operation of enlightenment. They did help me in this life and if synchronicities with Maria do mean reincarnation, then they’d probably be interested that I get some help realizing that.
What about the part of Dream 4? Well, it was a dream withing Dream 3. So, the thought I had may not mean what I thought in the dream it did. Most importantly: yesterday, on February 24, when I was asking my question, I was neutral in regards to who I could or could not have been in the year 30-33. I was okay with any answer: including if I never lived at the time, or I’d see another name. I had the same state of mind when I went to bed. In fact, even now I’m careful not to jump to conclusions. Also: since we can’t be served free (usually at least) food it’s possible whoever or whatever was responsible for that dream had to leave some room for doubts and/or for me to figure out the true meaning of the dreams. When I had my first true dream about VL on September 4, to be careful I thought if maybe me thinking or dreaming in the past about VL could have resulted in that dream – it wasn’t though as I now know – but maybe this part of the dream is connected to that old thought too.
I still need to ask HS to help me determine if Maria’s body was pure or if some of her parents or relatives were of no Jewish race. In that case a soul of the 1 category could inhabit her physical body. Additionally, I could ask about the category of my Astral body. And of course, I need to ask what was the name that Thao had in her very last past life.
But… withing me I realize that it was probably a true dream. I’m at the same position here as I was when I had my syncs with Michele Avila and Vivien Leigh – I said that I wouldn’t be surprised if reincarnation was the reason behind them for it made sense… It was reincarnation… Me being Maria makes total sense why I received help from Thiaooubians in this life (even if Thao wasn’t Aarioc)
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Listened to Maria Magdalena song by Sandra. If I was Mary, it’s so funny how one can literally be Mary Magdalene and then be and have all the things sung in the song. There can be at least two meanings to the song (since some people think Mary had connection to prostitution) and they both work in my case regardless. Actually, it may be another synchronicity because I’ve noticed long time ago the theme of ‘opposites’ or reflections in my life – like when I truly think and know something is right, but then there’s a brief moment when I do almost the opposite thing!
https://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3530822107858525830/
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Note: Watched the part of IT 1990 with bedclothes (at around 4:44) and both the girl and her mother wore light blue clothes…
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03/19/2024 – Some time ago I asked HS to show me what spiritual category Mary Magdalene’s physical body was. In a dream, at one time I saw a camera (?), which at one time became almost discharged and I needed to find an outlet to charge it. The battery charge scale, stretching across the entire width of the large screen, was blue, and the current charge indicator was darker blue. The blue color is what I remember asking to be shown before I got my question answered. That scale was very small - a small charge.
When I woke up, I didn’t think I was getting an answer because I asked to see the number. But I forgot that perhaps because of the Law of the Universe, I was still given an answer, but it came in a slightly different form. What if that charge scale was showing me Mary's spiritual category?
I made charge scales - from 1 to 9 out of 9. The first one is the most similar. Then maybe the second, but it seems to me that the scale was smaller - closer to 1. Since Michel Desmarquet said that Jews were of the 3rd category, then Mary’s body must have been of the 1st category (if the dream was true and this was my answer) (I believe here that the child of two people of categories 1 and 3 will have a physical body of category 1).
March 15, 2024. Woke up remembering hearing the name “Hypatia” ** in a dream. Yesterday I asked the Higher Self - if I lived in the year 400 - to either show me the name I had in the life I lived at that time (red would be a sign that I was receiving an answer), but I also suggested experimenting and said, that it is also possible to say the name out loud that I had then (in this case it will not have to be written in English so that I can know how to pronounce it).
Yesterday I read about Hypatia, because the night before yesterday, remembering her, I suddenly realized that there is a lot of meaning if in fact I was Hypatia, who died on or near the stairs of the temple that I founded in another life, in which I also committed a crime for which I had to pay at that temple.
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Today, at the very end of the dream, I saw either a monster or a snowman, who was so strong that he tore off (?) a huge Christmas tree and carried it. We hid from him in the snow (but I was already an outside observer at that moment). It reminded me of how a couple of guys from the nearby house called me a [fir] tree for a short time because I often wore only a [winter] jacket. In theory, this could be a reference to how Hypatia died... she was torn apart and taken away to be burned...
(I'm wondering what if the name written and then erased on the clothes was “Hypatia”? (dream of January 27, 2024) If I remember correctly, there was only one word written there. Also, this is a name that I would not remember, since I've never heard/seen it before.)
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** I actually remember how I heard that name was uttered in my dream. So, it’s not one of those cases, which I’d get later from this point in time, when I’d wake up remembering probably seeing or hearing something, but never actually remembering hearing or seeing it withing a dream – the latter is what I’m asking for. As it is, it was an actual answer to my question.
March 17, 2024.
Yesterday I asked the Higher Self, as well as Tao, Biastra and Latoli if they could help. If I lived in 400, then I wanted to show me a fragment from that life - at any age, from birth to death. I requested, if possible, that a flashing blue light/color be shown before my response so that I know I will receive my response in a moment.
At night I had a dream about planets and their moons. One of the moons was called Misy (or Missy, I don’t remember exactly). The dream said that that moon was covered by Pluto's moon. Something was said about Aberon - I don’t know if the name started with “A” or “O” (For some reason in the dream it was said that Misy was covered by Pluto’s moon Aberon). The word Misy has been said many times. At one time I saw myself searching for information about that moon on a website with a white background (similar to Wikipedia).
Hypatia was an astronomer. But I don't remember seeing a flashing blue light.
Perhaps (!) that planet Misi was blue and when it was covered by Oberon it seemed to blink - as astronomers find planets around other stars, when the planet passes between the star and the observer and the brightness of the star decreases, as if blinking. But I don't remember its color well. It seems to me that blue was present in that dream.
Oberon (Oberon) - the moon of Uranus (7th planet). Also known as Uranus IV. Here I remember my past life sister Arsinoe IV.
Merle Oberon (Estelle Merle O'Brien Thompson) played Cathy in Wuthering Heights. As Vivien Leigh, I only wanted to play Cathy in that film (Кэти in Russian. The name of one of my parrots. By the way, She was green, and Kesha was blue. Кэти turned out to be very active and seemed to overshadow the modest Kesha). We can say that Merle seemed to block that role from me when she was finally chosen for the main role (stood in the way, so to speak).
Then Marle was born in Bombay, British India, but said that she was originally from Tasmania, Australia. If there really is a connection with her in a dream, then there is a possible reason why in a dream Oberon was the satellite of Pluto, and not Uranus - one is not true, and the other is the truth.
Then the moon Oberon really exists, but Misy does not. Her role in the film actually exists, but my role as Katie does not. But I believe that I am wrong here.
Merle was given "Queenie" as a nickname, in honor of Queen Mary, who visited India along with King George V in 1911. She also played Anne Boleyn, but in film. “Missy”, “Missie”, “Queenie”…
I got the idea to see if there are connections between Merle & Arsinoe IV.
Calcutta is the city which has played a role in both Merle’s and Vivien’s lives.
Oberon arrived in England for the first time in 1928, aged 17. There is a possibility that in Missy's life I died for a crime in Cleopatra's life.
Oberon was discovered by William Herschel on January 11, 1787; on the same day he discovered Uranus's largest moon, Titania. (VII Ophelia, III Titania, XI Juliet)
Moon Oberon has two surface features named Antony (Mark Antony) and Ceasar (Julius Ceasar) respectively. They are heroes in William Shakespeare’s plays, which were, of course, based on real historic documents.
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During lunch, I saw and heard Sarah Brightman's song Captain Nemo for the first time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJwLZWUSK6Q First I watched a short clip, then a longer one, but not a full one, and then I decided to watch this clip. It had something that was not in other versions - words about a blue planet. (“From space, the planet is blue.”). Song from the album Dive - Its unifying theme is water and the ocean.
Blue planet and astronomy. Maybe it’s a double true dream which showed the truth about the past and also about the future.
It’s interesting that Sarah’s Time to Say Goodbye played a big role half a year ago, when I still didn’t know about my past lives and thought it was time to say goodbye to my period of life, so much dedicated to Thiaoouba.
Julia once posted a nice video about whales. But contact with her was lost for unknown reasons.
I decided to read people's thoughts about the meaning of the song. One said that in the case of Dive, the original artist, that song talks about homosexuals. But for Sarah, I think the meaning is clearly about whales. Listening to the song again, I could see how homosexual people could see their lives in it. This showed once again that the same thing can have different meanings for different people.
Sarah's song about whales. It reminded me of watching a few seasons of Whale Wars a long time ago.
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03/18/2024 – asked HS and Thiaooubians yesterday. If Merle Oberon lived in 50 BC, what was her name then; the blue light was supposed to be an omen of receiving an answer. Later I added to the question by saying to show the red light/color if she was not alive at that time.
There were many dreams and a lot was said. I remember once a guy (Gosha (?)) mentioned a name, but I don’t remember (he fu---d [someone]. I didn’t like his attitude towards girls, and I left).
There were also several references to the color red. In one dream the girl had red hair. In another dream, red was mentioned. I don't remember anything about blue.
In general, when I woke up, the focus was more on red than on that name.
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I've been seeing 53 a lot lately. I was 53 when I died in Vivien Leigh's life. This is my 1st past life, which I found when I was 35 - a number that can be thought of as 53 in reverse.
03/18/2024 – In addition to the dreams that I wrote about in the note above, I had a dream in which I woke up in another body. It belonged to a young girl. I thought if this was a lucid dream, I told people, the girl’s relatives, about it. I think they told me it wasn't a dream.
03/20/2024 – Yesterday I asked HS – “If I lived in 1530 AD, can you today in a dream either show the written name that I had in that life, or say out loud the name that I had in that life... let the green light or color be an omen of what I receive or will receive an answer soon.” I wanted my attention to be focused on this light/color, and of course I wanted to remember the name too, so that if you give me an answer, so that I remember the name too... Then I asked that the pulsating or flashing light/color be a sign that I did not live in 1530 AD.
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In a dream, I went into a store located in my house.
I was just wandering around the store. A man began to follow me - a worker, apparently. When I left, he seemed to accuse me of stealing. I didn't steal anything. Probably, a struggle ensued, because... the next thing I know, I'm stabbing him with a knife repeatedly. At the same time, I ask him, looking around, where is the person who should have been right behind me?
The realization of what I had done comes over me, and I call the police. Apparently, there were people next to me, and we took the body outside so that it could be taken away immediately. For some reason, the police drove past first, and then turned around. I thought I should have called an ambulance to help the person. Then I realize that I may have asked to call an ambulance(?).
Then we go out the back door and find ourselves somewhere in the forest. There is not much vegetation. Perhaps it was even spring. The woman says something about the crime and the consequences - as if she is privy to these matters.
I have thoughts about Cleopatra's past life. How I paid for 2 crimes, and then I did another one again... For some reason I thought that the thought of Cleopatra’s past life made me want to kill someone (in reality this is not the case, of course).
Then I think about escape - and the girl’s story is comparable to my thoughts.
I see greenery - but not really grass. The vegetation looked like huge green bacteria. Then I look into the sewer - at the other end I again see those same green plants.
Then I remember that I escaped, accompanied by a girl’s story about what life awaits criminals; like they wait in one place, and if they are not found, then they go somewhere else or the like. I am walking among the green summer thick grass. A river flows to my right - probably as wide as Kirzhach. At one time I decide to jump over the river. Whether I succeeded, and if not, whether I got out of water dry is not clear. But I'm on the other side.
In my thoughts all the time there was hope that the man was alive, and that, having realized his mistake, he would not say my name. (How does he even know it?) Then I remembered how I thought about writing to former acquaintances and friends on VK about how their bullying of me as a child could have led to disastrous consequences for them if Thiaoouba and my experience with it had not been the truth. I didn't do this, often calming down. And here is the situation...
I don’t know whether winter came immediately, or whether it was just before the march of my procession. I remember that when the policeman started shooting at me, it was already snowing. I died from my wounds. I had some thoughts that seemed to take me back to the past - to the moment when the policeman shot at me.
This time I was careful. I was wearing skis, and I quickly drove past the police - all this happened near the House of Creativity. They fired in my direction, missing. In front of me was a large snowdrift-springboard, and when I drove onto it, I realized that I was flying across the pond. I understood that I would break my legs and then they would catch me. I understood that I needed to bend my legs when landing so that the energy from the fall was evenly distributed throughout my body. The landing was successful.
I was at a tall house. There were people walking nearby, but they didn’t pay attention to me - apparently they hadn’t read the news yet. Having passed to the left of the house, I did not see the police. I wanted to find a place to take out my phone and open my news feed. I ended up doing it on the other side of the house - the one closest to my house.
Everyone's news was only about me and my crime - and how I considered myself to be all those famous people. Because of the context of the crime, I was considered to have gone crazy. No wonder the policeman shot me without warning. Photos of me were shown where I have hair and I am wearing a black and white checkered shirt. I'm sorry for the crime, for allowing it to happen. As I scroll down and down the news, I see the following: The headline has a reference to Will Smith and his wife, which is the name I see and either I say out loud or some other voice says - Jade. I also remember the word Prophecy that Jade had and it came true.
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After waking up (it was 3 hours +), I made an audio note about the dream, and also asked HS to say again in the dream my full name (first name, last name, middle name, etc.) that I had in the life that lived in 1530 - if I lived then. But also, as far as I remember, I asked to see the green Pokemon if that dream was the answer or something like that.
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I heard the word/name Jade again in a dream.
I don't remember seeing Pokemon, but then I don't remember the details of my dreams very well.
*
Smith's wife's name is Jada. This is one of the variants of the name Jade. Searching for her name and ‘prophesy’, I immediately found this video https://www.tiktok.com/@uebertangelofficial/video/7289383414011088160 “PROPHECY FULFILLED WILL SMITH & JADA PINKETT SMITH are UNOFFICIALLY DIVORCED.” The difference here is that Jada didn't make the prediction, but the prediction was about her. There is a date - May 7, 2022.
Jade began to be used in the 19th century. 300 years separate the 1800s and the 1500s. It may well be that they are separate (if this was the answer to my question and I was someone named Jade)
This name led me to precious stones, which led me to Cleopatra, who wore pearls on her clothes.
I think I will have to go back to this name and ask - if there was a man named Jade who lived in 1530, when was I born in that life and when did I die?
Does all this mean that I was not Anna Bulin? It may well be. If the dream was true and the answer to my question, then this is the first time I have received a completely unexpected answer in a dream.
03.21.2024 – Question HS - When did the girl from the dream with the mirror maze live. Golden light/color indicator for receiving a response.
Perhaps I saw and heard (%), but most likely watching the Matrix yesterday is the reason. I don't think that was the answer. Plus in the dream it was meant that this (deleted) is so. I don't remember seeing the golden light/color either.
In another dream I saw the start button for the Nightmare mission in StarCraft 2. Perhaps gold. I don't remember the numbers.
*
Yesterday I asked to show a fragment of VL’s life - when a photo was taken of me naked by the river. Today in a dream I heard myself as Scarlett O’Hara saying at the same time “Oh, Rhett!” I don’t remember any other words or the surroundings.
% Note dated 04/24/2024. In the dream, I apparently saw and heard 211. According to the Gregorian calendar, that date does not make sense since in another dream I received the answer that I did not live a life between the lives of Mary Magdalene and Hypatia.
Moreover, I learned through several dreams that that girl from the mirror maze dream was Cleopatra VII.
Today I remembered that I already asked once the question in what year Mary Magdalene was born. I saw 250 (most likely) in my dreams. Again, according to the Gregorian calendar, that figure makes no sense, but... once, I read about the ancient Egyptian calendar. I decided to try and find a date converter and ended up getting 4 AD when choosing Ptolemy III Euergetes as the era - which makes sense if I did it right.
So I thought of doing the same with 211 and I got 36 BC. Cleopatra actually lived at that time. Moreover, she would have been 33 years old then (my favorite number), and the girl in my mirror maze dream could definitely be 33 years old!
I will note that there are 33 years between 30 BC (that year I died in the life of Cleopatra) and 4 AD (I was supposedly born in the life of Mary Magdalene)!
250 - 211 = 39 which was Cleopatra’s age when I died in that life.
https://planetcalc.com/8434/
I will explain here that sometimes HS cannot give us a straight answer - they cannot present us with free food on a platter. Therefore, sometimes the answer may come in the form of a riddle. Of course, my HS knew about the existence of that calendar converter, and that I could find it (or I would specifically find it).
03/29/2024. Yesterday I watched 12 Monkeys. I saw a parallel with what I have to deal with sometimes these days – gaslighting.
The day before yesterday I asked HS, Tao, Biastra and Latoli to give me part of my material knowledge from my life of Mary Magdalene - if possible. If not, I asked in a dream to show me a fragment of that life.
In the morning, I suddenly remembered s-- with Yulia... only soon I realized that it was a dream that I never remembered until the moment when certain thoughts created a connection with that memory (material knowledge). Of course, I never had s-- with Yulia. But that memory, while I was not yet fully awake, was quite vivid and quite realistic - I think also because the action took place in my room on my sofa.
I have already noticed that in my dreams I sometimes have knowledge that I do not remember receiving. And I believe that they were written into me - i.e. into the Astral body. This is what made me think that perhaps our former material knowledge is preserved somewhere. If this is true, then this may explain why some people say they remember quite a lot of their past lives - if they are telling the truth.
The idea here is that even if material knowledge is stored somewhere before the River of Oblivion, and if HS can give us some part of that knowledge, then in order to remember that knowledge, our thoughts need to touch on something that will pull that knowledge to the surface of our consciousness – i.e. we remember them.
Just like Michel D. remembered his déjà vu only when he was in close proximity to a place about which he still had unerased knowledge. It is noteworthy that when he went to that country, to that city, that memory was not remembered. This is logical, because in the film excerpt there was no connection with either the city or the country.
In any case, I planned to read the Bible - especially about Mary Magdalene (myself in a past life). If some of the material knowledge from that life was “loaded” into my Astral body, then there is a chance that I will “remember” it.
But then there is the question - if this happens, will I be able to understand if it really happened, or if it happened in a dream? In Julia's case, I was helped by logic and additional memories showing that that memory came from a dream, and not from reality.
03/31/2024 – yesterday before going to bed I asked HS to “load” into my Astral body a piece of material knowledge from my most recent past life (Michele) – if possible.
If material knowledge is stored somewhere before it is erased in the River of Oblivion (I also said and we can use that knowledge), then I asked to show me a violet light/color in a dream and draw my attention to it.
About the orange light/color. An indicator that material knowledge is not only preserved until the River of Oblivion, but it can also be loaded into our soul in our other life. Thus, we can, theoretically, remember material knowledge from our past life.
If the material knowledge (of Missy) was loaded into me, then I wanted to see the turquoise light/color. And of course, I wanted to be able to remember that knowledge - photography, book, etc.
If material knowledge is not preserved anywhere before it is erased in the River of Oblivion, I asked to see red. But I asked for this when I woke up at night.
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In one of my dreams I saw a pen with a blue cap and tip, and as I remember, I said “blue” among other things. I noticed that color and my attention was drawn to it. I woke up and tried to write down the words that I remember that went with that color, but I forgot them... in fact, I didn't actually try to write down those words, and it turns out that I tried to do it in a dream... maybe I had another dream within a dream, or I really woke up, but wanted to sleep so badly that I thought it was a dream... I don’t know.
In the morning I realized that “blue” in English in the rainbow - which I was thinking about when I was choosing colors - means the very color that I was thinking about when I asked my question, and which in Russian I called “бирюзовым” (in In Russian, that color is “голубой”). BUT! The handle was a different color in Russian - “blue”; I asked to show this color another night... There is a possibility that that fragment of the dream still meant that some kind of knowledge was loaded into me...
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When I woke up (this was not the last time that day. Then I slept some more) - or it was in a dream - I remembered the dream I had. In it, I—like me—was a small girl (like Missy, perhaps). She was riding in the back seat of a car with a huge man. I knew they were going to have s-- and I was thinking about the fact that the girl is so small and he is so huge.
This was another dream where I thought about knowledge that I did not have, and which has a s-- theme.
I also don't know (haven't looked at Missy's photos yet) if the blue light - the pen - meant that this knowledge was loaded into me. Or maybe I was given specific knowledge—material knowledge that I had—from Missy's life, and I still need to find something that will prompt me to remember that knowledge.
Here I will also note about the dream with Yulia (if it was her). I asked to show me a fragment from my life of Mary Magdalene. There are rumors that I was a prostitute in that life. In that dream, Julia put a condom on me. Maybe it doesn't mean anything, but I just thought about it this morning - if that dream hinted to me that the rumors were true.
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I looked at Missy's photo, then looked at Ottoman Street on Google Maps, but nothing came to mind. Probably, if blue meant the answer to my question, that dream with the little girl was that knowledge... but why so far in two cases I receive material knowledge from “forgotten” dreams, and not from my actual past lives?
*
I think it’s worth asking to mark with colors if the loaded material knowledge comes from a dream or from a past life.
04/01/2024. Yesterday I asked my HS to show purple if the material knowledge from my past lives is stored somewhere, and orange if the material knowledge from my past lives is not stored anywhere. I asked that my attention be drawn to the colors.
In a dream I saw my mother take a plate with the remains of fish (?) and some of the bones fell on my purple bed. Alas, I swore a little at my mother in my sleep while I was cleaning the bed. Then I started turning my mattress over and that's when I saw a lot of orange on the other side.
It should be noted that in English some pictures of the rainbow call the color violet, which I think of as purple. But my attention was drawn specifically to orange, because... That night I actually slept on a purple bed, but I didn’t have an orange mattress.
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I woke up and, due to the importance of the experiment, asked to show an episode from the film Dark Journey 1937 (with VL) if material knowledge from people’s past lives is not stored anywhere. And from Caesar and Cleopatra 1945 if preserved.
In a dream I saw, heard and/or played the piano. This was the part that stuck with me.
Dark Journey 1937. At 51:07 a piano and a pianist playing it can be clearly seen. Also, piano was invented in 1700, so it could not have been in Caesar and Cleopatra 1945 movie.
04/02/2024 – yesterday I asked Tao, Biastra, Latoli and my HS about the source of data about my past body that I saw in a dream with mirrors, and where I saw in the reflection a girl with dark hair and large breasts.
Violet light or color if the data came from the psychosphere.
Green, if not from the psychosphere.
Orange if partly from the psychosphere, and partly from somewhere else.
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From the dream that I remember, I was in the clinic. I had my teeth fixed, apparently. They gave me some papers and directed me to an office that I knew I had never been to. There was a line. Young girls were sitting, and one of them ended up sitting next to her boyfriend, apparently.
At one time I got up from my chair and decided to check the posters. On one of them was written - I have almost no doubt - a name from my past life. Cleopatra.
The time was around 18:00, and the queue still had not cleared up. I decided to go home. Going down the stairs, I saw quite beautiful - in architectural terms - walls that were either green, or they were illuminated by green light, or both. I really liked the architecture, which, despite the color/light, looked very elegant.
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I think this should have been the answer to my question. After all, the rest of the situation differed little from reality. Regular light walls.
Regarding Cleopatra. This is very interesting, because... I already had thoughts if that brunette with big breasts could be Cleopatra. Perhaps this is also a hint that my thoughts are correct? But I will need more confirmation points on this serious matter.
*
It turns out that the information about what my past body looked like did not come from the psychosphere. What's next? Someday I could try to find out more. Perhaps ask a specific question - write or tell me the name of the source of that data about my past body.
04/03/2024 – Yesterday I asked Tao, Biastra, Latoli and HS to show the name, or to say where the data about my past physical body, which I saw in a dream with the labyrinth of mirrors, was taken from. There was some kind of dream, but I don’t remember it very well, and I don’t remember seeing indicators of receiving an answer.
*
I also had 2 lucid dreams at the end of the night. I note that I was quite sleepy and did not even think about gaining control in my sleep - especially two in a row! Again, this makes me think that - at least sometimes - we do and do not receive awareness regardless of our desires.
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In both dreams I was in my grandmother's apartment. Both times I wanted to get out of there.
In the first dream, I first lay in the closet, lost in my fantasies. Mom asked me something and I went out. I remember that I understood that the apartment already belonged to other people, but we still had the keys and we entered it while no one was there. I thought we should leave - we shouldn't be there. We turned off the lights. I remember that the small room was very wide with a long wall towards the kitchen. At the front door I started checking my passport. The photo was of me, but different, where I had slightly curly hair. Thoughts appear that this is a dream. I opened my passport again and already see my dad’s photo, gaining consciousness and control. For some reason, I don’t feel comfortable in the dream environment and... I ask HS to move me to... Sarah Brightman... it doesn’t move me anywhere, but I wake up.
In the second dream, I apparently played hide and seek with my grandmother. But she was busy. Someone came, I don’t know. I don’t remember when I gained consciousness in a dream. I remember that when I was in the kitchen, I already had control (but my consciousness was not 100% pure). I wanted to look in the mirror that I knew was behind me on the cabinet, but when I turned around I saw that the door with the mirror was missing, showing the darkness of the inside of the cabinet. I wondered where everyone was (or where mom was). I knocked on the toilet door and opened it - no one was there. Next was the bathroom door. There seemed to be no handles on the door. I looked for the light switch in its former place - but did not find it. I walk to the front door and think about leaving the apartment. There is no handle on the door. I ask HS, simultaneously spreading my arms apart, to open that door. Nothing. Then I, remembering that this is a dream, decide to go through the door. Behind it there was darkness and emptiness in which I “walked.” There was also a howling sound (reminded me of the one you can hear in Half-Life. Perhaps in the 1st episode - the sound of the portal(?) of the citadel or something like that). I was wondering if the dream’s level data was not loaded or generated. Then I heard a child-feminine voice addressing me, apparently, by name (Zhenya). Alas, I don’t remember the message word for word, but in general the Voice asked me to examine the dream environment next time. Look/open drawers, cabinets, etc. The voice said that I would understand everything myself.
*
I think what if I opened the cabinets and saw the color purple along with the answer to my question? It’s a pity that in such dreams, some knowledge is still not brought to the surface in me, and I continue to rush or try to escape from an uncomfortable situation.
Plus I didn't think to just ask HS to create a mirror. But specifically in this situation, it was necessary to say that I did not receive, it seems, an answer to my question, and I would like to receive it in this lucid dream. I think this is what the voice said, that I would understand. But maybe it was about something else.
04/04/2024. It's been exactly 7 months since I had a dream in which I was the actress Vivien Leigh speaking in Vivien's voice. Since then, I have found the names of 6 more of my past lives and saw 2 physical bodies in my dreams.
Last night I emailed myself the names of my past lives (there were 7 names) so that before going to bed I could list them all in the question and ask Tao, Biastra, Latoli and HS to show me in a dream that night the violet (April 25, 2024 – I will note that Google Translated «фиолетовый» as “purple” and I corrected it and wrote “violet” instead. This will be important shortly.) color/light if in my past In my lifetimes I have been people with such names. I asked to draw my attention to that color/light so that I would remember it and know that I received the answer. Yellow was supposed to mean that at least one of the names was not mine, and I additionally asked to write and, if possible, pronounce it so that I would remember that moment.
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In my last dream I saw me in Vivien Leigh’s body dancing in purple clothes. I was watching some video. There were other photos/videos shown up to that point, but I don't remember them. There was a selection of cards (playing cards; which looked like files) in a folder on the desktop (I don't remember how many there were).
Before this, there was a dream in which I either thought or said that Cleopatra was my past life. I also thought or saw the same body of a brunette with large breasts.
Much earlier, when I woke up shortly before dawn, I had a dream where I was with a girl on a bus. She pressed her face to my face. Love (reverse towards me) and tenderness are something I have not experienced in this life. Before the bus, I came out of the Preobrazhensky metro (sort of) and Maxim was standing there (?); For some reason I tried to pass unnoticed and then ran near the houses. After the bus we got off at the farthest point of VDNKh. There was a map showing our location, and I didn’t recognize the place (but I “knew” that it was VDNKh and I was far from home). At one time I took a bicycle standing on the path and rode it. Some guys drove up and eventually took some white plastic (?) “clips” from our bike (?) or the like from the box. Vova just watched the whole time. As for the girl, she no longer tried to cuddle up to me.
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I will say that I didn’t notice the color yellow in my dreams.
Here is a list of names I read:
Мишель Авила
Вивьен Ли — Вивиан Мэри Хартли
Эмма Хамилтон (В русском произношении Гамильтон) — Эми Лайон
Jade (Джейд)
Hypatia (Гипатия)
Mary Magdalene (Мария Магдалина)
Cleopatra VII Thea Philopator (Клеопа́тра VII Филопа́тор)
In 7 months I learned 7 names that I had in my past lives. This figure is one of the synchronicities between Cleopatra and Magdalene. I was walking recently and thinking about the fact that so many months will pass on this day. It’s interesting how life turned out so that just yesterday it was logical to ask the very question I asked.
I’m thinking, what if the number of names was supposed to be 7 up to this point? And for this reason, I was never able to find out the name of that guy (from a lucid dream in my bathroom), and also could not find out if I lived in the period from 1815 to 1913, and what names I had. Of course, for now this is just a thought that came to me.
*
I need to note that Wikipedia says that “In Russian colloquial speech, violet also refers to the color purple and various red-violet shades (magenta), which in a number of other languages are clearly separated from violet proper.”
It is important. Because I asked violet, and saw purple, which can also be violet in the Russian language in which I asked the question. This is another situation (in my opinion) where life presents information in a way that gives skeptics something to work with.
--
Watched The Last Action Hero this evening. At one point Arnold Schwarzenegger (Slater) says: "Very soon he's gonna tell you he loved you in Gone with the Wind." And at the beginning of the film there was Joan Plowright and then the name Laurence Olivier was mentioned (and he was shown in Hamlet).
Near the end slater says he’s just an imaginary [hero]. Got me thinking that from the Spirit’s perspective we’re all imaginary. My life was already known too (provided the natural accidents haven’t changed my life too much – assuming I understand it right).
04/06/2024. Yesterday I asked to show/tell the name that I had in life, coming immediately after Emma Hamilton. I don’t remember seeing/hearing names clearly.
But there were dreams. In one, I was in a village near кумушки (a forest not far from a stream). I was walking towards some kind of hut, but woke up.
In another I was in my apartment. There was something about ghosts and lights being turned on.
In another dream, the theme again revolved around ghosts. The girl had a dream that human limbs were spinning in her room. The hand was the most distinct. She woke up. Everything seems to be clean - but in my dream I understand that all those limbs are around her, but she doesn’t see them. Then there is some kind of voice - perhaps coming from the closet. There were also hanging threads. The girl soon knocks on the window, shouting to her mother, who is below (the girl was definitely not on the 1st floor based on the height - 2 or 3). Then the scene changed to a skeleton, next to which a huge needle was letting something in. The scene changed, and there was a feeling that all that was left of the girl was a small ball inside another transparent one - some person was showing it.
Whether there was a connection with Hypatia in the last dream, I don’t know.
04/07/2024. Yesterday I asked HS if in one of my past lives I had the last name Kennedy (officially). I don't think I've seen a lilac (had) or orange (didn't) light/color that I noticed.
Perhaps lilac is not a very standout color for such experiments.
Then I had a dream where there was something about a book about Emma Hamilton - I think. Maybe I will really find my other life when reading a book about my life of Emma, and that’s why I can’t close the period from 1815 to 1913 yet?
*
I will also note that some time ago I asked HS (maybe Thiaooubians too) about what spiritual category the physical bodies of Jews are. In a dream, I saw myself pressing button 3 on the TV remote control, which turned on the first channel (sort of).
04/08/2024. Yesterday I asked to show Hypatia’s date of birth – “year.month.day”. An orange light/color would be an indicator that a response is being received.
In a dream, at one memorable time, I was between the tram tracks and the beginning of the school fence. I sometimes walked there in winter. It was night, and the lights were either turned off or barely shining. It was as if I was in pitch darkness. I heard dogs barking somewhere ahead - not far from the school.
In the morning I thought that those lanterns were shining orange in reality. What if the lack of orange meant that for some reason I would not be given an answer? Maybe this is not important information for my spiritual growth? Or something else...
04/09/2024. Yesterday I asked HS and Thiaooubians - if I lived in 1870 - to show/tell my name, which I had in that life. Green was supposed to be a sign of receiving an answer. Flashing red would mean I didn't live in that year.
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There were several dreams. In one I remember seeing a galaxy in the night sky. It was not colored, as in the other dream, and it was located almost on the opposite part of the sky (I was next to the house opposite our house, and saw the galaxy between my house and Vova’s).
In another dream, I walked from the park near the tram stop, passed by the --- house, and went into the courtyard of the --- house. I saw that the green leaves had opened on the rosehip. I walked a little further. There was no fir tree. I saw the place where it once grew. Someone dug it up, apparently. Flowers grew nearby, some of which were purple. I walked to the playground and then I thought, how will I know if this is a dream? Everything seemed so real. Here I hid behind a tree (a poplar tree that had been growing for a long time and behind which I actually hid (most likely) when we played hide and seek in school) from people’s eyes, and asked my HS to create there (I pointed my finger to the ground and turned my gaze away) yellow Pokemon (or Pikachu?). I turned around and saw a Pokemon with black and yellow stripes on the ground. This is where I got control. Alas, instead of looking around, I started rushing again and immediately started asking my HS some question... and woke up.
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I don’t remember flashing red in my dreams. I thought that the absence of an evergreen tree must mean that the answer was still not available to me for some reason (as in the dream with the absence of orange lighting, when I asked to find out H’s date of birth). Then I remembered that I had seen green leaves on the rose hips; but technically that's what you can expect to see - especially on April 9th. I think I need to read the books about my life as Emma Hamilton, and maybe then I will have access to my lives (if there were any) between Emma and Vivien.
Could this mean that I lived in 1870? After all, I didn’t see flashing red, but the absence of green was shown.
04/10/2024. Yesterday I asked Thiaooubians and HS to show/tell the name if I lived in the period between the lives of Mary Magdalene and Hypatia. Blue was supposed to mean receiving a response. Its absence would mean that for some reason the answer could not be given to me, and yellow would mean that I did not live in that period.
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In my last dream I saw Alexander (who studied in a different class) come to my house with disks (?). Of the discs I remember Resident Evil Code Veronica, but there were other discs, one of which was a mini disc. For some reason, in my laptop - where the keyboard is - there was a huge disk drive for several disks (these actually existed in some cd players). Strangely enough, he was lying in my bed...
All this time, I again understood that I had not been to school for a very long time, and that today I had to go there finally (it seemed like it was Monday. But in reality it was Wednesday). The time was 8:00 at one time, and then 8:05.
I headed to the bathroom and as I passed the door of the room I heard my mother’s voice asking something about the painting with bananas. The picture seemed to be in a village. I saw that picture in my mind and I saw those bananas - but maybe not very clearly. Of course the bananas were yellow.
Then either I or my mother was at the pond and intended to go somewhere.
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My attention was drawn (I asked for it) to a picture of yellow bananas. But in this case, this means that after Mary Magdalene I “immediately” began to live the life of Hypatia. So far, all the answers have been accurate.
Overall, it could be. Especially if the rumors about Mary's prostitution and Hypatia's virginity are true. This coincides with my understanding that in our lives we tend to go from one extreme to another, moving closer and closer to the center, until we learn to live in the middle - in balance.
Speaking of dream. Blue reminded me in the evening about “What sky? Blue. For g--s it is like that.” I heard the guys in that other class compete to see who could end a certain deed the fastest when we were in school and were kids. I don’t know whether it’s true or not, but it doesn’t matter. But this may explain the dream episode with Sasha (plus, in Hypatia’s life, I lived in Alexandria). I didn’t see any specific blue light/color here.
As for the picture with bananas, that episode was completely outside the theme of what happened earlier. Thus, this clearly had to be the answer to my question - everything fits.
*
If I have made a mistake somewhere in my conclusions, I ask my Higher Self, Tao, Biastra and Latoli to tell or show in some way such a mistake. I asked that (in the dream) the theme of the planet Thiaoouba accompanied by any music would be an indication that I was receiving a correction in my conclusions. For example, I see Doko and music plays at the same time.
04/11/2024. I asked to see the date of birth of Mary Magdalene - “year, month [in a word], date.” Green light or color is a sign of receiving an answer.
In a dream I probably saw a light green ticket with a number written behind it. I think it's either 250 or 500 (but who knows, maybe the other). From the inside pocket I pulled out 3 boxes (?), which had more than 4 corners. How many of them there were exactly - 5, 6,... - I don’t know. There might have been matches inside, or something wooden and thin.
The number on the ticket cannot be the year. But I didn’t specify which calendar I want to get my date of birth from... I looked at the Egyptian and Jewish calendars and didn’t seem to find anything.
*
https://planetcalc.com/8434/
Gregorian date to Ancient Egyptian date
If I choose the era “Ptolemy III Euergetes”, then in the ‘Year’ field I can get 250 by choosing the 4 AD in the Gregorian date selector.
IF – IF – this was the answer in MM’s life I would have been 26 when Jesus (Aarioc) came to Earth. The age of 26 has played a major role in several of my lives.
500 can be found in the Egyptian Calendar if I choose the era ‘Xerxes I’ and 15th year AD.
Recently watched 300 and saw Xerxes there. He reminded me of Xerxes from a South Park episode (which parodied him from the movie).
250 makes more sense to me for now. Also, if I remember 2 probably being there, then 250 makes more sense than 500 without any 2s.
In my dream, it could have been a year in Ancient Egyptian Calendar because I read about it before.
Fow now there are just my thoughts. Maybe it can be right, maybe it can’t.
04/13/2024. Yesterday I asked HS to show and/or say the name that I had in 90 BC. - if I lived then. Blue is a sign of receiving an answer, and orange if I didn’t live then. I also asked that the music play at the same time as the color/light.
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In my dream I saw blue and also heard music. I don’t remember if at the same time or not. I remember that before that I heard music only in a lucid dream, and I remember several other old dreams with music, so this clearly answered my question... But! I don't remember if I saw and/or heard any name!
I don’t remember seeing orange, and I didn’t hear any more music.
I remember that at one point in that dream I seemed to be walking somewhere in the water. Then there was a shootout. I shot several people in self-defense.
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1 – I need to ask that I see the name and hear it at the same time – as was the case with Jade.
2 – I forgot to ask HS to pay my attention to the light/color and to the written and spoken name.
Here I also need to take into account the fact that hearing/seeing a name does not mean that they will directly show it to me separately from everything else - as was the case in a very important dream about Mary Magdalene. Lights/colors in other dreams were often part of the environment that I simply noticed (and specifically asked my attention to be drawn to the light/color).
*
I will note here a dream when I asked the year of birth of Mary Magdalene. Red was an indicator that a response had been received. I saw red crab sticks that were not in packaging, but lying in a pile in the store refrigerator. I wanted to scoop a handful into a bag - something I've never actually done - but the bags were nowhere to be found. Alas, I didn’t see or remember any numbers. Maybe there were other hints about the year, but I don’t remember anything.
04/15/2024. I also saw 2 dirty bags made of cabbage in that dream, but decided not to write. Perhaps this is an important point, and perhaps this was the answer. After all, such packages would require 4 leaves of cabbage. If this was the answer in the form of a riddle, then another question arises - AD or BC? In the first case, I am 26 in 30, in the second I am 33. Both numbers matter to me. Plastic and cabbage bags could hint at our era and the past, but I think I was led in the wrong direction in these thoughts...
04/14/2024. Today after midnight I asked Thiaooubians and HS - if I lived in 1428 AD. - say/show my name in that life. Blue and music sign for receiving an answer. Orange and music are a sign that I didn't live that year.
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In a dream I saw a woman, possibly an elderly one, lying on my bed. There was a man nearby (not me). She had some problems with her neighbors, but the reason was not the noise. At the end she put her feet on my computer table - i.e. they were raised up. Then, or later, I wondered if they were orange or something; thoughts about orange were definitely in my head. The room was dark, and I apparently could not distinguish colors well. As she put her feet on the table, the first chords of Zhi Vago - Celebrate (The Love) were played. In reality, I listened to that song late last night. I don't remember anything blue or any names.
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Apparently I didn't live in 1428. This is also important because yesterday I was watching a video by Peter Santenello from New Orleans and at one point they showed a house that was designed in honor of Tara from Gone with the Wind (11+ minutes, I think). And then they showed Joan of Ark. Looking up about her, I saw that she lived in 1428 - a year that I had written down for myself so that I could later find out whether I lived or not in that year. (there were 33,300 words in this document when I wrote “year.”)
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Conclusion. I think that you need to have differences not only in color/light, but also in sounds. For example, music is playing in one case, and in another I hear a bird singing.
15.04.2024. Asked Thao, Biastra, Latoli, and my Higher Self if my ideas on how to resurrect dead people are correct, and I could resurrect a dead person.
I said this statement to know if it’s correct:
If a person has died – in an accident, for example – and 3 days have not yet passed since the moment of the person’s death, then the Higher Self of that person can resurrect him.
So, if I come to a dead person – maybe I have to touch him, maybe I can just indicate [by gestures; fingers] the body I’m referring to; matters not right now – I say, “My Higher Self, tell to the Higher Self of this person that I want to tell/convey/transmit to the soul of this person that his resurrection – if he returns to his [physical] body – will help other people. For example, it will prove that the soul exists, that resurrection exists, that Higher Selves exist (and that reincarnation exists; although it’s not directly proven by resurrection), which can help many people. Or maybe the person has close relatives who are in need of him, and maybe he will choose to resurrect for their sake. I assume the soul gets the message, and if his Higher Self agrees to send the soul back to its physical body, having cured it so that it can live and function, and if the soul agrees to go back and resurrect, then the person resurrects. He opens his/her eyes, stands up, talks, etc. He is alive.”
I repeated the whole thing again briefly. Then I said that if the statement is mostly true - meaning if I do this, I’d be able to resurrect someone; some amount of dead people out of 100 - I want to see a dark blue (синий) light or color and I want to hear music at that moment also. If the statement is not correct - if I see a dead person and do what I said, but it doesn’t resurrect that person; so, there’s something I’m missing – then I want to see orange light or color and I want hear a bird’s song at that moment too.
I thanked them all regardless of the answer I’d get or wouldn’t get – as I usually do – and went to bed.
I slept the whole night without ever waking up, and when I did, I remembered hearing a song. It was “Sarah Brightman - Here With Me” which were similar to what we can hear at 4:22 in the real song https://youtu.be/GZR5C8h7kYk?si=-vG1PMOF-c7nJRL7&t=262 (it’s 1 of the favorite parts of that song for me). I don’t have any memory of hearing birds or seeing orange. But it should be said I also don’t remember seeing any blue colors. The only thing I remember seeing in a dream that night is looking out from the window and seeing that the snow did actually fall and covered everything with its thick white blanket.
In 3 days in a row, I’d ask my HS to play music as an additional indicator that I’m receiving an answer – which can also be viewed as a fallback in case I can’t remember the colors or other details of the dream. Each night I heard music as the answer. In my whole life I can remember hearing music in dreams in just several dreams. So, I think this was an answer even though I don’t remember almost anything about today’s dream.
The verdict is that we can potentially resurrect a dead person by doing the process I stated.
For transparency and credit: Those ideas came from what was written in Thiaoouba Prophecy by Michel Desmarquet, and what Tom Chalko (I believe) wrote on his website(s).
16.04.2024. I asked my HS a direct question: was the woman from the mirror maze dream (she had white skin, large breasts, and dark hair) Cleopatra VII Thea Philopator? I wanted to see her again if she was, and I wanted to see purple and hear a song play. I also said it would be okay if just a song plays, but I’d prefer if I also see the color and the woman. If she wasn’t I asked to see Emma Hamilton, and I also wanted to see yellow accompanied by a bird’s song.
I woke up shortly before 12:57 AM remembering hearing Sarah Brighman’s Here with Me again.
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Since I didn’t remember seeing any colors or faces – the dream was quite busy, but I just couldn’t remember any more details – and the night was young, I asked the same question again changing nothing.
In the dream I hear the song from Titanic 1997 (which I watched that evening).
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Again, I don’t remember a lot of details. Just the fact I heard the song.
Because the topic is very important (for me at least), and the time was 2:50 AM, I ask the question again, but with several changes: if that woman was Cleopatra VII, I wanted to see yellow and hear a bird’s song. If she wasn’t, then I wanted to see purple and hear music.
Before falling asleep I realized that some birds are starting to sing outside. I can barely hear them through the windows, but I do think what if they’d impact my dream?
In the dream I see myself going to the kitchen to close the windows. The reason being I can hear the bird sing. Even though I closed the window, I can still hear it as loudly as when the window was open. I go to the window in my room and I experience the same thing – the bird is singing with the same volume no matter what!
I immediately wake up, hearing the same bird singing outside. The windows are closed, and the bird’s song is barely heard. Just to make sure of something, I go to the kitchen and open the window. The bird’s singing got louder as I opened it, and it got noticeably silent when I closed the window. It means that in my dream I heard the bird’s song which was created for me; I didn’t [exactly] hear that real bird because it wasn’t as loud.
*
Why I don’t remember seeing any colors? Well, first of all I did mention to my HS that a song alone would do just fine too – If I’m asking for way too many things to happen. Then it’s another example of not making the answers to easy and obvious.
I’d had several hints before that the woman in question could have been Cleopatra VII. I guess some time had to pass before I could accept that (heck, some time had to pass before I myself became more comfortable with the idea I was this well-known queen in the first place.)
Why do the Roman statues, which people attribute to depict Cleopatra VII, show… me… as looking totally different?
From what I heard the Roman propaganda might have painted Cleo not as she actually was – I mean, Roman soldiers had to fight her, not admire.
Maybe scientists misidentified Cleo… (it’s what some researchers actually say may be the case https://www.livescience.com/archaeology/ancient-egyptians/what-did-cleopatra-egypts-last-pharaoh-really-look-like ).
Maybe some statues were meant to be artistic and not realistic (same as with the statues of Thiaooubians in Mu and on Easter Island.)
18.04.2024. Yesterday I asked my HS the following: If I lived in 1340 BC, then what was my name in that life? I asked to see and hear that name and draw my attention to it. I also asked for blue color/light and music to be indicators of me getting an answer (but I forgot to ask to draw my attention to the color and music). Orange and a bird’s song would be an indicator that I didn’t live in 1340 BC.
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I’ve had many dreams but remember almost nothing. I did think that queen theme was present in one of them. But I also had a vague realization ‘Nefertiti’ was pronounced in the first dream I had. But I don’t remember music or blue. Just like I don’t remember seeing orange and hearing a bird sing.
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The only idea I had in my mind is to note the fact Nefertiti is shown on the cover of the book I bought about Cleopatra VII (CLEOPATRA: The Egyptian Queen. The Entire Life Story. Biography, Facts & Quotes (Great Biographies Book 56). Biography Books Collection. Kindle Edition.). So I did. I decided to read a bit about Nefertiti too. I saw a familiar name – Tey! She was a wet nurse of Nefertiti ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tey ). Tey is also a female streamer ( https://goodgame.ru/tey ) whom I used to watch sometimes a long time ago; but then, on her stream, I said hello one day and jokingly asked about a zombie in Resident Evil (Remake released in 2002), and she said something hurtful in response (it was uncalled for), and after that I stopped watching her. I kinda liked her before and felt for her because of her speech (it was her who didn’t fully like her own voice. I knew what she meant but I also thought it was all good. She was just a bit unique).
It is a synchronicity! The meaning of this all is something I’m gonna need to find out by asking more questions.
*
Thoughts: Nefertiti was a wife of Akhenaten (Pharaoh Athnaton), who was poisoned by the priests and said this before dying: ‘The time that I have spent on this Earth was an era in which the simplicity of Truth was not understood and was rejected by many.’ It was one of reasons I wanted to check 1340 BC – since I was someone who was near Jesus and Thiaooubians (angels/messengers), and also since it’s clear I’m suffering from skepticism directed towards me, I thought it’s possible I lived a life in which I was a skeptic myself. Moses also lived during that year, so there’s plenty of room for my old self to make errors and then learn what’s the other side of the proverbial barricades is like. I thought maybe I had to have been a priest at one point – who knows.
*
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nefertiti
Nefertiti name was the sentence nfr.t jj.tj “the beautiful one has come”.
She’s depicted near Amenhotep IV/Akhenaten (possibly in several scenes).
Nefertiti’s daughter, Meketaten, may have died in year 13 or 14. Nefertiti had 6 children - girls.
A possible mummy of Nefertiti has her left arm bent over her chest in a ‘queenly’ pose. She was about 45 when died. But they also say this mummy was someone else - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Younger_Lady
I noticed that the bust of Nefertiti is missing her left eye. I’ve got an issue with my left eye and in VL’s life I had to wear an eyepatch over my left eye after the fight with Larry.
*
19.04.2024. I asked HS and Thiaooubians a direct question. Was I Nefertiti who lived in 1340 BC and who was the wife of Akhenaten mentioned by Thao to Michel. Red (красный) = I was, blue (синий) I was not.
I woke up and it was 1:33 AM when I looked at the clock. Had no memory of seeing any colors. Sometimes it happens and I’d get the answer in another dream that night. Unfortunately I made an error of asking the second question when the bird’s song would mean I was Nefertiti, and music would show I was not. I did not record it on audio. Later I’d say to myself something which meant the first question is important. But I did not ‘officially’ revoke my 2-nd question. This could prove important…
I had a dream in which the red color was mentioned and maybe shown. The details are vague.
Now here’s the issue. I also have a very subtle understanding that I might have heard Sarah Brightman’s Snow on the Sahara song. At first, I thought it was the first ever conflict of the answers I’d get. But then I remembered how I started to think the second question was not important – although I never specifically told my HS that I annul it. But it would mean that…
I’ll have to return to Nefertiti and 1340 BC later. The subject is too important to jump to conclusions. And the answers are not very focused regardless.
*
04/30/2024. Asked HS again if I was Nefertiti in my past life - about which I took a screenshot from Wiki (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nefertiti). I listed that she: lived in 1350 BC; was a queen in ancient Egypt; was the wife of Akhenaten, mentioned in the Thiaoouba Prophecy. If I was, I wanted to hear a bird singing. If I was not this Nefertiti - music. I asked to draw my attention to a dream episode in which I’d receive an answer.
I dreamed about a lot of things and in the end I heard music: Like tuduuu-tuduuu from Gone with the Wind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DE3CpFL9-2s
The music pretty much matched the first 5 seconds of 'I'll Never Be Hungry Again!' by Max Steiner.
Perhaps there was another Nefertiti living at that time, and I was that person...? Or the first dreams did not actually provide an answer, but I guessed that those were the answers. (On the 19th I write about the mention of red, but I asked specifically to show red, and not to mention it. And I’m clearly not sure if I saw red; if this is the case, then there is no longer any conflicts or ambiguity).
In any case, it is a fact that there is some [synchronistic] connection with Nefertiti. The only question is what is the reason for its existence? It is also interesting to note that for the first time I encountered problems in my questions because of Nefertiti, a photo of whose bust was placed on the cover of a book about Cleopatra! It is not clear if the authors of that book did this by mistake or deliberately. Apparently, for the first time I made a mistake precisely in the question of Nefertiti, hastening to accept as a possible answer something that was not one (mention of the red on the 19th); technically, I didn't consider this a 100% answer, but I also didn't completely dismiss it due to the fact that I didn't actually remember seeing red. Never before in dreams after questions has color/light been mentioned but not shown.
Then there is a chance that scientists have made mistakes about Nefertiti, and because of them, my questions, containing all the facts, some of which are not correct, give me the answers I’ve got. In the case of Cleopatra, I sort of figured out that my physical body was not exactly the same as in the statues that some scholars attribute to Cleopatra. The Thiaooubians also told Michel that our experts had made mistakes; and as it turned out later, historical mistakes were also made; and somewhere the history was completely distorted...
I will have to ask about that period again, asking very simple questions so that there is no ambiguity. First I need to find out if in a past life I was someone with a name that sounded something like Nefertiti.
*
01.05.2024. Yesterday I asked if in one of my past lives I was called Nefertiti. Bird song = yes. Music = no.
I woke up thinking that I must have heard a song. I remembered that it must be Madonna, but I didn’t know which song. I listened to several of her songs until I found out it was “Madonna - Nothing Really Matters”.
The thing is, I had memory of that song when I woke up. Technically, I don’t remember hearing it in my dream – and that’s what I asked for.
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At around 3:09 AM I was recording audio about the vision which I saw when I woke up. It was a face of a woman to the left of my vision. She was pretty. There was a moment I started to become uncomfortable, but I realized what was happening and remembered what happened in Mary Magdalene’s life – when Jesus appeared to me then and I “did not waver at the sight of ” Him. So I gathered myself and kept on watching the vision – no matter what it’d show.
It dissipated eventually into what I think was a dark bluish Aura, and its shape was similar to the body’s outline.
I remembered then how during the previous day I asked Thao, Biastra and Latoli to help me with this Nefertiti situation, as well as with my other past life. Actually, I expressed a desire to meet them physically – if possible. In case some of them (people from Thiaoouba) live on Earth still (as they said to Michel they did). I also said something about seeing Alatora with its bluish aura - as an indicator of me getting the answer from them I think (I guess I didn’t record the audio and don’t remember the details now because it was a busy day for me). It was the first vision I had in years after my last one. It’s not a coincidence, of course, that I saw at during this important moment of my life.
*
02.05.2024. If I lived in 1340 BC I asked HS to show green in a dream and say the name I had in that life. If I didn’t live I wanted to hear a bird sing.
There was a moment in a dream when I saw a flock of birds climb a tree and then they darted onto the roof of an old building. As I walked forward, I realized I was barefooted. I looked at the ground and saw the dark grass underneath. Perhaps it was of a dark green color – pretty much the standard color of grass in Russia during the summer. But to be honest I don’t remember the color, I just noticed the grass, and grass is supposed to be green. Then one of the birds said something to me in human language (was it Russian or English I don’t remember).
After that I started to search for a way to get home and there were other sequences in the dream. Eventually I was near the lake near my house. Two or several girls talked about someone and their teeth. Maybe names were mentioned but I don’t remember.
Then I was in a hospital, awaiting my turn to see the dentist. When it was almost my time I realized I don’t feel too well and maybe I should leave. I did. I saw Anton in that building too.
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As far as I know, the birds never sang. At best their could be chirping when they hastily climbed the tree and the roof, but chirping is not singing.
While I saw the grass, the color of it was at best of a very dark shade of green.
As it is, it’s not known if I got the answer. It seems to me for now I’ve been trained during the last several dreams not to jump to conclusions and be strict in what I consider an answer.
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I will also mention that when I first woke up I thought I heard music. I wanted to record that fact but I fell asleep because I was so tired. When in the morning I started to note that fact on audio I realized I never even asked for music to signify anything. So, it was another lesson. And it also proves ones again I don’t hear or see in my dreams what I “expect” to hear or see based on my question.
04/21/2024. I asked HS what category is my soul. Pink = response indicator.
One of the first dreams had a reference to pink. But I didn’t remember the answer or didn’t understand.
When I woke up for the second time, I asked HS to repeat the answer to my (last) question.
In a dream I saw myself starting to clean the carburetor of a single-cylinder motorcycle from dirt. Then I see before my eyes another single-cylinder motorcycle - like the ИЖ Планета. Somewhere at this time I say and understand that I am weak for a two-cylinder (ИЖ). The scene is in the village behind the well. Then I’m already driving out from the fence into the backyard on a dark scooter (possibly like Dima’s – 90 cc), which also has one cylinder. I don’t remember pink in this dream episode.
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I think this was the answer confirming that my soul is of the 1st category. “I’m weak” for the 2nd (yet), and this was generally clear. I didn't mention pink when I asked HS to repeat the answer.
Dreams about school, to which I return again and again, were the reason why I decided to ask this question after all (although the answer was clear). What if I somehow reached another category, but for some reason I constantly live on a planet of the first category. But no.
I hardly studied at school in grades 10-11. Dreams about school, I think, may mean that perhaps I have already experienced 3 lessons of the planet of the first category, but I still need to learn them completely. Like I “did not attend” them like at school.
There is still a possibility that I have learned the lesson(s) of the higher categories, but since I have not yet completed the lesson(s) of the 1st category, I have to be born on a planet of the 1st category. But these are just thoughts; just trying to understand the meaning of all those dreams about school, as well as my past lives, some of which played important roles. This thought came after thinking about how in TPXP I tried my best to talk about the possibilities of proving the truthfulness of Michel's book, but few people answered or tried to do my experiments, which proved/showed me the real existence of many things mentioned in the book.
Overall, I need to get my chaotic thinking in order and relax.
04/22/2024. I asked HS: If I lived in 1278 BC, what was my name?
There were a lot of words that said a lot of things. I don’t remember my name being brought to my attention. I don’t remember the orange – a sign that I didn’t live that year.
I’ll try to ask to say my name several times if I lived in a certain year.
04/23/2024. Asked HS: If I lived in 950 AD, what was my name. I asked to repeat it several times in the dream.
I did hear several repetitions in dreams but I don’t remember any names being spoken.
04/26/2024. Yesterday before going to bed I asked HS (It’s difficult to translate into English literally. Basically I wanted to know the number of lives I’ve lived, including my current one). A dark blue color or light was the indicator of receiving a response. I asked to draw my attention to a number or a word that would mean the answer, and asked to repeat the answer, if possible. I asked that the answer be outside the content of the dream; not among sentences, but in separate words*.
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The first dream talked a lot about past lives. And at one point I thought how could I be a person who lives at the same time as me? I don’t remember that dark blue or numbers appeared in that dream. I woke up and decided that I would not ask HS to repeat the answer if I did not remember it, and I did not mention the fact that it seemed that I had not received the answer. I decided that if necessary, HS would give me the answer in another dream that night (I woke up shortly before 00:15).
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I fell asleep and remember my last dream well.
I met Yana (I met her in Gorky Park irl) on the embankment. It was dusk, and I drew Yana’s attention to the sky behind the tall buildings on the other side of the river. It acquired beautiful shades of dark blue, illuminating beautifully everything around. I told her: “Красивск!” (Could be translated as “Beautifulsk” – to indicate a beautiful place in a city, etc. I heard that word from streamer OlyaVoodoo.)
Yana seemed to be wearing a hoodie, and then she will remind me of the clothes that Myra wore in Waterloo Bridge - when they walk down the dark street after their first kiss and dance (~26:22; just yesterday I was thinking about those clothes, but in my imagination they looked a bit different).
We walked to the right along the street, which, perhaps, looked more like Old Arbat. Yana sometimes took my hand in hers.
At one point I thought that I had gone so far from home. What if I start to feel unwell? I think there were thoughts about a taxi, and about the metro - how to get home.
But the most important thing was the thought that Yana and I met for the first time since our last meeting (in reality, we saw each other once when we met), and I was definitely thinking about months - how many months had passed since then. There is a chance that I have thought about this more than once, but I don’t remember exactly.
It was cold. And I was dressed lightly. Perhaps there was an idea that it was January**.
I asked Yana how it was in Dubai? For some reason she was silent.
At one time I remembered how long ago I told her that I was Vivien Leigh in a past life. We didn't touch on that topic that day. I thought, what if this is the reason why Yana is so close to me during this meeting?
Then the scene changed. I open my apartment and put the keys on the shelf. Mom's keys are not there and her bed is made. The time was around 10-11 am. I thought I would have to search for her. I also understood that I spent the night with Yana and we had something that I decided not to write completely for my videos (s--; I want censorship not to affect my work, since the topics are very, very important.) . There were problems with the (light?) switch, which was in a different place - where we have a telephone socket. It was held on by one screw (out of 4) and I constantly had to pull out the plastic keys and adjust something there. At one time, neighbor Alexander returned home.
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I had other dreams that I remembered as the day went on.
In one I picked 2 green peppers and then regretted it and tried to put them aside to ripen. (Irl, a day or two ago I picked a ripe red pepper for a salad.)
-
*I did not take into account that until this moment all answers about numbers came in the form of riddles - regardless of my wishes.
**I don’t think I would dress so lightly in January even if it was plus 20 during the day. It would be clear to me that by the evening there would [most likely] be a sharp cold snap in such a month.
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The sky was an indicator that an answer would soon be received. In such a sky there were shades of all kinds of dark blue, in case I was talking about one color and thinking about another - sometimes I confuse them (some shades of blue in Russian are called differently).
The idea of the number of months was most likely the answer in the form of a riddle. I met Yana on August 1, 2020. 44 months and 25 days have passed since then (3 years, 8 months, 25 days. Those numbers have also been seen more than once in my life).
https://www.timeanddate.com/date/durationresult.html?d1=1&m1=08&y1=2020&d2=26&m2=4&y2=2024
In this case, it turns out that I am living my 44th life. If we take January (of this year) as a month, the number would be 41. But 44 makes more sense - which doesn't mean it was the answer.
And the number of days doesn’t matter here either, since they don’t fit logically. There are 1364 days between those two dates, and at an average lifespan of even 15 years, that would mean I had already lived for over 20,000 years! And we live a maximum of 15,000 on a planet of the 1st category and then reach the 2nd (from Thiaoouba).
There was a time when my attention was drawn to 44.
The number 4 often appears in the life of my soul (current and past lives), and it is often surrounded by negative events. My life was full of suffering - which is also not surprising.
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Remembering my dream with the mirror maze, 40+ lives make sense - if we assume that I started walking from the very first mirror meaning/showing my very first life. I could have walked past 30+ mirrors until I decided to look into the mirror reflecting me in my past life as Cleopatra.
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This leads to the following thoughts. Could my life of Mary Magdalene be the 33rd? So far I know for sure that I lived 5 lives after Mary Magdalene and before Evgeny Meshkov. I could technically have lived 5 lives (which I don’t know about yet) in the period after Hypatia and before Vivien Leigh.
Why could the 33rd be the life of Mary and not another incarnation of me? Because 3, 33, etc. very closely related to Jesus (Aarioc) and Thiaoouba. And I have seen these numbers SO many times in my life (my attention was drawn specifically to them). It just makes sense – but! For now these are just my thoughts, and the reality may turn out to be different.
It can be noted that 11 separates 33 and 44. A number I’ve also seen quite a lot.
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I think I’ll try to ask the question again, but before that I should ask (the number of lives I’d lived before, and including, Mary Magdalene’s life.)
I think, in theory, I can find the names and dates of birth, and maybe death, of all my past lives. And also find out the place of birth and who I was.
04/27/2024. Yesterday I asked if А.Т.(Т.) was this person in his past life - Major Alexander James Lumsden Wallace. Not long ago I found that article and realized that the fates of those two people could be intertwined in the form of Wallace’s mistake and the suffering of A.T.
https://patrickleighfermor.org/2015/09/09/xan-fielding-the-armenian-cousin-of-vivien-leigh/
Flashing green = yes. Purple and, if possible, a bird's song = no.
I saw a lot of things in my dreams. There is a tiny possibility that there was something about green - and more than one - in the first dream. This was the thought I had when I woke up at night.
Perhaps I will return to this question later.
Vivien Leigh – Found Connections
Here I write the things I realized/found after making the video on synchronicities with Michele Avila & Vivien Leigh.
This is a highly unexplored subject and I understand that sometimes it seems like I just fit together things that only have the apparent meaning… but then, I’m reminded, it’s what synchronicities are all about… and yet I have proof from my IT and Nightmare on Elm Street synchronistic experience that there may be a meaning.
(Note: I started watching the below video, and so wrote the above paragraph, after I had the dream in which I in VL voice said I was her in a past life. I didn’t yet know that dream was true and I was indeed Vivien Leigh. And later I’d get the proof I was Michele Avila too.
Clarification: to avoid issues with copyright I had to remove all quotes from the books [about me in my old lives] I made for myself, and describe in my own words their main ideas. Sometimes I will be referring to myself in my past lives from the 1st person, sometimes from the 3rd – where I feel it’s probably more appropriate under the current circumstances. (It’s correct to refer to myself in old lives in the 1-st person; but to save space and to avoid confusion (e.g. - am I referring to my current life or my past one?) I’ll often be using the 3-rd person))
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https://youtu.be/pKnSpU6cwsM?si=I-OB1t6CluQxFaAs
On around 35:25 they say that Laurence didn’t want to argue back with Vivian. This is something I came to know in my life when I stopped responding to my mother’s remarks which before would have led to a quarrel.
Before that time in the same video, they say that Vivian had exquisite taste (she furnished her house). It reminded me of my thought to try to make an app for creating 3D models; I was interested in design and architecture.
29:29 into the video it’s said that Vivian said “Who have I hurt? Who have I embarrassed? Who do I need to write to, to apologize?” Well, I think I know the answer… having asked “why?” myself on numerous occasions in my life… past errors.
Around 39:30 it’s said Vivian claimed to be pregnant again (3rd time) and later said she had a miscarriage. Some people speculate if she did that for publicity/attention… I don’t seek attention, although I’m lacking it sometimes, and it makes me a bit sad that I’m ignored even though I strongly think I’m doing the right things the best I can… (Later I found the pregnancy was real.)
Also a note about possible lie by me in my past lives. Long time ago a streamer, Nastya, said that Kiril was her brother; yet after many years it turned out they’re married and she’s pregnant – turns out she lied about their status for some strange reason, but that lie did influence me, thinking that I’m not the only one who has no partner and the life he actually wants… It helped me then emotionally, and I’m feeling okay now regardless of that streamer’s unnecessary lie.
40:19 She wears an eye patch over her left eye. My left eye sees everything in a blur (after something snapped in it when I was too tense and couldn’t relax) at the moment of writing this (07.09 (September) .2023)
We’re both (very) thin people.
3:33 around that time they say she was the only one to take ballet. It later made me remember that on vk.com one of few (2?) women who were interested in my experiences was taking ballet classes; her name was fake – Сирена Сказочная.
(Probably nothing, but I’ll note that when I watched the video it was 7 years since it was uploaded on Jun 26, 2016. I was 28 then. At first I thought it was July (the upload date), but then looked more carefully )
One of the comments to the video said this: “@iamnoone6446 3 years ago (edited)
There is nothing in this documentary about Vivien's great kindness and compassion for others - especially other "outsiders". For example, when Tennessee Williams came to stay with her, she insisted his boyfriend be allowed to stay too. The boyfriend was shy and uncomfortable about his sexuality and Vivien was extremely kind and sensitive toward him. That's just one example. If I had more time, I'd cite others.”
After watching that doc it made me realize that Vivian really could get what she wanted (2 husbands and the part of Scarlett ); not only that, she’d tell people she’d get that and then she actually did. It mirrors my life in which I made mistakes of telling people I’d do something and I’d fail at that… again, I can see here a connection and learning to live on the other side of life. Also, the fact that she did get a least 3 very important things she wanted and told people about that is very unusual and exceptional. My experience with Thiaoouba is kinda unusual and extraordinary too I feel…
She was lonely when she came to Britain. Then she used to throw parties all the time, surrounding herself with people; she had attention. She didn’t want to be alone. Michelle Avila was loyal to her friends who did betray her before and she knew it – did she not want to be alone at all cost too? Me? I’m okay with having no friends (after I’ve experienced negativity & disrespect towards me from my old ones); as for attention, I don’t think I want to get attention that I don’t deserve, meaning I’d like my work, my help I give to people, to be more recognized and discussed; but I feel it’s mainly for the reason of the underlying knowledge being able to help humanity of which I am a part. (it was (and is) a fact at the moment of writing this note. Long before that I did find myself wishing to be treated good by almost everyone and I did realize subconsciously I probably wanted some attention also; I’ve corrected myself since then)
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https://youtu.be/jAavDQ8ck90?si=j7N-E-TV5BwlIGuw
0:22 Apparently many in Hollywood thought Vivian ‘was possessed by a demon’. Then the author says that people at the time didn’t know about the bipolar disorders etc. Well, in my life I came to understand that not only there are no demons in the sense that people imagine them, but also that psychological problems are the consequences of our wrong decisions, which we make essentially because we don’t have the right knowledge to make the correct decision which will lead us to happiness instead of suffering. I was able to remove many psychological problems, but I wasn’t able to stop all sexual fantasies, which would lead to PMO, and which led me to losing health and composure again… this last part reflects Vivian’s sex addiction; but, living at the time that she lived, she was able to get sex regardless of her problems. I couldn’t. Again, this is so, so similar… both she and I have high libido it seems. I’ve got the exact opposite life in this regard and it could be me suffering for my past mistakes of taking other people’s partners and then sleeping with random(?) people, or cheating…
Also, despite her having psychological problems, which, to be fair, wasn’t known right away, she was able to keep Olivier around her, and on top of that she had sex with other people who knew about her problems – while she was married and after she parted ways with Olivier. By contrast, Katya, whom I met in Sokolniki park, said she doesn’t want to see me again because my many psychological issues were one of main reasons. It was the reason for some of other rejections and coldness towards me I’m afraid. I wasn’t able to find a gf.
6:45 Leigh’s first husband, Herbert Leigh Holman, was 13 years older than her. Well, the first girl who agreed to get acquainted with me and who actually was kinda curious about telekinesis and other things like reincarnation was 13 years younger than me (it was august of 2020. I was 32, and she was 19). We never met again, but we did text each other for some time after meeting in Gorki Park near the fountain. (I told her later how I learned I was Vivien and Michele and she found it interesting I think)
11:11 (number 27 is seen on the table near Vivien and Laurence) just a note: 27 Has some meaning in my life. A book I thought of writing was titled 27. 27 plays role in my other synchronistic experience with IT.
11:25 jealousy… (it’s said about Olivier) I don’t think I ever had deep jealousy of someone’s achievements. I was kinda jealous in my childhood when girls I liked had boyfriends. It’s possible some guys in school could be jealous of me for having my looks (some people said I was beautiful, and also some people noticed that I had clean face – and so I had no need to use any facial products)
Remembering my synchronicities with Michele Avila, I’ll note that her ‘friends’ who killed her were clearly jealous of her.
17:30 She was crying for hours in her dressing room, needed sedation… sad to say, but the reality is I was always inclined to cry… a lot more than other males do I’d imagine. Even today, being 35, I was watching videos about the Titanic disaster, and tears would find their way out for the people who lost their lives in the more than a century old tragedy.
https://youtu.be/tz2lNlSdyJ8?si=MzegTtCbkwNp_l89 3:12 hysteria and tears.
17:40 for 3 months Olivier locked up Vivien in an asylum… Later it reminded me that hospitals isn’t the place I’d like to spend time at. I try to avoid them.
According to the provisions of her will, Leigh was cremated at the Golders Green Crematorium and her ashes were scattered on the lake at her summer home, Tickerage Mill, near Blackboys, East Sussex, England.
Just a random thought and probably unimportant. Black boys are the trees mentioned in Thiaoouba by Thao. They were changed to be called ‘grass trees’ in the book, and the botanic name is Xanthorrhoea.
During that video the author quotes Vivien says that her beauty secret is the ability to relax. I found a screenshot of the article http://vivandlarry.com/vivien/articles/vivien-cites-ability-to-relax-key-to-beauty/ I copied the image into a new folder about Viven in the synchronicity Michele Avila folder.
Several things to note:
I started having problems with sleep and relaxation after 18 years old. But then I was able to quickly pull myself together, having discovered the power of meditation, and I was able to fall asleep quite quickly, having disciplined myself not to think or daydream of something. Similar things are mentioned by Vivien Leigh in the article.
She also mentions a thing about her ‘long’ neck and that you should not ‘be self-conscious about it – just pretend it’s lovely and others won’t seem to notice it’. Kinda made me remember that I didn’t worry about the indentation on one of the sides of my nose, since it was always part of me.
Her not paying attention to the fashion, but wearing the clothes that suited her is similar to my tastes and views on what I want to wear. (#spiritual-knowledge)
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While watching the video about Vivian, a thought appeared in my mind that if I was her, when I look at her I don’t feel strong familiarness… but then I remembered how Kristina near Ostankino said she totally didn’t believe in reincarnation, yet from what I know about her there’s a good chance she wasn’t living her 1st life. Then Michel Desmarquet also felt attraction to the sailor when they were looking at Mu disaster, but that was because MD reunited with his astral body in that man… (in itself it’s interesting to note that Michel was living during that disaster in Mu, I assume, and later he was able to see his past life with Thiaooubians)
And, most importantly, we live in various bodies: male, female, thin, big, short and long, etc. When we possess those physical bodies we may feel ourselves differently in them. Michel lived in various such bodies; and from what I understand from his book before his Thiaoouba experience he didn’t know if he lived other lives, and yet he had lived 80! Which kinda surprised him.
Then I want to add that despite the photos, sometimes I feel like Vivian… like I tend to smile like her sometimes I feel like..
It’s 7:33 PM as I’m sitting and looking at Vivian’s b&w photo at 1:06 (of this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAavDQ8ck90). I asked myself can it really be so simple (me finding my past life via my synchronistic experience with Michelle Avila which led me to Vivian Leigh), and then started to say that all this synchronistic experience isn’t actually so simple, when I heard a knock in the kitchen (the one I often hear in response to my thoughts. [I’ve established, of course, that there’s no ‘normal’ explanation for such knocks long time ago; and later similar knocks would give me a clear loud sign I was Michele Avila]). I as if knew it might be 33 minutes and when I looked at the clock it was (7:33 PM). Note: shortly before that I was asking my Higher Self (and Thao, Biastra, Latoli in case I don’t bother them) to give me some sign if I’m correct in my conclusion about me possibly being Vivian in the past life.
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Vivien’s Scarlett wanted to go back to Tara, her house. At the time [before watching GWtW for the first time in English] I wanted, and was indeed able, to go to my village as often as I could. I stopped trying to chase big dreams, in a way, and just wanted to live here and now. What’s more, the movie Gone with the Wind, and Scarlett’s fate did influence me quite a lot. It made me once again become enthusiastic about getting rid of old negative habits to finally ‘become of age’. Vivien Leigh was the source of that influence, and that’s how I initially started reading about her, but superficially, and that’s when I saw first similarities between us; but I decided that with the population of several billion chances are quite low that I just had to be this famous woman… so I stopped playing around with the thought that I was Leigh. In fact, reincarnation being a topic of interest for me, I came to terms that I’d probably find out who I was in my past lives on the planets of much higher spiritual categories, on which people, imho, could study their past lives as part of their (spiritual) education. My synchronistic experience showed me that, perhaps, there is a chance for me to find who I was and why I have to suffer in this life so much… all things considered it raised the chance of me being Leigh quite a lot.
And Scarlett’s words “After all, tomorrow is another day”… while beautiful and giving hope, they resonate somewhat with how sudden Vivien and Michele died – not to see another day. I did a video on Jesus’ parables, and one of them speaks of a person who made huge plans on future and then he died.
I’ll add that I was like Scarlett in some major ways, trying to achieve something out of a whim (but if I was Leigh, then it could be sort of past life memory, which made me interested in movies and led me to want to be a part of that industry), because I wanted to have something (seemingly unattainable for me in this current life) not paying attention to my heritage. That’s another reason the last scene in the GwtW moved me to literal tears, realizing just how similar Vivien’s Scarlett is to me.
(it’s from a 1:33 minute long audio note I made at 13:33) I’ve found that if I was Vivien then it actually makes me more happy, focused and excepting my fate, because I know the exact reason why I have to endure some of the sufferings in my life. By contrast, if I think I wasn’t her, I was someone else, it makes me less happy for the reason that I don’t know again what EXACTLY I have to suffer for; even though my knowledge should be enough to accept that I probably made serious mistakes (similar to those made by Vivien, for instance), which means I had some relationships, love and sexual experiences in the past (lives).
So, it seems it’s very important for me to know who I was in the past.
Also, it reminded me of belief vs knowledge. Some people believe in their religions, and some of the texts could have been distorted; so, some of those people may believe in what is not entirely the truth, and yet the main message of their religion (if it was initially based on the truth) can make them do the correct decisions in life, which leads to a happier life with less suffering (because they don’t do many mistakes).
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suzanne_Farrington
I learned that Vivien’s daughter ‘was born a month prematurely’ – so Vivien carried her 8 months in her womb. The number 8 again. She was also born in 1933. And this shouldn’t matter, but I’ll mention Leigh’s daughter had 3 children.
“After her marriage to Laurence Olivier, Leigh had little contact with her daughter until 1950…” it means her daughter was 17 years of age - same as Michele Avila when she died…
(Addition from January 29, 2024 [almost 5 months have passed since I wrote these notes]: Michel Desmarquet wrote in his Nature’s Revenge book that a soul inhibits a new physical body when that body is 6 weeks old. IF MD is correct, then it means I could only be Michele Avila – and now I know I was her – if she was born prematurely at 8th month. In Karen Kingsbury’s book there’s a mention of 8 month period but it’s never said at what month Michele Avila was born)
She got bored with family life, wanting to do something, to have a career. Boredom kinda plays a role in my life. But I have to stay with my mother; help her if I can. So, and I hate to think of it like this, in a way I was forced to live a family life without having my own – and I did want to go to USA long time ago, and I wanted movies to be part of my life. The situation with my mother made me appreciate more the place where I am (it’s a long story). So, it could seem as me learning to live on the other side of the barricades.
She wasn’t around her daughter much during her acting career, and only during the later years they started to meet more often. In my life my father was living mostly separately from us (me and mom).
Leigh was married to Holman for eight years, until she divorced him in 1940 to marry Laurence Olivier. Number 8.
https://www.latimes.com/local/obituaries/la-me-vivien-leigh-19670709-story.html
Leigh’s father, Ernest E. Hartley, was a Calcutta stockbroker of French descent. For a very short time I traded cryptocurrency. And I started to slowly learn French.
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https://www.wikitree.com/wiki/Hartley-1113
Vivien died before her mother died, but her father passed away 8 years prior to his daughter’s demise. Michele had her mother and brothers when she died. I’m writing this because after my father died I sometimes get afraid to lose my mother and become completely alone. I almost feel that I don’t know what it’s like to live absolutely all alone. If my suspicions are true, it may be because in my past lives I never experienced how to lose all parents and how to be alone. Both Vivien and Michele were surrounded by family and friends.
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Leigh was not Vivien’s name given at birth. She was Vivian Mary Hartley. She changed her stage name for it to be more catchy – Vivien Leigh (Vivien with ‘e’ for it to sound more French; and feminine). Well, there was time I used a pseudonym (Steve Hudson and later Sonny Hudson) because I was unsecure about my real name. But later, as I was learning new things from life, I came to terms with my real name and I no longer hide it; or hide who I am, in fact, after publishing my book and videos.
Vivien would lash out at people. I was not aggressive towards anyone, but I did my share of screaming being frustrated with life and when playing video games, being frustrated more at myself than at the game for not living but playing.
Vivien was cremated and her ashes were scattered over the pond near her summer house. Michele was drowned in the creek. And I had my little phobias with water (and I still won’t swim into deep waters)
Another thing to add about possible psychological connection to Vivien in case I was her. In my childhood I noticed a thing about me which I once called ‘vampiric’. It had to do with me as if absorbing someone else’s personality traits; I could as if feel like being them. Well, Vivien was an actress and she played many characters, possibly ‘becoming’ them while acting. It’s possible I inherited the ability to become like some other people from my previous life as Vivien.
I watched GwtW as a child. If I was Vivien why I was never drawn to her? Well, trying to almost unsuccessfully share Michele Desmarquet’s book with people, I realized that many of them, who are very skeptical, have lived before, but they simply don’t realize that. Kristina said to me she completely didn’t believe in reincarnation and yet there’s a good chance she lives not her 1st life. So me not feeling a lot of familiarness with Vivien in childhood isn’t really showing anything. But on the other hand, before my synchronistic experience I seemingly did feel something about Vivien…
(Note from after I learned I was VL and MA: In my childhood the name ‘Leigh’ caught my attention. I was wondering why it’s pronounced ‘Lee’ but spelled ‘Leigh’. It was the first and I think only case of me being drawn to someone’s name – and now I know for a fact ‘Leigh’ was my name in my past life.
A similar thing happened with Michele Avila. When I was watching Mr. Ballen’s video about Missy’s murder case, and it became clear she was going to die – when Karen and Laura were leading her to the creek -, I said to Missy ‘Run!’. It was the first and only time I did something like this, and I’d find later I was that girl – Missy – in my past life)
Vivien had to go through electro shock therapee. I’ll just note that I never enjoyed being shocked by electricity; when in village my friends were eager to touch different wires while repairing motorbikes, I preferred to stay as far away as possible from those wires – even though the voltage was safe.
I also remembered how I felt Electric touch several times in my life.
I was 26 years old when Vivien’s only daughter died (march of 2015). Vivien was 26 yo during GwtW production. 26 has been showing up in my life several times. And when I was 26 yo myself, I got thinking about my life, my past, what I did wrong, what I could have done right, and where I could be…
They say Leigh had heavy drinking problems sometimes. Psychologically it relates to me because I don’t feel the need to drink, as there are other ways to deal with problems… it was imagination for me for a long time, but the knowledge I got from Thiaoouba also helped a lot, making imagination no longer required. So, I could have done all of my drinking in past life(ves) – and I no longer have strong desire to drink alcohol.
Me feeling maternal instincts and feeling feminine when imagining a dress that women were wearing (with puffy things on the shoulders). Vivien definitely wore those during the making of GwtW,
I remember how when I was working as a merchandiser, I was at one point in a dancy kind of mood when I went into a bus (or trolly – doesn’t matter), and I sort of span around as I went towards the back of the bus. I write it here because someone in the comments on YT mentioned that it was Clark Gable who could tame the fire that came off of Vivien during the production of GwtW.
She was also ballet dancer (e.g. Waterloo Bridge)
She danced in the video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHwENst4Mxo Vivien Leigh and Byron Mitchell. 'Tovarich.'
(When we were little kids, in village, Yana (whom I had a crash on – possibly even a somewhat of a reflection with Scarlett and Ashley) was a dancer and she, at one point, wanted to teach us dance. I remember I refused (?) due to me thinking what my two older male friends would think – the opinions of others mattered to me then, and now I know that was also the case in my life as Vivien Leigh. Now I’ve learned to care much less about negative opinions – but I can also learn from them if I actually made an error)
This article claims she used to pay to male prostitutes…. Well, sadly, I did make mistakes of doing that with 3 female ones (went 4 times – 2 to one girl).
(Addition from January 29, 2024: 'Damn You, Scarlett O'Hara' is said by many to be full of nonsense written because the dead person can’t correct any possible lies claimed about them. If true, the content of that book should probably be ignored. The prostitute synchronicity still holds regardless because of me in VL life playing pretty much that role; and now that there’s more evidence I could have been Emma Hamilton too, who was exactly that at one point, there’s even more sense now for my sad experience and these similarities…
Addition from February 19, 2024: I learned for a fact 'Damn You, Scarlett O'Hara' book is full of fiction and authors are inventing dialogues which simply don’t make any logical sense and couldn’t have been spoken by me in my Vivien Leigh’s life. If only I could sue them for libel to stop the damage… if only people knew I’m telling the truth about all of my experiences and findings…)
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Leigh’s casting as Scarlett was announced in January 1939. She was 25. 25 played a big role for me – related to Natasha, who’s related to Waterloo Bridge reflections and Michele Avila’s b&w photo, reminding me of her.
Speaking of, I probably mentioned it in the video, but Leigh is said to even be nymphomaniac. “Sex was a sickness with the one time Scarlett O’Hara” as her lover Finch said after Vivien’s death.
Safe to say at some points I became as if obsessed with sex, but since could not get it, I used pornography, which resulted in masturbation. Michele also had sex (wasn’t sleeping with anyone’s bfs, but did it with several people as mentioned in Karen Kingsbury’s book). Again, in terms of errors and penalty, as well as psychology it all matches up.
Also, Vivian stopped at nothing to get the part of Scarlett. It did remind me how I just keep on trying to make people aware regarding Thiaoouba the best I can; including making telekinesis video.
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About 3 separate dreams in which my throat was cut. I made a point that perhaps the 3rd dream, in which I was in my current body, was the key to show that those two dreams shouldn’t be taken literally.
The thing is that the male near the blue car and bar clearly had to live during Michele’s time. And I can’t be both Michele and him at the same time.
But here’s a thought. What if those 3 dreams were true dreams to some degree? What if I did live in those 2 bodies (the blonde girl and the man), but the surroundings were not from their time but from Vivien’s and Michele’s? That is there was some merging of different events and ideas happening. After all, all of those people (Blonde young woman, the man, Vivien, and Michele) had the head full of hair (it’s important because as a child I realized that it would be the first life I’d have to lose hair; and when I did, I was greatly suffering, not knowing how to live with baldness).
Why didn’t those dreams show Vivien and Michele? Obviously, it’s all just a speculation, but maybe because it was known that in the future I’d have my synchronistic experience, which would lead me to realize that I could have been those two females.
After all, the blonde girl did kind of played a tiny, but important role in my life (Natasha’s coworker who worked as prostitute; and there’s a chance she could be her friend)
Another thing I noticed. The blonde girl was standing in a kind of theatre – which relates to Vivien Leigh. The man was near the blue car which resembled the one Laura lied about seeing; so, the second dream relates to Michele Avila. The third dream simply relates to me. That’s why I have the theory about possible merger of different lives of mine in those two dreams…
And it’s important to note that in those two dreams (blonde and man) nobody said to me that I was those people; rather, the “camera” changed the point of view from third person to first person; and I did feel what it was like to be those two people mentally, so…
Continuing thinking about this… in my lucid dream, in which I was having a female body for a while, I also was in my village, where, I’d think, I had never walked in my past lives. If that body was my own from my previous life, then it is an example of the fact that sometimes different ideas (e.g. past bodies) can be merged into/with others in dreams (like places – e.g. village, theater, blue car)
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(A NOTE after reading Scotty’s book ‘Full Service’ [when I in Vivien life mentioned] – As far as VL is concerned, Scotty only wrote about him having sex with VL. Noone else was mentioned doing it with VL in his book. There were lying people writing all sorts of things; it’s possible that the disinformation came from them.
Later Edit: In Scotty’s description of my behavior [as Vivien Leigh] there’s a reflection of how I behaved in my current life. Other things also match me. So, it least his story about Vivien – me – is probably true; and I later started to think he generally tells the truth… maybe he’d forgotten some facts, or they got distorted over the years, but I think his book is generally based on truth; some people, mentioned in Scotty’s book, confirmed Scotty’s story to be true; as for those people [mentioned in Scotty’s book] on whom no one could find any ‘dirt’ – If I didn’t tell the truth about my early sexual experience, then [almost] no one would know about it [there were only 3 people who knew about that ‘secret’])
Scotty's, a Los Angeles brothel [1]. It’s where Vivien allegedly picked up men for sex.
In the video here they found Scotty Bowers [2]. There’s a Plymouth car pictured in the vid (but I’m not sure now what the make of the blue car in my dream was)
The gas station was located in about 20 km from Arleta (if we measure from the middle) [Edit: it’s 17.5 km – 10.88 miles – exactly to the house I lived in in my Missy’s life].
https://youtu.be/BsYJixUcLi0?si=YjtlKjUpGhI0XDIa&t=836
at 13:56 says while Olivier was with a man he, Scotty, was with Vivien……. (Scotty name reminds me of that ‘detective’ in Heavy Rain video game);
https://www.ranker.com/list/hollywood-memoir-of-scotty-bowers/melissa-sartore
In his book Scotty writes he and Vivien had such sex as if the survival of the world depended on it. Vivien was unable to control herself, being loud, squealing, hollering and laughing. She had [spasm] after [spasm], each being noisier than the previous.
To be transparent and fair – there was a relatively recent moment (months ago from October 2023) when I saw p video of a red haired woman having [spasms] and I wanted to see more of such videos; more than that this [spasm] theme was usually part of the fantasies which were the reasons for many of my relapses. The described scene doesn’t actually surprise me based on what I know about my Vivien Leigh past and what I know about myself, so…
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In his book Scotty mentions a peculiarity of my – Vivien Leigh – behavior. After having a wonderfully intense sex Vivien was brushing her hair and without turning to face Scotty started to ask - “Why are we doing this, Scotty? This isn’t right, you know.”; “This is all wrong. We cannot do this anymore,”; “Please leave. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
Vivien went to the bathroom and wouldn’t’ come out. But when Scotty was about to leave Vivien flew out of the bathroom, said ‘sorry’ and asked if he could come again that day. Scotty says I, as Vivien Leigh, was ‘impossibly unpredictable’.
Why I found it of interest? Because that’s exactly how I behaved in my life... but the situation was totally different. It involved me leaving the groups of TV Series/Movies (because I thought it wasn’t right to upload copyrighted movies; and I also wanted to do something else in my life but couldn’t because of various reasons) and then I’d change my mind and would ask the moderator girl (Venera) to add me back as a moderator – I did that several times… it was silly but it is what it is. (#psyche-data)
I know I was VL, and this is one of connections between us – but that means Scotty Bowers was telling the truth about his experiences with Vivien Leigh, and other people probably too… doesn’t it…?
I also want to note this from his book:
Essentially Scotty reminisces about people his life used to intersect with, including me as Vivien, and a question appears in his mind, asking where are they all now? Are we looking down on him, etc?
As a new life of Vivien Leigh, I am actually ‘looking’ at you, Scotty Bowers, on my screen, and I am mulling over how our lives – all lives – are intersected not only in one life but in all of our reincarnations…
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I asked my Higher Self – if possible and profitable (knowledge wise etc) – to show me red roses in a dream today if some of what Scotty wrote about Vivien is true, and yellow lilies if all of what he wrote about Vivien Leigh is not true. (had dreams in which I was VL, buy I was so mentally tired that I don’t remember details or if any flowers were present. Will try again)
(https://youtu.be/1S460gCmoRI?si=n2Vo_RaqjSWYr1MM watched this video; noticed it’s not in color; remembered how during the night I thought that the blurry dreams I had with Vivien were as if black and white… maybe there’s a connection – like a prophetic dream of some kind. This video did prompt me to go search for Scotty’s book and I did find a psyche-related connection with Vivien – if the story is true; but now I tend to lean more towards it being truthful…)
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SB said that VL screamed; and before that they needed to be silent because George was sleeping. Apparently, Vivien wailed deliriously that she didn’t care if George heard them.
I’ve had neighbors upstairs who had sex and their bed would hit the wall to make huge noise. Then the woman was also screaming. Being without a gf and with all the problems I had to face it was difficult to hear and realize someone has sex and you don’t. (#error)
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Scotty writes Vivien was very sexual and very excitable, requiring full satisfaction once she got going, and during sex it was as if the survival of the world depended on it.
(#psyche-data) In my life I once thought I had sex addiction because I thought about sex so much that it consumed me all. I’m also very excitable which is one of reasons it’s so difficult for me to get rid of masturbation for good. Knowing I was Vivien I’m not at all surprised to read this about my old self – this is totally me.
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Refs:
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Reasons I’ve discovered my past lives other than teach me how reincarnation works? Well, it has a potential to show other people the wrongness of the current decisions to allow wrong ideas relating to sex to become a norm (gays, etc). In that Scotty article he’s praised as some savior of gays, whom he allowed to “live authentic lives”. But since I was Vivien it’s clear what the consequences of that “authentic life” were and are. Those people don’t realize they’re making the error for which they’ll have to suffer (obviously, it’s their choice to make, but, having knowledge, it’d be error for me not to speak out, not to share my knowledge…)
It did help me again to stay calm when seeing happy couples. Now I have a good idea what I did wrong to be lonely.
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Just in case I tried to read about several men and women [many of] who lived and died before my birth, trying to find synchronicities and similarities. I didn’t find many, indicating this is not a regular experience I’m having with Vivien Leigh and Michele Avila. It means it’s something special (of course now I know it relates to reincarnation)
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Elizabeth Taylor. Died when I lived. Watched a video about her.
8 was mentioned a couple of times.
Natalie Wood. Died before my birth. She drowned in dark water.
Rita Hayworth. Died before I was born.
Sophia Loren. Still lives. Could not take a deep breath due to panic attack due to her making 35 movies in just 5 years!
Grace Kelly. Died in 1982.
Clark Gable. Died in 1960.
Sharon Tate. Died in 1969. Was shy. Died at 26.
Roman Polanski. Still alive.
James Dean. Died in 1955.
Judy Garland. Died in 1969.
Gene Tierney. Died in 1991. She started to have concentration problems.
Marilyn Monroe. Died in 1962. Started stuttering at some point in life?. By 1946 appeared on covers of 33 magazines. Her ex husband would send flowers to her grave for 20 years.
Audrey Hepburn. Died in 1993. She liked to walk.
Jennifer Connelly. Still alive.
Brigitte Bardot. Still alive. Has eye problem which impaired her left eye vision.
Katharine Hepburn. Died in 2003. Was ‘side chick’ for 27 years.
Hedy Lamarr. Died in 2000. (I feel like I liked her the most out of all the actresses I watched on KarineAlourde’s channel)
Ingrid Bergman. Died in 1982.
Frank Sinatra. Died in 1998.
Merle Oberon. Died in 1979. Was born in India (relating to the myspace girl from India).
Ava Gardner. Died in 1990.
Elizabeth Short. Died in 1947. Had raspatory problems.
Read about Margarette Mitchell. She died being hit by a car, the driver was drunk; and my father would often tell me to be careful going across the road, which was a bit peculiar.
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Remember that many different people have to experience the same situations in order to learn. It’s totally logical that some things will be similar. But it’s a brightly shining light in the dark when those similarities and synchronicities just keep on going.
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Lora Black (p%#n star)… it’s during my Vivien-searching-for-the-answers time that I found her. And it’s been several years, or more, since I started to PMO almost exclusively on those p women who only did 1 or several bg scenes; and recently I often did that to those who did none. So me ending the session on the woman who did a lot of bg scenes was extremely unusual… as well as me still wanting to see her scene for the 2nd time to PMO to… and that’s when I saw she called herself Vivien in several of her movies.
https://www.behindthename.com/name/vivien-2 “Used by Alfred Tennyson as the name of the Lady of the Lake in his Arthurian epic Idylls of the King (1859).” I just found it interesting that it relates to water.
And Vivian relates to the Latin word “vivus” - ‘alive’.
“But I already know the answer! I was the actress Vivian Leigh”. Those were the words in my dream I had on September 4 2023. I wasn’t expecting it because I thought quite the contrary – that while my sync experience is interesting, I could have been anyone. I wasn’t priming myself for that dream – e.g. as it probably is with mass hallucinations (from Thiaoouba) when people must expect to see ‘the elephant’ to actually hallucinate it.
She said Clark Gable has bad breath due to his false teeth. I do have problems with teeth and there were times I had bad breath in the morning. At the moment of writing this I have slight problems with teeth. Teeth and dentists do play a memorable role in my life, so… might be penalty for not only failing to brush my teeth properly in this life, as well as eat healthy food, but also for the past life mistakes.
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http://vivandlarry.com/vivien/articles/drugs-chaos-and-gone-with-the-wind/
It’s said Vivien crossed Atlantic aboard the Queen Mary in December of 1938.
It’s funny how after my sudden fascination with Titanic I was somewhat sad to learn that currently there’s only one ocean liner remaining – Queen Mary 2 – and I’d probably never get a chance to travel on it.
(Note: In another interview Leigh herself says she flew to Hollywood. So, I guess I’d need to check on this http://vivandlarry.com/articles/what-success-has-taught-me/
“As I had a few weeks before rehearsals began I decided to fly to Hollywood where Larry was making Wuthering Heights.”
(Addition from January 29, 2024: Other books say different name for the ship I traveled to the US on. And once there I flew from New-York to LA on a plane – that’s what I (in VL life) was referring to in the interview)
From above link (they quote from Alexander Walker’s book ‘Vivien: The Life of Vivien Leigh’):
Vivien, Olivier, and Myron arrived at Selznick Studios on December 10. The filming of the burning of Atlanta was under way. Before the fire died down, Vivien, phoenix-like, stepped out of the embers and presented herself to David O. Selznick. Legend has it that at the moment Vivien said “Good evening, Mr. Selznick,” a breeze blew open her coat, revealing her slight frame clad in a becoming beige silk dress that clung to her Scarlett O’Hara–narrow waist.
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Selznick, “Her tests showed that she could act the part right down to the ground, but I’ll never recover from that first look.”
Clearly it says legend has it, but in case there’s some truth to it my life is full of sort of similar, almost otherworldly, or supernatural, episodes.
From above link:
They say Leigh adored flowers. Gardens and wildflowers brought her comfort, and they were present in some form near VL – in whichever part of the world she’d find herself.
I’ve already mentioned that I kind of love flowers in the video. Here Vivien’s love for them is just emphasized more I think.
From above link: It says Vivien was obsessed by Scarlett, Margaret Mitchell’s fictional Southern belle heroine, and she was convinced the role was hers.
That book played a huge role in Vivien’s life.
In my life it is Thiaoouba Prophecy that has played a huge role.
I’m not obsessed with Michel Desmarquet’s book Thiaoouba Prophecy, since I’m promoting it due to me having knowledge it’s a true book.
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HERE’S THE TLDR:
I’ve had synchronistic experience with 2 movies and that experience turned out to have a meaning – me growing up and stopping being afraid (in the wide term); I’ll allow myself to note that it could be said it was the coming-of-age story (GwtW reference).
I’ve synchronistic experience with Vivien Leigh and Michele Avila. If coming of age is the theme here also then I guess it can mean spiritual growth by acquiring spiritual knowledge via lives we live in many physical bodies that allow us to learn more and more.
I thought that even though these synchronistic experience are highly interesting, I could have been anyone – and that’s when I had the dream in which I said in Vivien’s voice: “But I already know the answer! I was the actress Vivian Leigh”. It made me go watch more videos about Vivien and I found more similar or synchronistic things between us.
In terms of suffering for old mistakes I could have been Vivien Leigh.
In terms of psyche I could have been Vivien Leigh.
I had that one lucid dream in which I was in a female’s body. She had small breasts which kind of line up with Vivien (or Michele?)
I felt the maternal feeling and also the feeling of being feminine.
I knew in my childhood that it would be the first life in which I’d have to be bald.
I have to mention Lora Black who also called herself Vivien in several of her P movies. Me finding her was important (as described elsewhere).
Both of us kinda obsessed with sex from high sex drive. She could get it, I couldn’t.
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Correction: in my video I asked the question of what are the chances of me finding my past lives on the Internet. And I mentioned then I also found Thiaoouba and Roman Snezhko’s understandings on stuttering on the Internet.
What I now think I should have added is that I also had numerological and synchronistic events happen in my life: like when I first approached a girl, Marina, there were lots of numerical significances surrounding that acquaintance; and also her name and color of her hair.
So, second question is what are the chances that life had brought me to meet that red haired woman named Marina on January 13th who was married at the time for 13 years. And of course before that I fell in love at first sight with a blonde woman (never mind that I fell for her previously but understood that later) and that last time that I fell in love at first sight was when I was 14 years old, 14 years ago. And then 14 28 played a huge role for me in the movie… essentially I could retell the whole script for my synchronicities (#1) video.
So, since those are facts and I do know that these things happen in the Universe (TP, Thao talking about Jews recognizing that they were indeed on the planet they don’t belong to). It means that there is nothing THAT unusual about me just happening to stumble upon my probable past lives on the Internet and realizing, thanks to all the similarities we share, that I could have been those people in my past lives.
It’s literally the same as me happening to exist my apartment door right when the blonde woman was also leaving the apartment, and then me looking at her to fall in love at first sight. (I have never seen her around here since)
It’s literally the same as me happening to walk near Marina, noticing her (even though we live close, during other time I could have not noticed her)
It’s literally the same as me meeting that Rita woman who turned out to be lying about her work (and other things) and wanted to eat and me to pay for it. 2020 numerology showed me then clearly that something was off – and life later proved that to be correct.
It’s literally the same as me falling to the scammers while trying to publish Russian translation of TP. There were also numbers present: “20.02.2020” which reminded me about ZOZO.
The list could go on… the bottom line here is that I had had synchronistic experiences long before me realizing that lots of things in IT and the Nightmare of Elm Street relate to me; and then, of course, me finding Michele Avila and realizing the same thing. I just didn’t call those experience with this word (?) back then.
So yes, I was Vivien Leigh and that dream wasn’t some sick joke of the Universe. It must have been a reward given to me (perhaps because I was not jumping to conclusions that I was 100% Vivien Leigh just based on synchronistic experience alone. Perhaps that I had been trying to share Thiaoouba book. Perhaps that I suspected correctly the reason for why I’ve no gf and romantic relationships in this life. Perhaps that while I excepted that I’d probably never find out about who I was while living in my current body (e.g. I’d find out about my past lives when I’d be living on the planets of higher categories), I still longed deep inside of me to learn it in this life – to understand once and for all why I have to suffer…)
Addition from January 29, 2024. Later I remembered another simple fact – we have to suffer for all of our errors and it means life somehow leads us to a particular situation in life, which will be our punishment for our past mistake(s). There’s no escape! So, this feature of us finding what we have to find (be it reward or punishment, or anything else) in this world is well established! So, it’s no longer about chances of us finding our past lives just like that, on the Internet – it’s about whether we must find them as a logical consequence of the decisions we’ve made in the past (including all of our lives). I do think that I must have done something good in another life/lives since I had that experience with the Yellow Entity in my village when I was around 5 years old… or me finding Thiaoouba and then having experiences with Thao, Biastra and possibly some others from Thiaoouba, proving/showing me Michel Desmarquet’s book is true; and now me finding at least 2 of my very past lives. There must be a good reason why I’ve had all these experiences!
I read again the part in TP revealing Michel his past lives. Siegfried and Labinola differ quite a lot. Siegfried paid for alcohol instead of buying beans for his 8 children, while Labinola cared about other people (the best she could, I guess. I don’t agree with all of the things that were happening in the palace – like people kissing their feet).
Also, Michel clearly lived after his life as Labinola (never mind when exactly that life happened) and he was a gardener and served in the army. Not exactly the life of a queen. And all of those lives varied – something Thaora noted to Michel.
So, the fact that Vivien was a well known actress and me… well, depends on who you ask, I guess, but generally I’ve struggled a lot in this life; and almost no one cares about my experiences, discoveries and knowledge. While we have lots of similarities, certain things do vary – a lot. And that’s totally okay.
Thiaoouba Prophecy, page 34: “They had to start from scratch and we guided their progress, either by dream or telepathy”.
Speaking of dreams… I search for the word ‘dream’ in TP book and Michel used to ponder if his space journey was a dream quite a lot. Yet, he had lived 80 lives before, some of which he lived on other planets! Of course, since we don’t know what his lives were on those planets, we could assume he never actually experienced space flight before, or did but the experience was short. Also, it should be noted that his mind “was already open”, so he must have known some Universal truths in his past lives for his “mind already awakend and open”. So, it’s okay if I’m cautious regarding my dream about Vivien.
TP, page 78: “‘It isn’t only the cerebral canal which is able to conduct messages between the Higher-self and the Astral body. Another channel exists sometimes in dreams - or, I should even say, in sleep. At certain times during sleep, your Higher-self is able to call your Astral body to itself and, either communicate instructions or ideas, or to regenerate it in some way, replenishing its spiritual strength or enlightening it in regard to solutions to important problems”
I also noticed that the issue of me sometimes having trouble processing all of this might be because Vivien became a very talented and famous actress…. Or I just don’t know… Maybe I need time for all of this information to settle in…
(Edit to my original thought: it’s so, In a way, cliché that you was a famous person in one of your past lives. It’s something that one’d expect to hear, for obvious reasons and also not so obvious… and yet, famous people ARE people, who are influenced by the same Universal Laws as everyone else, and it’s absolutely logical that a lot of famous people who died are probably living right now on this planet and may not even be aware that they not only lived before, but also were/are famous and well known)
(Another thought: Me being the highly famous actress Vivien reminds me of times when I just learned that Thiaoouba Prophecy IS a true report of events that ACTUALLY happened to Michel Desmarquet – in both instances it was clear what many people would/will think of my life’s story. So, there is some burden of knowing what’s probably to come – even more skepticism directed at me)
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Thoughts about the proverbial wheel (from TP). I don’t know if you can be first at the top of the wheel, and in the very next life live at the very bottom. If reincarnation is also based on vibration (and wheel, or a circle, is related to vibration – in short, sinusoid can be traced as a circle) then, following the logic of the material world, in which the Earth can’t just jump ahead from May to September’s position around the Sun, the reincarnation process could be also somewhat smooth. While I write this – because, assuming I was Vivien and Michele, Michele’s whole life wasn’t as “high” (on the wheel) as Vivien’s, but at the same time Michele’s life was higher on the wheel than mine (in terms of relationships, happiness, etc). Is my life at the bottom? I don’t know. It’s been tough, but I guess it could’ve been tougher still. So, I guess I hope that it is the bottom of my wheel cycle… if not, then I’d better prepare for the next life ahead of me, for I’ll need all the spiritual knowledge I can gather…
(Note: sometimes accidents happen and people who were perfectly healthy and happy have to be in a bed or wheelchair for possibly the rest of their lives. It’s as if going from top to bottom of the wheel in an instant. But maybe my initial thoughts have some value still)
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I thought I talked about it in the video but apparently not. It’s about how Scarlett’s O’Hara last scene – the scene of her coming of age – is also a reflection of my life.
She hears a voice talking about Tara and then Scarlett is seen standing alone under the tree and looking at Tara. She started to come of age…
During around that time I started to come to my village often. I no longer wanted to leave the country and chase wild dreams of mine. Which didn’t mean I totally gave up, no, I think I just became more grown up. During that time I clearly saw the connection between that scene and what I experienced in my life. And the same happened with Waterloo Bridge movie…
Vivien Leigh (and I’ll include Emma Hamilton in my mind) reportedly liked the public attention and were prominent people. I think it’s safe to say she liked what people thought of her. Adding that a similar thing was said about Michele Avila in K.K.’s book)
When I first started masturbating, I clearly thought that people are better not find out about it. When I learned TP has to be a true book and had all my experiences with Thiaooubians I knew what people would think of me – I was scared to share those truths with people, but I was trying to and made progress… Later in life I was able to tell the truth about my life in my book Simple Truths of Life, knowing well that many people will not believe me, will think I’m crazy etc. I knew that I was right and that it would be an error for me to be silent; I knew that after all those sceptics will one day have to pay the penalty for turning the back on the truth – perhaps hard to believe truth, but it is still the truth, which they even didn’t care to try to verify.
So, I can see here an arc of me conquering my fears… which is the theme of my synchronicities with IT and Nightmare on Elm Street… This means that both synchronistic experiences are connected to one other (no surprise, since they’re both about me, but…)
Also: About Viven Leigh possibly being Emma Hamilton (just speculating. Edit: 19.02.2024 – I, and so Vivien Leigh, was indeed Emma Hamilton). Her antics could have been influenced by her past life…
This concerns Emma Hamilton whom Vivien (and I) could have been – again just a theory for now. So, Emma was in open trio relationships with William and Nelson. The last scene I watched (which hopefully will be the last and I never open p site for the old reason again) with Lora Black involved 2 males and 1 Lora, who at least once called herself Vivien and who does play a role – a bit weird role, but still.
Tbh, me watching so many p videos in my life is a punishment – no question about it – but I always thought for me being not very strong willed when it comes to pleasure. It could be also punishment for old mistakes… who knows.
But it is strange how just recently I found my life as Vivien Leigh – something I thought I’d never find in my current life; then I suppose Michele Avila has to have been my past life also; and now I’ve got even more synchronicities with a woman who lived in the 18-19th century, and technically it is a possibility that I was her too… but there could be something else – reincarnation is a science which has not been studied [yet] sadly.
I remembered how long time ago when I was a little child me and my mother were standing near father’s house in Moscow and there was a lot of water around (either after rain or snow melting, don’t remember). Then I remembered how one day around that time my mother took little me to father’s apartment and left me alone at his door. She went away… but I started to run after her and cry and beg her not to leave me… I followed her in tears for many minutes and through many streets, in front of many people’s eyes. Eventually we drove together on the bus (or trolly) to our home and that was it.
The thing is both Vivien’s and Emma Hamilton’s daughters were almost left without their mother around… (#error) Might have been me paying (perhaps partially) for old mistake.
Just my speculations. It’s known that Vivien could play the role of Scarlett down to the ground. And I remember how I knew that she wasn’t right for the role of Rebecca. It makes me think, if she was Emma Hamilton (and possibly 2 other people [Kennedy and Butler] leaving after Emma and before Vivien), she could have seen part of herself in Scarlett and that’s why she thought of O’Hara as her paramour. (#psyche-data-astro)?
Vivien was called “Lady Olivier” and Emma is known as “Lady Hamilton”. Nothing out of the ordinary though.
Vivien was said to be possessed by sex which she had a lot of. Assuming in other lives I had sex. In this one there were numerous times when I couldn’t believe and come to terms with the fact that I don’t have sex etc in my life – 1 of sources for my depressions. Makes sense that I didn’t know how to live a life of solitude. Just like I didn’t know how to live a life with balding head. Just like I didn’t know how to live with a face that was asymmetric and not considered pretty…
I remember how I screamed playing Dark Souls, hating myself for wasting time but being yet unable to free myself. Vivien had her share of mood swings (#psyche-data)
There’s a point to be made about army. When it was time for me to check health I knew I couldn’t stand being in the army… now, it was because of freedom of choice, but also because my life had almost no meaning at the time. I thought about ending it if I was to go to the army, but due to my stutter I didn’t go.
The point is if I was in women’s bodies in many lives, then it makes sense I’m not very inclined to be involved with matters of the army or war (also for spiritual reasons).
Vivien and Emma had daughters. I always thought that If I was to have children, I’d be more comfortable having daughters than sons. In my fantasies that was probably always the case.
Living on the other side of barricades (my realization; also wheel from TP) can be seen in Vivien’s life.
Her traveling to USA and getting the role of Scarlett – me wanting to do similar things but being unable to.
Her having lots of sexual experience with people – me having none.
I remember my unusual dream about trains. I died in a gun shootout in that dream. Then a light from heaven (Higher Self?) said to me something about life as a train driver or something, and I was shown as I drive in a train – driver’s space of the 1st wagon.
Vivien Leigh, I noticed, has made several movies that train theme can be seen in: Streetcar she won an Oscar for, and I’m yet to watch Anna Karenina. In Waterloo Bridge Myra meets Roy at a train station.
Then, right after my dream when I in Vivien’s voice said I was her, I had a dream in which I was riding on a train as well…
Her speech was perfect as far as I know, but I stammer (due to my mind not being fully focused on the thing I need to speak about; and there were/are times when my speech was perfect)
But there are cases when people experience being as if a different person/ I’m no exception; I used to ride on my bicycle a lot and also walk – then I was unable to walk several meters from my house. It’s all consequences of our choices. And I would probably not have believed as a teenager that something like this could happen to me down the road…
There are actors etc too who were in accidents and were unable to live the life they used to live.
I remembered the photo of young Tanya – mom’s sister. She seemed rather beautiful in it. But I only knew her as a person with psychological problems, and her physical appearance was no longer that of the girl in the photo.
Started watching Anna Karenin with Leigh today (25.09.2023). Her voice was noticeably different from her voice in Waterloo Bridge, for example. People change (or does it relate to acting?). I think I just like seeing Vivien more young (who wouldn’t?) She’s about my current age in the movie (35 years old)
Curiously, watched today this video and it’s just so happened to have a story of a doppelganger who happened to be in the same prison and who actually committed a crime, and not the other innocent and similar looking man. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vj_auGTlcLA&t=69s
(addition: I had red cheeks once in a while during making of my 2nd sync video about my syncs with Michele Avila and Vivien Leigh. It was kinda cringy at times, especially since the experience was so new to me and I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. Concerning Vivian, clearly I saw her mostly as an actress from a very famous movie of the last century; of course, in my thoughts I saw her as a human being just like any other. But the point is that time will be required before the risen dust will settle down, and I’m seeing myself in her all the time, and not when I find a new big connection/synchronicity)
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https://vivien-leigh.info/quotes/
“My parents were French and Irish and our family even has Spanish blood-and I do so love the United States and consider myself part American.”
I was drawn to USA – I always thought that to be the case coz of movies; but after I found TP reincarnation was also on my mind.
“I will not be ignored (1935)”.
Lo and behold, I am ignored now when I’ve got something useful to share (TP, etc)!
Then I remembered how when I was made mod/admin in tv series and movies groups some females were sending me friend requests (asking if my photo was mine too). Then I used to constantly write something in posts to make myself visible; later I realized I just sit in front of laptop’s screen, enjoying the pixels – sure, the comments came from real person… miles away and whom I’d probably never see. I did not receive a lot of social skills (had trouble approaching women). All in all, I wanted attention at one point - didn’t want to “be ignored”, but I learnt the lesson – perhaps I went to the extreme and completely stopped communicating (probably so).
“When I was at school at Paris, I had special lessons from Mademoiselle Antoine, who was an actress at the Comedie Francaise, and I was taken to every sort of play - which the other girls weren't allowed to go to - and so I felt very grand.”
Don’t want to brag, but the truth is it kinda reminds me of my Thiaooubians experiences. It seems to me not a lot of people had them (but some wrote me they did).
“Classical plays require more imagination and more general training to be able to do. That's why I like playing Shakespeare better than anything else.”
Imagination was/is big part of my existence.
“Every single night I'm nervous. You never know how the audience is going to react.”
I used to be, and sometimes still am, nervous, thinking of something I want to write to someone for example. I know it’s not a wise thing to do, but… In school I was constantly nervous thinking if I’m going to be asked a question in school (stammer was tough on me) (#psyche-data)?
“I don't know what that Method is. Acting is life, to me, and should be.”
A agree with her 2nd sentence. It’s what I thought about acting too.
“People think that if you look fairly reasonable, you can't possibly act, and as I only care about acting, I think beauty can be a great handicap.”
“In the English language are two words I most detest - "pretty" and "beautiful". I think I'd hit anyone who called me that now.”
Hmm… here I am, learning to live in a not so beautiful physical body. Was that thinking as Vivien the direct reason for my symmetry and other things people don’t find beautiful? Now, I think I’d care not what others mistakenly think of relation between beauty and acting abilities; the two have no direct correlation imho; it’s more in the area of spiritual knowledge I’d say.
“Shaw is like a train. One just speaks the words and sits in one's place. But Shakespeare is like bathing in the sea - one swims where one wants.”
“When I come into the theatre at night, I get a sense of security... I get in early - an hour and a half before curtain-up. I say the part over myself every night, however well I know it - not aloud, just to myself... Sometimes I dread the truth of the lines I say. But the dread must never show. That is the wonderful discipline of the theater. I love the theater for that discipline, because outside I'm not disciplined at all. I'm imulsive...”
I was impulsive too and not disciplined. Lack of (#spiritual-knowledge)?
“You know the passage where Scarlett voices her happiness that her mother is dead, so that she can't see what a bad girl Scarlett has become? Well, that's me.”
Oh dear me…
About Scarlett -“She could take care of herself when she had to. I think I could, too...
I went to school for a time in Germany. That meant that being a girl I had to learn what every Hausfrau should know, and hated it. That was one of the things that helped me make up my mind to become an actress... I hope I've one thing that Scarlett never had. A sense of humor. I want some joy out of life... And she had one thing I hope I never had. Selfish egotism... Scarlett was a fascinating person whatever she did, but she was never a good person. She was too petty, too self-centered... But one thing about her was admirable. Her courage. She had more than I'll ever have.”
Instead of learning English (which I wanted to learn) I was in German class.
I’d like some joy in my life too…
I don’t think I ever had selfish egotism – actually I tried to help a friend who bullied me. So that spiritual knowledge (#spiritual-knowledge) checks out too.
Courage. This also checks out; (#spiritual-knowledge). I didn’t have courage in my life, being afraid if people would find out about my masturbation habit, and when I had my experience with Thiaooubians I knew very well what was in store for me – how people would see me and what they’d think of me. But I was gaining that courage slowly – post after post – until I wrote my book and published it. After that I have almost no problem telling the truth – no matter what others would think.
This courage theme also connects my syncs with Vivien with syncs with movies where the theme of conquering fear – or acquiring courage – is what those movie syncs led to.
‘I want some joy out of life’. This rings many bells. Thao said that word in her telepathic message to me too.
“I'm a Scorpio, and Scorpios eat themselves out and burn themselves up like me.”
I copied this for a different reason, but later remembered Michele Avila was listening to Scorpions (probably nothing; just a thought popped up in my head).
“I cannot let well enough alone. I get restless. I have to be doing different things. I am very impatient person and headstrong. If I've made up my mind to do something, I can't be persuaded out of it.”
Restless and have to be doing something too. I’m still to master those things… (#spiritual-knowledge)
“I do not worry about my looks because beauty is not a thing of age but of spirit.”
Psyche is important because it never dies being part of our soul. She was also beautiful long enough not to worry. I started losing looks too early.
“I'm not a film star, I am an actress. Being a film star is such a false life, lived for fake values and for publicity.”
“I've always been mad about cats (1961).”
In relation to syncs with Michele Avila who also had a cat.
“A lucky thing Eva Peron was. She died at thirty-three. I'm already forty-five.”
Be careful what you wish for… she died at relatively young age of 53. Also 33. I’m 35 at the moment of writing this.
I feel like this statement could be the reason for my poor health. I certainly don’t feel lucky, and knowing about Peron’s death I don’t think she was either.
Vivien, me, clearly did a mistake by saying those words… (#spiritual-knowledge)
Peron had cervical cancer. I’ve been having pains and unpleasant feelings in my right testicle (reason I masturbated thinking it would help somehow – because that act does alleviate painful sensations usually and I feel better). There was a dream long time ago showing my right testicle all swollen up and a voice saying it means cancer… I hope that dream won’t become prophetic.
Again, I see here a cause and effect chain, knowing now that I lived the life of Vivien Leigh and some of my choices as her affected my current life.
For full transparency I need to add that there were sad moments when I played Hearthstone and raged at people (I was so stupid) and, most abhorrently, I wished cancer to some… I immediately regretted the words, apologized and asked the Universe for forgiveness… those were dark times for me. (Слово не воробей, вылетит – не поймаешь)
--
ACTORS TALK ABOUT ACTING - VIVIEN'S INTERVIEW, 1961
“INTERVIEWER: You were born in India?
LEIGH: Born in India. Came back to England when I was five, went straight to convent school - I was the youngest child there, and so I imagine I was rather spoiled. I remember I was allowed to take cats to bed with me. I've always been mad about cats.”
(other sources say I was 6 in VL life when I was sent to England) 5 years is when I started stammering after father got drunk and beat my mother. There were cases when I was one of youngest in certain groups. My friend was older than me by 1 day and often reminded me of that fact.
(Edit from 19.02.2024. I just noticed the words: ‘Came back to England’… came back. Why did I in VL life say that when in VL life I was never, as far as I know, in England before 5? I’ve recently got a confirmation I was Emma Hamilton who lived in England, and it’s possible between Emma’s and Vivien’s life I could be 2 people one of whom could have lived in England also. ‘Came back’ could have been a subconscious ‘feeling’ I used to live in England in my past life or even lives.)
“In France you have to pronounce very particularly and clearly, and I think that learning French at an early age helped me enormously.”
There was a dream in which the idea was that I already know many French words from English and Russian, and so I could learn it. It was the reason for me to buy French self-teaching book but I’ve no time now to study it.
“INTERVIEWER: They can evoke a spirit.
LEIGH: Yes - which is the most important thing. Actual beauty - beauty of feature is not what matters, it's beauty of spirit and beauty of imagination and beauty of mind.”
Lots can be discussed here, but I’d point out Leigh had developed imagination – something which is a large part of me too.
About Scarlett O’Hara:
“LEIGH: No, it was such a marvelous role that it helped. I certainly intended to get it, I may say. From the moment I read the book, I said, "I've got to play that," and I was laughed to scorn on it.”
“LEIGH: That you can do things reasonably well, even if you dislike them very much. I've been very fortunate. I've done mostly plays in my life that I loved to do. This one, I didn't want to do. I didn't like doing it, and all the time I was doing it, I disliked it; yet, the mere fact - the discipline - of having to do it, I think, taught me a lot.
INTERVIEWER: Sort of character training?
LEIGH: Yes. If you're in love with something, it's comparatively easy, but if you're not, then life is more difficult, isn't it?”
“INTERVIEWER: What do you get from old people?
LEIGH: Their wisdom will do for a start; the fact that they've lived. I've always loved older people. My friends, when I was young, were always older than I was, and I've always liked them. And I love old men and old ladies, really. But I've known more elderly men, like Max Beerbohm, like Beranard Berenson, like Somerset Maugham, Winston Churchill - I'd put him first, anyway - what they say is so wise and so good. They know what they're talking about.”
I think I said in in the video and before. I often was younger than others; I did prefer older girls when I was in school – for the same reasons Vivien did like older people.
“INTERVIEWER: What or who has influenced you most as an actress?
LEIGH: Oh, my husband.
INTERVIEWER: In what ways?
LEIGH: Well, I saw him fifteen times in Hamlet and I thought, "That's the greatest actor in the world." And I think acting is an important profession, because acting can give pleasure and can teach you at the same time, and that is a good thing. And he taught me more about how actors should be, about how an actor should live, than anybody I can imagine.”
I’d note that she talks about learning. I remember how I wrote, after my initial Thiaoouba experiences, that even though I’d suffered a lot, I still learned many things too and I liked the later.
From what I remember when I was thinking about acting (movies) I also thought that it’s a chance to learn many things by being other people.
Now I know that thanks to reincarnation we can literally be “other” people and look at life from variety of perspectives.
“INTERVIEWER: Do you find dancing very relaxing?
LEIGH: Yes, I like dancing and riding and swimming.”
“INTERVIEWER: Now, let's see, we've got you in bed at four - that means you're up by nine.
LEIGH: Nine. I'm awake at nine. I don't get up. I lie about and read, telephone, write. But I don't like the telephone at all. I absolutely hate it.”
In this life, when I was in school, I used to be afraid of telephone calls because of my stutter.
“LEIGH: I love walking.”
So do I
“I've been ill for long periods of my life and have tried to learn a sonnet a day and that sort of thing.”
About her preparing for the role of Cleopatra:
“INTERVIEWER: Did you try to find out everything you could possibly find out about her?
LEIGH: Yes, I did. I read about everything. For instance, Dover Wilson. I read him very carefully and - what else did I read? I can't remember what else I read but I read anything I could get hold of on Cleopatra.”
And now I’m reading anything I can get hold of on Vivien Leigh, my old self.
(19.02.2024. I’ll note I had a dream in which it was said that Vivien Leigh was Cleopatra. And I was Vivien Leigh, of course, which means...
There are several ways of interpreting that if it was a true dream… But I did find many synchronicities with Cleopatra. So far multitude of synchronicities with other people proved to relate to reincarnation. Still, more evidence is required here to confirm or deny the obvious interpretation of that dream.)
--
http://vivandlarry.com/vivien-leigh/vivien-leigh-stardom-and-screen-image/
In May 1935 Vivien became an overnight sensation in a play called The Mask of Virtue.
This reminded me of how I discovered Thiaoouba Prophecy book, which changed my life very, very fast. And when I had my first interaction with Thiaooubians it was an overnight change, for at that moment I knew the book was true.
“Big picture contracts are good financially, but I advise young actresses to think twice about them.”
(#spiritual-knowledge)
I remember well how when I was dreaming about linking my life with movies I thought that I don’t want to have much more than I need. Of course, it also means that she probably had that spiritual knowledge from her previous lives.
“Vivien frequently adorned the pages of Vogue magazine, modeling haute couture by designers like Victor Stiebel, Molynoux and Schiaparelli.”
I mentioned this in my book Simple Truths of Life: I kind of though of modeling also but I was so afraid of speech that I couldn’t come to the young guys who were also extras (or something) for the Checkova show. My path swayed away from movies and modeling, but it led me somewhere else (Thiaoouba).
“She even looked as if she had stepped right out of Margaret Mitchell’s novel, according to her vital statistics: 5 feet three inches tall, 103 pounds, green eyes. “Her hair, too, is like Scarlett’s, brown with a definite reddish tint, all of which will be seen in natural color, since the film is to be entirely in technicolor.””
Reddish tint… references to каштановый оттенок волос, о чём упомянула мама, и у Мишель тоже была схожая ситуация. (references to chestnut hair, which is what my mother mentioned, and Michele also had a similar situation.)
Selznick’s plans to transform Vivien into Scarlett O’Hara:
“Vivien Leigh should report regularly at nine or nine-thirty, at the latest ten o’clock each morning: work at least two hours on her accent, then report for fittings, then report for rehearsals with Mr Cukor and for any photographic tests that may be necessary; then two hours more on her accent. Photographic tests should be made that will include experiments with her hair. Strict orders should be given, however, that nothing should be done that cannot be remedied: In other words her hair should not be cut or the color changed, nor should her eyebrows be plucked in any way.
“I should like the photographic tests to include various experiments with ways of making up her eyebrows to make them look more natural and more in the period; different make-ups; experiments with her figure, including particularly her bosom.””
She had to work on her accent 2 times a day for 2 hours, making it 4. Since numbers do have some connection, I decided to note this. (I did have the dream with Vivien saying I was her on 4 September, and it could have been even 4 o’clock when I had that dream)
Vivien, after going freelance, made a film about once every five years. Usually, film stars who’d disappear from the screen for years would risk being replaced or faded from popularity.
(#spiritual-knowledge)
Freelance… first of all I did work as a freelancer and I loved being relatively independent. When I worked as a courier I realized I didn’t want to sit in an office all of my life (I do sit in my room, though).
In 1953 Vivien became uninsurable. It was because of the nervous breakdown while filming Elephant Walk. After that producers weren’t sure if she’d be able to finish a film – she did.
(#spiritual-knowledge)
It reminded me first of many quarrels we had with mother; but firstly, of an episode when I was doing a freelance work, programming Action Script 3 app. I had pretty much a nervous breakdown because I was behind schedule, and I almost fainted from screaming out. I was able to get a hold of myself and did actually finish the job.
So, this is something she never learned to fully control, didn’t learn how to live with these things, and that lack of knowledge overflew into my life.
(Note: I watched Elephant Walk with Liz Taylor and Vivien’s character would have stayed with her husband had she finished the movie. From what movies I’ve watched so far with Leigh it’s rather different situation.
And she would have been in 20 theatrical released movies if she did finish this one.)
Vivien was a guaranteed box office draw. And many people in the business liked her as a person.
Vivien won two Oscars, two New York Times Film Critics Circle Awards, a BAFTA, and the coveted French Crystal Dove Award. Historian John Kobal said of her in 1981, “It took the camera to get to the heart of this woman, and make the need that drove this lovely, lonely spirit all the more appealing for asking nothing for itself except to be allowed to get on and do her work.”
Dove award. I had a semi pet pigeon who I fed for many years. That bird helped me live through my difficult years of depression. Interestingly, that pigeon, as well as the other who I fed too, stopped visiting me after I started to get my life together, searching for a girlfriend, etc (I doubt it was because I often was outside).
http://vivandlarry.com/articles/what-success-has-taught-me/
What Success has Taught Me (By Kendra+ March 14, 2020) by Vivien Leigh Everywoman, April 1951.
“I have always believed that if you want something with all your heart and soul you get it.”
Not gonna lie, I did want to know the reason for my suffering, who I was and what I did to become lonely. It’s not surprising now that she said those words and I found them.
“The snag in success is that the nearer you get to it the farther away you feel yourself to be. The world may call you successful, but in your heart you know that you never fulfil your own hopes. Which is perhaps all to the good, for complacency is a fatal state, though a very pleasant one, if you can remain in it. I never can.
Whenever I let myself feel thrilled and flattered by the approbation of other people self-criticism rears itself, like a snake, at the back of my mind and destroys the illusion.”
(#spiritual-knowledge)
No surprise that I agree with old self, because that’s the way I pretty much am too. And there were moments when in TPXP group I was called ‘genius’ by some, but I knew it’s not so, even if it can be pleasant to be thought of like that. But I know myself, and I know I’ve yet to learn a lot and then some more.
“I think this is partly due to the fact that I arrived at the top too soon, and too easily, instead of by the hard way, like Larry and so many others. It all happened — literally — overnight; a dream that left me rubbing my eyes and saying: “This just can’t be true” but with the fixed determination to never allow myself to be deceived by it into letting up on my own standards.”
(#spiritual-knowledge)
I’ve written about it before. This makes me think of how relatively easy it was for me to know/see that Thiaoouba Prophecy is a true book and Michele Desmarquet was writing the truth in it.
“So that is the first and most important lesson that success has taught me: to beware of self-satisfaction.”
(#spiritual-knowledge)
Following the above note of mine about TP book – there were times, of course, during which I felt very happy that I know the truth. But I was cautious for the feeling not to get to my head. I was cautious to concern myself only with facts and truth.
“Scott Fitzgerald, who is one of my favourite authors, says: “The compensation for very early success is that life becomes a romantic matter.” I have certainly found it so, but perhaps I was biased by an Irish mother, who was blessed with an imagination that could turn ordinary, everyday happenings into an exciting adventure, and make you feel that there was always something wonderful waiting just around the corner. She created a dream world for me, filled with so many imaginary people that, although I am an only child, I never knew the meaning of loneliness.”
I found it interesting to note because of the topic of imagination. Relates to me very well still.
“My father and mother loved to travel, so we spent far more time wandering around the Continent than in England. I was sent successively to schools in France, Italy, and Bavaria, and this erratic education was a great help afterwards.
Apart from the fact that I learnt to speak several languages more or less fluently, and had the opportunity of studying diction and the theatre in many countries, I met people of all types and nationalities.”
I remember how at one time I was watching a travel program on TV and thought how wonderful it is to travel all over the world and see different people.
“They gave me that flexibility of mind which is so necessary to an artist, and taught me, I hope, understanding. Through knowing them I have always been able to recognize the characters I played, and love them.”
(#spiritual-knowledge)
I think that I’m understanding as well, being able to “feel” other people’s lives and situations.
“In the summer we generally went to Ireland, or to the English Lakes. It was while we were staying in the Lake District that I met my first love in the theatre — George Robey.
I was already an ardent fan, even to the extent of having seen him in Round in Fifty no less than sixteen times, and when I discovered him seated at a table in the dining-room of our hotel, prosaically putting away a big plate of eggs and bacon, I could not take my eyes off him. In the end my unblinking stare caught the attention of his wife, Blanche Littler, who was sitting by him, and she nudged his arm, looked in my direction, and whispered something. He turned, and favoured me with a broad smile that almost took my breath away, and a moment later — oh, joy of joys — the two of them stopped at our table on their way out of the room! I was so overcome with emotion that I could only murmur: “I adore you.””
Just a possible synchronicity, or maybe just a coincidence. Leigh played Blanche DuBois many times in plays and also in the movie Streetcar for which she won an Oscar.
“I began my training for the stage by studying in Paris under Mlle Antoine of the Comedie Francaise. She was a most inspiring teacher, and I owe a great deal to her care in correcting my diction, and to her encouragement.”
When I attended the first acting get-familiar lesson we all had to say something about ourselves in front of all… it was a nightmare for me because I still had some remaining of fear of speech. I was shy and awkward - to laughs of some people - when it was my turn to say my part. I remember how the acting teacher said something about “correcting [my or the] diction”. Apparently, it’s not the first life I’ve got this problem, if you want to think of it that way.
“But lives are not so easily planned. What actually happened was that I went down to Devonshire to stay with friends, met a barrister from London, and Vivian Hartley became Mrs. Leigh Holman.”
I’d like to note that there was a period I watched many live court cases from US.
“I was under nineteen when I married, and not quite twenty when my daughter was born.”
It’s of interest to me because the event with Natasha, which later I found a reflection of in Vivien’s Waterloo Bridge movie, happened when I was literally under nineteen. I was not quite twenty when I decided to leave my last work and go down my own path of freelancing and self-discovery.
(There was a dream about Natasha and 2 children of about 10 years. But it could be ‘just’ a dream…)
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https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0033238/trivia/?ref_=tt_trv_trv
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000046/trivia/?ref_=nm_ql_3
Her favorite role was that of Myra Lester, which she played in Waterloo Bridge (1940).
Was obsessed with hiding her large hands. Gloves were a favorite cover-up, she owned more than 150 pairs. Interestingly enough, one of the frequent descriptions of Vivien's most famous character Scarlett O'Hara in the novel Gone with the Wind (1939) is that she has extremely small hands.
Laurence Olivier wrote in his autobiography, "Confessions of an Actor", that sometime after World War II, Leigh announced calmly that she was no longer in love with him, but loved him like a brother. Olivier was emotionally devastated. What he did not know at the time was that Leigh's declaration -- and her subsequent affairs with multiple partners -- was a signal of the bipolar disorder that eventually disrupted her life and career. Leigh had every intention of remaining married to Olivier, but was no longer interested in him romantically. Olivier himself began having affairs (including one with Claire Bloom in the 1950s, according to Bloom's own autobiography) as Leigh's eye and amorous intentions wandered and roamed outside of the marital bedchamber. Olivier had to accompany Leigh to Hollywood in 1950 in order to keep an eye on her and keep her out of trouble, to ensure that her manic-depression did not get out of hand and disrupt the production of A Streetcar Named Desire (1951). In order to do so, he accepted a role in William Wyler's Carrie (1952) that was shot at the same time as Streetcar. The Oliviers were popular with Hollywood's elite, and Elia Kazan and Marlon Brando both liked "Larry" very much (that was the reason that Brando gave in his own autobiography for not sleeping with Leigh, whom he thought had a superior posterior -- he could not raid Olivier's "chicken coop" as "Larry was such a nice guy".) None of them knew the depths of the anguish he was enduring as the caretaker of his mentally ill wife. Brando said that Leigh was superior to Jessica Tandy -- the original stage Blanche DuBois -- as she was Blanche. Ironically, Olivier himself had directed Leigh in the role on the London stage.
Is only one of seven actors who have a 2-0 winning record when nominated for an acting Oscar, her two wins for Gone with the Wind (1939) and A Streetcar Named Desire (1951). The others are Luise Rainer for The Great Ziegfeld (1936) and The Good Earth (1937); Helen Hayes for The Sin of Madelon Claudet (1931) and Airport (1970); Kevin Spacey for The Usual Suspects (1995) and American Beauty (1999); Hilary Swank for Boys Don't Cry (1999) and Million Dollar Baby (2004); Christoph Waltz for Inglourious Basterds (2009) and Django Unchained (2012); and Mahershala Ali for Moonlight (2016) and Green Book (2018).
(as of 24 October 2023)
Peter Finch was discovered by Laurence Olivier in 1948 when Olivier and his theatrical company, which included wife Leigh, were conducting a tour of Australia, Olivier signed the young Aussie to a personal contract and Finch became part of Olivier's theatrical company. He then proceeded to cuckold his mentor and employer by bedding Leigh. Olivier was personally humiliated but ever the trouper, he kept the talented Finch under contract after having brought him back to England, where Finch flourished as an actor. Finch and Leigh carried on a long affair, and since Leigh was bipolar and her manic-depression frequently manifested itself in nymphomania, some speculate that Olivier subconsciously might have been grateful for Finch as he occupied Leigh's hours and kept her out of worse trouble and Olivier from even worse embarrassment. Their on-again, off-again affair reportedly reached a crisis point on the movie Elephant Walk (1954), when they had renewed their affair. However, the instability of their relationship allegedly triggered a nervous breakdown in Leigh, and Olivier had to step in to take care of her.
(just wanna note they attribute V’s sexual behavior to mental problems but in this life, having experienced and learned what I did, I tend to disagree. Perhaps libido got high but it’s no excuse to sleep around and cheat – it’s still a mistake)
Reportedly used one of her two Oscars to doorstop her bathroom.
(funny if true)
Gave birth to her only child at age 19, a daughter named Suzanne Mary Holman (aka Suzanne Farrington) on October 10, 1933 in a London nursing home. Child's father is her first ex-husband, Herbert Holman.
Is the youngest recipient of the Best Actress Oscar to become a mother; she gave birth to her daughter Suzanne Farrington at age 19.
(I’m 99% positive it’s nothing. Just remembered how I had a dream about Natasha showing up at my apartment with 2 twin boys of about 10+/- years old. There’s extremely tiny chance she could have become pregnant but I doubt it happened. But if somehow she actually did and kept the baby, I’d be 19 years old when she’d give birth. It would be early February of 2008. MA’s bd is February 8)
Was close friends with Rachel Kempson, the mother of Oscar-winning actress Vanessa Redgrave.
The nickname Vivling was given to her by her father. It's a combination of her name and the word darling.
A lover of cats, especially Siamese.
Had an affair with actor Peter Finch that nearly ended her marriage to Laurence Olivier. The movie The V.I.P.s (1963) is based on an incident from Leigh's and Olivier's marriage, when she was about to leave him for Finch but Olivier wooed her back.
(Elizabeth Taylor plays in that film. She also replaced V in the Elephant Walk and played Cleopatra – as did Leigh)
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/books/article-6555437/After-youve-bed-Vivien-matters.html
“Peter Finch once said: 'After you've been to bed with Vivien Leigh nothing else matters'”
Is one of 14 Best Actress Oscar winners to have not accepted their Academy Award in person, Leigh's being for A Streetcar Named Desire (1951). The others are Katharine Hepburn, Claudette Colbert, Joan Crawford, Judy Holliday, Anna Magnani, Ingrid Bergman, Sophia Loren, Anne Bancroft, Patricia Neal, Elizabeth Taylor, Maggie Smith, Glenda Jackson and Ellen Burstyn.
(as of 24 October 2023)
The houses Leigh lived in when filming Gone with the Wind (1939) and Ship of Fools (1965) are shown in Hollywood Mouth 3 (2018). The director of that film, Jordan Mohr, had portrayed Simone Signoret in the stage play "Two Simones: de Beauvoir and Signoret in Hollywood" in which Signoret recalled being invited to the elegant dinner parties Leigh gave during "Ship of Fools" (Signoret was one of the other stars in the film): "They were cooked by a real Cordon Bleu chef. She was as beautiful as she had been at the time of Scarlett O'Hara; she had fabulous memories of this town, and she clung to them. At the end of the evenings the phonograph played the theme from 'Gone with the Wind'; it made her sad, but she did it deliberately. From one moment to another she was scintillating or desperate.".
(memories which were erased in the River of Oblivion… now I’m searching for them, hoping to learn something new about myself and reincarnation… interesting)
Gertrude Hartley, while awaiting the birth of her child in Darjeeling, spent 15 minutes every morning gazing at the Himalayas in the belief that their astonishing beauty would be passed to her unborn child.
Was the 14th actress to receive an Academy Award; she won the Best Actress Oscar for Gone with the Wind (1939) at The 12th Academy Awards on February 29, 1940.
(Number 14)
In the late 1930s and early 1940s, she and Joan Bennett were often considered look-alikes of Hedy Lamarr, who brought the dark-haired, blue-eyed type of beauty to Hollywood. The three actresses appear on the cover of the May 1939 issue of Picture Play Magazine.
(I liked Hedy from the first time I saw her in Karine Alourde’s video – not only for her looks but for her intelligence too)
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/books/article-6555437/After-youve-bed-Vivien-matters.html
At the convent (1-st school in England) the girls had to eat rhubarb with salt instead of sugar, ‘to mortify the sense of taste’. After being punished for talking in class, VL wrote to mother: ‘Don’t you call it beastly? I do think it’s simply the BUN! Mother Bruce-Hall said she hoped I had tribulation — she said it would do me a lot of good.’”
VL’s hasty first marriage was to kindly barrister Leigh Holman, 13 years her senior, whom she first glimpsed across the room at a party. (Alexander Walker wrote I in VL life saw Leigh Holman in a street)
When told he was practically engaged already, she said: ‘That doesn’t matter. He hasn’t seen me yet.’
.
“Suzanne was essentially raised by her grandmother, while the aspiring actress spent her nights out in Soho with other actors and actresses, says Strachan, in ‘a world of alcohol-fuelled casual promiscuity’.”
(this I didn’t know. I hope it’s based on facts for it means this promiscuity started long before bipolar problems)
Oliver wrote to her things such as: ‘Oh I love, love, love, love, my lambkin,’ and when they were apart: ‘I really am in Hell, my love . . . the valley of the shadow . . . I keep crying.’
When she sent him a bunch of carnations, he wore one of them in his underpants, which doesn’t sound very comfortable. In old age, Olivier reminisced that they used to make love three times a day, while Vivien wrote: ‘I don’t think I’ve ever lived as intensely since . . . I don’t remember sleeping . . . I imagined, like the very young always do, that everything lasts for ever.’
“And so began her slow descent into bipolar disorder, or manic depression, exacerbated by drinking.
Her behaviour became so extreme that she would stay out all night, having sex with strangers in London parks, returning home at dawn ‘bedraggled, covered in mud’ — a reflection not so much on the poor, lost Leigh as on the kind of men who would use a woman like this, so obviously in a state of complete mental breakdown.”
Maybe nothing. Just reminded me of streamer Dinablin whom I liked but then saw her stream when she said to 3 other girls she had sex near a fountain (an possibly on a bench in a park? Fountains are in a park); but most importantly it seemed to me she wasn’t minding sex with strangers. Maybe a synchronicity
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http://vivandlarry.com/vivien/stats/
Hobbies: Gardening, doing the Times crossword, playing hostess at parties, collecting modern art and Dickens first editions, walking
(I like gardening; in childhood I did crosswords and liked it also; definitely like walking (if I’m feeling healthy) and visited a lot of places in Moscow)
(in dark-star-a-biography-of-vivien-leigh book it’s mentioned several times that VL had met other people who liked crosswords: Anne Wilding, David Horne, Isabel Jeans, Alan (“Jock”) Dent.)
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Vivien used to paint. A painting of delightful Italian landscape, alongside her canvas artist's bag containing a wooden box with oil paints and a travelling folding easel – all were put up for sale.
(In my childhood years I kinda liked painting sometimes. Once I gifted a painting of a woodpecker on an elm (I believe it was elm because it’s the most prominent tree in the village and I remember it when thinking about that painting) tree to Yana on her birthday. No idea if it’s survived… In school I kinda liked painting also.
“Leigh and Churchill were first introduced by British film producer Alexander Korda on the set of the film Fire Over England in 1936. This was a start of a friendship that would last for 30 years, until the great man’s death in 1965. Churchill was a great fan of cinema and of Vivien Leigh’s work in particular. On the release of Gone with the Wind in 1940, Churchill stayed up until 2am watching the film. When Lady Hamilton was released the following year, it became Churchill’s all-time favourite film, frequently viewed at his own private cinema at Chartwell. He even had it shown on board HMS Prince of Wales when he crossed the Atlantic to meet President Roosevelt in the middle of the war, and sent a copy to Stalin.”
(20.02.2024: I learned now I was Emma Hamilton also; meaning in my Vivien Leigh life I played my old self (Emma) without probably realizing it. There was a moment when in my VL life I said something along the lines of – this is the closest one could get to Lady Hamilton – and yet I was literally her [in a past life]!)
“Vivien’s friendship with Churchill ran deeper than many people knew, demonstrated by a letter included in the sale dated 18 July 1957 in which Churchill promises to donate money to St James’s Theatre, which Vivien was trying to save at the time. She had made a staunch defence against the theatre's demolition in the House of Lords a week earlier and was promptly escorted out. Though Churchill was unable to publicly support Vivien, in his letter he offers to donate £500 to the cause.”
Reminds me of my determination to share Thiaoouba related materials – no matter what. (Of course, as long as I have something to say. I did want to turn the page and do something else in my life after I thought I learned pretty much all I could in terms of spiritual-material knowledge and did all I could to promote Thiaoouba and my experiences and findings … then I learned I was Vivien Leigh and the wheel has started turning once again…)
https://theconversation.com/how-vivien-leigh-survived-hollywood-before-metoo-209714
“She led a rally through London in July 1957 campaigning against theatre closures while sporting a distinctive eye-patch (the result of domestic violence in her own marriage). That same year she loudly protested in the House of Lords against the demolition of the St James’s Theatre.”
https://www.theguardian.com/theguardian/2010/jul/13/archive-a-cue-for-miss-vivien-leigh
“She said later in her dressing-room at the Stoll Theatre that when she spoke the peers "did not move a muscle."
Kinda what happens with Thiaoouba – sadly, not many help me spread the message (even when I showed telekinesis which could be a good start…) no one moves a muscle it seems (literally. Had a big discussion with a woman on FB about that tiny little ‘share’ button under the post – the least people could do to help share the evidence of telekinesis) (#reflection-life)
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https://vivien-leigh.info/library/letters_1960s/
1960s, Vivien’s letter to Jack:
“My Darling Love,
I am on my way to you with a beating heart - and the only point of this little scribble is
that it makes me feel nearer. I wonder every minute if you are awake. I was at 5.00 this morning…
This has been a most extraordinary week. I think the most extraordinary of my life. Alone and yet so infinitely close to you. Sweet dear love, I ache and long to see you”
Probably nothing. Just reminded me of how I said to Olay (ginger; from 9th floor) that I’d lately wake up at 5.
Vivien Leigh’s letter to Jackie Kennedy after the assassination of JFK:
“Nov 23rd, '63
Dear Mrs Kennedy,
May I please add, personally - my thoughts & prayers to those of millions.
Although I am not a citizen of your country - as an...a personal and never to be forgotten sorrow.
Thank you for all you both stand for in the world.
Yours sincerely & in deepest sympathy
Vivien Leigh”
“May 28th, 1967. Tickerage Mill (from Vivien to Jack Merivale)
My Darling one - this is to tell you that you are going to be wonderful - Please try enjoy it dear heart
- All my thoughts and love are with you every minute. You are only wicked not to allow me to share tonight with you. I love you.
Your Angelica.”
https://www.instagram.com/p/CqwtBHDMG4G/
Jack Merivale called Vivien Leigh Angelica and she called him her angel. Love grew between them even though a part of Vivien's heart would always belong to Larry. Jack understood this completely and still chose to commit himself fully to her. He speaks of her in glowing terms, and it is clear she brought him as much joy as he brought to her.
Just a note https://www.behindthename.com/name/angelica
“Derived from Latin angelicus meaning "angelic", ultimately related to Greek ἄγγελος (angelos) meaning "messenger". The poets Boiardo and Ariosto used this name in their Orlando poems (1483 and 1532), where it belongs to Orlando's love interest. It has been used as a given name since the 18th century.”
Maybe nothing but angels (Thiaooubians) are part of my life since I was 20 (maybe even before but I never knew it? – e.g. the yellow entity is still a mystery)
(20.02.2024: it’s possible Thiaooubians were part of my life in one of my past lives also)
“July 2nd, 1967 (from Vivien to Cindy Dietz)
My darling - I am so silly and outraged to the eyeballs these days - I cannot remember whether I answered your angelic cable. Isn't this a fair beast? So unexpected, too. Everyone has been angelic. The play is only postponed, not cancelled. I study it all the time in the hope I might understand it all one day. Forgive this more than usual dreadful handwriting, but the drugs they give me make me sillier than ever. He writes me a lot but I think he is going through hell. Noël is here, which is a joy. Jack has made a whacking success in The Last of Mrs. Cheyney at Guilford. They soon come into the Phoenix (He seems rather pleased with himself - for him!) My love to you both my darling Cindy – Vivien”
Several days before the death on 7-8 July.
The play she talked about is The Delicate Balance. I wrote about it briefly in Plays Reflections section. Had found some possible similarities
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“I felt too young to be the mother of a child, and very lacking in the qualities of restfulness and serenity which a mother should have. How many times since then Scarlett O’Hara’s line, in speaking of her mother, have sprung to my mind! “I always wanted to be like her, calm and kind. I certainly have turned out disappointingly.” But I was not cast in the mould of serenity, and in any case, although you may succeed in being kind at twenty you cannot be calm, with all your life still before you, and your ambitions unfulfilled.”
I’m very restless (as is the case at the moment of writing this note). This could be the sign of lacking (#spiritual-knowledge) regarding how to live in terms of rest.
Up until I started going back to my village I did have certain ambitions boil up inside of me; yet I knew that with such health, and with my body not being beautiful, I’d probably have to pass on them; it was uneasy to realize that you can’t have something you desire, that you can’t live the way you wish to. And it’s interesting because this is chained to the reflection of what I saw in Scarlett at the end of GwtW (Waterloo bridge and Hamilton Woman connection).
“Like everyone else I dreamed of an immediate engagement in the West End, but all I got was a succession of small and unimportant parts in films.”
Funny, but while I see the point, now I kind of wish I could find and see those “unimportant parts in films”. They have become important. But I guess 2 of her movies are lost.
Also, while I don’t know which exactly movies she was referring to, but some of her earlier roles made an important impact on her future life in my body (stammer, for example). This again shows how we learn; first we think something is of no importance, but then we realize what the actual consequences of that action/thing are, and it becomes important.
“I made my first appearance on the stage at the Q Theatre as Guista in The Green Sash. I am sure I was not good in the part, which was a long one and far too difficult for anyone as inexperienced as I was. But Charles Morgan — the only critic who turned up on the first night (God bless him) — gave me two, not too scathing lines in The Times, with the result that Sidney Carroll was interested, and came to see me in the part.
As it happened he was just then planning the production of The Mask of Virtue and looking for someone to play Henrietta. He asked me to come in for an audition. I can still remember my excitement when I went along for it, and my absolute despair when the actual moment arrived. When Sidney Carroll handed me the script and asked me to read the part I literally shook with fright. But Lilian Braithwaite, who had been invited to the audition, gave me a smile of friendly encouragement, and somehow I managed to find my voice.”
The similar things would happen to me, when I was literally shaking during several [important and pressing] situations. (#curious)
There’s a picture of “Lady Olivier with one of her Siamese cats”.
I didn’t have one, but my mother did. (there’s a picture of it). Sadly, that cat went away and never returned.
“From the moment I read Margaret Mitchell’s novel, Gone With The Wind I was fascinated by the lovely, wayward, tempestuous Scarlett. I felt that I loved and understood her, almost as thought I had known her in the flesh.”
As I wrote before, some reflection with me finding Thiaoouba Prophecy book can be found.
20.02.2024: And it’s possible I either was someone like Scarlett in my past life, or/and maybe I was people in other lives whose names were: Hamilton (now I actually know I was Emma Hamilton), Kennedy, Butler. (#psyche-data-astro) I might look too far with the last two names, even though I was actually Hamilton, but then when I looked if there were people named Butler who died on Titanic, I did find one person. From what little info is out there about him, I do appear to have possible synchronicities with some facts about that man (13 pound ticket; died at 25).
Reginald Fenton Butler. 1886 – 15 April 1912. 25 years. Titanic was the major link leading me to finding out I was Vivien Leigh, and that’s why I decided to see if anyone named Butler died in the Titanic disaster. But it could be nothing, just a coincidence.
https://www.encyclopedia-titanica.org/titanic-victim/reginald-fenton-butler.html
“Scarlett has always been my favourite film part, although I have loved others, too, especially Lady Hamilton, in which Larry played Nelson, perhaps because it was the first film we made together after our marriage in California.”
It’s just a speculation still. If somehow in the Universe she and I were that Lady Hamilton, then it’s of no surprise that she loved that role. (20.02.2024: now I know I was Emma)
“Another character who gripped me, though in a very different way, was the pathetic Blanche Du Bois in A Streetcar Named Desire. So many people have condemned the play for its sordid theme. To me it is an infinitely moving please for tolerance for all weak, frail creatures, blown about like leaves before the wind of circumstance.”
I agree with my old self’s words, but we still should say that those sexual deviations, like homosexuality, aren’t Natural (etc) – unless you’re a [natural] hermaphrodite leaving on the planet of the 9-th category.
“Sixteen years have passed since that first night of The Mask of Virtue when success came so suddenly that I distrusted it. I do still, but it no longer seems so important, for I have learnt many things since then. One is that to live in the fullest sense is worth more than to attain any material reward.”
(#spiritual-knowledge)
Again, I see the point.
“I have learnt too that love is the greatest gift that life can offer, and that no price could ever be too dear to pay for it. I have grown to appreciate friendship, while remembering that it has obligations, and that if you want to receive it you must cast your bread upon the waters freely.” (#spiritual-knowledge)
“I believe sincerity and a fixed aim are essential to success, and that the greatest assets you can bring to a marriage, are imagination and a sense of humour. Most of all, I have learnt to say, from the bottom of my heart, that I would gladly live every moment of my life again.”
And here I am, reading all the things I can find about my old self, as if relieving my life of Vivien Leigh.
--
http://vivandlarry.com/travel/tickerage-mill/
Vivien loved Tickerage Mill, which was located in a little valley amidst woodlands and green pastures. It’s peaceful and beautiful.
I always loved being in the village among the Nature.
There’s a crescent-shaped hedge with a stone bench in the middle sitting on a little hill. Reportedly, Vivien loved to sit there and catch the last rays of sunshine before they slipped behind the rolling hills in the distance.
Made me remember how I tried to learn if sun gazing has some merit to it and had to wake up before sunrise by asking my Higher Self to wake me up. I like sunrises too btw.
Probably absolutely nothing – the name of my village, which played a major role in my life, is ‘Малые Горки’, which could b translated as ‘Little Hills’. Interestingly, I’ve also several synchronicities with a video game called ‘Silent Hill’.
Looking at photos I thought to myself that I like the brick texture of the house. I always wanted to have a house like that – when thinking of how I’d remodel my village house, I’d usually arrive to it becoming a brick house of the texture similar to Leigh’s or some of the houses in USA.
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https://vivienleighlegend.com/the-double-life-of-vivien-leigh/
They write that Vivien Leigh’s breakdown seems to parallel her Streetcar role in several ways.
So, in my life as Vivien, I also had already had some interesting synchronicities (parallels) happen.
…There were ugly rumours in Piccadilly that she was not conducting herself in a lady-like manner.
Piccadilly has been mentioned before. Possible connection to Emma Hamilton.
…it is reported that Andrews, Vivien’s constant companion, was deeply concerned about her behaviour. He urged her to see a psychiatrist.
“Psychiatrists cause more trouble than any other people in the world. I don’t believe in them,” said VL.
I wouldn’t phrase it like this with the knowledge I’ve got, but there is a part of me which agrees with my old self.
The other part watched videos and read articles on psychology; I even thought of studying it in Uni.
The thing is I’m pretty sure I was able via self-study to learn quite enough about psychology. After all I was able to dig myself out of the hole full of psychological problems, I was in years ago. One of the final problems I had might be cured by me finding out my past life – the reasons for some of my sufferings. My life has become healthier and calm already now that I know I was Vivien Leigh (some dust is yet to fully settle, though)
“Another discovered that Vivien was also seeing quite a lot of John Buckmaster, an English actor who was once married to Jan Sterling. Buckmaster and Vivien, so the story went, spent hours together while he taught her the mysteries of Yoga.”
There was time yoga helped me. So did meditation.
“What the public did not know was that Vivien’s derangement had the effect of erasing her identity as Vivien Leigh. She had become the nymphomaniac in A Streetcar Named Desire — right down to the sultry southern accent.”
I wish they wrote more details. It reminded me of how after realizing I was actually Vivien, there was a moment when I felt her personality could overpower me. I realized it and took certain measures to take things in slowly… thinking of myself as of a soul, experiencing living in different bodies, and having experienced living in Leigh’s, does seem to be the right way of mental self-image.
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http://vivandlarry.com/photo-essay/12-mustsee-vivien-leigh-locations-in-london/
“Flat D in 54 Eaton Square in the fashionable Belgravia district was Vivien’s city home from 1958 to the end of her life.”
D must mean the 4 (D is the 4th letter in the alphabet)? This number pops up here and then; 4th September and around 4 o’clock when I had the fateful dream with Vivien.
Then:
“The last stop on our tour, and possibly my personal favorite, is Durham Cottage, the quaint and adorable house in Christchurch Street, Chelsea. The cottage was purchased by Laurence Olivier in June 1937 as a love nest for himself and Vivien. It remained their London base until 1956.
…
Durham Cottage is number 4 on the right. You can’t miss the bright blue gate.”
The picture (which I have in pdf of the page) has number 4 on the door…
For what it’s worth the digital root of my apartment I lived all my life is equal to 4.
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They say about ‘stamina’ and ‘appetite’… Probably, I will have to mention my two time 9 something hour PMO and that I usually did those sessions for hours…
So here’s another similarity between us…
And Natasha (Velozavodskaya 11/1) once said that sex is a good sport (секс хороший спорт, если я правильно помню прилагательное)
“It is now 70 years since Margaret Mitchell's epic Civil War romance (a publishing phenomenon that has sold more copies worldwide than any other book, except the Bible) was brought to the screen.”
I find it interesting that me, my soul, has connections to both of those books, considering Thiaoouba Prophecy’s origin.
Olivier married Leigh in August 1940, 14 months after GwtW was completed. His pet name for Vivien for Puss. He’d later complain to friends that VL’s sexual needs eventually became 'burdensome'.
Puss is opposite of dog (in a weird and cliche way). It also kinda sounds like Russian word «пёс» which means dog (I’m probably reaching here)
“Sex was a sickness with her. It was not only a powerful stimulant for her, but as addictive as any drug. I was a young man then, and it was like Christmas every day - but poor Larry. Poor Larry. She must have been killing him.”
“Her need for regular and prodigious sex became increasingly urgent as she grew older, and her emotional episodes became more acute.”
“According to another biographer, during the periods of depression that now plagued her, 'she had sexual fantasies that distressed her, believing that if she were left alone at these times she might be moved to pick up a stranger on the street, bring him home and seduce him'.
Sometimes she would 'feel a compulsion' to invite a taxi driver, in whose cab she had ridden, to come back to the house with her. The same urge would overtake her when she was alone with a deliveryman.”
“The appointment was for four o'clock. I waited and waited. She finally turned up two hours late - dishevelled, her stockings torn, buttons missing from her blouse.
'But looking very happy.God knows where she had been, but it was obvious what she had been up to.”
There was a woman on swinglife.ru who said she needed sex several times a week; the reason she frequented those swing clubs in Moscow.
Also 4 o’clock and 2 hours late.
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https://youtu.be/JYHvoRPCCPk?si=u3LpA0xel6pXFB59
(#reflection) many are present below:
3:11 - “Vivien Leigh had gumption”
I saw in this saying a possible another reason why Thiaooubians could have helped me. I’ve already had made bold moves before…
3:55 – Convergence of 3 people who had gumption. I find in this another sign, showing that the Universe was created and everything is happening for a reason; sign of spirituality; etc.
4:28 – no less than 202 million went to see GwtW. Again, the number 2 & 0.
4:45 – 81 years. Another thing I noticed is that in 2020 it was 81 years since 1939. 81 has a big meaning in Thiaoouba book. 2020 was a huge year for me (published TP translation; wrote my own book and published it; had a lot of interactions with people; I grew stronger)
6:36 – she (Scarlett) lives in the past to cope with the massive change in life (personal and community). Same as was (to some degree is) with me (it was clearly seen when I was in 10th grade)
7:05 – she spends so much time wishing things were different – could have been, or, perhaps, should have been (in her mind). Again, reflects my own life up until a certain point. We both have lived in the past.
7:40 – Scarlett seems so self-absorbed and inept. Like she could use a good hard dose of reality. She gets it and surprises us repeatedly. Again, it’s a reflection of my life. I did manage to get my health back at one point; the book is another surprise; I feel like my understandings too.
8:20 – this brought tears to my eyes. “She realizes she’s been living in the past and chooses to stop”. Reflection of me.
9:15 – dreams play a role in GwtW. Same as in my life – In fact, it was thanks to a dream that I found out I was indeed Vivien Leigh in 1 of my past lives. (20.02.2024 - In Missy’s life I started having nightmares, eventually turning into prophecy of my death)
Safety is the topic there. I think I found my safety in Thiaoouba and the actual knowledge I gained in my life through my studies and experiences. And now I also found additional safety in knowing 1 of my past lives – Vivien Leigh.
Stubbornness is repeated many times in the video. I am stubborn.
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After the dream with Vivien playing her old life as Cleopatra – literally (and her, and me, possibly being Emma Hamilton) – I see how those books by Steve Hodel (related to Black Dahlia) are coming closer and closer to become synchronicities with my own experiences of finding 1 life 100% and possibly more lives… which, if actually mine, are also famous people – and so many people will not believe me for it’s too grand of a claim…
From my short audio note: V shake; me shake; Nancy Thompson defeat Freddy. I think my thought… had something to do with the idea of fear and then gaining courage and finally defeating the ‘enemy’ being a possible link, connecting my IT/Nightmare on Elm Street synchronicities with my Vivien Leigh/Michele Avila synchronicities.
Both me and V were shaking in our lives. To some degree I came over some of that fear (don’t know the future; but I’ve got no problems sharing the “unbelievable” truth about myself)
17 years (the age of Michele Avila) is between Vivien’s death and the release of A Nightmare on Elm Street, with which I have syncs.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vivien_Leigh_on_stage_and_screen
Her star was placed on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on February 8, 1960. (MA’s bd is February 8)
For what it’s worth I liked drawing 5 edged stars in early childhood.
It’s funny how many pictures of V’s star are from stock websites; I used to upload some of my photos to stocks too and even got paid a bit of money
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27 book was about reincarnation – my views at that time on the subject.
I wanted to write another book featuring the theme of rebirth.
I found 1 of my lives. Can this be the link between Vivien and IT/Nightmare cyncs?
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Ruthie was a dear friend of Vivien, and she also mentioned her in one of her autobiographies:
“Vivien Leigh could choose flowers. She asked us to do a heartrending favor for her and sent us masses of pale straw-colored daffodils and black tulips. Little Vivien! She knew what to do about everything except find a reason to live.”
Vivien also named her cat Jones, after Ruthie’s son.
(Me finding I was VL gave me a very good reason to live; Jones was the cat in Alien but I’ve no cyncs with that movie – just remembered it – but I was also kind of scared to watch that movie as a child, and… well, actually there was that one time I watched Alien, thinking it’s no longer scary since I watched it so many times, but then I had the most scary dream in my life – with that white faced woman right in from of my face – when I woke up screaming for the first and only time to date, and I was all covered in sweat; that dream taught me not to watch scary movies – even if I think differently – right before going to sleep, and after that I’d watch either comedies or something else before sleep… it worked and I had no nightmares)
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“Classical plays require more imagination and more general training to be able to do. That’s why I like playing Shakespeare better than anything else.”
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https://www.quora.com/Why-didnt-Marlon-Brando-pursue-a-relationship-with-Vivien-Leigh
“I've read that Brando did a perfect imitation of Olivier's voice that highly entertained Vivien.”
There’s a silly fantasy in which I imitate other people’s voices. It’s Dread Hunger related.
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https://youtu.be/fcFktR9mGws?si=bOYABTHtn_tWJT8h&t=993
Onion sandwiches that Clark ate and V hated the smell. Well, there was a moment when I was riding on the train to or from my village. There was a couple who ate those onion sandwiches and the smell penetrated deeply into the car… it was bearable but I wished they’d eat something that smells more pleasantly…
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I always felt like west way of life (in housing) is more to my liking. Now it’s clear why.
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Vivien lived in New York while she was working. I remember a dream in which I was in a brick building with windows on all 4 sides – so I had complete 360 view of the city. I wonder if that dream could be related somehow to my life as Vivien? Was she ever in such a building?
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Pleiades on Thiaoouba Prophecy book (I’ve no clue why it’s there). Vivien’ character (Blanche DuBois) mentions them. Also, there was a woman in the comments on my YouTube video saying she was from Pleiades (I don’t think she was because she never said the exact reason for her thinking so)
I was thinking what if 1 of reasons Thiaooubians helped me was because many of my sufferings have the roots in the movies and plays I did as Vivien Leigh? Because I clearly didn’t think it was a mistake to play a particular character in a movie/play. Turns out even the roles in movies are important and can greatly influence the actor’s future life. And so their help in presenting themselves to me via visions, telepathy etc was to alleviate some of that suffering? Well, maybe I’m wrong here. Just food for thought.
The truth about stuttering; Thiaoouba book; and now me finding my past life – all happened in 1 apartment. No wonder they say you don’t need to go to any special temples/places to achieve spirituality.
A note on movies/plays and errors made by actors. It's one of those details - I forgot to mention it -, but in my past comments I was talking about the roles in which the character played by an actor wasn't punished for the errors she/he made in the movie. So, it appears as if the character did a bad thing and got away with it - as if it was the right decision/action but in reality of the Universe it wasn't.
It appears to me the Universe considers that to be an error - and it's actually logical; I don't know how things were in your schools but in mine there were some bullies who would wrap their hands around the necks of the ones they bullied and almost tried to break it... I bet they watched movies with Steven Seagal, Schwarzenegger, Stallone etc (and I also loved those actors as a kid) - you know the actors whom I bet Thao knew from the violent movies she mentioned to Michel Desmarquet.
So, actors, screenwriters, directors etc need to be aware of that. Mistakes have to be suffered for and movies/plays are not exception to that Universal rule it seems to me. (For not it’s a theory, but I feel the main idea of it is solid)
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stQDLgAUSEk
https://https//screenrant.com/gone-with-the-wind-movie-vivien-leigh-patrick-stewart/
Patrick Stewart (while watching GwtW):
"I was sitting on one side of her and her gorgeous boyfriend [John Merivale] was sitting on the other side of her wearing a fabulous expensive suit. I saw that she was touching her face quite often, and then finally she turned to me and she took my hand and she said “Patrick, I'm going to have to leave. This is so upsetting. You see, so many of these lovely people I worked with are dead and it's upsetting me so much. So, thanks for sharing this. I hope you enjoy the night.” And she got up and she and John walked out. I was so touched. She could have just left. She didn't have to say thank you for coming and it's very good of you and explain to me why she was crying."
As a kid I learned about my grandpa’s passing and I cried. I would sometimes think about death and wonder if there’s something else after death. Now I know.
In general, I cried quite often in this life. Sometimes I shed tears watching movies that sync in with your emotions.
The fact that V explained to Patrick why she was crying and leaving has no direct reflection in my life (I haven’t been around people much) but I think it is something I could have done; I do remember how I tried to advise my village friend not to start drinking in other company (it was girls related). That friend actually was the one to start calling me пёс so I could’ve just said nothing to him, given no help, but I did despite of all the bad things he did/said to me.
.
Then Patrick says she [VL] was a super star of her day and Connan agrees. Then he says there was no one bigger. It was warming to hear.
Then Patrick says a story how after the end of one play the flowers were presented to the actors and to VL; before that the actors near her said something and she hit her with that bouquet of flowers across the face.
(I can see myself in that description – except I try to behave, knowing that the Universe will take care of people who make mistakes; my goal is that I make no errors myself – try toI)
.
6:30 Patrick says he was celebrating his 21 bd, threw a party, and VL came to it. None of the other producers did but V did come.
(it is sweat. But in my life I remember how Natasha – village friend – called me to her bd but at the time I was so afraid to speak because of stutter that I simply couldn’t bring myself to go… I regret it. It was one of turning points which led to me becoming alone.)
She wore only 1 perfume, as Patrick says, called ‘Joy’ by Patou. https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Jean-Patou/Joy-1436.html
(‘Joy by Jean Patou is a Floral fragrance for women. Joy was launched in 1930. The nose behind this fragrance is Henri Almeras. Top notes are Bulgarian Rose, Ylang-Ylang and Tuberose; middle notes are Jasmine and May Rose; base notes are Musk and Sandalwood.’
‘JOY is created of rare flowers in unique concentration of 10600 flowers of jasmine and 28 dozens of roses which adorn the exceptional heart of this perfume.’
28. and the Red Rose is what I asked my HS to show me in a dream if Scotty Bowers’ story about me was true. In general I like roses.
They say the perfume was reformulated and no longer smells like the original which VL had.
)
(‘There are other joys in life’ – the words Thao told me telepathically. I think it’s a (#reflection))
(#psyche-data)
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https://youtu.be/26Y24WS_Ju8?si=XL5CI8XweMaz46e-
at 26:-- Jean Howard says V was schizophrenic and had split personalities (usually I heard bi polar used to describe V’s problem). Maybe it’s nothing but when I learned and had the evidence I was actually VL there was a moment I thought V’s personality could overtake me (I even went to read about split personalities just in case and it helped me to come to my senses); so I took it all easy, allowing the new unexpected truth to penetrate me 1 step at a time.
Possible (#psyche-data) and I mentioned this elsewhere.
(There’s a reply to a comment on that video:
@ThePiratemachine 1 year ago: “kwi I knew someone who knew her. He said - predictably I thought - she was ultra-sensitive, vulnerable and strong.”
Once again describe old me (my present body of teen years) perfectly. Relates to ‘courage’ and the lessons I learned when I was 28+ years (reasons not to get offended).
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In one video it was said that after splitting with Olivier Vivien thought about how she should treat the years spent together now that they’re apart.
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At one time I searched courier work and had an interview in a movie company. Don’t remember its name. My awkwardness due to stutter and resulted (?) shyness were one of reasons I wasn’t needed.
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https://fortpittclassiccars.com/listings/1960-bentley-s2/
(I’ve recorded a video with photos from that website)
Had this car
1960 Bentley S2 with V8 engine
(so I guess 8 again? But there’s not a lot of numbers when it comes to engines https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/V_engine - 14 )
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https://pagesix.com/2017/09/29/vivien-leigh-thought-gone-with-the-wind-would-flop/
VL experienced “shivering fits” and “foulmouthed tirades.”
Maybe totally unrelated but there were several times when I was shivering uncontrollably in my body. My teeth were also hitting each other loudly.
As for swearing (in a video about V it says she swore profusely when Oliver slapped her and she slapped him back – when she refused to go on stage because she had no shoes) it reminds me of that rainy day when my motorcycle got broken down in Panfilovo and I’d swear a lot under the rain in front of my village friends. I feel ashamed.
https://www.datalounge.com/thread/29689459-vivien-leigh-a-cruel-homewrecking-cunt
https://www.amazon.com/Dancing-into-Ballets-Russes-Beyond/dp/1852731141
Tamara Finch, who was wife of Peter Finch, writes about me in my Vivien Leigh life in her book “Dancing into the Unknown: My Life in the Ballets Russes and Beyond”, 2007.
Tamara writes that at 2 o’clock in the morning (January 1953) Vivien called them on the phone and said she’ll be coming over to see them (Tamara and Peter) because she wanted to talk. It was about the movie Elephant Walk.
When arrived Vivien took off her mink coat, revealing a clinging, almost transparent dress that looked more like an underslip.
(it may take 50-60 dead minks to create 1 coat. I’m sad I wore that thing. In this life I try not to buy clothes which require animals to be killed. Several times tried not to eat meat – the idea came from Thiaoouba I think)
(I remember how in village, in the wooded road leading from the highway to the village, Серёжа and I spotted a little rodent and chased it for fun (not fun anymore and certainly wasn’t fun for the animal) in the forest. It could have been a mink (норка) actually… they do live in Europe according to Wikipedia)
…
Then Tamara writes how VL paced restlessly around their apartment while Peter was reading the script. Vivien chose Peter as the leading man in the picture, because Larry ‘had let her down’.
Then VL complained that their flat was too stuffy. She also opened a few drawers to inspect their contents; and commented on their cheap curtain linings.
In my current life: One time a woman from Роскомнадзор who recorded noise said it was душно – stuffy – in my apartment. As for cheap curtain linings – I live in 1 room apartment with my mother. Always were rather poor family – so that is another penalty for mistakes I think.
There was that 1 instant when a policeman with his girlfriend (or whoever she was to him) came to my apartment. He opened the bathroom door and they saw the broken toilet flush tank. I think there was a wooden plunk holding the mechanism. They smiled to each other and I didn’t feel okay about it. Once they found out I was 15 (I think) they left.
Also, Anton made mention about the fact we closed curtains (of course we do since otherwise people will see what’s inside) to his buddy and there was that silly reaction from them both.
(#error)
Later Vivien organized a party for Tamara, who was exhausted. Vivien had her change into an outfit she chose for her, and as soon as Peter complimented his wife on her appearance, Vivien’s manner changed and she ran from the bedroom.
Tamara goes on to describe how Vivien would refuse to go out from her apartment to meet guests. Suddenly, she appeared in a terrible state, screaming, crying and sobbing because she couldn’t contact Larry on the phone. He was working in Italy at that time. She was hysterical even though various friends tried to calm her down. Eventually Peter and David Niven carried VL to her apartment.
Tamara asked Peter if she was mad, indicating this not to be a normal behavior. Peter answered she was strained, lonely and worried from not hearing from Larry. Then he tells Tamara to look after VL, who was glad she was there and who was also, according to Peter, near a nervous breakdown. Peter also mentions VL bought all Anita’s clothes and arranged the party for Tamara.
(#psyche-data) (Reminds me of how I used to panic sometimes in childhood when I was left alone at home, but also recently too when my mother would either not answer the phone or she’d be away from home for too long. Once I even called a police and had to write a letter to revoke the started (they didn’t even ask me!) investigation into mother’s whereabouts when she did finally get home)
Tamara and Peter made love. She felt loved and secure. When she was about to fall asleep, a demented looking Vivien Leigh opened the door and rushed to their bed. Vivien’s robe was open, displaying her naked body. She screamed obscenities and tore off the bedclothes. Realizing they were naked, she collapsed at the foot of the bed sobbing and shouting at Peter: 'You haven't told her, you haven't told her! How could you be sleeping with her, you monster? You're my lover!'
Later Peter’s wife Tamara Tchinarova writes: “An unbelievable silence followed when he returned. I was Cold and shaking uncontrollably.”
Since it was me – VL - who technically was a reason for that state perhaps my uncontrollable shaking experiences in this current life are related to that event? As punishment for the error? The psyche data could also be mixed here…
“What could one do if one's opponent in love was one of the greatest beauties in the world?” (Tamara talks about VL)
(no longer beautiful. In my Incels video (in which I tried to help those people see the main reason for their misfortunes and change their negative attitude to positivity to become more spiritual people, making less errors) many ignorant people have essentially stated as much)
Tamara writes Peter told her the affair with VL started while they were filming in Ceylon. Viven started it by coming into his bed. People who were around backed up that story.
Tamara then says Vivien tried to attack her with a knife. She cut up all her clothes. VL tried to throw herself out of the window, and during another time she tried to over-dose and tried to drown herself. Then Vivien laughed at Tamara’s appearance – particularly the length of her nose – and told her even though Peter was Tamara’s, she’d get him in the end.
(#error) (I suffer for appearances, as I said. Also, I’ll mention that I noticed MA’s nose shape; which is fine I guess but could draw attention of those who’d like to laugh at appearances; if I was MA too then I could see why…. I feel ashamed to think this since I don’t yet know 100% I was MA, so… [22.02.2024 – Now I know I was Michele Avila])
(I looked at Tamara’s photos and in my male body and knowing what I know now I find her pretty and don’t mind her nose which I didn’t even pay attention to until I read that awful sentence about my shameful actions in another life.
EDIT: later Tamara writes how she underwent a cosmetic surgery because of the words V said…)
(had my mouth open to read about the knife situation… and I remember how my mom would threaten me with a knife many times… once she cut huge hole in the door which I barricaded to protect myself in the room) definitely (#error) for which I suffered and paid…
And I remember a situation in which my winter jacket was cut by a knife. I remember my school peers bringing that to my attention. My mother must have cut it. Details are blurry for now…
(As for drowning – if I was Michele Avila after all then in a way that attempt did materialize… my mother tried to overdose and I was very worried (#error)?) And the window attempt may reflect the one from my current life… thankfully I had that dream, telling me to search specific combinations of words about stammer, which led me to Roman Snezko’s website and I learned then the truth about stuttering. The rest is history as they say.
Vivien put her hands on Tamara’s shoulders and loudly told the crowd: 'I want you all to meet the most courageous girl I know. She has just had an operation on her nose to try to look more glamorous. I think she is wonderful.'
(I’ve had an… indentation on my nose since I was born, I think. Never bothered me too much but maybe it’s related somehow to those events of old life?)
VL’s friends were embarrassed, and when Peter hugged Tamara, Vivien ignored them for the rest of the evening.
(The theme of ignoring again. I’m ignored a lot in this life)
Tamara and Peter eventually divorced. VL was one of reasons. Tamara writes: “Peter and I may have been just a passing drama in Vivien Leigh's troubled life, but we both paid a high price for her capricious affections.”
(It saddens me that Tamara, according to Wiki, never remarried and never had a partner since her divorce…)
(If Michele Avila was Vivien Leigh, it surprises me not what had happened (as I said before) And it surprises me not what I have to live through in my loveless life of loneliness and rejections) (#error)
(I think I’ve learned my lesson… I’d hope so… I did try to approach different looking women and I was willing to have relationships with those girls who had problems; I was willing to try to help them but they refused me – possibly because of my appearance + my knowledge which is a subject of lots of skepticism and so, again, I’m being ignored)
(Note: Tamara’s account of her experience with Vivien Leigh proved to be of great help determining I was actually Vivien. The errors I made as VL in front of Tamara had the most clear consequences, matching almost perfectly (obviously, the situations surrounding those events shouldn’t be 100% identical), in my current life, when it was time for me to pay the penalty.)
Laurence Olivier talking about Vivien and Peter Finch (From Laurence Olivier' book "Confession of an actor"):
Larry knows about Vivien and Peter’s affair. He writes he could find no blame in his heart for Peter. Laurence sees that Peter is doing what he himself had done to Vivien’s first husband 17 years ago.
Later Larry mentions the date – Tuesday, the 17th. His ‘mission’ (it was about VL’s nervous breakdown during the filming of Elephant Walk) was futile and he flew the next day to Paris.
(Maybe nothing. If syncs with Michele Avila mean what I think they could, then I’ll note she was 17 when she died due to jealousy and lies of her ‘friends’ telling she slept with other girls’ boyfriends)
(and yes, it was probably Olivier’s punishment for his error to sleep with a married woman - VL)
In the comments someone said this (don’t know how true): “Vivien Leigh stalking and deliberately bumping into Larry Olivier and his then wife Jill Esmond during a private family trip to Capri.” (I’ve a photo of that – Capri)
(When I fell in love with Katay (which was strange for that happened when I looked at her photograph) I kinda exhibited strange behaviors… but a lot of that happened because of my fear of speech due to stuttering, so… hard to tell if the (#psyche-data) could be at play here)
(Never fell in love with red haired Marina in Moscow, but when I wanted to approach her, I needed to wait near her house – I don’t consider it to be stalking though; and later when it was clear she’s married and doesn’t want to be friends with me I just passed her by, saying simple ‘hello’)
From a poster:
“I have a dreadful suspicion that all this disgraceful carry-on is really a vino Veritas condition! She has always been spoilt and when she fails to get her own way she takes to the bottle and goes berserk. Of course I am fond of her and of course I am sorry for her, but however upset she may be about Larry she should control herself and behave better. It's all her own fault anyhow and I am now abysmally bored with the whole situation. It has been going on for far too long and I'll have no more of it"
(in my life it was PMO that I’d ‘took to’ in case of problems…) (#psyche-data)
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There were mentions that Leigh slept with Taxi driver(s). Reminded me finally of that story I wrote about in my book Simple Truths of Life. Woman had sex with a taxi driver, which opened her psychological barrier about not having sex after the death of her partner. Interesting synchronicity…
Just a note about the dream (February 1 2011):
“Then I had another dream where I found Thao to live in a European church. Inside of it were people covered in blood and they were afraid that I was a demon, they sought for proof that I was not and when they got it, I went to see Thao interrupting her and some other man. She, as well as the man, was wearing black cloth. We came back to the hall with people. In the dream we were about to go to a private room as a bad thought, containing rude thoughts about sex, came out of my mind and Thao, having read it, became silent and smile disappeared from her face. We stayed with other people. Then I started to humbly ask her if werewolves are real. She said nothing but frowned.”
It interests me now because some people thought Vivien Leigh was possessed by a demon. NOTE – I was not able to find evidence of that (maybe some people on Youtube just invented it for views?)
But I found this: “Prior to casting Leigh, Gone With the Wind director George Cukor declared that “the girl I select must be possessed of the devil and charged with electricity,” and Leigh could conjure both qualities, and more, with breathtaking prowess.”
(so it may connect to that dream; more interestingly is the fact he speaks about ‘charged with electricity’ – makes me remember those several instances when I experienced ‘electric touch’)
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Before I knew I was VL. “C.U.C.K. Effect” was the title of a silly idea to have a video game parodying Mass Effect, and also showing ridiculousness of some current social constructs and ideas. A giant pigeon the height of a human would be the main hero – Shepard. Sadly, V did make certain people cu... And that’s sad.
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Stutter/stammer
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenneth_Tynan
Died 26 July 1980 (aged 53) – just wanna note
It’s 8 years exactly before Eva Chirumbolo would tell the truth about Missy’s death.
It’s 38 years exactly before the death of my father.
dark-star-a-biography-of-vivien-leigh- book says that, it seems, Tommy Fields – the actor in Look up and Laugh had stutter, https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0276362/?ref_=tt_cl_t_12
but most noticeably https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenneth_Tynan ,the critic whom Vivien had trouble with, did also stammer!
I’d need to ty to know more – what if V, being annoyed at him, said something bad regarding his stutter? Could explain the reason I had to stammer…
https://www.sothebys.com/en/articles/a-wedding-gift-from-katharine-hepburn-to-vivien-leigh
“They [Vivien and Larry] started quarrelling rather bitterly. She was sharp-tongued, Larry was tough as hell. They were scrapping all the way…”
So I was capable of saying bad words (and there are lots of other evidence of that of course)
it says that essentially - Later, she came to his bedroom and fondled him through his Y-fronts. Alas for Leigh, Tynan worshipped Olivier and couldn’t have risen to the occasion even if he’d wanted to. Nothing daunted, Leigh promptly jumped into bed with Tynan’s then wife, Elaine Dundy.
It’s not clear if anything happened next. IF that was the case, it could give additional reason for me having a very early homosexual experience in this life too – only this time it was more like punishment, not pleasure.
Tynan wrote some not very good articles about V which he later redacted but the damage was done. Damage can be different. Maybe people believed in the false idea; maybe the person about whom the message was said got depressed.
Anyway, this reminded me of how I have to deal with people in my life who also write hasty comments about me, making their misunderstandings of me reality, which can damage me and I think it already did. (#reflection-life)
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I remember how I built a tree house in my garden. It was on bird cherry trees (now cut down)
Most importantly the name of their friend was Hamilton.
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11 years of pmo after 13 is 24. 24 + 11 is 35. In both 24 and 35 years I’ve a good reason to stop daydreaming habit and masturbation. In fact when I was 24 Natasha was at the center of that need/wish of mine to be done with my 2 bad habits of this life. And in 35 Natasha relates to this also because it was Waterloo Bridge that finally showed me I had to be Vivien Leigh due to that Natasha related reflection in the movie.
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https://www.classicmoviehub.com/facts-and-trivia/film/gone-with-the-wind-1939/page/4/
During filming Vivien Leigh reportedly smoked 4 packets of cigarettes a day.
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Alexander Korda. My mother thought to name me Alexander, but my paternal grandma said there were many unhappiness about that name (her son Alexander died) and so my mom and dad liked the name Evgeny/Zhenya (Евгений/Женя)
Finding I was Vivien Leigh is the greatest plot twist of my life.
Fights between VL and LO. Drank father beat up my mother -> I had stutter.
Vl, Michele Avila and I – all have had diaries at some point in our lives
What if I had unresolved psyche issues from life as VL, and also had psychological inheritance from my new biological family? Mom had problems and before I knew about reincarnation I thought if that could be the reason…
There’s a video of VL golfing. Also her mother was a “proficient golfer”. I had golf game on Sony-Ericson and played it in GTA5. I liked it. Just noting.
My mom has a book about India written in the 80s or 90s. I read it in about the time I had syncs with Michele and VL
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http://vivandlarry.com/classic-film/revealing-david-nivens-missie/
https://www.amazon.com/Bring-Empty-Horses-David-Niven/dp/0340839953
From David Niven’s book ‘Bring on the Empty Horses’.
In his book David Niven calls me in my Vivien Leigh life ‘Missie’, which is one of the greatest synchronicities with my life of Michele Avila, in which I was called ‘Missy’. (#curious) The change of the ending in the names (MissIE vs MissY) is also of interest because at one point my ViviAn name changed to ViviEn.
“Occasionally she would let out a peal of laughter and point at the set; sometimes she would shrink back in horror; once she screamed with fear and moved up close beside me.”
.
““Isn’t she lovely?” she said, pointing at the empty screen.”
Okay, it’s difficult to say, but in this life there were not highly similar, but somewhat eerily remotely similar incidents. Once I remembered how I was called «&$#, $*^%#@, %^$#, & other bad [for me] words» and, being annoyed at myself for my life maybe, started talking out loud calling myself those words. But in a second I realized it’s stupid and disrespectful what I was doing, thought I needed to be strong, and I stopped.
There were other episodes I think but I can’t remember them.
(#pseche-data)
“After another hour of empty television I claimed an urge for a cup of coffee and left Missie reacting to the horizontal flashes…”
Just yesterday watched Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me and there’s a tv screen showing during opening credits. The movie itself proved to have lots of similarities with my life of Missy, but also with my current life and with my Vivien’s life. Mainly because of that it was the second movie, after Mulholland Drive (which after another viewing proved to also have even more similarities with my life now that I know I was Vivien Leigh), when I was sitting there and watching the screen till the end of the credits… I was crying at the end of that movie – during the angel scene… It was sooo similar to what I had to go through as Michele Avila because of my mistakes in my Vivien Leigh life (and perhaps in other lives I lived before). So many ideas resonated with me…
“…when I suggested that she clean up her face for the impending visit, it provoked another screaming spat of abuse: If I didn’t think she was beautiful the way she was, why didn’t I get the hell out?…Who invited me anyway?”
As mentioned elsewhere I didn’t look at the mirror for a lot of time (could be even several years) because I wasn’t liking my balding and asymmetric appearance.
“Missie was instantly transformed. “Why don’t you want me to speak to Louella?” she yelled. “She probably wants to do a Sunday story on me…You know I love Louella.” She ran into the kitchen and started looking up the columnist’s number. I grabbed the phone from Missie’s hands, and a battle royal took place for it’s possession. She went for my eyes and testicles with fingers like hooked claws, so during th sobbing period that followed the encounter I took the doctor’s advice and locked up all the sharp kitchen implements I could find.”
I was in a reverse situation when it was me who had to hide knives…
“When the moment to take the pills came, she grabbed the bottle out of my hand and ran off like a naughty child, hid it behind her back, and demanded a kiss in exchange for it. This payment having been extracted, she deliberately emptied the contents of the bottle into the deep end of the pool.”
I remember how my dad, sadly, reminded me of a child during the last time I saw him drunk. He’d hold on to the vodka bottle as if it was a baby…
(#error) and punishment?
“I dared not go to sleep for five minutes, and as the long days and interminable nights melded into each other, a dreadful thought began to me-that it was not Missie whose mind had become deranged…it was mine. I became a hollow eyed zombie, sleepless and utterly exhausted, but Missie never showed any signs of tiredness and harried me endlessly to play hide and seek with her, to flatter, her to comfort her, to fight with her, or to go to bed with her.”
In my childhood there was a silly moment when I’d beg my friends who were older than me for many minutes - if not an hour – to play, I believe (либо казаки разбойники, либо в прятки) hide and seek or another game with 2 teams where 1 has to catch the members of the other. I loved the later more than hide and seek for it was much longer lasting… (#psyche-data) ?
Also, in my childhood I’d often ask my mom before night if she loved me. I wanted to hear pleasant things essentially. It’s reference to the ‘flatter’ word in the quote.
“When she saw two strange forms approaching, one in white uniform and the other bearing a hypoderm syringe, Missie screamed at last, long piercing notes of pure animal terror.
“They’ve come! They’ve come!””
Just wanna note about the whole article. In my current family there were people with mental problems. One of them – mom’s sister - was put into a psychiatric hospital. Once she and my mother quarreled and fought almost.
Actually, my mother used to have problems with temper and we’d quarrel often. I feel like that could be the punishment for my (#error) described in the book. Yes, now I think we have control still when we have psyche related issues; so it’s still an error. (there’s no possession here – if possessions are real)
From the comments: “In Larry’s book, “Confessions of an actor,” he said he and Danny Kaye needed to get Vivien on a plane from Hollywood to London. She had to be sedated, and Larry and Danny had to hold Vivien down, who was terrified of needles.”
Never was a fan of needles either.
“From her parents home movies, one can see that Vivien was a very active child, and today would be considered to have ADHD”
(22.02.2024 note from long after I read those comments – I tried to find all movies of me in another life, and I never saw anything longer than short clips of me in that life. How those people came to their ‘conclusions’ about ADHD from 1-2 second videos I have no idea (unless there are those full-length home movies of my parents from my past life and those people actually saw them, and I just couldn’t find them for some reason). Regardless I’ll leave my old notes.)
(That was an opinion of someone.) I never went to a doctor about it, but ADHD describes me well during many episodes of my life. But I can also be focused and clear minded for a long time. Again, it’s our choice – do we keep calm, note an incoming idea, and then get back to reality, or do we choose to stay in our head with that idea? Also about the cloudness and active knowledge I talked about in Simple Truths of Life.
“She was probably more then her parents could handle, so at the age of 5 she was left at a convent school for a period of time. Now, can you imagine what goes through a child’s mind when she desserted by her parents?
I believe this sent Vivien over the edge, that’s why when she and Larry were far apart from each other, in her mind she felt she was being desserted again. One of her doctor’s during her 1953 breakdown also said something had happened when she was a child that contributed to her mental state.”
Maybe this could explain why in my childhood I was so worried whenever my mother would leave home and I’d be left alone? Actually it happens to this day still to some degree. (#psyche-data)
Okay… I remembered that the said instance in VL’s life – her being left alone at the convent school - had to have been suffering for past life’s (#error). But what life? It’s just so happens that Emma Hamilton’s daughter was kinda left alone.
“That last part, with the doctor and nurse sneaking into the house and sedating her by force, is hauntingly reminiscent of the last scene from Streetcar…”
22.02.2024. I’ve got reflections with several movies I made as Vivien Leigh. Actually, in my Missy’s life I also found 2 reflections – one with a scene from Streetcar, another has to do with how Ophelia (in Hamlet) died. So, it’s possible reflections from my movies could already be manifesting themselves in my Vivien’s existence.
Actually, now that I know I was Emma Hamilton, there are at least two painting of me in Emma’s life which reflect not only in my Vivien Leigh’s life, but also in mine:
Lady Hamilton as a Bacchante, 1785 (she looks like my village friend Marina here. I’ve found that sometimes people I know or met look similar - in certain features of their face - to how I looked at a certain point in my other lives)
Lady Hamilton as Nature - George Romney
The reflection has to do with dogs. There are two movies (Look Up and Laugh 1935 & Strom in a Teacup 1937) in my Vivien Leigh life which feature dogs and certain aspects of those scenes are extremely similar to what I had to experience in my life when my two village friends called me a word which would translate as ‘dog’ – they did that because of my stutter… how they connected the two? I guess when stuttering I made sounds similar to dogs, and I am certain that when those 2 were badgering me, barking like dogs, they made eerily similar sounds to those which made people in the movie Storm in a Teacup.
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http://vivandlarry.com/books/commonplace-books-of-vivien-leigh-and-laurence-olivier/
COMMONPLACE BOOKS OF VIVIEN LEIGH AND LAURENCE OL IVIER
“Vivien seems like a dreamer, whereas Larry Olivier comes off as a romantic.”
“And the 29th Sonnet, beginning,
When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s
eyes,
I alone be weep my outcast state…”
I need to check on that Sonnet. For now these 2 lines reflect my life’s situation rather well… (#reflection)
“Then tell me, O Critias, how will a man choose the ruler that shall rule over him? Will he not choose a man who has first established order in himself, knowing that any decision that has its spring from anger or pride or vanity can be multiplied a thousand fold in its effects upon the citizens?”
I talked about it elsewhere. TP reference. My Manifesto chapter in my book.
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http://www.johnhalley.uk/BP%20-%20Vivient%20Leigh.htm
54 eaton square flat D
“On 2nd July she was visited by Noel Coward and her ex-husband Lawrence Olivier who wrote in his diary, "Vivien was sitting in bed looking pale but lovely, and smoking, which she shouldn't have been doing. She was gay and enchanting as she always is."”
There are times in my life when I was also in merry mood during dark times. (#psyche-data) or (#spiritual-knowledge)?
“However she was a seriously ill woman and would only spend an hour a day out of bed mostly tending to her plants and flowers.” (#curious) because I still like plants and flowers.
“On the Friday she died she watched the Wimbledon Men's tennis finals on television with her partner and actor Jack Merivale.”
I watched a tennis match (don’t remember which tournament is was now) when I heard “Look!” near my right ear and the clock on the tennis court was showing 33 minutes! (#reflection-life)?
From wiki: “The tournament was held from Monday 26 June until Saturday 8 July 1967.[1] It was the 81st staging of the Wimbledon Championships, and the third Grand Slam tennis event of 1967. John Newcombe and Billie Jean King won the singles titles.”
“He returned at 11pm and looked in on her, and she was asleep with her cat (Poo Jones) beside her. He went to the kitchen to heat up some soup. At 11:30 he looked in again and found her lying on the floor, half way to the bathroom, a tumbler beside her. It’s thought that as her lungs filled with fluid she would have felt choked and would have needed water.
I noticed that in the pictures from that apartment there were chintz on the walls. It’s of interest to me for I hung two pieces of fabrics on my wall near bed once to see if maybe the colors can interact with my Aura (sadly, I knew that without clear understanding about my primary colors in the Aura I’d probably achieve nothing). It’s also a good idea(!) to use fabric instead of paint in case you choose the colors wrong. You’d just have to hang a different fabric and that’s it! (#reflection-life)
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(Video file) Vivien Leigh\Videos\1939 Vivien Leigh Screen test for Gone with the Wind
I noticed that I turn my head and eyes in that video of VL in similar way to how I sometimes still do in my current life (#psyche-data)?
“English actor Laurence Olivier with his wife Vivien Leigh portrayed while feeding pigeons in St. Mark Square, Venice, 1957 (1)”
Title of a photo in which a pigeon sits on VL’s head. There was a time a single pigeon in Sokolniki tried to land on my head when I was taking pictures for 360 panorama. There were no other birds around and the pigeon had plenty of space to sit somewhere else… I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s all somehow related
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VL was said to be sharp tongued. Her character in Look Up and Laugh said she liked her bf tongue-tied and somehow I was (sometimes am) that very person.
VL wanted to get married as soon as she could fearing she’d never be able to marry. Due to my errors and my life situation (skepticism) I could not find a gf even though I approached more than 100 women. There is a certain (#reflection-life) going on.
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Sergey from parallel class in school. I remember I was outside with him and he was normal. Then we went to his apartment for some reason and his mood changed. I felt danger from his behavior and left. He would harbor negativity towards me later. I remembered this in relation to what A. Walker says in his book about VL – when she and Jack were playing Chinese chess and VL got mad at losing. (#error)
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https://www.tnb.ro/en/vivien-leigh-the-last-press-conference
There’s a play titled
Vivien Leigh: The Last Press Conference
by Marcy Lafferty
Translation: Lamia Beligan
Director: Liana Ceterchi
Sets: Liana Ceterchi
Technical Director: Theodor Radu
Premiere: 17.10.2017
Duration: 1 h 30 min / Pause: No
Just noting the 17 number and October. Possible sync to MA life
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https://www.instagram.com/p/CpTBi46PGNW/
"Of course she was restless and drove herself too hard. Although she seemed so astonishingly resilient, she often suffered ill health and fits of great depression, but she made light of the fact and rarely admitted to it or talked about it to other people. Her courage in the face of personal unhappiness was touching and remarkable. [...]
As she grew older she acquired a new kind of beauty, without any need of artifice, and she seemed to harbour no resentment against the competition of younger beautiful women. She was always enormously interested in everything, people, places, changes of fashion - and she had friends of every different sort and kind in London, in her country homes, in America and Australia."
-- John Gielgud
(#spiritual-knowledge) (#psyche-data)
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Vivien Leigh\Photos\Misc\1954 issue of Modern Screen Magazine
Talks about gum. Made me remember how my father was afraid to give me gum when I was little. He probably thought I could choke – maybe rightfully.
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VL & MA (if I lived that life) had some issues but generally were made to be good people – angels almost. I’m glad for that since it’s about me, but the truth and objectivity is important. The point is in my current life I can be almost an angel-like in some attributes (but not in others), but people don’t understand me and conclude false things about me. Skepticism is at play here of course.
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“Contains eight stereoscopic slide cases relating to Vivien Leigh's personal life whilst on tour with a variety of theatrical productions.”
I’ve been interested in stereoscopic images in my life and tried to create several images myself.
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MA was kissing with Victor. There’s a photo in which VL is kissing Victor Fleming
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https://www.britishpathe.com/asset/75432/
“Laurence Olivier and Vivien Leigh make appeals for the Cinematograph Trade Benevolent Fund.”
Since I write down almost all – small and large – I’ll just mention I provided links for possible donations if some people wanted to fund my work (free yt videos, free book, etc).
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The first and only P$%n movie we bought and watched on ps1 was called “Рандеву с незнакомкой / Rendezvous with a stranger” (don’t remember the exact name but that was how we referred to it) & kindness of strangers in Streetcar movie which influenced me so much in VL life that I fell into madness and was, apparently, sleeping with strangers.
It’s possible there was a blue car in that video; or maybe there was a car but it was the blue dress of the woman…
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In 2013 Victoria & Albert Museum acquired the archive of Vivien Leigh.
2013 was a very important year for me. I was 24-25 years then and it was then that I remembered the truth about Natasha and it was then that after several years of not being able to walk long distances I finally went almost to the other side of Moscow in search of answers.
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Some thought only a Southerner could play Scarlett in GwtW, and yet British VL proved them wrong. It does kinda relate to reincarnation because it’s the soul the matters and not the appearance or physical body’s origin. Of course, the actor must still resemble the character he/she is playing to some logical degree.
*
Vivien Leigh\Videos\Documentaries\the-vivien-leigh-archive.mp4
10 minutes. Trader Faulkner says that VL had to say ‘Stella, Stella, Stella’, looking for her sister – she wants her sister - and VL said to him she was saying ‘Mother, mother, mother’.
Could be a sync to me in MA life saying ‘I love you, mom!’ in the final day of my life;
In this life my mother has played an enormous role also as I mentioned elsewhere [mew].
*
ActorSteve (or something similar) was my nickname on 1st twitter account (cringe). But it’s interesting I was an actress and it shows once more how deep inside of me I had a wish to be actor (again, as it turned out).
*
http://vivandlarry.com/vivien/articles/made-to-measure/
Korda was in Hollywood to sign a seven-year contract by which each year Selznick would be entitled to make two films with Vivien Leigh, and London Films one.
2 movies per 7 years give 14 movies total. Plus 7 London Films give 21 total movies. 14 has appeared many times in my life and it’s an important number for me. 21 is the number of movies listed on VL page on IMDB.
*
https://www.facebook.com/vivandlarry/photos/a.5775279575847786/7790705507638506/?type=3
“Vivien Leigh (right) and Yvonne Hamilton bathe in the sea during a holiday in India, 1964. Photo from Hamilton family albums, co my friend Alastair Hamilton”
Yvonne as mew can be connected to MA’s name.
Hamilton can be connected to Emma Hamilton.
Sea/water can be connected to me in MA life getting afraid of the ocean after the incident and subsequent nightmares.
*
In “Vivien Leigh Scarlett and Beyond (1990)” documentary (in the second video I’ve got) there’s a brief video of me in VL life water skiing (or whatever the word is for when you have a broad ski). It made me remember of Sasha Zotova (who worked as a model and gave her face to Jill Valentine in Resident Evil 3 Remake) and her Instagram post where she was water skiing for the first time. Don’t know if it’s some type of a sync or not
*
http://vivandlarry.com/vivien/remembrances/george-cukor/
“She had this great talent for creating beauty around her, she made these exquisite gardens…”
In my childhood I had some dreams about creating a beautiful garden. I tried it too, but now the evidence of that is gone after my long absence in the village. (#psyche-data)?
(After VL and Cukor leave Cole Parker, who had his leg amputated): “Then she turned around and I saw she’d been weeping, her eyes were full with tears.”
Just reminded me of how my eyes got tearful seeing Anton with a red eye after his cross on his neck hit him in the eye. He got recovered fully as far as I know.
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Small World Interview
Vivien Leigh\Videos\Interviews\Small World - December 1958\part 1
At 6:13 Tynan asks VL why I think I get cast so often as southern belles. And I say: “I can’t imagine. I must have lived there in some incarnation or [can’t make out] or something, you know?”
I found it interesting because there’s evidence now that I (and so VL) could also be Emma Hamilton, but there’s also a chance, if I was living in southern States of US in the 19th century, I could have been someone named Kennedy and then Butler. It’s a small chance and I need to verify it via lucid dreams – if I can – but there is a chance.
It’s also of interest to me that I as VL in that moment was rather serious when saying that possibility of past incarnation – and now I know for a fact reincarnation exists and I even know I was VL in my past life… (#curious) could relate to (#spiritual-knowledge) also.
Part 1. 7:55. I as VL say a star to me is somebody who makes me think I don’t quite understand what they are doing, but I feel sort of magic about it. I say Garbo certainly [unintelligible to me], Bridgit Bardo has it.
I made a note to listen to that part again because in this life I noticed long time ago I tend to follow those streamers and youtubers who have something special about them… or more like I feel on the same level with them. Obviously, some interests must match if you want to follow someone’s work, but sometimes I feel it’s more than that… just was curious if maybe there’s a connection here in who I defined as a star (in VL life) and who I choose to watch now on the Internet.
Part 3 of the interview. Around 1:30. In VL life I said the peaks Orson Wells had reached are worth many mediocre peaks other people reached.
There is a chance such wording could indicate an (#error). I’m not sure. In terms of spirituality (Thiaoouba and now reincarnation) I’d say I’ve reached quite a high peak when factually compared to other people for many of whom these things are mainly beliefs. In terms of personal life or work the peaks are none existent (I had, and still have, to allocate my time into studying TP and now I clearly need to study my past lives in order to learn about reincarnation from this grand experience.).
https://vk.com/video-6575827_165473048
Japanese doc about Vl
https://m.vk.com/wall-5098696_6124
Sophie Farrington (1989) – grand grandchild. (I feel like I’ve seen her somewhere before… maybe I’m wrong)
Amy (Sophie’s cousin) (1989) – relative of VL
Ashua (1987)
16:00 Apparently, I had a diary about Suzanne (similar how my mom had a diary about me?) and I didn’t use ‘she’, ‘her’, just ‘it’. Obviously, this one reminded me of my syncs with IT. There was a photo in a book on which VL was referred to as ‘it’ too. Maybe that was the payment for not using proper nouns? (#error)
19:35 – in VL life I felt lonely in the first school. So, it’s confirmed I had to suffer for some error from another life and my certain decisions in Lady Hamilton’s life are the prime suspects right now.
33:00 – it’s said that Jill couldn’t help but like VL even though I was the reason for the break up of her marriage. This reminded me of how in Michele Avila’s life it seemed many people liked me. As a woman, who went to the same school as Missy, told me, MA was almost tyrant sometimes but people still liked her (‘for all wrong reasons’) (#curious)
38:33 – Larry couldn’t relax when in VL life I was in the manic state. Maybe nothing but reminded me of how I’ve issues relaxing in this current life.
1:02:33 – It’s said VL wanted to be better and better, and was looking for something to help with that. It relates to me but mainly after I found the truth about stuttering (so from 18 years onward). Before that I was going down and down. Still, it could relate to (#spiritual-knowledge) for when I learned the truth one of the immediate thoughts was how could I have made that awful decision to dream my life away back when I was 14?
1:23:00 – In VL life I said what I dreaded and would have found impossible to face would have been to be alone. This is exactly what I’ve faced now in this life, and I sometimes dread to become completely alone if my mother dies…
lack of (#spiriutal-knowledge) because I haven’t fully learned how to live alone and stay optimistic about life, and/or (#psyche-data)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjLKa_N6_JM
https://prod-www.tcm.com/tcmdb/title/481558/vivien-leigh-a-delicate-balance#overview
Vivien Leigh - A Delicate Balance (2000)
4:08 - I played cello in VL life. The photo on that time mark reminded me of how in my school, maybe in the 1 grade, Sergey and Georgy were playing musical instruments in the class on the first floor (going from the front door right forward and it’s the door on the left just before you go down the stairs and then down corridor to café and sports area). One of them, I think Sergey, played cello (виолончель). I’ve noticed that sometimes we’re presented with objects, ideas, names, etc which played some role in our past lives. Same goes for ballet as mew.
4:11-4:13 – Perhaps a case of face pareidolia can be observed to the right of my face
Around 33 minutes Elia Kazan says in his opinion VL didn’t have great talent but had a great determination.
As far as determination goes I think I have it if I want to achieve something. I learned English even though I had difficulties in life; same goes for some other things. Determination sure surrounds Thiaoouba related activities in my life. (#curious)
43:45 – 3 months after VL’s death the ashes were scatter on the lake at Tickerage Mill. (Sunday, 8 October, 1967 – I was born as Michele Avila exactly 4 months after). My MA dead body was found on October 4. From Kingsbury’s book it seems like the funeral took place on October 7 (Monday).
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https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=833519190321890
Miller Lide tells a story about meeting VL. In the 4th part he says a funny thing about the ‘rubber’ which I asked to use to erase markings on paper, but he at first thought ‘rubber’ as a condom and not an eraser.
Just recently I had to go to store to buy and eraser because I made some errors in my photo album and didn’t have anything to erase to pencil with. It also reminds me of how I am sometimes misunderstood in this life.
*
In GWtW book it’s said that as a child Scarlett confused her mother, Ellen, with the Virgin Mary.
As Mary Magdalene I knew that Mary. This could be one of other reasons I wished to play Scarlett so bad in VL’s life (#psyche-data-astro).
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The article mentioned that one of Vivien’s passions was canasta.
I used to play card games a lot on all of my computers (Solitaire, etc.)
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https://youtu.be/z9-DxqbxwpI?si=urbo4PbuKY1lYSeZ
Irina Baronova tells a chilling story… As VL I said, “When I die, I shall take you with me.” (Cecil Tennant was in the room. Also Irina and Larry. I can’t make out if Irina said whom exactly I said those words…) There was like an evil presence in the room, Irina says. Cecil Tennant died in a car crash on the day of VL’s funeral.
This story raises a lot of thoughts. One of them concerns my Michele Avila life, in which I’d say things that could have been prophecies of my death in that life.
Misc Data
Places Vivien was at:
India (Darjeeling - place of birth; where they shot The Elephant Walk; Bangalore; Calcutta; Ootacamund; Mahabalipuram; Gwalior; Delhi; Madras; Bombay; Madurai)
USA (Los Angeles, Beverly Hills, New York, San Francisco, near Kansas City, Catalina Island, Chicago, Newtown & New Haven in Connecticut, Atlanta, Sands Point in Long Island, Philadelphia, Boston, Washington)
Britain (London+ (Eyre Court; Chelsea; Cornwall Gardens, Kensington.), Bristol)
[the Ritz, Claridge’s, the Savoy]
, Newcastle, Liverpool, Manchester, Bridlington,
Wales,
Fulmer in Buckinghamshire,
Stamford in Lincolnshire)
Scotland (Edinburgh)
Ireland (Dublin, killarney bay )
Gibraltar
Australia (Perth, Adelaide, Hobart, Melbourne, Canberra, Sydney, Brisbane, Tasmania)
New Zealand (Auckland, Wellington, Dunedin, Christchurch)
Switzerland (canton of Vaud, Geneva)
North Africa
Tobago
Jamaica
Young Island (near Barbados)
Greece (Athens, Corfu, Spetsos)
Egypt (Cairo, Alexandria)
Tunisia (Tunis)
Denmark (Elsinore, Copenhagen)
France (Paris [the Theatre Sarah Bernhardt] , Auteuil district ; Dinard in Brittany; Saint-Paul-de-Vence, “The British Embassy Hotel”, villa perched on a hillside near Cannes; villa near Nice;
[from LO book] Versailles, Avalon, Auxerre, Dijon, Beaune, Macon, Vienne, Montelimar, straying across the Rhone at Condrieu of the delicious wine; Avignon and straight on down to a rap¬ turous little bay - La Calongue d’Or
)
Italy (Venice, Capri, San Remo, Gulf of Rapallo (hotel Miramar), San Vigilio, Florence; Taormina [Sicily]; Naples)
Spain (Torremolinos, Malaga - Hotel Playa Santa Ana)
Portugal (Lisbon)
Serbia (Belgrade)
Croatia (Zagreb)
Austria (Vienna, Salzburg)
Poland (Warsaw)
Germany (Bavaria, Leipzig, Munich)
South America
Canada (Vancouver)
Libya (near Tripoli)
Nepal
Mexico (Mexico City)
Argentina (Buenos Aires)
Brazil
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Particular houses etc
http://www.murphsplace.com/olivier/homes.html
Finchley Road (Leigh’s apartment)
520 N Crescent Dr, Beverly Hills, CA 90210, USA – Rented house why VL filmed in GWtW.
Durham Cottage, 4 Christchurch St, London SW3 4AP, United Kingdom
54 Eaton Square, London SW1W 9BE, UK - Vivien kept the Eaton Square property after they (LO) divorced in 1960 and lived there until her death in 1967.
People Vivien Leigh met in her life (who influenced the rest of the world a lot)
Churchill
Queen Elizabeth
George VI
Bernard Montgomery
.
Alec Guinness (played Ben Obi-Wan Kenobi in the original Star Wars)
Marilyn Monroe
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Friends of Vivien Leigh:
Radie Harris
the Lunts (Alfred Lunt and Lynn Fontanne)
the Relphs (George & Mercia)
Victor Stiebel, a couturier from South Africa
Richard Addinsell
Nivens (David & Primmie (Primula Susan Rollo))
Beatrice (“Bumble”) Dawson
Margaret Leighton
Richardsons (Mu - Meriel Forbes & Ralph)
Ginette Spanier & her doctor-husband Paul-Emile Seidmann
Duff & Diana Cooper
Danny Kaye
Cecil Tennant
The Bushells
Byam Shaws
Millses (John & Mary Hayley Bell)
Frances (“Mills”) Martin
Redgraves (Michael & Rachel Kempson)
Waltons (William & Susana (born Susana Valeria Rosa Maria Gil Passo))
George Devine and Sophie Harris
Alexander Korda
Alan Dent
Rex Harrison and Lilli Palmer
Marlene Dietrich (?)
Joan Cunliffe
Lucinda Ballard (“Cindy”)
Beverley Baxter’s wife was a friend of Vivien’s (their daughters shared parties)
John Gielgud
Henry Luce of Life magazine
Noel Coward
Bevis Bawa
Vivien’s maid, Ethel Helmsing. Long serving and utterly loyal character, deeply concerned for Vivien. I want to mention her.
Paul-Louis Weiller
Kay Kendall (?) wife of Rex Harrison
Terence Rattigan
Ann Todd and her first husband Nigel Tangye
Benn Levy
Lauren Bacall
Coral Browne
Katherine Cornell
Cindy and Howard Dietz (lived at Sands Point)
the Kanins (Garson & Ruth Gordon)
Irene Selznick
Thornton and Isabel Wilder
Hugh (“Binkie”) Beaumont
Terence Rattigan
Lady Alexandra (“Baba”) Metcalfe (an ex-Notley neighbour)
Rachel Kempson
Spencer Tracy(? Dark Star says of him ‘Californian’ friend)
Peter Feibleman
Simone Signoret
Katharine Hepburn (“…the best friend she ever had for a limited period” – Dark Star)
Alexander Cohen (Ivanov’s Broadway producer),
Miller Lide
Kay Brown
Tennessee Williams
(VL became ‘great friends with all the American cast on ‘Streetcar’)
Lady Sibyl Colefax (interior decorator)
Clare and Hilary Martin
George Cukor
Ronald Colman
C. Aubrey Smith
Robert Coote
Elspeth March, an old friend and the former wife of Stewart Granger
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Colleagues from home and abroad:
Gielgud
Helpmann and his partner Michael Benthall
Beaumont and John Perry
Wyler
Behrman
Welles
Lunts
Wilder
Cukor
Helen Hayes
Katharine Hepburn
Peter and Tamara Finch
Graham Greene
Anthony Eden
Terence Rattigan
People VL had, and probably had, sex with…
Leigh Holman
Alexander Korda (if the story is true http://vivandlarry.com/vivien/articles/made-to-measure/) This could make another connection to Mulholland Drive…
John R. Buckmaster
Carl Harbord
Laurence Olivier
Scotty Bowers (his story is probably true)
Peter Finch
Jack Merivale
(?) Elia Kazan (Dark Star, page 163)
Robert Capa
Peter Wyngarde
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VL’s favorites:
T.S. Eliot’s The Cocktail Party
Author F. Scott Fitzgerald. The Crack-Up is 1 of the books VL read.
Read Dickens
This book was given to Jack Merivale “Richard Llewellyn’s How Green Was My Valley”
VL’s favourite couturiers —
Balmain
Molyneux
Norman Hartnell
Victor Stiebel
Ships traveled on:
Queen Mary (?)
Majestic (maybe error)
Scythia (?)
S.S. Excambion, an American liner
RMS Mauretania (1938)
SS Corinthic in 1948 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SS_Corinthic
Queen Elizabeth (around 1960 when was still married to LO)
Where VL studied:
Convent of the Sacred Heart at Roehampton, then a rural backwater of London. (age ~7-14)
Convent school at The French resort of Dinard, on the Brittany coast.
Convent of the Sacred Heart at San Remo, on the Italian Riviera (1928+)
A school in the fashionable suburb of Auteuil (1930?)
A school at Bad Reichenhall, near Salzburg, Austria
In Dark Star there are several mentions that certain things written in other books were wrong. (I started writing here after 272th page)
P 272 says how VL never met with LO and Joan Plowright (all 3 of them) but some other books do. Joan says that never happened.
Numerology
Maybe just an interesting coincidence: If I add the year of death of Michele Avila to her age when she died then I get:
1985 + 17 = 2002. I was 14 years old and it was the year in which I made a huge mistake of not approaching the girl I fell in love with at first sight. I started actively use my imagination to squelch the emotional pain and I only started recovering when I was 28.
Then, if we add the year of death of Vivien Leigh with her age at death then we get:
1967 + 53 = 2020. That year was very important for me too. I published Russian translation of Thiaoouba Prophecy; I wrote my own book; and I just was able to meet a lot of people that year.
(Maybe nothing, but the age of VL in reverse – 35 (also the year I found my past life of VL) + 1967 = 2002)
Also, I just noticed that both numbers have ZOZO theme (20s being present in it). This number has played several times very big role in my life also… so now I’m not so sure anymore if it’s ‘just a coincidence’
2020 and 2002 share the same digits only a bit rearranged.
I might add that 1912 + 25 (year Butler on Titanic died and his age) gives 1937, the year in which I in VL life slept with Larry almost in front of his wife Jill, while we were doing Hamlet in Elsinore; that may connect to why I had to be drowned in a creak. Just noting it in case it’ll turn out I was that person also…
Michele Avila was born on February 8 1968. Assuming the pregnancy lasted 8 months, the pregnancy happened in the first days of June. I think around this time, but in the future, I met Natasha. Movie reflection with Natasha is what made me finally realize I was Vivien Leigh; also, black and white photo of MA reminded me of Natasha’s looks.
Vivien Leigh was born on November 5, 1913. Subtracting 9 month gives us first days of February. The days Michele Avila was born.
Emma Hamilton was born on April 26, 1765. Subtracting 9 month gives us the very last days of July. The days I (Evgeny Meshkov) was born.
Subtracting 9 months from my bd on July 7, 1988 gives 30 October. So far that date means nothing. But it should be noted it is very close to November 5, the day of my bd in VL life.
Vivien plays prostitute (sometimes literal) type of girls in several movies. I went to 3 such women 4 times.
Emma Hamilton (with whom Leigh has certain similarities, as well as me) was called to be “penitent prostitute and kept-girl of the minor aristocracy”. (GWtW takes place in aristocratic south – it was said in Small World interview)
For what it may be worth - 17 and 53 (age of MA & VL) both have digital root of 8.
She was awarded a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame at 6773 Hollywood Boulevard in Hollywood, California on February 8, 1960.
of interest is that Michele Avila was born on February 8, 1968 – exactly 8 years after; just a note – 8 has appeared a lot in my cync experience
https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/104559465/herbert-leigh-holman
I’d later find that Leigh Holman died on February 8, 1982. He was 81 years old.
It was 14 years after Michele was born, just noting.
He was born on November 3, 1900 (2 days before VL’s bd) and so he was 13 years older than VL.
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=2736128093322462
This video shows the photos from VL childhood
1:44 VL Is 8th from the left.
5:52 Maybe nothing but it looks like there’s a figure to the right of me (reflection or something?) and it looks like someone wearing a fedora. Reminded me of Freddy Krueger and my synchronicities with A Nightmare on Elm Street movie. (#curious)
Since my birth on 30th July 1988 and Olivier’s death on 11 July 1989, 11 months and 11 days had passed (346 days total). He died 3 days after the day VL died (7 or 8 July) but in another year of course – 22 years after my VL death.
2, 4, 13, 17 are the floors of buildings in which live or lived my relatives, and where I used to spend time when I was a child.
https://www.timeanddate.com/date/durationresult.html?d1=9&m1=2&y1=1951&d2=8&m2=2&y2=1968
When I was born on February 8, 1968, in my Missy’s life, my mother was 16 years old, and they’d be 17 on the next day.
13628 (the house near which I was photographed in Missy’s life) – 13611 (the house in which I must have lived) = 17
Movies Connections (WATCHED ALL BUT 2)
Curious if some of the characters Vivien played influences her and her future lives somehow. After all, I do have syncs with It and Nightmare, so…
Fictional character Anna Karenina
Some of the story takes place in Moscow, the city I was born and grew up in.
Я ради прикола наверное брал себе псевдоним Anna Hudson когда играл в LoL. Да и свои тестовые профайлы иногда называл Anna. Одно из моих любимых имён.
There’s a character Kitty in Anna Karenina. A woman named Kitty is also friend of Myra in Waterloo bridge.
“Насколько тяжёлым становится положение Анны, от которой отвернулся свет и представители которого не рискуют общаться с «преступной женщиной», очевидно из последовательности событий.”
Светская княгиня советовала Анне Аркадьевне: «Видите ли, на одну и ту же вещь можно смотреть трагически и сделать из неё мучение, и смотреть просто и даже весело. Может быть, вы склонны смотреть на вещи слишком трагически».
Но Анна во всех событиях видела знаки судьбы. Анна видит во сне смерть при родах: «родами умрёте, матушка»[К 3], она постоянно думала о смерти и отсутствии будущего. Но судьба даёт второй шанс (как и Вронскому, при попытке застрелиться), Анна не умирает, но врач облегчает её боль морфином
Николай Лёвин
Дмитрий Николаевич Толстой. Был аскетичен, строг и религиозен, в семье его прозвали Ноем. Затем начал кутить, выкупил и забрал к себе проститутку Машу.
Маша = Мария = Mary (Vivian Mary Hartley). (29.02.2024 – also relates to Mary Magdalene)
Образ
Умная, всесторонне образованная женщина. Её мировоззрение гораздо шире окружающих её, включая Вронского.
(Толстой) В письме к А. А. Фету он говорил, что «скучная и пошлая Анна К. ему противна… Моя Анна надоела мне, как горькая редька» Почему-то меня рассмешило это… возможно из-за того что и я скучный и в какой-то мере пошлый, а тут ещё куча синхроничностей ото всюду прут на меня (этому я рад, но голова может пойти гулять кругом)
По замыслу, Каренин был «человеком очень добрым, целиком ушедшим в себя, рассеянным и не блестящим в обществе, такой — учёный чудак»
Каренина бросается под поезд. Она выбирает смерть как избавление. Самоубийство становится единственным выходом, который измученная и измучившая всех Анна смогла найти.
Проходит два месяца. Жизнь изменилась, но она продолжается. Снова вокзал. Стива встречает обречённого Вронского на перроне. Поезд отправляется на фронт. Убитый горем Алексей уезжает добровольцем на войну, чтобы там сложить голову. Каренин забирает дочь Анны к себе и воспитывает её как свою, вместе с сыном. У Левина и Кити рождается первенец. Левин обретает спокойствие и смысл жизни в доброте и чистоте мыслей.
Сына Анны зовут Сергей. Как моего папу.
Вивьен должно было быть около 35 лет, когда она снималась в Анне Карениной. Та героиня жила в Москве, России. Мне 35 лет, и в этот год я имел тот самый сон.
В фильме на 01:35:38 Вивьен выходит из двери номер 20. К этому моменту становится ясно, что репутация Анны уничтожена, и она не сможет вернуться…
В конце фильма снег играет свою роль тоже (как и в Waterloo Bridge)
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The Deep Blue Sea movie.
Vivien’s character is “A woman unhappy in her passionless marriage leaves her husband for a younger and more ardent lover.”
This theme is played by her again.
«Слишком творческий (Too creative)» - what Katay from Sokolniki said she thought of me. I doubt it because it was our first meeting with Katya and she even herself kept talking about some temple…
Then in the beginning she apparently overdoses to take her life; she takes 7 pills and opens the gas valve. She later almost about to try it for the 2 time. (29.02.2024 – Cleopatra VII; 7 plays a role in Mary Magdalene’s life also)
This reminded me of how my mother attempted to take her life by overdoes 2 times (Zina helped and then when I discovered the truth about stammer). I was scared for her…
And suicidal thoughts (3 serious times + 1) is a link to me finding Thiaoouba.
Interestingly, me finding out I was Vivien Leigh made me want to live again (the year was difficult for me) and regain my health as much as I can.
The suicide attempt happened at 27 Weybridge Road.
Her husband is a judge in court. I’ve already mentioned before this possible court link in relation to Vivien’s first husband and me watching court cases.
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The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone
It’s shown that Vivien’s character Karen Stone is in “As you like it”. I quoted Shakespear in my book Simple Truths of Life and it’s almost the only quote of a book other than Thiaoouba Prophecy. And it’s so fitting to reincarnation theme I think!
Vivien liked Shakespear too!
The movie takes place in Rome,
Just wanna note one of temporary friends who unfriended me after my Thiaoouba topics was a girl who lived in Rome (I think) for some time and then moved to USA, I think. Her name was Olga.
1/3 of Elizabeth Gilbert book takes place in Rome too. I bought that book after writing my own and noticing Liz’s book when researching things. Another third of the book takes place in India, btw.
The movie deals with gigolo… male prostitute pretty much…
The husband in the movie is 20 years older then Viv’s character.
Maybe just a coincidence, or me reading the movie, but at about 46:41 we (me and Vivien’s character) both touched the exact same spot with our left hand on our face at the same time and at the same speed and manner! (#curious)
(#reflection)
At about 1 hour 22 minutes into the movie there’s a talk about middle aged women found dead with their throats cut from ‘ear to ear’…
She says later that after certain number of years a cut throat will be a convenience…
…
In the end of the movie she throws the keys to the man who’s been stalking her. There’s v.o. implying he’s the killed they talked about earlier. He enters the room and starts approaching her… until his cloth covers the view and we fade to black…
This reminded me so much about my first of 3 dreams when my throat was cut. The first was this:
“Blonde girl. I remember a stage, similar to a theatrical stage with a prominent area in the middle (I remember Kylie Minogue was on a similar stage in one of her concerts). She stood on that protruded path and was thinking about something. There was no other people around. Then the scene changed to her point of view (when I was able to know what it feels like being her) as suddenly a man came from behind and slit her throat.
NOTES FROM MY FACEBOOK COMMENTS: “The girl for example was on a theatrical sort of stage before she was murdered and acting of actors and the movies is something I was attracted to in this life. Also her appearances is something I'm 'attracted' to and actually one of the similarly looking girls had a minuscule but yet very huge role to play in my life...”
Vivien’s hair is blonde for the most part of the movie (and she’s not blonde in most of her films). She liked playing in the theatre more than doing films; and in the movie she’s also an actress who played on Broadway – in a theatre. She’s not young in the movie, though. But I was her and I was that blonde woman in the dream…
Again, the problem here is that she gave up on life and pretty much killed herself. Movies do influence the world. So the message here is wrong – suicide isn’t the option, as I know now… There’s no graphic scene and it’s only implied that she’s murdered; I wonder what suffering for this will be? Was that dream it? Or there’s more..? In the third dream it was me who was killed on a plaza.
...
I’d like to note her car was blue, but with white roof. In my second dream all of the car was blue. The make and model were different too anyhow (which is logical since at that time the car mentioned by Laura Doyle wasn’t manufactured yet. So maybe there is something here..).
…
About the dream of mine. Technically, I always thought that the blonde woman was young. But I never saw her face (I don’t think). In the movie at 35:55 Vivien’s turned with her back to the camera and perhaps she could be considered younger than she was if the observer didn’t know her age. But, I’m just playing with this thought…
…
The man in my dream probably wore leather cloth (that was the “idea” I had anyway). And the man in the movie wore… doesn’t look like leather to me (I’m not good at this).
Karen Stone. In MA life Karen killed me. Stonehurst park had played a large role in that life. There was also a large rock near the creek I died in MA life; I was forced to sit on it.
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Look up and Laugh 1935
(#reflection)
Just started watching and wanted to note there’s a stammering man in the movie. And his stammer is similar to what I had. He is the bf of Vivien’s character; but he says he broke it off because of… dogs… (меня называли $^%#, $^%*&#@, %^&$#, %&$*#%^# и схожими словами из-за того, что казалось со стороны словно я лаю, видимо…). He lost money on them; he doesn’t like them.
Vivien’s introduction suggests she likes him. So far so good…
At 25 minute she says she likes him tongue tied and something else. Says she’s gonna marry him. Then she leaves her father saying she’s going to get a job in the market. So far so good again.
From one way of looking at that sentence, I don’t see any problems with it – she likes him the way he is. Clearly nothing bad about that; she was able to see something in him past his speech problem.
There could be another interpretation – the unforeseen bad message (similarly how journalists don’t realize they help to create new mass shooters by making heroes out of the old ones, talking about their crimes many days, or weeks sometimes) - which is as someone who’s stammering he doesn’t have to seek the reason for speech impairment if people like him like that. If it’s the case then I can see how this scene resulted in me having stutter. But it’s so subtle… if correct.
(to be fair in school there were moments when I talked perfectly. But my imagination, my worries, and the village nickname made me fear that I’d be speaking with stupors. I mean that the reason I started stammering clearly comes from some event(s) from my past life or even lives; (several events - see below about Emma Hamilton). But later I could potentially live without stutters if I decided to live my life in a different way… I thought I’d never find a girl I wanted if I stuttered… it’s true only for those who have little spiritual knowledge – but I knew nothing about that back then.)
…
At 26:30 they, but not Vivien, mimic the stammering guy – “so-so-so will he!” Vivien’s reaction isn’t shown.
(So far I see little reason why the guy has to be stammering. It’s not a story about him learning to live with his speech problems. In can be so to show that Vivien’s character is really good (so far it’s how she looks), but her walking out on her father to work in the market, as well as tell the workers there her father’s plant, is enough to show her goodness.)
…
Vivien is part of the movie.
…
So far I see a highly direct ‘top A’ synchronicity. What are the chances I was called dog for stammering, and the stammering man, who played Vivien’s bf, had some dog problem?
…
If I see nothing in the movie about stammer maybe there was something said off screen… but why would I still suffer so much if the impact wasn’t high?
…
“1798
Painting by Guy Head. Emma threw a palette at the artist as he tried to explain with his stammer that her foot was too large for a sandal and he was therefore giving it a slipper (Pryse Lockhart Gordon, Personal Memoirs, 1830, II, p 384)”
Only applies if Vivien (and I) was Emma Hamilton… (29.02.2024 – I was)
My feet have been said to be large, btw. I usually buy 44-45 size – almost the largest.
The main theme in the movie is essentially competition due to money. Something I talked about in Manifesto after realizing certain truths about life.
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1938 A Yank at Oxford
The title and the fact that Yankees play a role in GwtW, I remembered how in the screenplay I wrote (Telephone Flirt) there was Yankee stadium present at one scene.
Vivien is flirting in this movie too. That word is mentioned.
There’s 440 written at 2:15. Just made me remember 440 that were shown on the water counter.
Just found it funny how the main character, Lee, says he’s reading Gone with the Wind – only half through – and he’s playing alongside future Scarlett O’Hara.
At 37 Lee drives his bicycle on the right side, which is ‘wrong’ side. It’s funny how today there was that strange incident with me walking on the left side; and then that probably prophetic dream I had about two people (who refused to move and give me space to walk by with my 2 large bags filled with food).
Here Vivien’s got a much older husband. As in her life at the time of filming that movie. And she’s flirting with Lee, so…
Later she’s going to London with a guy; asks her husband to make her go, and apparently she’s done that before with someone else.
Her husband is bald. She’s running her finger down his head.
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Dark Journey 1937
29.03.2024 – In Vivien’s life I played Madeleine Goddard in this film. The name Madeleine is the French form of Magdalene – Mary Magdalene whom I was in my other past life. So, in a way, I played myself again by playing a character whose name exists because of my past incarnation as Mary of Magdala.
https://www.behindthename.com/name/madeleine
I will note I noticed that on 28.03.2024 shortly after I watched 12 Monkeys with Bruce Willis and Madeleine Stowe.
Vivien was about 24 years here. In my 24 I removed the block about Natasha.
At 6:15 she’s in her room number 25
Then the film takes place in Stockholm, Sweden – the country of Ela. I had a dream about him and Happy Hobbit the night I had the dream with Vivien saying I was her.
37:33 she says 13 evening since. (or 30? Probably thirteen)
37:40 he says discovered the secrets of my dark soul
1:06:45 she’s escorted in room 12
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Fire over England 1937
[https://www.quora.com/Did-Vivien-Leigh-sing-by-herself-in-Fire-over-England
Vivien Leigh did no longer sing by means of herself inside the movie "Fire Over England" (1937). In the movie, her singing voice became dubbed through a professional singer named Olive Gilbert
Curiously, I’ve a book by Elizabeth Gilbert – Eat Pray Love]
Michael is the name of V’s character’s lover.
44 minutes. She says everyone has right to be happy. True, but – same old song – if mistakes are made, suffering will follow.
47:40 this scene reminded me of one of my favorite scene in a video game that I never played, but watched a playthrough – Thief (the original). It was the cutscene with Viktoria, Garrett and Constantine.
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Storm in a Teacup 1937
Her char’s name is Victoria. One of my fav names. It’s also the name of Thief game char; and in that game there’s a scene showing shadows – just like in Fire over England (but Vivien isn’t in that scene)
At 3 minutes she sits on a little girl’s lollipop, which was on the bench, that many people had been sitting on. Then the girl eats it… nobody says it’s dirty… with germs… it’s disgusting.
Then she tries to tidy her skirt.
Shame to say, but in school I had 2(?) moments when diarrhea got the better of me…
(Note: I see myself in Vivien if I forget she’s Vivien Leigh, the famous actress – it’s hard to explain. E.g. if I see a person, and I have no psychological barriers or prejudices, then I can see myself and it’s natural.)
She’s playing a politician’s daughter. I’m yet to watch full movie, but politicians do play a role in my life (Manifesto, Thiaoouba’s talk about them, how politicians often (trying to be polite here) screw over life for people, etc)
He says at 9:20 if I pull this off the time may come when I shall be the lesson to by the whole world. Well, remembering my Thiaoouba experiences, understandings from the book and my life, and finally discovering one of my past lives – all of this has a potential to be a lesson for the whole world…
Her father is a typical politician.
There’s a woman whose dog is gonna be put down. Vivien’s protecting her; trying to pay for her (I think; hard to make out words).
It’s the second movie I notice a dog in V’s movies. (29.02.2024 – in my Emma Hamilton life I was painted with 2 dogs – that is a reflection/connection with my 2 movies in Vivien’s life showing the dogs, and the circumstances around them match quite well what I had to experience in this current life).
31 minutes. V’s character is defending her father, actually.
After she says something about the idiotic business about that dog.
He says oppression is never small, parrying V saying the matter’s so small.
She replies that he’ll lose job etc all because he got sentimental about the silly old woman and her mongrel dog.
This escalated quickly. She was a nice girl and now she’s not. Even though she should know it’s important…
He says that too; I can’t make out V’s answer.
(NOTE: Stories told in movies, books, etc require to have characters of different values to show the point. I don’t think there’s a problem. But as noted elsewhere bad actions of characters should result in them having to suffer the consequence to show the audience they made error in those stories)
36:55 it’s Scotland. He wears shirt. The shirt (Shean Connery) was one of the main influences on me realizing the truths about clothes and psychology associated with it (transvestites going to extremes etc).
37:40 someone is making a sound of howling dog.
38:05 all public barks like dogs.
(okay, this is a clear synchronicity. But again it’s not clear how it resulted it me stammering and having to deal with being called пёс)
39:30 V’s char going away with her father.
41:37 still barking
46:50 she says to dad she told him to be careful; and she thinks the truthful journalist is quite right.
50:15 She asks him to make withdraw if her father does good to the woman with dog. I think it’s a mistake to withdraw because it’s like rewriting the past. The politician made a mistake and has to live with it; if he’s learned his lesson and it shows then people will change their minds about him as a person.
At that time mark she’s also with the truthful journalist.
1:00:35 she says she never wanna see the journalist again. It’s after the dogs overrun the building.
At about 1:07:00+ the movie takes place in a courtroom. I’ve noticed it’s sometimes present in V’s movies.
As expected the father realized his error and admitted it. V gets married to the journalist. Happy ending.
Verdict: there’s a new synchronicity with dogs. There’s even a joke about that organization with all first letter Fs in the words (FFF…) and it sounds like stammering when people pronounce it.
But again I can’t see a direct reason for why I had to stammer and deal with being called $%^ in Russian for my speech. Maybe it’s compound: the result of many mistakes leading to those events in my life…
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1938 Sidewalks of London
Libby (Liberty) is V’s character name. Nothing of importance, but I remembered one pretty P model from Russia with similar name.
Libby is short for Liberty. Freedom.
I will note here for now that VL was restrained and made to go through shock therapy. My freedom was always very important to me, and it was 1 of reasons I tried to calm down my feelings during the difficult time so as not to do anything irreparable. Could be (#psyche-data) related.
She’s trying to steal a coin from the hat of the performer. Gives him a slap (probably missed in reality)
There’s a dog. Nothing special so far.
(#reflection) ?
23:55 something about not fooling yet. Okay, for now it’s nothing, but I just remembered my moments when I was fooled by charlatans into giving money. The thing is that was mistake made in my life - I should’ve known what world I live in. But then that moment with laptop was different; I thought there was something strange about the 1st company; so I hang up the phone. Then events led me to finally give the laptop to discover later I was duped.
26:11 she throws earthware(?) into the door. Happed to me too in my life. Just a note.
35:30 she kinda plays guitar. Father took a guitar which was in mother’s apartment, and I never learnt to play.
39:07 She takes the flute. I had one in village as a child. It was a toy more than an instrument. I remember how I made a mistake of ‘singing’ into Dick’s (dog) ear; he was roaring angry, and I learnt my lesson.
(#reflection)
55:27 after Charles reveals he wants to marry Libby she asks if he’s out of his mind. Then she says something you’re better looking {} frying pan.
There was some asymmetry on my nose all my life; it didn’t bother me though coz it was a natural, so to say, part of me.
Then I had bitten my lip and got a scar – that bothered me a lot and was a source of depressions and tears for lost beauty. I could suffer for mistake of not getting rid of the habit to bit my lips. So it could be unrelated.
Due to my daydreaming habit sometimes my facial muscles get tense (but this is suffering for my mistakes to continue daydreaming – to be 100% clear here). Once a girl in Gorki park was repulsed by my appearance. Again, it’s unrelated.
Also I remember how in school the OBJ teacher (who used to teach music too; forgot his name) noted once to the whole class how I was all asymmetric. Now, that is true and it is something I don’t like – I suffer. So this could be the suffering for that line in the movie.
It needs to be remembered that poor psyche can influence the appearance of physical body (but how exactly?). Vivien had problems. Michele was reportedly ok, but then there’s that comment about her bullying some people…
1:17:-- making a statement about the frying pan face. She’s saying she didn’t think it. It appears she said that not because of his DNA look, but of him not taking care of himself.
1:05:20 noticed the door number is 3
1:12:20 around that mark Harley says he won’t marry Libby for he doesn’t want to be another Charles.
1:13:-- She’s told the truth about her nasty choices to leave friends behind.
Verdict: movie ended on a good note I think. The face comment was resolved by her saying she was referring to another thing, to him not taking care of himself… I’d need to think more about that scene.
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21 Days Together 1940 (filmed in 1937)
21 is the number of films on V’s imdb page.
In the movies V’s apparently cheating on her (Russian) husband with a lover (Olivier)
5:20 she asks Larry if he’s been waiting long, and he answers 33 years 5 months.
5:49 walking in front of a car. There were moments I could have been hit by a car because I wasn’t paying attention to reality – but the error is in my current life I think. Just noticing the scene.
6:26 she gives him an icon to pawn? I think they need money for food.
The next scene reminds me of my current life. Doing nothing (in terms of making $) but somehow living. It’s subtle.
(15.03.2024 – maybe a sync with Mary Magdalene’s life)
8:05 I think Larry asks if they have that superstition in Russia too? Wanda’s husband is Russian.
9:15 V’s husband says it must be 3 years since he saw his wife…
He then says in his country wife works for the man…? He’s after her money, if she’s got any.
A man has to pay for his pleasure, hubby says, and asks 20 pounds.
18:33 courage. Just wanna note it. V said she didn’t have it, and I had to learn to acquire some of it. No syncs here I think.
29:29 glove is evidence. Glove and strangulation mentioned in Thiaoouba, but it’s nothing I think.
35:43 Wanda says her father was killed in Russia.
40:-- once again there’s a trial in court in Vivien’s movie.
46:-- Wanda would ask not for 3 week, but 3 months. 3 years, 30 years.
Number 3 plays a role here and it’s so related to Thiaoouba book (333 days, seconds etc)
Larry asks what people do in 30 years.
She says people meet, make love, marry, and then… die together.
This reminded me of my 30 years. Lots had happened, but none of what V’s char was mentioning…
50:00 still left 2 weeks and 6 days = 20 days. And he says that it’s 20 times as much ahead of them (1 days has already passed). So number 20.
54:23 number 4
56:40 the body was in the archway of Glove Lane.
1:07:-- that man (K(C)arl) can’t pronounce certain letters. I had trouble with R, but then I was lying in bed and practiced pronouncing it until I got it rrrright. Then I had/have trouble with l/v. (лодка – водка)
(#reflection)? Or sync?
Larry is stopped on the steps of the station by Wanda, chasing after him, who has learned that Evan died from a heart attack on his way to jail.
This is dark. And I had heart problems pretty much all my life, but it only became noticeable about after 17 years. This feels like it… the suffering for yet another error made in a movie. (BUT: 1 – I did have heart pounding when orgasming in childhood – ---- jerking me off at the elm tree – elm, huh? It didn’t feel normal to me. Then when running I had heart pounding. Later problems arose from me masturbating, daydreaming, getting tense, etc. So it is important to note which part exactly I might be suffering here in.)
Why? The characters are fictional, but… the man had to suffer in jail, which could cause the heart attack for he blamed himself for stealing the ring from dead body. Then Wanda and Larry return happy, thinking about their life, but not of the dead man’s. They also enjoyed themselves while the trial was in progress.
The bottom line here is that the message of the movie is a bit off; it was self-defense to begin with – should’ve just called the police and told them the truth and that would’ve been it. (a reviewer on imdb said of the murder: “which because of circumstances would appear as murder to most”. Well, calling the police would give him a credit.)
Then there’s another issue. The man is innocent but nobody knows it; people think of him as of a murderer. They have wrong conclusions of him – isn’t that what’s sort of being happening to me? That many people don’t believe me? Call me names?
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Gentleman's Agreement 1935
Movie is lost, but a bit about the story can be found here:
https://vivien-leigh.info/movies/gentlemans_agreement/
“The story focuses on two men who trade places. A rich man becomes poor to discover the joy of the simple life, and a poor man becomes poor. The film received poor reviews.”
This reminds me of the plot of the book I wanted to write when a rich girl is reborn into a poor girl’s body. Then it’s my understanding that we reincarnate to (and it’s one of reasons) feel what’s it like to live a different life; to learn and learn.
From the book dark-star-a-biography-of-vivien-leigh: “Vivien in a flatly written part as an unemployed typist.” My mother worked as a typist.
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https://archive.org/details/caesar-and-cleopatra
1945 Caesar and Cleopatra.
Я раньше размышлял как вообще люди вроде Гитлера страдают за ошибки, которые повлияли на такое огромное количество людей? Что если они живут много жизней, и из-за упрямства, например, страдают многократно за ошибки прошлого? Ведь иначе они бы страдали столько же как и «обычный» убийца. Было бы это справедливо?
Ничего не хочу навеивать тут, но после всех этих синхроничностей с Вивьен Ли, которые были уже подтверждены, плюс с Мишель Авилой и Эммой Хамилтон, я просто не знаю, что ещё возможно в этой жизни…
The movie is not very historically accurate. While as always I liked the movie and feel warm feelings towards a Vivien’s film, I wish it was more serious and focused on real events of great historic significance.
What made me write this note after watching the movie is me seeing a contrast in how I love the fact that TP is so accurate and I tend to correct those who misquote its text, distorting the original meaning. I also only read Gospel of Thomas of all Bible related books because it should be undistorted. (I did read Bible but not whole). So in this life the undistorted original content means a lot to me. I tried to write SToL truthfully and with no embellishments (this word in TP played its role in all of this)
I started watching the 2:01:41 movie
9:28 (9:45) there’s a talk about reincarnation; whether a cat could be a relative. Now I know people reincarnate only to physical bodies of people.
Later she asks about magic and that’s something I know about too (knowledge, no magic).
17:-- (18:--) she’s beating up a slave (all of that is bad). Is it the scene during which V miscarried? (29.02.2024 – Yes, it is)
Just wanna note she was about 32 during that time, and she’d live for 21 more years.
30:30 (32:10) – Cleopatra throws her brother off the throne.
Reminded me of an episode in my childhood when my mother’s sister Tanay was not happy I sat on “her” seat and tried to make/force me leave. Zina scolded her and I kept sitting.
Here I started to watch this version with better colors and sound (the 2:08:06 long movie.) https://archive.org/details/caesar-and-cleopatra
46:-- they talk about baths and V’s saying she should die of it.
It’s pretty much prophetic of the way she died. Michele, assuming I was her too, was killed in the water.
(#reflection) ?
57:20 V discovers Caesar is bald and laughs at the fact.
I don’t think it’s required for the main story. So probably another little mistake I’ve got to suffer for greatly.
He tried to hide his baldness and didn’t like being bald. It’s quite similar to what I experience, making it a candidate for another reflection.
1:04:50 Apollodorus is asked if Ftatateeta is his wife. He’s quick to say no. V smiles at that (it must be direction but still, previous movies have shown that such things can influence the real future life of the actor). This could be yet another reason (after the scene in Sidewalks of London) which made me look not very attractive after certain age and events.
1:09:-- pigeon eggs
1:24:-- there’s a talk about laughing. Do they laugh at Cleopatra or Caesar? She says she lets them talk in front of her so that she could learn about them.
This reminded me of my situation regarding Thiaoouba and what things some people say about me. I learn about them too (for usually they’re wrong in their opinions).
And I can learn from my mistakes (I try to)
1:25:17 – Cleopatra touches the harp and later wants to learn to play it. There was a time when I found the YouTube channel of the Harp Twins and I enjoyed listening to their covers of various songs. I followed their channel. https://www.youtube.com/@HarpTwins
At one point V’s char orders Pothinus to be killed. It’s not historically accurate; Pothinus was not killed by Cleopatra’s orders.
So again it’s not very clear why there was the need for this fake version of history in the play and movie?
1:54:-- about this time there’s a talk to V that killing by the cut throat would not cause the man to call out as it did when he was stabbed.
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1951 A Streetcar Named Desire
(Dark Star, page 169: it says Blanche looked cheap because of inferior materials. Some reviewers suggested she became prostitute in Mississippi but it was promiscuity.)
The movie takes place in New Orleans. I remember reading forums and seeing awful comments of people regarding the damage hurricane Katrina had caused to people of a different country. Maybe there’s a subtle connection.
8:-- she won’t go into hotel. She needs to be with people, can’t be alone… for she’s not well.
10:-- around this time they talk about losing a place ( Belle Reve is the name of the family plantation in their hometown of Laurel). https://express.adobe.com/page/3JXrnFwz6iadU/
Not lost anything. But the village house is crumbling… no health or time to deal with it atm…
10:22 – the train’s engine can be heard when Blanche is stressed out (my interpretation – check).
It reminded me of how I often tend to go into fantasies when… whenever, it seems. No wonder they say this play/movie played a role in Vivien’s mental problems…
(I noticed that often when I reopen this file it says it’s been 33 minutes since the last time it was open)
The engine’s heard again on
47:37 says she’s not wanted
13:25 she teaches English. I created a website to teach English grammar but it was a failure; I learnt from it though – about the capitalism etc (it’s in my book SToL)
Probably nothing but Emma Hamilton’s daughter was teaching English at one point.
52:12 V’s asking Brando what sign was he born under. This reminded me of how that girl on vk started speaking about this topic and this was when I decided to slow down communicating with her… because of various reasons. She realized that and soon that was it.
54:-- around this time she asks about gossips. A bit reminded me of how I came clean about my life’s mistakes (homosexual exp with a guy at young age; masturbation; prostitution; pornography addiction). It became much easier to live with no secrets.
1:11—there’s a talk about Mitch’s mother being seriously ill – months to live. Mitch is not settled and will be alone if his mother dies.
Mitch has friends – I don’t. But in terms of having a gf/wife we’re similar.
1:18:-- they talk how Blanche is famous but neither party is on her side.
I don’t know if people talk about my Thiaoouba experience or not. I feel like they do because I heard some things toward me when passing total strangers on the street.
1:18:50 ‘A seventeen-year-old kid she got mixed up with - and the boy's dad’.
Vivien was destined to be born as Michele Avila in the next life, and die at 17.
1:20:-- Stella asks what would Blanche do after finding out the truth about her promiscuity. Stanley says her future is mapped out for her.
It’s true in terms of Vivien’s soul. I’m lonely, no gf/wife etc. All due to my past lives’ mistakes of cheating and sleeping with random people.
1:28:-- Blanche was tender and trusting. But abusing people forced her to change.
1:41:30 Blanche wears a tiara.
Again, it reminded me of a seemingly random event when I redeemed channel points on sirenkahls’ twitch channel for her to wear a tiara out of many other things I could have chosen.
1:42:-- just noting that I was in awe when first saw this scene. The acting was superb. Now that I know I was Vivien maybe there was something else?
1:45:55 – beauty transitory, but beauty of the mind, richness of the spirit, tenderness of the heart – Blanche says she’s got all of those things. I feel the same about me; I do have moments when negativity rises up, but my knowledge from Thiaoouba helps me return to calmness and forgiveness and positivity (tenderness).
1:48:42 – queen of the Nile. If some of my other suspicions and dreams are true, this is another time when Vivien (and I) could have been sort of playing herself (in one of past lives) in her movies and plays. (29.02.2024 – the ‘suspicions and dreams’ have been confirmed to be true)
1:52:05 – broken bottle.
From wiki page about Michele Avila:
“According to witnesses, Severson threatened Avila with a broken beer bottle and then pushed and slapped her.”
Broken bottle could be a reflection (definitely a sync). Then Vivien as Scarlett O’Hara slapped 4 people in the movie (Ashley, Prissy, Rhett, her sister). (#reflection)?
-
“During the girls' junior year in high school, Avila began dating a boy named Randy. Avila broke the relationship off after a month due to Randy's constant partying. Shortly after the break up, Severson and Randy began a relationship and eventually moved into an apartment together. Severson later told Avila's mother Irene that she had witnessed Randy pulling Avila onto his lap at a party. At the time, Avila had told Randy she was not interested in rekindling their relationship and advised Severson to break up with Randy. The incident angered Severson and she stopped speaking to Avila. Ten days before Avila's death, the two got into a physical altercation in a neighborhood park…”
Blanche advises Stella to essentially break up with Stanley.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Streetcar_Named_Desire
from the play:
“Later that evening, at Blanche's birthday party, there is an empty seat at the table for Mitch. Stanley gives Blanche a birthday "present", a one-way ticket back to Laurel by Greyhound Bus”
Dog theme but maybe nothing.
Out of all characters Vivien played Blanche DuBois is the most similar to me.
Blanche says to Stella she needs to leave Stanley. She didn’t say to try to change him for the better and if he stays the same then live.
I’ve a video in which I say how people could try to see if the person can change, or want to change, and if he’s not then seek someone else for the partner. It could be connected to the fact that many women reject me without trying to know me better, ask more details about my life, see if I can change (if I make an error) – no, they just reject me.
--
Ship of Fools
Her name is Mary Treadwell. Her birth name was Vivian Mary Hartley. So it was the last film role she was in, and her name was Mary. Tread-Well is interesting too.
Movie takes place near water. Michele died in the water.
1:06:00 she wishes there was someone to watch clouds with her (she’s alone).
She wanted someone to love her forever.
She says she chose the wrong man. Since she went from the 1-st husband to Olivier, can she be playing herself again?
1:30:-- she says something about lynching the ne-----
Transcript says (https://clip.cafe/ship-of-fools-1965/what-do-got-against-the-jews/ ):
“Maybe you were too busy lynching ne----- to take time out for the Jews”
1:58:50 she says about make up. And that wouldn’t man want to know what they were kissing. Agree with her. (I think I said about this in a video)
2:07:30 she says she’s not young. Later she says she’s hiding a 16-year-old heart behind those eyes. Then she asks if this is what men really find attractive (I guess now I know what I personally find attractive in women)
She’s in cabin number 14.
--
Gone with the Wind
*
Problems?
6:30 – a description appears and perhaps it can be said that there is some glamourization of slavery. The text could have been done differently to address that. (“…of Master and of Slave” line got my attention here)
1:58:07 – Same. “grace and plenty” were built partially on slavery.
*
12:07 – Scarlett’s father calls her ‘Missy’. Michele Avila used to be called the same. Missie is how David Niven called VL in his book.
15:30 – now I know we must suffer for our sins/errors, and that’s the ‘remission’.
35:40 – 14 June 1861 is the date of the letter informing Scarlett her husband is dead.
38:08 – “MONSTER BAZAAR”. Probably nothing but made me think of Freddy Krueger and IT monsters. I’ve got syncs with them after all and there must be a reason for that experience…
39:-- Scarlett isn’t in the mood to mourn. After the reflections with other V’s movies maybe it’s an error too that she’s not in gloomy mood… but then I remember how in Mu people were joyous when heard that King had died for they knew his soul would proceed further down the path (they say it’s rejoined the Spirit). So I’m on the fence now here… (the thing is Scarlett doesn’t know about reincarnation. She’s not mourning for another reason – this is important)
But what the scene made me think of is how I often cried after my father died… I wasn’t prepared for that (even though I knew about souls, reincarnation, etc) for I wasn’t expecting that.
48:-- Guess I’m in need of kisses too. But it’s due to off screen behavior mostly in my life as Vivien. (#reflection)?
56:38 – V says ‘say the prayer quick!’ When Ashley says “if I were killed”. Same as with previous prayer for remission… HS’ can help us sometimes, but if the error is done we must pay for it.
1:06:-- here I’ll need to check historic records. For now, it doesn’t appear black people were fighting against Yankees. (29.02.2024 – perhaps only insignificant numbers. Not a lot to compare really against 200,000 African-American men who served in the U.S. Colored Troops.)
1:10:28 – could be an error. Thinking of it, Vivien did have a miscarriage…
1:12:10 – poor Scarlett. A village friend called me “poor Zhenay” (бедный Женя). I believe he did that after I collapsed into my daydreams and it was shown in my facial expressions – and no one said anything to me so that I knew I made a mistake and, possibly, changed myself. They chose to gossip for their own amusement instead of helping me.
Maybe it’s no sync.
1:13:53 Scarlett washes Melanie’s arms and face. It reminded me of how they say Mary Magdalene washed Jesus’ feet.
1:14:-- this scene reminded me of an episode in my life when I was working as a courier (маспекс восток). Once I went to the wrong place and essentially wasted time - mine and company’s since I wasn’t doing anything useful. I mostly just walked that day… Well, one of the directors reprimanded me for that. (#reflection)?
0:30:59 – Scarlett slaps Ashley.
1:17:48 – Scarlett slaps Prissy. Prissy has lied and that was her punishment. Perhaps it’s too severe, but her lies wasted time which could have been spent more efficiently. The issue here is that V, as far as I know, actually hit the actress who played Prissy (as I note elsewhere, I might have paid for that in this life)
1:30:32 – she slaps Rhett
1:51:27 – she slaps her sister Suellen
(I probably mentioned it ew but I gently slapped Sergey in village when he kept bugging me; we were kids and, being 2 years older than me, he was much larger)
1:27:26 – similar ideas on war
1:43:-- as I noted elsewhere, the line about lying, cheating, stealing, killing was wrong and if I was indeed Michele Avila then I partially paid for that.
1:54:15 – difficult to say if it’s error or not. Did the movie show her life was in danger to justify murder? He did come to ransack the house after all and he had a gun… but so far he was after the valuables… on the other side she’d endanger the lives of the people living at Tara if this clearly mean-no-good man was to take her gun also leaving them defenseless. Tough situation…
2:08:30+ Tara. Something to fight for…
“Then there’s nothing left for me. Nothing to fight for. Nothing to live for.” Also made me remember my own words which were sounding eerily similar (but in Russian) to what I say in that scene. My words were actually said when I was depressed and started thinking about ending all this… then I remembered reading about Auras and I thought that maybe if I prove they are real then it would show there is more to life than is generally believed and so there is something [for me] to live for. (#reflection)
2:22:30 – It’s 20th February. From my book “Simple Truths of Life”: ‘When I was writing the date — “20.02.2020” — I immediately remembered about ZOZO. I felt that it was a sign’. Later it turned out those people tried to scam me by giving me a different contract to sign. Thankfully I was able to nullify that illegal contract.
(#error) (#reflection). For now I feel like we have to somehow suffer for the errors of the characters we play in theater/movies. This is at least a top A synchronicity; and my character did a bad thing to get $300 (and Scarlett never really paid for that error).
2:24:13 – this scene is good (#reflection) with events of my current life. From my mother’s diary about little me (entry from 17.02.1990. I was born on 30.07.1988, so I was one and a half year old):
“Начал баловаться; что-нибудь требует, плачет, сморщится, а одним глазком посматривает – какая реакция.”
“Started to play around; He demands something, cries, frowns, but looks with one eye – what’s the reaction.”
2:26:50 – cheap labor from convicts. Maybe nothing but as a courier I was paid little. Same for other jobs.
2:27:20+ now I know money isn’t the most important thing in the world
2:27:45 – “I know what they’re saying about me and I don’t care”. In real life of VL I actually cared about critic’s opinions; and I did care about what people think of me for having my Thiaoouba related experiences. Now though I feel like I am similar to this Scarlett for I almost don’t care – and most importantly because I know I’m telling the truth and doing the right thing to help others, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of for me; if I give people evidence, ways to prove my findings & experiences and they choose to think badly of me then it’s definitely their error and not mine.
2:52:33 – diamond ring. I started watching Producer Michael on YT and sometimes they make videos about diamonds etc.
2:55:-- she won’t buy present for Mammy.
2:55:--+ right after there’s a scene in which Scarlett has a nightmare which ends up being a prophetic dream in the end. I’ve had prophetic dreams in my life – many of them. But also in VL’s next life – my life in Michele Avila’s body – I started having nightmares about the ocean ever since the bad experience in water. MA dreamed of getting drowned. Those nightmares proved to be prophetic also when MA was killed by being drowned in a creek. (#reflection)
Also later I realized what if there’s some connection to Nightmare on Elm Street synchronicities also? But so far it’s just the word ‘nightmare’ which is a possible link…
3:00:38 – 20 inches
3:40:40 – the button thingy has a person riding a bird portrayed on it. Just reminded me of my little pigeon obsession I had ever since that one pigeon flew to my window and I started feeding him for many years. In VL life there were some pigeon connections also.
3:41:-- When Scarlett runs through the fog/mist. It’s the prophetic dream come true. Also it can be a sync of sorts to Silent Hill and MA. I wrote that her brother moved to live at a lake called exactly as the one from the videogame. I had a lucid dream in which the environment reminded me of Silent Hill 3 game.
3:45:30 – saying sorry can’t correct the unpaid mistakes. But it can show others you’re admitting them and so you could change.
*
Vivien Leigh was right to play Scarlett in GwtW, and I was in the right place and time for Thiaoouba.
In general fictional Scarlett, real Vivien and I all share similar character traits – we are headstrong. I was having health issues still when I went to try to find Natasha; gave books to libraries; Vivien went to USA to get the role of Scarlett and she also got her men but that was error in case of married/taken men. (There are lots of other similarities between V and Scarlett)
https://youtu.be/ShcAmG2G7hQ?si=1vwG3CAadHnXF6H8&t=166
In the vid they say how Scarlett does what she wants and not what she’s told. See myself here in my jobs as courier and others (I refused to be ‘bossed around’ into doing what I didn’t have to during those times). Also there was time when I had an idea and then mother (?) would say that exact idea and I’d lose interest because I’d be doing it because someone else told me that and not because I came up with that (weird old me. I think I grew out of that)
https://youtu.be/ShcAmG2G7hQ?si=vEKuchOeCoFe0ZTt&t=1120
crying to get her way. Remember how I would stand barefoot on cold winter floor in the kitchen to get sick and not go to school – fear of speech was brutal on me… I don’t remember exactly but my Vivien Leigh psyche data might have caused some instances when I… cried? Maybe? I definitely cried on purpose to get my mother buy me the second budgie – can totally see Vivien/Scarlett in that old self. But were there other similar instances..?
(29.02.2024 – there were. Reference to 2:24:13)
31:-- Scarlett says about envy to those who were mean to her but she was also mean to others.
Watched a video from Karin on GwtW, and she said how Scarlett is left with nobody. It made me tearful, for that’s almost who I am. Is this another (#reflection) in that movie?
Scarlett slaps Prissy. I remember how a man hit me in the back of the head when mother and I were going to father’s house by bus. I sat on a seat because there were other free seats, but that… man hit me which was uncalled for. So it must be something I did in a past life – could that scene be it?
https://www.classicmoviehub.com/facts-and-trivia/film/gone-with-the-wind-1939/page/8/
“While directing the scene where Prissy says "Oh Miss Scarlett! I don't know nuthin' 'bout birthin' babies," director George Cukor told Vivien Leigh to actually slap actress Butterfly McQueen and to make it as realistic as possible, and directed Butterfly McQueen to scream. After many takes, McQueen broke down in tears, complaining that Vivien Leigh was hitting her too hard. In a later interview, Butterfly McQueen said that she "bargained" with the others, stating that if Vivien Leigh hit her, she would NOT scream, but if Vivien Leigh's hand only passed close to her face with the illusion of hitting her, she would scream as loudly as she could. McQueen also giggled and said that she thought "Prissy should have been slapped often, because she was horrid!"”
The man in the bus hitting me; possibly ----- hitting me near biology class.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scarlett_O%27Hara
Scarlett’s daughter’s name is Eugenia Victoria "Bonnie Blue" Butler (she names her that). Eugenia is female version of masculine Eugine, which is Evgeny/Zhenya (my name) in Russian. Victor is masculine for Victoria (I’ve talked how Victors have played their role in my and Vivien’s life)
Then Scarlett has three children in the book – one from each of her marriages. She has a boy named Wade with Charles, a girl named Ella with Frank, and another girl named Eugenie Victoria (Bonnie Blue) with Rhett.
I’m noting this because on the night a had my true dream with me in Vivien’s voice saying I was her I also had a dream about the streamer Elajjaz who’s often called Ella. Also I mentioned him in my SToL book for he realized the truth behind stammer but dismissed it.
There’s also a Russian streamer Boni (bonivur) whom I sometimes (but almost never have time to now) watch.
Scarlett’s full name is Katie Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler.
I had a female budgie in childhood and I called her Katie.
Most importantly, I never knew she was Hamilton… (her 1st husband is Charles Hamilton, but I never paid much attention to that until now) this is exactly the name of Emma Hamilton, and I’ve discovered many synchronicities between Emma and Vivien (and myself). I carefully theorized if Vivien could have played herself in That Hamilton Woman movie… and now there’s another synchronistic connection between them and me. If true, in the whirlwind of life’s events Vivien could have played herself in many more ways than I have theorized – by having the same name in the characters she played.
(since I don’t know where else cyncs can lead, out of curiosity I searched if anyone by name of Butler died during Titanic disaster – after all, Titanic is what led to me having the true dream with Vivien. There was just one - https://www.encyclopedia-titanica.org/titanic-victim/reginald-fenton-butler.html; died at 25; ticket cost 13 pounds. No bio to be found online. RFB had 3 children according to one person in the comments. Was unmarried. So far nothing of interest as too little info. But! Those 3 numbers could resonate with me.
Eva Hart was on Titanic and survived to tell the story of the Titanic splitting in two. Perhaps a coincidence – just noting Emma Hamilton had a last name of Hart at some point; And Eva Chirumbolo was the key witness in MA murder case
Note from 07.03.2024:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Titanic
There are actually some numbers associated with Titanic which have been a part of my life, and also became connections between my other lives.
Ordered 17 September 1908 (I died at 17 in MA life)
Yard number 401
Way number 400 (400 night club I visited in VL life. Days between 26.06.1987 – 30.07.1988)
Identification UK official number 131428 (13 has been present during important events in my lives. 14 & 28 is a 1 of syncs with Mary Magdalene, and it’s 1 of syncs with Nightmare movie)
Fate Struck an iceberg at 11:40 pm (ship's time) 14 April 1912 on her maiden voyage and sank 2 h 40 min later on 15 April 1912; 111 years ago (I saw these similarities on 07.03.2024).
The ship was equipped with only 20 lifeboats (capacity was 48). 14 were regular lifeboats. 2 were cutter lifeboats. 4 were collapsible lifeboats. (these numbers have resonated with me too in my lives)
)
“The essence of the public responsibility of being a "lady" is flagrantly disregarded because of her commitment to survival (Fox-Genovese, p. 400).[8] Thus, she is ostracized from her peers.”
I see similarity with me here. Having knowledge about Thiaoouba I went on trying to share my experience with people – at the cost of being ostracized from my old friends and society in general. Of course, there’s no other option for me for hiding the truth is a mistake, and I’d like to suffer as little as possible, having been through a lot.
I’ll note that Scarlett marries Frank Kennedy for money. Maybe it’s not connected, but my father was cheated after his mother died. His ‘friends’? made him sell my grandma’s apartment for fraction of its cost (assuming to another ‘friend’) and then held those money, given only portions to father. He did buy a car and tv and some other things with it, but the value of 2 room apartment was lost. I also lost that apartment, being father’s only son. There were hard moments in my life when I remembered those old events. If he continued to lease the apartment then his life would have been better in terms of money… mine possibly too. Is this a reflection of something my past life’s character did or not I don’t know.
I need to note that in my class there was a boy of black color. I set with him during certain classes. We exchanged PlayStation video games sometimes; but he never became my friend. I think I found his vk profile but he never accepted my friend request.
Just thinking if there could be some reflections too with V’s GwtW movie.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhett_Butler
“Scarlett convinces Frank Kennedy, her sister Suellen's beau, to marry her instead in order to save her family, since her sister intended to abandon the family and enjoy Frank's wealth.
Rhett is upset, since he actually was going to lend her the money once out of prison, and later praises her scheming and ability to steal her newest husband from under her sister's nose.”
Michele Avila was actually accused by her killers of stealing other women’s boyfriends. From what we know that was a lie. Syncs with Leigh proved to show that I was actually Vivien, I know it now, there’s no question. With Michele I’ve had a lot of syncs also. This is another possible connection between Vivien and Michele (#reflection even). I know now that some of the scenes in V’s movies were reflected in my life, and for some of those scenes and topics shown in her movies I [seemingly] even had to suffer. Would be not surprised if I was actually Michele Avila also after all I had to find out about Vivien Leigh and myself. (29.02.2024 – I was her)
To be clear – provided Michele was Vivien, then she was killed mostly for Vivien’s own sleeping and stealing of other women’s men. But this scene in GwtW could have also manifested (or added to the killing too) itself in certain words that Michele’s ‘friends’ uttered or implied about her.
(29.02.2024 – I’ve found another past life of mine in which I most likely ordered the murders of 1 or 2 people. I didn’t pay the penalty in that life and it’s possible that event resulted in the fact I had to be killed in my Missy’s (Michele Avila) life. But it’s possible there were other similar errors in other lives, so it’s too early to say for sure for which error exactly I had to pay in Missy’s life.)
I’d like to note the fact that after watching GwtW in my 33 for the first time in English, and after being rather deeply influenced by the movie, in some cases I was mimicking Scarlett in her attitude – e.g. when she enters the “lions’ den” she at first alarmed but then in just a moment becomes so very calm and composed… this is what I did – after finding myself going too deep into my mind I’d remember that scene and I’d do the same thing that Scarlett did in it – I was replaying Scarlett again in my life, then having no idea yet I was actually Vivien Ligh who wished so strongly to play that character. (#curious)
I’ll need to read the plots of the plays V was in. For those roles also influenced the world around.
--
Vivien played Russians in
Anna Karenina
Tovarich
Ivanov
(are there more?).
Is that one of reasons I was born in Russia? To actually experience living here?
--
When I downloaded all but 2 movies with Vivien Leigh the size of all movies combined was equal to about 33 GB (not it’s different because I re-downloaded several movies of better quality and larger size)
--
Knowing what I know about Vivien Leigh, I start seeing possible – possible – reasons why I’ve played my role in Thiaoouba. It was a hard journey, but I did not stop (there was a moment when I could, but meeting Yana and then Ulya helped me find new strengths).
(29.02.2024 – Recently had a dream (which had to be a true dream) saying the name I had in the days Jesus walked this Earth was Mary/Maria Magdalene. I have synchronicities with her which showed a much more precise reason why Thao was able to give me some help in this life. But it’s a long story to write in this note.)
In my childhood mom for some reason bought for me magazines or something which had women’s dresses – like you could outfit women or something. Maybe me being Vivien, a woman, and several other women, could relate to that. (29.02.2024 – as of this date I’ve found my 5 past lives and I was females in all of them)
I wanted to know about reincarnation, to know why I suffer. I got the answer. This also provides me with material to study more about reincarnation process.
Vivien Leigh could swim in pools – as seems from photos. I don’t dare going near deep water. It sort of gives more points to me possibly living the life of Michele Avila too, who was drowned.
When Vivien Leigh died my mother was 16 and my father was 8 years old. The numbers and half-life…
There was a moment I rode in a bus to father’s apartment (don’t remember if he lived or not at that time. Perhaps he did) and I saw a woman read Gone with the Wind book in original English language. It took my interest, and now I feel like it could be one of those sync moments when you just happen to be at the right moment at the right place. (#curious)
Vivien said that if you wish something it’ll happen (it’s in one of the pdf articles I saved up). Part of me sort of wished to find who I was (it’s possible I already wrote about it before)
Vivien Leigh hated typecasting in the movies, but to be fair she played characters with similar fates quite often. And I did notice she wasn’t right for Rebecca for it was clear to me she tried to be Rebecca rather than being her during the shooting test.
The thing is while I didn’t want to work in the office I still sit among 3 walls and a window (as Olya noticed). I did write about this somewhere else.
Before I knew I was Vivien I noticed the way her name sounded when I was little and Russian announcer pronounced her name in Унесённых Ветром.
When I learned about Vivien’s personal life when I saw a comment saying she played pretty much herself.
I feel like I’d need to note that Olivia de Havilland died on 26 July 2020 at the age of 104. Exactly 2 years after my father died, 2 years before I found synchronicities with Michele Avila in 2022.
Then,
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melanie_Hamilton
Hamilton – same last name as Emma Hamilton (as was noted before)
I’ve noticed the following. Both of highly important finds related to spirituality happened while I wanted to write screenplays (found Thiaoouba) and then to write a fiction book (found I was Vivien Leigh).
https://www.imdb.com/review/rw1993126/?ref_=tt_urv
“The woman had a lot of emotional and physical problems and as her husband Laurence Olivier frankly admitted, she was a nymphomaniac in real life.”
“This was one of the frankest discussions about sex ever put on film up to that time. In fact though no gay sex is discussed, right at the beginning you see a couple of men meeting for a tryst and you can spot a few obviously gay couples strolling throughout Rome. The Code was definitely coming down.”
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0722265/quotes/?ref_=nm_dyk_qu
“Vivien Leigh was delightful, an indefatigable worker, and just as pretty off stage as on.”
Indefatigable = persisting tirelessly. It does describe me in terms of my Thiaoouba related work.
https://youtu.be/mEWWxAVthyA?si=PJe15p8EVT5-TEYt
6:42 – (It’s a reference to the note in my video). Stardom in Hollywood gave her little control over her own carrier. Why she left for London and played in the plays she enjoyed. This reason actually modifies what I said in my [synchronicity] video. Yes, I like movies more still, but at least now I see why I said I liked theatre more than movies when I was Vivien Leigh – and I’d do the same thing, which means it’s another spiritual knowledge that I already had in my life as Vivien. (#spiritual-knowledge)
10:45 – As Blanche Leigh keeps reality at an arm’s length, retreating to illusions for self-preservation. Same thing happened to me when at 14 I had to retreat to daydreaming to save myself. (#reflection)
16:41 “… we had considered ‘Anna Karenina’ a big deal. ‘Streetcar’ broke the barrier”.
This reminded me of the omnipresent sex theme in my book Simple Truths of Life. Some people didn’t like it. Of course, the reason for that theme’s existence is different – it’s history, the reasons for some of my suffering and what lead me to finding Thiaoouba Prophecy.
--
In 33 years I watched GwtW and Streetcar. After I read about Vivien I thought that I might have been her (but dismissed it).
In 34 I had my synchronistic experience with Michele Avila and Vivien Leigh.
In 35 I had the dream in which I talked in Vivien’s voice that I was her. Later I proved (to myself at least) I was her.
The man (S---- C----) who wrote the article about Vivien probably wrote it in about 2022 (it says “Text published in French, in the journal Destine literare No. 62, February-March 2023. Still, timing is close to shrug it off). This is the year in which I had my sync experience with Michele and Vivien.
I enjoyed watching all of Vivien Leigh’s movies – no matter the rating. It’s very rare that I like 6.0/10.0 movies. I think partially it’s because I’m looking at myself; I know that story is sometimes basic, with problems, but it’s okay with Vivien’s movies.
--
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgwXi-epe5I
23:10 Olivia says Clark played a battleships board game with Vivien while waiting for the lights to be set up.
In school we sometimes played battleship game on paper.
Then Olivia says how Vivien could just get up and go play Scarlett while she [Olivia] had to have 20-minute notice before the scene. This again follows the talks that V often played herself.
After Olivia says how she’d get one with Melonie. It’s interesting to note because after finding I was actually Vivien there were moments when I could feel myself her. In a way I’m becoming one with her as I learn more about my past life. It’s very interesting subject for me – psychology, self-identification
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https://vivien-leigh.info/photos/main/
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https://youtu.be/29aGR_8euQA?si=ExniOZun7byF1y8c
At 20:20 the author of the video says “The story woven into public domain was that Leigh shared a blood line with the character she portrayed – the indomitable Scarlett O’Hara.”
It’s a myth. But it’s interesting nonetheless.
At about 24:30 it’s said I did not dance myself in the movie (GwtW) and a dancing double was used
Plays Connections
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vivien_Leigh_on_stage_and_screen
*
The Green Sash 1935.
Played Giusta, a flirtatious young wife
(#reflection) with Michele?
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The Mask of Virtue 1935
https://vivien-leigh.info/theatre/mask_of_virtue/
The action of the play takes place in Paris about 1760. Henriette Duquesnoy, a young
woman of the streets being masqueraded as an innocent girl to lure the Marquis d'Arcy
into a marriage that would disgrace him.
.
“It concerns a woman avenging herself on a lover by inveigling him into marriage with an apparently demure maiden who actually is more than worldly wise. Frank Cellier plays the lover and Jeanne de Casalis, his discarded, avenging mistress.”
More than worldly wise – In terms of Thiaoouba and spirituality this could describe me.
Sydney Carroll: "Vivian" - it's neither one thing nor other. It'll confuse people. They won't know if you are a man or a woman. Will you agree to spelling it "Vivien"?
"I changed my name again today," Vivien Leigh told her husband that day.
(Zhenya is also both male and female name)
Sydney Carroll: I took a big chance. But I just knew she was the one. A lot of other people claimed they discovered Vivien, but I was the one. I have a great knowledge of palmistry, and Vivien reluctantly let me read her hands. She was ashamed of what she called "my paws." After that reading, I decided the role was hers.
(I was a bit surprised to read this, coz 3 times the palmistry played very important roles in my life. Of course, it’s a top list synchronicity. The mask of virtue made V known – it was important play in her life)
(#reflection-life)
Also I’ll note here that VL would wear gloves to hide the ‘paws’. I had to wear cap because I was ashamed of my balding head until I was okay with how I look – more or less. (#spiritual-knowledge) & (#psyche-data)?
“Cedric Belfrage (The Daily Express): A ravishing stage debutante whose beauty will the talk of the town. Miss Leigh was the success of the evening. Her charm is matched by rare intelligence.”
http://vivandlarry.com/vivien-leigh/vivien-leigh-in-the-mask-of-virtue/
“…hailed the newcomer as already “an actress of uncommon gift; she succeeded through her sincerity and naturalness”.
Maybe nothing but made me think about ‘gifts’; what’s the reason for them? What if they come from past lives? If so, then I’m again reminded of Emma Hamilton who kind of played her portraits (forgot the name). In my life there were times I read poetry with expression (must be inherited from my life as VL?).
(02.03.2024 – in my mother’s diary I read that as a little child I had a theater and I played characters; I also sang and wrote poetry)
(From Dark Star: A Biography of Vivien Leigh)
VL played Henriette Duquesnoy, a young girl of good family. Her widowed mother would fall sometimes so hard that Henriette had to resort to prostitution.
Fellow actors were giving VL practical tips, showing they thought her adequate. Lady Tree’s exercise to take three deep breaths before each entrance to control the breathing muscles was practiced by VL throughout her career.
From Alexander Walker’s book: he writes Henriette was 18-th century prostitute who had to compromise a French aristocrat.
(02.03.2024 - In Emma Hamilton’s life I was exactly that (prostitute) during the same 18-th century for a short while. (#reflection))
I was thinking about it and remembered how one girl said ‘I was discrediting myself’ or something by truths I wrote in my book. I don’t think so, but some people do, and it’s possible my experiences with prostitutes (can’t believe I did that…) could make some people stop reading my book etc.
From AW’s book:
Real love for the victim of the cruel joke chastened and redeemed Henriette.
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Richard II – 1936
She plays a composite character. Not the actual queen.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne_of_Bohemia
have some numeric similarities.
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The Happy Hypocrite – 1936
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Happy_Hypocrite
“The Happy Hypocrite: A Fairy Tale for Tired Men is a short story with moral implications, first published in a separate volume by Max Beerbohm in 1897.”
https://vivien-leigh.info/theatre/happy_hypocrite/
Vivien Leigh wrote to Gliddon: “I can't help feeling that this play is of tremendous importance, firstly because it's essential I should work again and quickly, and that it will be a wonderful experience which is just what I want.”
Made me remember how in TP they say we’re closing in on moral and spiritual catastrophe. Through my life’s experience I think I can see why they said that. It’s interesting I thought that play with moral implications to be of tremendous importance.
(Wiki) “However, while viewing his new look in the reflection of a brook, he sees Jenny, leaps across the brook and proposes marriage. Jenny accepts.” (in the radio play – link below – George calls it stream)
Michele Avila was drowned in a stream. The theme of deception links the two also.
But the play ends on happy ending; George returns the money to those cheated; donates to charity and they live a modest life. (actually, it’s very close to my moral standards, I think). No wonder in my life as Vivien I thought this play to be of importance (I feel like I had spiritual knowledge before I was born – Vivien had them too probably for that life is very close to my current one [in terms of spiritual knowledge]).
V plays Jenny Mere.
Maybe nothing but a p actress by name of Jenny Lee (Jenni Lee) played a role in my life; especially when I learned she became homeless and had substance issues. That was one of moments I thought to say goodbye to pmo.
Lee even sounds the same as Leigh. Also, I had experiences with drugs in Missy’s life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=se41YciICgE
18:-- flowers are often mentioned. Vivien and Michele loved flowers. I love them too.
20:-- it’s said Jenny has disappeared.
21:-- George returns money he won gambling etc. Maybe nothing but reminded me how I removed all movies and tv series I uploaded to 2 groups in vk.com
24:50 - La Gambogi says his wife’s mask is even better than yours (George). Jenny asks what does she mean. I think the scene means Jenny is also wearing a mask; and either pretends she doesn’t understand La, or doesn’t remember she’s a mask. It means Jenny has also her own skeletons to hide. Interesting.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6p1XD_fd4A
http://vivandlarry.com/vivien-leigh/backstage-with-the-happy-hypocrite/
‘She had a wonderful show of flowers, too, the most admired offering of all being a big oval mirror framed in closely-massed blue hyacinth blossoms and surmounted by a true lover’s knot of blue forget-me-nots and pink roses. “And when the flowers die, what?–” began a practical friend; but before she could finish her query she got a poetically gallant reply from the young husband who had sent this gift to Vivien” “Anyway, the mirror will always reflect a flower–my wife’s face,” he said.’
At first, I just wanted to save this interesting story of my past life. But then it mirrors that have played their role in my life: I had a prophetic dream (where my distorted reflection told me it’d never let me come out from myself); now I probably saw one of my past lives in a mirror in that dream I wrote about in My Diary (October 8, 2023); and mirrors in lucid dreams is what I’m planning to try to use to see the physical bodies I used to have in my past lives (yet to have LD)
(#reflection) it’s possible that dream with distorted face is a direct reflection of that event during the backstage as Vivien Leigh – for, sadly, in life of VL I did cheat and did steal other women’s bfs/husbands – and those are not the actions of a ‘flowery’ person. Then in the play Jenny is wearing a mask also – another similarity to V’s life.
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Henry VIII - 1936
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_VIII_(play)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regent%27s_Park_Open_Air_Theatre
The play was taking place at an Open Air Theatre.
In VDNH there’s open air theatre I thought could be nice to attend if it was working.
V plays Anne Boleyn.
So again the name Anne (Anna)
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Because We Must – 1937
https://vivien-leigh.info/theatre/because_we_must/
it says one of performers had name of Elizabeth Gilbert. I’ve a book by another Elizabeth
Gilbert – Eat Pray Love. I’ve encountered this name in Fire over England too. Maybe it’s all just a coincidence. There are many people with the same last names.
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Bats in the Belfry – 1937
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Hamlet – 1937
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamlet
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ophelia
She is a young noblewoman of Denmark, the daughter of Polonius, sister of Laertes and potential wife of Prince Hamlet, who, due to Hamlet's actions, ends up in a state of madness that ultimately leads to her drowning.
Michele Avila literally drowned (was murdered by being drowned). V herself had liquid in lunges which caused her death.
At Ophelia's next appearance,[10] after her father's death, she has gone mad, due to what the other characters interpret as grief for her father. She talks in riddles and rhymes, and sings some "mad" and bawdy songs about death and a maiden losing her virginity. She exits after bidding everyone a "good night".
Might be nothing but in this life some people do think of me as crazy for my Thiaoouba related experiences (they don’t wish to bother to listen to me that many things I said I experienced can be proven)
In Act 4 Scene 7, Queen Gertrude reports that Ophelia had climbed into a willow tree (There is a willow grows aslant the brook), and that the branch had broken and dropped Ophelia into the brook, where she drowned. Gertrude says that Ophelia appeared "incapable of her own distress". Gertrude's announcement of Ophelia's death has been praised as one of the most poetic death announcements in literature.
First it’s a willow tree – it’s one of the biggest synchronicities I’ve got with Michele Avila.
Second it’s a brook (stream) that Ophelia is drowned in, and Michele drowned in a stream too (e.g. it’s not a river which can be rather deep and wide).
Thirdly, the weakest point, the tree, and its broken branch, plays a role in Ophelia’s death. A four-foot log was placed on Michele’s body to keep her under water…
Fourth point is, of course, she drowned. Same as Michele
(Wiki) “. Gertrude interrupts to report that Ophelia has drowned, though it is unclear whether it was suicide or an accident caused by her madness.” In Michele’s murder it wasn’t clear for 3 years who killed her. Maybe there’s no connection.
So far these are synchronicities between Vivien (and so also me) and Michele – but they are interesting. Can it be a (#reflection) with Michele?
An important detail: Karen and Laura ACTED out a scene to lure Michele to the creek; once they were there they dropped the act. It is another connection(or at least synchronicity) with Vivien Leigh who was an actress. (02.03.2024 – some accounts say they dropped the act when they all were still near the cars)
(Hamlet Wiki page):
“That night on the rampart, the ghost appears to Hamlet, tells the prince that he was murdered by Claudius, and demands that Hamlet avenge the murder. Hamlet agrees, and the ghost vanishes. The prince confides to Horatio and the sentries that from now on he plans to "put an antic disposition on", or act as though he has gone mad. Hamlet forces them to swear to keep his plans for revenge secret; however, he remains uncertain of the ghost's reliability.”
Since I was a part of that play in past life, sometimes I did question the ‘reliability’ of my cyncs with Vivien and Michele – which was normal for at that time I didn’t have this ocean of connections to V. Other people also question my experiences, and Michel Desmarquet’s.
Hamlet story has wrong beliefs about what happens to soul after death. Now I know what actually happens to it (TP).
It also deals with ghosts and his mother not believing Hamlet sees them, thinking he’s gone mad. (I showed my own mother my most successful telekinesis session moving the bolt attached to thread’s tip and she still doesn’t believe these things exist)
A thought came to me when I was thinking why did it have to be forced drowning as the way for me to pay the penalty for sleeping with taken/engaged/married people?
I remembered how from the books – especially from Larry’s – it’s known that VL and Larry made love almost in front of Jill’s eyes during their Hamlet play at Elsinore.
Ophelia drowns in the water of a brook and there’s a mention of a tree branch. This must be connected. Certainly poetic.
And why it had to me murder – I mew that I had a dream in which Thao told me I killed my mom (in other life obviously) and had to live life near her now. (02.03.2024 – In a dream it was said VL was Cleopatra. I’ve got many synchronicities with the queen and 2 other dreams showed faces which led me to Cleopatra – before going to bed I asked my Higher Self to show me who I was in 40 BC. The knowledge and experience I have finding VL’s life shows I had to have been Cleopatra. It’s known she must have ordered her brother and sister to be killed. It’s possible that was the crime I had to pay the penalty for in MA life)
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A Midsummer Night's Dream – 1937
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Titania_(A_Midsummer_Night%27s_Dream)
She plays Titania. Maybe nothing, but sounds like Titanic – the big link in the chain leading me to finding my past life as Vivien Leigh. (also, there’s that Butler sync with names and person Butler who actually died on Titanic – I’ve 2 syncs with him) (02.03.2024 – In Emma Hamilton’s life I portrayed Titania which is another (#reflection) between my Emma and Vivien lives)
Titania is a queen of fairies. Now, fairies are different from elves, but I feel like noting I liked Night Elves in Warcraft 3 video game.
There’s a picture of VL where I wear a costume with dragon fly like wings. This made me remember that girl whom I met in Sokolniki park. She drew wings over her photo she was painting over when we met; she wanted to look like a fairy – I’m sure. She later turned out to be too consumed by her phantasies… that theme again… also she gave me a name of a girl whom I contacted later and who wanted to speak with me but then I stopped writing to her a lot (many reasons; 1 of which she seemed to me too possessive when I was away and didn’t visit vk;
I don’t believe I ever written about the first girl and I feel like I need to write details about our meeting now.
I walked from the Golden Pond to the right edge of the Rose Garden on the diagonal path (left side). Under a tree was sitting that young girl (Katya her name was I think) who complained why insects bother her. I said maybe because she’s tasty or something like that. She approached me and during conversation I thought she was a cosplayer (I was wrong). She asked something about pictures and drawing. We set on a bench and we talked about movies. She was talking about Loki character and telling she loves him or something; then she said she was married and had 5 children… with who later turned out to be a fictional character from the movie I think. Then she started telling to passer byes almost rude things in negative voice; at one moment she said something about Venus – like being from Venus; at those moments I tried to look away as if I wasn’t with her… this was the time when it was me who needed an excuse to leave and thankfully I was getting hungry, as it was about 4 o’clock and we went to the fountain and there said goodbyes. She blocked me on her Instagram, but I created a new account just to send her my book and Thiaoouba in case that would help her with her problems she clearly had at that time.
Now that I wrote about it, I thought that the event has several connections not only to my present life but also to my past…
06.05.2024. The photo where Katya was drawing fairy wings onto herself can be found on her Instagram. It was uploaded on July 4, 2021.
https://www.instagram.com/elf_grenleaf/
While searching for this picture, I realized that Katya writes her name as Isis and writes she’s from Venus (obviously, she’s not, and it’s one of the things which made me want to say goodbye and leave after we met). It may be of another synchronicity, but with Cleopatra’s life. Cleopatra VII was identified with the Egyptian goddess, Isis, who is equated with Aphrodite and Venus.
https://vivien-leigh.info/ru/theatre/midsummer_dream/
Ralph Richardson (actor): Vivien was a wonderful partner in every way and did her best to make our work together successful. What I admired most was her humor, cheerfulness, professionalism, common sense and flexibility of mind.
Qualities which I also had (before due to stammer I became subdued in many of those areas). Can it be the answer I had regarding that dream in a streetcar with Olga saying that I always went downwards and asking if it was time to go up? Because in this life I was going down almost from 5 yo when I started stuttering; I actually played with the idea if the dream meant my past life(lives)? I think this could be the answer. (That dream played a very big role in my life). (#reflection)?
There’s a theme that it all must be a dream. Interesting because some dreams do matter – actually, my dream with Vivien was after all a true dream.
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Serena Blandish – 1938
Not a lot of info out there.
Just noticed Serena name. It was the nickname of the red-haired girl who was a ballet dancer (I mentioned her elsewhere; Waterloo Bridge connection) and who actually listened to my talks about Thiaoouba; she said I was talking about interesting subjects.
I found this:
https://content.time.com/time/subscriber/article/0,33009,737251,00.html
Serena Blandish was born near the docks of London. (other interesting things are mentioned in the article too)
Probably a big stretch. Dread Hunger video game (it’s connected to syncs with Michele Avila) starts at the docks of London.
And then
http://www.snbehrman.com/productions/plays/reviews/SB1_times.htm
Serena opens a night club in Monte Carlo. (other interesting things are mentioned in the article too)
Probably nothing again. In the video game GTA Vice City you can buy a night club. I remember I liked that idea and the idea of buying properties in the game in general. It was fun.
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Romeo and Juliet - 1940
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juliet
Juliet Capulet is the 13-year-old daughter of Capulet.
As the story occurs, Juliet is approaching her 14-th birthday.
“I will not fail: 'tis twenty years till then.
I have forgot why I did call thee back.”
(I haven’t read a lot of this play yet)
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The Doctor's Dilemma - 1942
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Doctor%27s_Dilemma_(play)
“The eponymous dilemma of the play is that of the newly honoured doctor Sir Colenso Ridgeon, who has developed a revolutionary new cure for tuberculosis.”
V suffered from tuberculosis since 1944
“she cannot imagine wanting to marrying someone as old as he is”
If there’s the age selector, I’ll choose 23-35. I’ve already faced the fact that my age is a factor in many young women not wanting to have any relationships with me.
The play itself raises important topic.
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The Skin of Our Teeth – 1945, 1946, 1948
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Skin_of_Our_Teeth
This was one of Leigh favorite plays. She played Sabina.
I notice that it has certain Biblical references. And in my life I’ve connected to the Bible by Thiaoouba. (02.03.2024 – I know now I, and so Vivien, was Mary Magdalene)
“The alternate history action ends where it began, with Sabina dusting the living room and worrying about George's arrival from the office. Her final act is to address the audience and turn over the responsibility of continuing the action, or life, to them.”
This reminded me of my latest attempts to prove that many of the things mentioned in TP are real, including me recording a telekinesis session. I tried to ask people in the TPXP group to share it, but many only argue with me. So, essentially, I try to “turn over the responsibility of continuing the action, or life, to them”, to other people for I thought I had done all I could, until I was fortunate enough to learn who I was in my past life (Vivien Leigh), and so I saw another purpose in my life.
“In her role as resident pessimist, lacking vision, Sabina says, "That's all we do—always beginning again! Over and over again. Always beginning again." After each disaster, they just rebuild the world again. She also says: "Don't forget that a few years ago we came through the depression by the skin of our teeth! One more tight squeeze like that and where will we be?" And later she says,..."My nerves can't stand it. But if you have any ideas about improving this crazy old world, I'm really with you. I really am."”
This reminded me of my Manifesto in my book so much! That is literally the idea (which came from TP and my understandings) on how to improve “this crazy old world”!
I can see here another reflection similar to those of GwtW, Waterloo Bridge and That Hamilton Woman. I, even if playing a character, was asking a question, to which I found the answer in this life of Evgeny Meshkov.
She also says the words ‘save the human race’ in the end of the 1st part of the play I have downloaded. It’s so fitting again to my situation (can earth disappear because of pollution?)
On the 8th minute into the 2nd part of the play she speaks of taking husbands.
What scares me somewhat is that whenever I find myself a partner (which could well be another life) they could start cheating on me, and I’ll suffer for stealing other people’s partners both in real life and possibly in movies/plays.
16 minutes in (half is 8, btw. Half-Life ref) Vivien says she can’t say certain lines for they could hurt someone’s feelings. Now I don’t wish to hurt anyone, but I do realize the importance of telling the truth, your opinions if you know it’s right, even if it’ll hurt someone’s feelings – in fact anyone can be hurt by anything and we need to exist.
It’s ironic that Sabina did hurt the feelings of the wife who’s husband she stole.
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Richard III – 1948, 1949
Plays Lady Anne.
https://www.shakespeare.org.uk/explore-shakespeare/shakespedia/shakespeares-plays/richard-iii/
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The School for Scandal – 1948, 1949
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_School_for_Scandal
plays Lady Teazle
“Lady Sneerwell, a wealthy young widow, and her hireling Snake discuss her various scandal-spreading plots. Snake asks why she is so involved in the affairs of Sir Peter Teazle, his ward Maria, and Charles and Joseph Surface, two young men under Sir Peter's informal guardianship, and why she has not yielded to the attentions of Joseph, who is highly respectable. Lady Sneerwell confides that Joseph desires Maria, who is an heiress, and that Maria desires Charles. Thus she and Joseph are plotting to alienate Maria from Charles by putting out rumours of an affair between Charles and Sir Peter's new young wife, Lady Teazle”
Some bits remind me of Karen spreading rumors about Michele. Kinda reflects the fact that Randy was more interested in Michele (Karen hated that apparently). But maybe it’s nothing.
“…Lady Teazle enters asking her husband for two hundred pounds. Sir Peter and Lady Teazle argue again, and conclude that they should separate.”
“The humorous epilogue, written by George Colman the Elder, is to be "Spoken by Lady Teazle." It portrays her as somewhat regretful of leaving country domesticity for London society, and includes an elaborate parody of a famous speech in Shakespeare's Othello.”
--
Antigone – 1949
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antigone_(Sophocles_play)
“Antigone, compared with her beautiful and docile sister, is portrayed as a heroine who recognizes her familial duty. Her dialogues with Ismene reveal her to be as stubborn as her uncle.[4] In her, the ideal of the female character is boldly outlined.[5] She defies Creon's decree despite the consequences she may face, in order to honor her deceased brother.”
“After Creon condemns himself, the leader of the Chorus closes by saying that although the gods punish the proud, punishment brings wisdom.”
We can learn spiritual knowledge from suffering for our own mistakes (provided we choose to learn the lesson)
--
A Streetcar Named Desire – 1949
I watched the movie. Although it was changed a little due to censorship.
--
Caesar and Cleopatra – 1951
Watched the movie. In the short summery there’s no mention of laughing at bald head which might have been one of reasons why I’m experiencing baldness for the first time. So it’s required to read plays anyway for the details that could be important.
(in the play there’s the same line as in the movie)
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Antony and Cleopatra – 1951
Donald Pleasence played in the play. I know him from Halloween.
https://vivien-leigh.info/theatre/cleopatra/
“Vivien Leigh: I would have loved to have been Cleopatra in real life - providing I could choose my own Antony.”
This is funny due to some synchronicities pointing to a possibility Vivien could have player herself in her (and mine) old lives (played in some of her roles in movies and plays). Of course, I’ve nothing yet to either prove or disprove V could have been actual real-life Cleopatra, but it’s interesting she should have said that.
(I had a dream saying Vivien was Cleopatra, but it’s possible it meant she was Cleopatra on stage – as an actress playing a Character; not all dreams are true – yet to learn how to distinguish them)
(02.03.2024 – I asked Higher Self to show who I was in 40 BC, and two dreams showed me face and then mask, and both, as I found, are connected Cleopatra. My knowledge and experience finding my past life of Vivien Leigh and Michele Avila dictates that those dreams had to be true. I, and Vivien Leigh, was Cleopatra. So it’s even more interesting now that I said I’d have loved to have been Cleopatra irl when, in fact, I was her but didn’t remember it because of the River of Oblivion)
“Vivien Leigh: I read anything I could get hold of on Cleopatra. It just gets you into the atmaosphere and into the mood”
This is exactly what I’m doing reading anything I can get hold of on Vivien Leigh. Only the reason is to learn about my past life and about reincarnation. (02.03.2024 – Interesting to note I’ve bought several books about old past life of Cleopatra. So, I’ll be reading about my old self yet again! Obviously, I’d like to acquire some new spiritual knowledge and understandings from this repeating experience [material knowledge will be erased again in the River of Oblivion; only spiritual knowledge will remain intact along with my psyche]! And I’d love if it could help me get rid of my remaining psychological issues for good!)
--
The Sleeping Prince – 1953
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sleeping_Prince_(play)
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Twelfth Night – 1955, 1961
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Macbeth – 1955
Ian Holm played the role of Donalbain. I knew him from Alien and Lord of the Rings movies. The Alien was the reason for my most nightmarish dream.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macbeth
“King Duncan welcomes and praises Macbeth and Banquo, and Duncan declares that he will spend the night at Macbeth's castle at Inverness; Duncan also names his son Malcolm as his heir. Macbeth sends a message ahead to his wife, Lady Macbeth, telling her about the witches' prophecies. Lady Macbeth suffers none of her husband's uncertainty and wishes him to murder Duncan in order to obtain kingship. When Macbeth arrives at Inverness, she overrides all of her husband's objections by challenging his manhood and successfully persuades him to kill the king that very night. He and Lady Macbeth plan to get Duncan's two chamberlains drunk so that they will black out; the next morning they will frame the chamberlains for the murder. Since the chamberlains would remember nothing whatsoever, they would be blamed for the deed.”
…
“Lady Macbeth becomes racked with guilt from the crimes she and her husband have committed. At night, in the king's palace at Dunsinane, a doctor and a gentlewoman discuss Lady Macbeth's strange habit of sleepwalking. Suddenly, Lady Macbeth enters in a trance with a candle in her hand. Bemoaning the murders of Duncan, Lady Macduff, and Banquo, she tries to wash off imaginary bloodstains from her hands, all the while speaking of the terrible things she knows she pressed her husband to do. She leaves, and the doctor and gentlewoman marvel at her descent into madness.”
(So she was punished in the play for crimes)
“Before Macbeth's opponents arrive, he receives news that Lady Macbeth has killed herself”
(but suicide is not a solution, so)
--
Titus Andronicus – 1955, 1957
Ian Holm was again in the play.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Titus_Andronicus
“During a royal hunt the following day, Aaron persuades Demetrius and Chiron to kill Bassianus so that they may rape Lavinia. They do so, throwing Bassianus's body into a pit and dragging Lavinia deep into the forest before violently raping her. To keep her from revealing what has happened, they cut out her tongue and cut off her hands.”
Perhaps it’s nothing – just thought that there were 3 women when Michele Avila died and they were technically deep in the woods. But then only 2 actually killed Michele, the 3rd didn’t know about the plan, but she didn’t do anything to help Michele also.
--
South Sea Bubble – 1956
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/South_Sea_Bubble_(play)
“After the party, Hali drives Sandra to his beach house. He has had too much to drink, and after a skirmish with Sandra he seizes her and kisses her passionately. She grasps a bottle from the drinks cabinet and knocks him out with it, after which she snatches up her cloak and bag and makes her escape.”
“…Frome reports that Hali is in hospital with concussion…”
Just reminded me of how I hit the back of my head against the ice when sliding on the icy slope into the lake behind my friend Anton. I felt a bit dizzy and I actually (I think) asked my mother to take me to a doctor (but she didn’t). I think all cured on its own. But I feel like the error was to sit behind my friend and not anticipate that it’s dangerous – for there was a sudden drop and I could have known his body (or head?) could smash into mine and send me to hit the ice. (but maybe there is some (#reflection) here still…)
Also it’s important to note V’s character had to defend herself against possible rape in the play, so…
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Duel of Angels – 1958
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duel_of_Angels
not a lot of info
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Look After Lulu! – 1959
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Look_After_Lulu!
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Lady of the Camellias – 1961-62
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lady_of_the_Camellias
Plays a courtesan (prostitute essentially) named Marguerite Gautier.
The dishonest (I’ve reasons to think so) girl in Sokolniki was Rita (Margarita)
Could be one of reasons why I had to experience going 4 times to 3 prostitutes (#reflection)? Also I wanted to help Natasha, but the fear of speech and other unexpected things prevented me from telling her the true reason for my second and last visit.
She plays with John Merivale; her bf till her death.
Rita suffers from consumption (tuberculosis); V had it and died from it.
But: “Some scholars believe that both the fictional Marguerite's illness and real life Duplessis's publicized cause of death, "consumption", was a 19th-century euphemism for syphilis,[6] as opposed to the more common meaning of tuberculosis.”
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Tovarich – 1963
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tovarich_(musical)
Stalin liked this word – tovarich. And our physics teacher once called me ‘tovarich Meshkov’.
It’s yet another time she played a Russian, Tatiana (another is Anna Karenina); and in 21 Days Together her husband was Russian.
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La Contessa – 1965
Not a lot of info. The play was short lived.
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Ivanov 1966 Shubert Theatre, New York City Anna Petrova John Gielgud Anton Chekhov
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivanov_(play)
Plays Anna Petrova. Yet another Anna.
I bought a book by Anton Chekhov after the introduction to acting class.
“Anna (born as Sarah Abramson) – Ivanov's wife of five years who unknowingly suffers from tuberculosis.”
It’s the second role (Lady of the Camellias – probably tuberculosis) in which V’s character suffers from the illness that would later kill her.
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(Vivien was to play Agnes in the play A Delicate Balance before she died)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Delicate_Balance_(play)
“Miss Leigh’s recent tuberculosis attack came as the red-haired actress was to start rehearsals for the London stage production of Edward Albee’s play, “A Delicate Balance.”” Vivien was to play Agnes who “believes herself to be the fulcrum of the family, keeping everyone in balance”.
After my Thiaoouba experience, I realized that there are two extremes in almost everything in life, and staying in balance in the golden middle is the correct thing to do in order not to make mistakes and suffer for them.
Interesting to note that when I read about Agnes on Wikipedia some of the things do in some ways relate to my life.
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Having read plots for all of V’s plays I could find, I must say that the details aren’t mentioned in the summaries. And from Caeser and Cleopatra movie it’s clear even the smallest and silliest of details can make a huge difference (bald joke and my current hair problem). So it’s possible something important remains off Internet’s pages (and can only be accessed via Psychosphere, I imagine?)
Movie/Play Reflections
Gone with the Wind – Her returning to Tara. Coming of age.
“If I have to lie, cheat or kill as God as my witness I shall never be hungry again!”
Provided I was Michele Avila - This could connect in some way to why Michele was lied about, cheated and killed. This could be the error and following suffering.
2:22:30 – It’s 20th February on the check. I was almost scammed and cheated at a highly important moment of my life.
2:55:--+ prophetic nightmare connecting VL to MA.
From my mother’s diary when I was little.
Then mother writes about my mischievousness. She writes I’d demand something, cry and wince, while looking with one eye – what is the reaction like. This reminded me so much of Scarlett O’Hara at 2:24:00 into the movie! Of course, it also reminded me of how it was said that during the production of ‘A Yank at Oxford’ my antics were seemingly paying dividends.
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Waterloo Bridge – her choosing to become prostitute. Natasha. Michele Avila’s appearance reminded me of how Natasha looked; not exactly similar but that’s who I remembered. Also there was that lucid dream with a man having features somewhat similar to Anna’s son – and then there was that leak in the dream which also occurred irl with that same Anna. Maybe there is something…
As I suspected – all of our lives are known already – so if Michele (an I was her) looked similar to Natasha who would in another life be a part of the reflection of my favorite Waterloo Bridge (as VL) then I’m not surprised at all.
From Wiki: “Roy sends a note to Myra to join him after the performance, but the note is intercepted by the mistress of the ballet troupe, the tyrannical Madame Olga, who forbids Myra from having any relationship with Roy. Despite the admonition, they meet at a romantic night spot. Roy has to travel to the front immediately and proposes marriage, but wartime circumstances prevent them from marrying immediately. Roy assures Myra that his family will look after her while he is away. Madame Olga learns of Myra's disobedience and dismisses her from the troupe along with fellow dancer Kitty when she scolds Olga for spoiling Myra's happiness.” Natasha’s boss asked her to have sex with him and fired her when she refused. She couldn’t find a job and chose to join her friend in the brothel… I can see certain subtle similarities here. Both Myra and Natasha made a noble choice – one went to say goodbye to Roy, going to war; another refused to have sex (now, sadly, I don’t know the exact reason behind Natasha’s choice, it’s possible she didn’t like him and, perhaps, would’ve agreed to have it with a boss who looked differently. I hate this thought but I have to at least consider it; it’s healthy; means I learned something from believing in good in people and then getting scammed, lied to, and even killed [in MA life])
Also, I realized I was falling in love with Natasha (btw, maybe it’s not her real name) during the same day I saw her. I realized upon second viewing of Waterloo Bridge that Myra and Roy fell for one another in one day also. Now, this could be another reflection I’ve got with this movie I did in my VL life
18 minute. Kitty runs out and says to Roy that Myra will meet him. Before that Roy read a letter, which Myra was made to write, and he was about to leave. It reminded me how when I came to see Natasha for the 2-nd time, having desire to help her maybe, but Natasha was nowhere to be seen, and eventually I was about to leave when that blonde girl ran in (she may be Natasha’s friend) and then she went out to talk to Natasha who after that came in. This does look like it could be another reflection with this old movie of mine.
That Hamilton Woman – the dead face
The Skin of our Teeth – Her asking the question about improving the world
The Deep Blue Sea – She tried to overdose and so did my mom 2 times at least
1961 The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone – The scene with cut throat of blonde character that Vivien Leigh played in the movie.
1935 Look up and Laugh – the stammering guy who plays VL’s bf. Dog theme
1937 Storm in a Teacup – Dog theme again is clearly seen and it affects V’s character who’s the daughter of the laughed at politician.
1938 Sidewalk of London – Possible reflection in V’s char being a pickpocket, thief, and me getting that laptop and scammers situation.
Then a reflection in how V’s char treats the man who wanted to marry her. She made a note of the way his face looks. I’ve got a scar and asymmetries.
1940 21 Days Together – the accused innocent man has heart attack; I’ve problems with heart.
Then he’s believed to be the murderer but he’s innocent. I’m not believed to by many, even though I can give some tiny proof (telekinesis)
Ship of Fools – In my cyncs video I talked about it; how in Thiaoouba there’s a talk about boat; and I made some other points (check later)
Caesar and Cleopatra – V laughs at Caesar’s bald head. There’s also a hint on prediction of death of Vivien and Michele.
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I thought very seriously about sui***e 3 times.
1 – I saw a dot appear on my palm’s life line and I decided to live – the dot was gone.
2 – Stammer. Before going to 9th floor’s window I decided to sleep and had a thought in the morning to search in Yandex browser, finding the true reason for stuttering.
3 – Auras. I wanted to see if Auras are real and so there’s something more to live for
4 – I consider it more on the whiny side; when I wrapped a plastic bag around my head and then my body as if by itself cut it open using my fingers
.
So, there are 3 movies in which the character I played committed suicide:
1940 (1937) Waterloo Bridge.
1948 Anna Karenina
1955 The Deep Blue Sea is the movie in which my heroine survives but she did attempt to commit suicide, and we actually see it (in first 3 movies it’s only implied and off screen…)
1961 The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone
(Numerology; maybe it’s nothing, a coincidence:
8 = 1948 – 1940
7 = 1955 – 1948
6 = 1961 – 1955)
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1951 A Streetcar Named Desire – Broken bottle reflects Karen threatening Michele 10 days before they killed her.
Blanche advises Stella to essentially break up with Stanley. Michele advised Karen to break up with Randy.
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Hamlet – 1937. Ophelia death is reflected in Michele Avila’s demise. Not 100% fully, but so is the case with my Waterloo Bridge reflection. And Karen and Laura played out a scene like actors.
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From TP I know what Thao taught about journalists and how important it was for them to study psychology; not to make heroes out of criminals. Of course, she also mentioned popular actors in the violent movies.
Is the same thing applicable here? Well, I think it’s obvious yes.
In fact, I remember how I myself was influenced by movies in a strange way when I was as if mimicking some of the characters (for due to stammer I had little experience talking and never fully found my own self in this body – the way I want to be and act). So people can be influenced by movies; In school too there were bullies who would put their arms around necks of those they bullied as if trying to strangle them just like the ‘heroes’ (now I don’t know if they’re heroes or what…) did in the movies with violence – an influence.
So special care should be taken when making movies and stage plays so as not to influence the audiences in negative way. So that all negative actions in the movie/play are suffered for by characters in that movie/play, showing that the action is wrong – otherwise the actors, directors, screenwriters etc will probably suffer for that mistake themselves, as I did in my life for certain little actions I did in my movies when I was Vivien Leigh.
I’m also noting here that in plays and also movies there were touched interesting topics regarding the workings of society. I feel like this is where some of my spiritual knowledge could have come from, and this could also explain why I realized so many truths about life while living in my current physical body.
(READ) David Lewin Interviews
Article from The Sun-Herald, October 2, 1960. Page 33.
33 played a role in my life many a time
Michele Avila died on October 1, but at one point the tomb stone wrongly showed it was October 2. It would’ve been 25 years since the publication of this article – another important date in my life which relates to Natasha (Waterloo Bridge reference)
Then the article is continued on page 72. In Thiaooubians’ numerals those two digits are related in terms of the angles.
Says VL seldom took tea. I love drinking tea. It’s the only thing I drink now.
Pelmanism. VL says it helped with memory, languages and accents. There were moments when I tried to train my memory and that helped me. But I stopped later.
I had a dream relating to Pelmanism. I noticed that certain items in the room I was in (for the first time ever) were in the wrong place. That dream also had references to Scream movie because there was someone behind the man interviewing me and I stated that fact.
VL says ‘actors are shy people as a rule’. I was shy. I mentioned it elsewhere.
The article says VL, after watching Gone with the Wind, sent a telegram to David O. Selznick: “Dear David, I have just seen ‘Gone With the Wind.’ Congratulations on a wonderful film. Love, Vivien.”
“Back came 20 red roses from Selznick – one rose for every year that has passed since Vivien Leigh was first seen as Scarlett O’Hara.”
“I signed the contract on a Friday the 13th.” Vivien Leigh told me on her first morning back in Hollywood.”
(It was January when the contract was signed)
20 number again.
Friday the 13th of January 2017 is when I first approached a girl in this life when I was 28. She was red haired Marina, and that event has been full of synchronicities. The other significance is that both events of both dates were turning points in my lives for me.
(https://www.timeanddate.com/date/durationresult.html?d1=13&m1=1&y1=1939&d2=13&m2=1&y2=2017
it was 78 years since my signing of that contract in another life
It was 936 months… the numbers, but not in order, which I said to Marina in village lucid dream. Those number have a big meaning in the Universe)
Perhaps nothing but I asked my HS to show me red roses if Scotty Bowers’s story about VL was true.
(#curious). This is a top A synchronicity but I’ve no tag for it
VL & LO got married in the middle of filming Lady Hamilton (which took 6 weeks)
VL calls Katharine Hepburn ‘Katie’. Just noting it’s how I named my 3rd female budgie parrot. (mentioned it elsewhere)
VL had 3 wedding rings (in LO marriage)
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Vivien Leigh’s Own Story
VL says she’d prefer a smaller house. Same as me, so (#spiritual-knowledge) was already there.
VL: “In life the important thing to do is to have a job, a profession which can run alongside being in love. When it does everything is wonderful. When it doesn’t it is agony.”
Then I talk about wanting to have more children. It’s funny that when I met Marina I said to her about my realization that I was already 28 and had no children (always thought what that had to do with anything if I first need to find a gf…)
The quote is interesting coz in this life I learn to live without a job (or I simply wouldn’t be able to translate and then write my own book, and later attempt to spread the knowledge from Thiaoouba – the most important book in my current life). I’ve no profession for I was so depressed that I got expelled from university; later I realized I’m interested in many things and didn’t know what to study or what to do; then I lost health and found Thiaoouba.
I have no love (experience) but the subject was very important to me and I was glad that I got at least to fall in love at first sight with that blonde girl (#psyche-data)?
(#spiritual-knowledge)
VL about wanting to be a great actress: “If I weren’t, I would like to write or paint”
I have written a book, now thinking to write another… about my life as VL. Before I found I was VL I thought of writing a fictional book. In my childhood I wanted to learn to write in the village. (#psyche-data)? (03.03.2024 – I wrote poems in my Missy’s life; And I did the same in my current life when I was a child)
“I act because I like trying to give pleasure to people”
Interesting because it may be another reason – (#spiritual-knowledge) – that despite of the skepticism and casual hate towards me I still kept on going trying to spread the word about Thiaoouba; it can help people greatly – in a way, it’s pleasure related for people’s lives would become easier and so more pleasurable.
I also painted in childhood and now I’d like to learn to paint faces for my lucid dream experiments. (mentioned it elsewhere)
VL: “…sometimes the lines I have to say mean so much. It is strange how they do. In ‘Duel of Angels,’ when I have to talk of separation and a house divided, they have such an intimate personal meaning.”
Noting it because I’ve had many reflections in my life from my movies I did as VL; also plays are reflected in my life. If I was indeed MA (99% I was her at this time [03.03.2024 – 100% right now]) then I had reflections in that life also from VL’s movies. It appears this theme was slightly showing in my VL’s life already. (03.03.2024 – have reflections with my Emma Hamilton’s life too; had reflections with Emma’s life in my Vivien’s life also)
VL was at Roehampton Convent school from 6 to 13.
VL: “My school reports used to say ‘Must concentrate more’ and I can’t really add six and four.”
(#psyche-data)? Since concentration is still my problem usually.
Then article says VL’s figure was trim like a young girl’s and her weight stayed around 105 pounds. It’s close to how MA weighted (97 pounds according to her mother), being a young girl in her 17.
Then article says VL swam strongly. It was one of her favorite sports. Again I feel something had to have happened during the death of VL and my birth (21 year) for me to be afraid of water in my childhood and still not being able to swim in deep water. (mentioned it elsewhere)
VL loved dancing. (I mentioned elsewhere how I almost danced in a bus)
Then VL says she can’t ski or ride a bicycle. I can do both. Also MA had a bicycle which she rode (from Karen’s [Severson] book) but it’s not clear how she learned to ride it. In my life there was nothing special about me learning to ride a bicycle – I just sat on it one day and just rode it as if I could always do it (if I was MA perhaps the skill somehow got stored somewhere? But where? Astral body, psyche, or…)
Later VL says she loves water – its tranquility and colors and peace. She said she preferred rivers and lakes.
VL: “I swim between happiness and misery and I cry easily”.
Still close to home.
Getting to Know Brando, Quite a Mimic
VL says she takes ‘The Gardener’s Book’, among others. I like gardening as mentioned elsewhere. (#psyche-data)?
Other books:
Bible (which is interesting, given my Thiaoouba related experiences). (03.03.2024 – Sine now I know I was Mary Magdalene it’s not surprising Bible has played varied roles in my many lives since Jesus walked on this Earth)
Bernard Shaw on music
‘Jessel, Anyone?’ by George Jessel
The Life of Ronald Knox
‘The Prophet’ by India writer Kahlil Gibran (philosophic work in poetic prose on love, marriage, and work)
VL: “I am innately religious, but not in the church-going sense. I say my prayers and I’m a Catholic. I like the broad range, which is what the word catholic means. I like a great variety of people and things.” (#spiritual-knowledge) could be at play here for I must have known a thing or two about spirituality (I still don’t know the main reason Thiaooubians helped me [03.03.2024 – I was Mary Magdalene and my good decisions in that life must have allowed Thiaooubians to help me without going against the Universal Law – they didn’t do any errors by helping me]), and I had some knowledge not to be imprisoned by religion also.
Catholic word meaning is “including a wide variety of things; all-embracing”. This clearly defines me/VL; my views on many (adequate) religions, each having some truths in them, but also many unfortunate distortions; so we have to have knowledge to be able to weed through the false data in those texts.
VL: “Everyone said I was mad to try it. They are often saying I am mad to try things”. About playing Blanche in the play.
(obviously, the madness I’m talking about here is different; in my current case some people actually think I’m mad) Now many people think I’m mad because they don’t believe my spiritual experiences can be the truth – I did write how I learned all of that, and they have to do is simply repeat my experiments… but it’s so difficult for them for some reason (skepticism which simply doesn’t allow a thought of those experiences being real to penetrate their minds) (#reflection-life)
Then I, VL, say how people in London had awful reaction – perhaps because of sexual repression. This has a (#reflection-life) again since Thiaooubians taught us via Michel D. book that sex is normal and natural – provided there’s love & spiritual affinity between two people (of natural opposite sex imho).
VL on Brando: “He used to say to me ‘Why are you so damned polite? Why do you have to say good morning to everyone?’ and I’d say because it is a good morning and anyway it is a nice thing to say. So why not?”
(#spiritual-knowledge) as I say Hi even to those who rude to me (perhaps not always but I try to)
Then I talk about manners and hosts.
VL: “I think on the whole I prefer women. They are more loyal and reticent and they don’t gossip as much as men. I hate gossip. I think it is cruel and generally inaccurate and I won’t listen to it.”
(#spiritual-knowledge) in regards to gossip.
(#psyche-data) in regards to preferring women; I feel like it’s easier for me with women than men.
I say about Churchill’s painting (of rosebuds) in front of my bed. I saw them when I’d wake up. Interestingly, I thought about printing screens from VL’s movies in which I have reflections in my life so that I always remember the 1 of reasons why I was living the life of VL.
Possible (#reflection-life) if I do print that. (03.03.2024 – I did print them and have them hanging on the wall near my bed, where I see them each time I wake up)
I’m noticing a pattern. In these articles I often talk about ‘truth’:
‘It is a play [Duel of Angles] about truth’;
‘But Blanche is such a real part, the truth about a woman with everything stripped away.’
Alexander Walker’s book (The Life of VL), page 45: “Sometimes I dread the truth of the lines I say.”
In this life I found truth in Thiaoouba Prophecy book – the most important book of my current life.
In my book Simple Truths of Life the words truth is not only in the title, but everywhere in the book (regarding my experiences of course). The truth is very important to me too of course. In TPXP I was trying to make sure there are no distortions of TP etc.
That’s the Man I Am Going to Marry!
(this article is almost identical to the one from Australian newspaper I broke down earlier)
The Judge Said: ‘Man and Wife – Bingo!’
(this article is almost identical to the one from Australian newspaper I broke down earlier)
(#spiritual-knowledge) when VL says about not being swept by success of GwtW at 26 or at 19 when Mask of Virtue go V sudden fame. Of course that knowledge had to have come from life experience in another life (reminds me of Emma Hamilton).
Faith: Something Wonderful Will Happen
VL: “If I have a philosophy I suppose it is
‘Let’s get on with it’, or
‘Use all gently’, which was Hamlet’s advice to the players, although I don’t always follow that, or perhaps it is
‘Something wonderful will happen’
VL: “I’m scared the first night of any play, but I get the determination to go on from my mother…”
(I talked elsewhere about this)
VL formed her own company, Vivien Leigh Ltd., to produce plays. First investment was “Roar Like a Dove” and it was an outstanding success.
Pigeons (we could say doves) did play a role in my life when I was depressed.
Other investments:
‘Taste of Honey’
‘Make Me an Offer’
‘The Hostage’
VL’s mistakes according to her:
Film ‘Anna Karenina’
‘The Deep Blue Sea’
Appearing in the farce ‘Look After Lulu’ which was totally embarrassing.
The parts VL learned the most:
Shakespear’s ‘Cleopatra’ &
‘Lady Macbeth’
‘Streetcar’
Antigone,
The Sleeping Prince,
Skin of Our Teeth (VL’s fav play)
VL said she didn’t like seeing new moon through glass. This reminded me of my silly dream when I asked Thao about werewolves. Maybe it’s not connected in any direct way.
VL: “My horoscope was done for me three months ago and it said ‘You’ll be lonely’ and look how right it turned out to be”
I don’t think horoscopes have any truths in them (based on TP), but… as far as synchronicities go, there could be something – I was not lonely in VL life after all, having met Jack with whom I was till my death. But I am lonely now, so… I can only guess if there’s some connection or it’s just a coincidence.
Then VL says about nervous breakdown in the ‘Elephant Walk’ and how it was over-dramatized. She thought she could continue doing the film after 2-3 weeks.
It actually has (#reflection-life) in my life because of my findings about simple truth of life (starting with stutter) but yet many people don’t know/see how simple some things are, they don’t yet see the simple reasons for those issues which are taking root in our erroneous decisions (including inaction). I’m very happy to have found that quote from my old self, confirming my current ideas. I actually thought similar thing – about possible over-dramatization.
Then VL says how during total depressions she’s like a thing, an amoeba, at the bottom of the sea. Only friends can pull her up. Currently I’ve no one but myself to pull myself up.
VL: “I do not worry about my looks because beauty is not a thing of age but of spirit.”
First I agree.
(I should’ve written this paragraph about VL saying beauty can be a handicap.) But then I clearly wasn’t ready to lose hair and have scars, asymmetries and deformities on my face in this life. That brought me down into deep depression. It’s possible that was an (#error) due to lack of certain life experience and (#spiritual-knowledge). I’ll note that Thiaooubians, 9th category people, say they prefer having pretty faces rather than unattractive – so there’s nothing wrong with that. Perhaps I had to learn my lesson (of course, it’s compound life situation; I’m not suffering just for that sentence alone of course)
VL: “I learned not to worry about my hands from a book by Ellen Terry”
VL: “I read a book called ‘The Martyrdom of Man’”.
VL underlined a passage: “And the artists shall inherit the earth and the world will be as a garden”
It actually reminds me of what Michel D. saw on Thiaoouba (garden), and my thoughts of how people are like actors (artists) playing different roles in different lives. (#curious)
(READ) Dark Star (2019) - Alan Strachan
(I need to be aware that sometimes authors might add their own thoughts or opinions which are not reflective of the true picture)
VL’s father’s consuming interest was the theatre.
VL’s father was a broker and had success making him a rich man.
Just reminds me of my crypto episode. I also learned how this thing works and that many will lose money. So V’s father made money but many lost that same money (to him). Is it surprising that I had to experience my crypto craze, lose half of my money on the exchanges, and learn lessons? No, not really. (I transferred about $1k to the exchange and after learning my lessons I made that money back and transferred it back to my bank account.)
Gertrude, Vivien’s mother, had a garden full of jacaranda trees, rhododendrons and lilies. This could be a reason why in VL life I loved flowers and gardening.
There was a mention V loved white roses. I asked my HS once to show in a dream red roses and yellow lilies if certain things were true or untrue. Also I planted lilies and rhododendrons in my village when I was feeling healthy again (but maybe now the flowers are no more…). And of course there’s no way for me to plant jacaranda in the cold climate I live in.
(#psyche-data)?
Gertrude introduced VL to Kim’s Game. She also instilled in her manners. Among them was to be polite and considerate of other people.
Senchal Lake. Made me remember a person on FB by name of Sanchal.
It’s also interesting how ‘e’ is ‘exchanged for ‘a’ in his name. In my Vivian name ‘a’ became ‘e’ in Vivien. Also it’s Mary & Maria; Missy & Missie.
Ernest, Vivien’s father, played the villainous Chauvelin in The Scarlet Pimpernel. Names of Gilbert and Sullivan are mentioned too and I’ve encountered both of them in my life. Sullivan was my VL’s friend; it’s also a character in Silent Hill game, and I think that it was the last name of that woman whom I knew in my MA life and whose true character I uncovered in my current life thanks to my Thiaoouba knowledge.
Ernest also taught VL to ride before giving her pony. This reminded me of Bonnie Blue from GWtW; she also had a name Eugenia Victoria.
On 20 September VL was taken to a West End show. Before she had shown a precocious love of the theater. The next morning [21 September] she’s taken to the Convent of the Sacred Heart at Roehampton. “Very sad indeed” was the entry in Gertrude’s diary when she visited Vivien on 26 September. She visited VL 2 more times. They visited London Zoo during one such occasion. Gertrude and Ernest sailed for India on 10 October. VL saw her mother again after about 2 years. VL was the youngest pupil in the school.
Some numerological similarities. Also, I was often one of youngest in my groups of friends.
There were 20 unheated dormitories in which girls slept.
The Convent regularly quoted from St Teresa each hour (during the day only, I assume): “An hour nearer to death. An hour nearer to heaven or hell.” Sin – “wasting time in idle dreaming”.
My paternal grandmother was religious and had many icons in the apartment. She recited some religious texts. Sometimes I thought about the sins of mine before finding Thiaoouba. Now I know about errors, reincarnation etc.
(04.03.2024 – Since now I also know I was Mary Magdalene it’s interesting to see how I had to experience living near people who probably preached [in that Convent] the distorted version of what Jesus taught and which I [must have] heard with my own ears in my life of Mary Magdalene, but no longer have memory of due to River of Oblivion.)
VL became popular among pupils and nuns. Good manners and being from India played a role there. Partially because VL was the youngest, Reverend Mother allowed her keep a stay kitten despite there being a strict ‘No Pets’ rule. Vivien loved cats throughout her life.
Michele was popular in school; and a cat she went seeking was the reason she met Karen
VL would gaze at the movement of the water of the small lake located nearby. Water was Vivien’s favorite element.
It was thanks to looking at water (Moscow River – bridge leading to Gorki Park) that I realized (I think I should be correct on the basics) the all is indeed vibration in life.
Also, water theme plays a role in all of 3 lives (VL, MA, me).
The girls could play tennis and sometimes there were plays. Vivien played Mustardseed in A Midsummer Night’s Dream and Miranda in The Tempest. VL learned to play piano and cello. Maureen O’Sullivan was one of Vivien’s best friends, and she also had acting ambitions. She recalled Vivien to be one of the most popular pupils, and VL once decisively announced to Maureen: “When I leave school, I’m going to be a great actress.” Another friend, Patsy Quinn, remembered Vivien vividly:
“obviously delicate. Her chest was already weak . . . A “special child” you’d say. Even her presents from home were special. Vivien was so tiny and delicately made . . . with the only complexion I have seen that really was like a peach. “
And she also said that while Vivien was a Catholic, she wasn’t pious - “she never struck me as a ‘believer’ in the deeper sense”.
I’ll mention here that females who are called ‘Marina / Марина’ have played important roles in my life. Maureen is more connected to the Russian names ‘Maria, Mariya, Marya’, than to Marina, but the pronunciation is still quite close. Maybe it’s nothing of course, but Maureen did play not a small part in my VL life, so who knows…
(04.03.2024 – being Mary Magdalene, I see nothing strange about not being “a ‘believer’ in the deeper sense” in that life, since belief/faith is one thing and knowledge is another. And as Thiaoouba Prophecy teaches us, and as I noted above, the Bible was distorted several times. So, the Christian religious teachings are very distant now from what Jesus was actually saying to people.)
Vivien had enthusiasm for Egyptian history, music, and dancing classes.
Vivien said once about Egyptian history: “I wish we could dig all the sand away and that all those marvellous spinxes [sic] and tempels [sic] could be seen again.”
Reminds me of how in that dream in was said that Vivien Leigh was Cleopatra. Plus all the rest of ideas regarding VL possibly playing herself mentioned by me elsewhere.
I’ll note here that in Zina’s (my aunt) apartment were Egyptian themed things brought from their travels to Egypt.
I was at 1 point interested in Egypt too, but I had no time for serious studies. (#psyche-data)?
(#reflection)? Just tagging so that I can find it
(04.03.2024 – I think it’s safe to say at this point I was Cleopatra as hinted upon in 2 other dreams when I asked my Higher Self who I was in 40 BC. Michele Desmarquet mentioned in his other book that part of the 19% of the electrons, which used to be part of our past body, rejoins us when we’re reborn. If true [Thao wasn’t dictating his details anymore and he wrote that book long after his journey to Thiaoouba; it’s possible some details may be off to some degree] then it may be a reason why we get interested in the topics which were part of our lives in our past incarnations. But for now it’s just a speculation.)
Patsy Quinn noticed Vivien would sometimes retreat behind a remoteness - when she was found alone by the lake, intently focusing on the movement of the water or the reflection of the trees’ movement. Another friend said Vivien seemed untroubled for weeks, but:
“Then, suddenly, a complete turnaround. Sometimes it would last only a few hours, other times a day or more. But when it happened we’d see a completely different girl – moody, silent, petulant, rude, often hysterical, disturbed in some way that she had no control over . . . It was frightening when it happened, almost on the order of a dual personality.”
I have experienced mild (from my perspective) signs of that also. (#psyche-data)
But I think there is control if you have knowledge – the reasons for that ‘turnaround’ and how to live so that there’s no such mood swings. Because I had those episodes before my 28 years; after I started working on bringing myself out of the pit I found myself in; and I’ve made progress. That’s why I say that we have control. Those mood states are the consequences of our decisions (mistakes in this case).
Patsy Quinn noticed Vivien’s altered mood: “I remember unhappy letters from her first very strict convent in France.”
I just noting here how in my life some of my old village friends exchanged mail addresses to send letters during school, but due to my speech problems and shyness I could not join them…
Vivien, at nearly 16, came to a dance in a short simple little dress and with no make-up. Other girls were deserted and all the boys went to ask Vivien to dance.
I noted it here because I remembered how I was actually excluded from the group when Marina was surrounded by guys. Now, I doubt I in Vivien’s life did anything wrong in what was described, but maybe something which was left unrecorded was a mistake that did result in that event? But it’s so, so subtle if there’s anything here at all.
V would Lay on the balcony and smoked. And read the scandalous novel ‘Three Weeks’ by Elinor Glyn (“Would you like to sin
With Elinor Glyn
On a tiger skin?
Or would you prefer
To err with her
On some other fur?”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Weeks_(book) The Lady is the queen of a Russian dependency
Vivien’s brief diary entry made on December 20, 1932: “Too tired to write, but I got married. Wonderful day.”
The postcode of the address Vivien and Leigh lived is NW8.
An entry in Vivien’s diary says she had a lunch with Jamie Hamilton’s lively new girlfriend and later wife, Yvonne Pallavicino. There’s also mention of Clare Sheridan who made Vivien’s life seem humdrum.
Just noting it made me remember 2 Marina women in my life. One is my old friend from my village who married at a young age (it caught my attention at the time); and the other is the woman who was the first whom I was able to approach and ask if she had someone – she’s the one who I’ve many syncs with and she plays a role in me realizing I could actually find my life on the Internet – and she also once said ‘но это же так скучно’, (but it’s so boring) when I said I was often walking in the area alone (possible sync connection to ‘humdrum’).
(04.03.2024 – I’ll also note that both ‘Hamilton’ and ‘Yvonne’ relate to at least 2 of my past lives)
Vivien said Leigh taught her most of what she knew of antiques. And later it’s said VL and LH furnished the new house and she enhanced the room’s space by placing mirrors or opening up cupboards near fireplaces to create open shelving, sometimes backed by mirrors and backlit to improve the illusion of space.
Just reminded me of how 1 of the things I thought of doing in my life is creating a 3D software to easily create 3D models – including architecture and furniture. I like the design too; sometimes I’d walk in stores just to look at different ideas of furniture, kitchens etc. Could it be (#psyche-data)?
Mills Martin once saw Suzanne wailing with Vivien paying little attention (Mills noted: “It is possible to give birth without the maternal glands working”). The actress Fabia Drake thought that while Vivien admired Leigh and appreciated his intelligence and kindness, “she was bored with her marriage to a barrister”.
During waits between set-ups Vivien watched and absorbed all she could, even in scenes she was not in.
Just noting can see myself in this. (#psyche-data) or (#spiritual-knowledge)?
Maud Miller met Vivien on the Cobham location. She once asked VL if she was doing the job (acting) for fun and V responded by saying: “I happen to be an actress. I am not playing at the game”.
20 years later Miller would write of Vivien:
“a warm-hearted person when you get to know her . . . a curious mixture of child and sophisticate, actress and mother with a suspicion of the siren Cleopatra . . . there is one streak that only those who know her best are aware of. It’s her steely determination.”
Funny that another person had to compare her to Cleopatra (numerous syncs and dream). Also, as I mentioned elsewhere, ‘steely determination’ is what allowed me to carry out my Thiaoouba related activities – no matter what!
Warm-hearted generally describes me too (maybe Michele Avila also from what people said about her).
In The Village Squire movie Vivien plays a rather snooty Rose.
Snooty means “showing disapproval or contempt towards others, especially those considered to belong to a lower social class”. It’s interesting because I was at some points in my life in that reversed situation; I certainly live in a low social class as far as materialism is concerned (#error)?
(Look up and Laugh) Dean wrote about Vivien: “She was so uncontrollably nervous that for a while she seemed unable to take direction, a circumstance for which I made insufficient allowance. I became impatient.”
(#psyche-data) ? I’m not sure though. I was nervous but for different reason. Anyhow, it’s one of those proofs to the skeptics who could think I couldn’t be VL because of my problems (V had some of them too)
John Buckmaster is described as a more dangerous companion.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_R._Buckmaster
Vivien had an affair with him while married to Herbert Leigh Holman. And another in 1953, when she was married to Laurence Olivier.
Vivien, Laurence Olivier and his pregnant wife Jill Esmond met on the first night of ‘The Happy Hypocrite’, and Vivien touched the private information concerning the child’s name, when she asked: “How’s little Tarquin coming along?” It was clear Olivier was seeing someone else; actually, The 400 Club is mentioned the places Vivien and Olivier had the first dinner for just two.
Heh, reminds of me when I asked Yana in Gorki Park if she had a boyfriend. Also a private information, but also could be considered rude by some women – like you think they’re still virgin or something in this day and age (of course, now I think people should seek partners more responsibly and with the Palantius – spiritual affinity – in mind too maybe)
I had other similar cases (but of different nature).
Also 400 maybe of some connection. 400 is how many days between the day Michel Desmarquet was taken to Thiaoouba on June 26, 1987 and my birthday; after learning I was Mary Magdalene this similarity may be more than just a coincidence. 26 is also a familiar number in my life (also, there are 26 karses in a Thiaooubian day).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_400_Club
The 400 Club was a night club at 28a Leicester Square, in the West End of London.
When Vivien met Olivier, he was 28.
Just like me in Vivien Leigh life (when seeing for the first time Leigh and then Olivier), Jill thought when she first saw Olivier: “I knew he was the man I was going to marry.”
I copied it for Jill’s words; but then I remembered my dream about the budgie which got smaller and smaller in my hands… until it was crushed… LO later said to speak about something else when the interviewer asked questions about Vivien… I could see some intertwinings here (but maybe it’s nothing; just me seeing connection when none exists)
The books says that both Olivier and Vivien abandoned and retreated from their religions. They had an affair and both – Larry in particular – had a strong consciousness of sin.
As I said elsewhere – I’ve had a sense of sin when started masturbation; glanced at the icons sometimes… hoping no one would know what I was doing… etc (#psyche-data)?
(05.03.2024 – knowing I was Mary Magdalene, meaning I was literally near Jesus – and, according to Gospel of Phillip, Jesus even kissed me in that life – and I heard and understood [some] of his teachings well, it becomes even more interesting that I looked at the icons portraying Jesus [Orthodox Church] but didn’t remember or knew I was THAT close to him almost 2000 years ago… now it makes total sense that I ‘had a strong consciousness of sin’ in my current life and in my past life of Vivien Leigh! Again, it’s possible it relates to us retaining some data from our past lives when we’re reborn, and that data could be stored in the Astropsychic body – this is a hypotheses)
James Wong Howe often shot Vivien in shafts of light coming through mullioned windows.
Interestingly there was a moment in my life I tried to photograph with my phone camera shafts of light coming down amidst the morning fog under the trees and I didn’t get the picture I saw with my eyes. And I like those shafts of light rays also.
Laurence Olivier: “It’s not the stunts. It’s Vivien. It’s every day, two, three times.” noted it elsewhere. (It’s about my high sexual drive which I had in VL’s life and still have in the current one)
Vivien used the scent by Patou – ‘Joy’, which became her signature scent.
“There are other joys in life” is what Thao told me in a telepathic message when I was, I think, 25. She was referring to sex – that there are other joys in life other than sex (with the person you have mutual love and spiritual affinity). That event happened during the time I was searching Natasha, having removed my psychological block I created about her. Later Michele Avila’s black & white photo would remind me of how Natasha looked. It’s all interconnected.
After becoming father, conscience-riven Olivier tried to persuade himself to leave Vivien, only to be haunted like Macbeth.
In trying to hold on to her husband, Jill befriended Vivien. Jill’s son wrote of her visits to Vivien’s house:
“She was making it happen, she would sit unbelieving: she had gone there to fight for her family . . . She was astonished to find herself passing on all she could to Vivien, as though they were the closest of friends.”
Don’t know if this could be the reason I’ve no friends and the ones I had kinda rejected me or betrayed? I mean, I’d be surprised if there wasn’t any connection at all.
Rex Harrison witnessed how Vivien “broke down in the dressing-room in wild hysteria, anger and anguish” when she was told her wish to play Ophelia opposite Olivier might not happen.
(#psyche-data) I can see myself in that episode – my old self in this life. I’d like to think I’ve learned some lessons.
Vivien’s diary: “Told Leigh” on 10 June 1937.” Both Vivien and Olivier told their spouse about the divorce.
This was no doubt very important date for VL. I decided to look at my diary and I noticed that there’s a record. On 9 June 2023 I finished all the youtube videos I’d been working on – and in my life as VL an important episode of life also came to an end. On 10th I masturbated for 6 hours, so… quite a punishment for what I did in the other life…
(#error)?
I need to note that both Leigh Holman and Jill Esmond didn’t remarry…
Olivier’s sister Sybille about seeing Vivien:
“This lovely young thing, with big green eyes and dark curls to her shoulders in a figured biscuit-coloured cotton frock with no hat and stockings, holding Larry’s hand as she came shyly up the path in the sun.”
Noting this because of the word ‘shyly’. Would never think an actress can be shy. (#psyche-data)?
There’s a mention in the book about ‘landmarks of her youthful past’ that V could show Olivier in Salzburg.
Landmarks of my youthful past – the whole thing reminded me of me…
Before in the book Alan mentions the sin, which Olivier had, and it seemed like me, Vivien, also had it – as I said. But now, on page 59, he says I cared little for any prejudice against ‘living in sin’. Perhaps it’s just an opinion of the author.
Anyhow, now, in this new life, I do care.
05.03.2024 - The situation is actually complex here. If married people found they aren’t a good match – which is something people should find before marrying or even having sex (for [possible] children sake who may live without a parent or even parents) – then it’s not an error (the proper word for [religious] ‘sin’) to be searching for a partner with whom you have more similarities (spiritual affinity); but the situation gets complex again if you already have children in that marriage. Of course, it was an error to be in a hurry to get married (Leigh Holman) and then to have an affair with a married man (Larry), especially after he had a son with his wife. I know some people might disagree with me - Vivien Leigh living in a new physical body, who have/has suffered for my past errors, found the truths of Thiaoouba book, and was able to see where I was wrong in my past lives; I know that there are many websites and pages on social networks dedicated to Vivien and Larry as a couple – which I totally don’t mind, of course – just want to say some errors were made by both Larry and me (in VL’s life); And of course there were many good things also in that relationship. It’s a complex topic, as I said, and I won’t go into intricate details here for it could take many pages to write about; I hope people will understand the simple idea of what I’m trying to say here.
John Gliddon says how Vivien overreacted one day.
“It was far more frightening. Her voice turned suddenly hard. But the worst thing was her eyes . . . They had completely changed from the smiling eyes I was accustomed to. They were the eyes of a stranger.”
Just noting some people say I overreact sometimes. I can see why they say that but I also don’t fully agree; usually the issue I wanna address isn’t resolved right away and a simple discussions turns into almost an argument.
Page 61: “Vivien had been jittery.”
Jittery means nervous or unable to relax, which describes me (#psyche-data)
There’s a mention of cinematographer by name of Jules Kruger – an artist of smoky, suggestive lighting.
Louise Brooks: “She combines within her a spirit of anarchy, a real danger and unpredictability . . . a daemon, a siren, a pussycat with the sharpest of claws and a tongue that spits like a lynx.”
Daemon (had a dream about that; in the church; there was also Thao) (05.03.2024 – also may connect to my life of Mary Magdalene).
Siren. Wrote elsewhere about the red haired girl from VK.com - Siren (Сирена) – she was learning to be a ballet dancer.
Also, in Nightmare movie it’s ‘Krueger’ and here it’s ‘Kruger’. Possibly it’s nothing, just noting.
Vivien, as the author writes, liked the company of homosexuals.
I mentioned this before that this is probably one of other possible reasons (some things will probably be left unknown until I, in other lives I guess, will learn to access Psychospheres of planets I lived on) for my unavoidable (for I had no knowledge what we were doing) homosexual experience in my 6-th year lasting for several years. I regretted that until I fell in love with Natasha at 18, realizing all was okay with my sexual orientation.
I need to note that there’s nothing wrong, imho, in having friends who are homosexuals and having normal activities with them; but if VL at any time said or implied that homosexuality was okay and normal, then that was the error – just 1 example – for which my childhood experience could have been manifested.
About Vivien: “She drew herself up on the rainswept deck . . . pulled a coat snug around her shoulders and stunned us all with the sybilline utterance “Larry won’t play Rhett but I shall play Scarlett O’Hara. Wait and see.”
Sybil relates to prophecies. Certainly a part of my life. Including the book Thiaoouba Prophecy. (05.03.2024 – there’s a portrait of Emma Hamilton as Sibyl)
Stewart Granger about Vivien: “She impressed me as very hard working and certainly very ambitious. She had two passions, her love for Larry and her determination to play Scarlett O’Hara.”
There were 8 photos of Vivien taken by Angus McBean. Later Vivien told him Gone With the Wind was “her Bible” and “I am going to play Scarlett if it’s the last thing I do”. Vivien presented him with a copy of the book with inscription: “With love from Scarlett O’Hara”.
Vivien told McBean that it was the photograph in the black hat (immortalised on a Royal Mail stamp) which had especially drawn the eye of Myron Selznick.
Fabia Drake about Vivien’s determination to try for the part: “But Vivien, you could never play Scarlett! She’s too ruthless.” Vivien looked back, her eyes glinting mischievously and she smiled a secret smile – the smile of Scarlett.”
(05.03.2024 - as mentioned before, it’s possible some data from our past lives return to us when we’re reborn. I know now I was Emma Hamilton, and, if we assume I lived lives of someone named Kennedy and Butler, it’s possible that seeing so many ‘familiar’ names, and perhaps ‘familiar’ circumstances of Scarlett’s life, might have triggered all the ‘lights’ in me in my past incarnation of Vivien Leigh. Hence my determination to play Scarlett in that life.
I have this theory from my own experience when I wished so badly to go live abroad (USA) and connect my life with movie business. After learning I was Vivien Leigh and have already lived the life I wanted to [re]live in my current life, I thought that maybe some information from past lives does return back to us – if Michel Desmarquet is correct in what he said in his book Nature’s Revenge. Or maybe there’s something else at play. There’s still sooo much to learn about the process of reincarnation.)
Currently my ‘Bible’ is Thiaoouba Prophecy.
Later in the book they mention again Vivien’s desire to get the part of Scarlett O’Hara, and it’s also said Vivien had nothing to lose.
Had nothing to lose. It’s the same line I used when writing and publishing my book Simple Truths of Life, and it looks like I’m about to use it again, shall I start making the big video and then writing a new free ebook about how I found out Vivien Leigh and me are one soul.
One of Vivien’s favourite lines in Shakespeare’s Cleopatra was from the great threnodies of loss after Antony’s death:
“I am fire, and air; my other elements I give to baser life”
Vivien, Olivier and Myron arrive at the set when shooting of burning of Atlanta was under way – after the fire had reached its height. Myron presented Vivien to his brother, saying: “Hey, genius – meet your Scarlett O’Hara!”
At that moment Vivien came forward, and the dying flames suddenly sparked again as burning beam crashed, illuminating her face and highlighting her eyes. The effect was striking, and Irene Selznick always thought that detail was pure synchronicity.
Also, Cukor previously thought Vivien was “not quite sufficiently fiery” enough for Scarlett. Those preconceptions were gone at that moment, when both Selznick and Cukor were hooked by her firelit appearance.
I am not too surprised all those events had happened and that the word ‘synchronicity’ was used to describe them. (Today I saw videos of blinking lights in Michele Avila’s house; it started happening when Karen was writing her book – from the comments. This kinda makes me think again I could have been Michele… certain things just keep surrounding all 3 of us…)
(06.03.2024 – As of today I know that Shavaun, who recorded that video, is lying about her being medium since I know the things she says in her other YouTube videos are not true. It was obvious she made those videos to promote her documentary with ‘new’ (probably invented) evidence, her book, and their medium business. So, it’s quite probable they faked the blinking lights in their video just to get people’s attention.)
Selznick wrote to Irene of the “frightening but exciting knowledge that GWTW is finally in work” and that the new dark horse “looks damn good”.
Maybe nothing. Just wanna note there’s a white horse appearing in Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me, which I watched yesterday and during several times saw similarities with my soul’s life – VL, possibly MA, and myself.
In my village we once saw a snowy white horse at night, running about. That sight had an otherworldly feeling to it, seeing the horse lit by the light of a street lamp, contrasting against the darkness of the night behind him.
Vivien is referred to as “Missie” in the book.
Margaret Mitchell wrote of Vivien after seeing the stills of the tests and of Vivien:
“I am impressed by the remarkable number of different faces she has. In the stills . . . she looks like a different person every time she is shown in a different mood.”
Missie and Missy (Michele Avila). This is top A synchronicity for sure. (#reflection).
http://vivandlarry.com/classic-film/revealing-david-nivens-missie/
“The cat’s out of the bag; “Missie” was Vivien Leigh.
David Niven called me in Vivien Leigh life as Missie in his book ‘Bring on the Empty Horses’
(I wrote my notes in After Finds when I read that article)
(06.03.2024 – I noticed how in the last excerpt I talked about horses and the title of David’s book also includes the word ‘Horses’)
Another point is that if I lived many lives, is it possible that could help with acting and showing different moods? Because people with some spiritual knowledge can ‘feel’ what’s it like being someone else (empathy).
Vivien’s feelings about Hollywood; she wrote to Leigh “All their standards are financial ones” and to her mother “I know I could not stay here without Larry ... I should go mad.”
I guess that’s why it was relatively easy for me in this life to understand that there is a way for society to live without money, and how a world without money would/could function. (#spiritual-knowledge)
Interestingly, in my book SToL I conclude that there’s a chance I could be disappointed if I left to live in the USA.
Vivien had a secretary/housekeeper by name of Sunny Alexander (later Lash).
I had a nickname Sonny Hudson. Sonny name came to my attention when I watched Miami Vice. Again, the difference is just in letters – ‘o’ vs ‘u’.
I wrote about my parents thinking to name me (Александр) Alexander elsewhere.
Gavin Lambert wrote about Vivien, who had a grasp of the story’s (GWtW) background and Scarlett’s complex drives:
“She became a creative influence on the picture, far beyond the limits of an actress.”
…
“She knew exactly how to minimize her effects for a close-up, how to enlarge them for a longer shot, as if the camera for her were now some kind of magic mirror in which she could always obtain the desired reflection.”
When Olivier was in New York, and Vivien in Hollywood, both missed sex as is clear from many letters.
(Can’t believe I won’t probably have it – I thought sometimes while watching p videos.)
The paragraph after (page 82) sheds some more light on the subject. No wonder it’s so difficult for me to live without love and sexual experiences in this life.
Larry wrote (it’s about Vivien): “You bite and scratch and spend a family’s food bill for a week telling me I don’t love you . . . Darling, please forgive me if ever I’m not sweet on the ‘phone – it’s only nerves.”
Mother said similar things about me still being in here (it’s a long topic I wrote about in my SToL book). There were times I thought the same of myself – eating away food that someone else could eat… but then I’d remember that I did and do try to help people the best I can under the circumstances – wrote & published my book, made lots of videos, recorded proof of telekinesis, etc. So I’ve nothing to feal bad about. I also have to help mother anyhow. And I did want to live in the USA etc, etc but life has led me to this moment, and since I found Thiaoouba and now 1 of my past lives I have no objections. (06.03.2024 – 5 of my past lives found atm)
After long separation Olivier and Vivien finally met and spent time together in a hotel (“Larry met me in the hotel lobby and we went upstairs and we fucked and we fucked and we fucked the whole weekend”).
Larry wrote to Gertrude at this time of “this self-imposed separation”:
“We are both very ambitious and I think we both probably have futures – therefore the important thing is to finish up together, for which we will gladly suffer now.”
In my life I’m okay-ish with not having a huge monetary success. Maybe because I’ve already had in in my other life and so, having the experience, I don’t feel the urge to farm money or have a great career – whatever it may be? (#spiritual-knowledge)? (First I wrote psyche, but I feel like it’s the soul’s territory.) So in this life I focus more on sharing my knowledge and experiences free of charge.
Vivien found that Jill might consider divorcing Olivier, and she talked to Leigh again:
“If only, Leigh, you would divorce me from your mind. I am so sure that it would be easier for you instead of clinging to a hope.”
I once overdosed on sleeping tablets in VL life, not knowing they were such strong sedatives. Sunny called Olivier to tell about that, leaving him in agony of uncertainty, until she called back again to tell Vivien revived under cold shower.
I wrote elsewhere about my mom’s overdose and how worried I was. I’ve experienced ‘agony of uncertainty’ too because of mother on several occasions.
On 27 June Vivien finished working on the Selznick set of GWtW.
So, 27 is the date I finished GWtW. An important event. Just noting that number is present in IT and 1 of the books I considered writing had 27 as temp title.
(Note: I don’t wish to say truths some people may not want to be brought up, but I think the facts may be important for the study of reincarnation. So, I have to say actual names. Thankfully the errors of those people, concerning me only, weren’t at all that great now that I have a much broader view of the world.)
Larry played 'Maxim' de Winter in Rebecca. And in my past life I wanted to get the part of Mrs. de Winter.
Maybe it’s nothing. When I first watched Rebecca I didn’t know I was VL. Just noting Maxim (Max) was a school friend with whom we set at 1 table at first grade I believe. He’s the 1 to protect me at 1 moment, and he got hit instead; and then he hit me too at biology class.
(06.03.2024 – Interestingly, Olivier also played Captain Ignatoff in ‘I Stand Condemned’. A person in school, who was pestering me at times, had the same last name.
He also acted in a movie ‘Sleuth’. I had a dream on 12.11.2023, in which a monster made of insects (?), and which devoured (?) several of my friends at the gate of my village house, said to me: you will learn what a “sleuth moth game” is.)
David Niven about Vivien during the time it was announced that Britain was at war with Germany: “It was one of the few times I saw her cry”.
Just noting I cried sometimes in childhood and during difficult moments.
“They’re playing the tune from our picture!” was what in VL life I said when hearing the band strike up “Dixie” – it was the anthem of Georgia.
I still can say something without thinking about what I’m saying sometimes.
Olivier saw GWtW at a private screening and quietly said: “I didn’t realise she had it in her”.
Playing Myra in Waterloo Bridge wasn’t VL’s choice. Other interesting facts are mentioned in the book.
Just noting about the choice. Actresses were under contract during those times. Since that movie has a reflection in my current life, it’s a great interest for me to know the details about its production.
“Larry and I were too greedy” Vivien told John Merivale. It’s about the production of Romeo and Juliet. They asked $3.30 (top) – unusually high price then – while booking theaters of large capacities.
Vivien and Olivier treated their companies well, as if they were their surrogate family.
(Academy Awards. 29 February 1940) Vivien wore a dress by Irene Gibbons, patterned in red poppies.
Just noting the name Irene; sometimes it pops up.
Page 95: “Chinese Checkers”
Never actually heard of this game in my current life. Watched a video how to play the game.
Vivien and Larry’s wedding ceremony was unostentatious.
Again, I’ve the same thoughts on these things. (#spiritual-knowledge)
Production of Lady Hamilton movie had a tight schedule of six weeks.
Just reminded me of how Michel Desmarquet said the soul inhabits embryo when it’s six weeks old. Given that face synchronicity and me, and VL, possibly being Emma Hamilton also, kinda makes you wonder…
Molly Haskell wrote of the couple: “You feel their love as divinely ordered, inevitable – that if they’d lived at opposite ends of the earth they’d somehow have found each other.”
It’s ‘just’ a review but still reminded me of my sync with red haired Marina and how I found my past life on the Internet.
(During WW2) on page 100 it’s said how an enormous amount of events happened in 2 momentous years for both Vivien and Larry. Movie stardom, theatrical disaster, financial troubles, marriage, family issues and war back at home.
Interestingly, me translating Michel’s book into Russian and publishing it, and me writing my own book and publishing it took 2 years also (2018-2020), which are also ‘momentous’ for me personally as many things had happened during that time. I was on my highest point after losing health in my 20s and gaining it slowly back in my 28th year of age and after. (#reflection)?
There were about 20 passengers on board of S.S. Excambion when Vivien and Larry left for Lisbon after Christmas of 1940. It became clear soon that some of the crew were Nazi sympathizers. The atmosphere was uncomfortable, and everyone seemed on edge.
20. It’s of interest how this number often appears in my life and lives when something negative is happening. (#curious)
They returned back in London. The winter was bitter cold, and the fog was dense. Vivien would find that she did not miss the California’s sunshine.
Hmm. I like foggy days – love seeing the sun rays penetrating throw leaves.
As for sunshine, I longed so much to live in LA, but then I found I could enjoy the gray days in Moscow also.
(07.03.2024 – since I’ve found many synchronicities with Silent Hill, it’s should be mentioned that the fog plays a big part in the first installments of that game series)
Friendship was important for Vivien.
Just noting it if I was MA. Friends meant a lot to her, including the evil ones, and the later would play a role in her death. So, if I was MA this could be (#psyche-data)
Vivien had paintings in her possession. One of them included Boudin she bought for £200, others included Renoir, Sickert and Bonnard. She also tackled vigorously the overgrown garden near their house.
I mentioned that I painted a bit in childhood. And I like painting, sometimes checking them out in the open air galleries (Музеон).
Tackling overgrown garden reminded of my childhood of course, for that’s exactly what I did in my village garden and its surroundings. I liked gardening.
Beaton wrote in his diary:
“Vivien is almost indescribably lovely. Hollywood is at her feet. She knows if all else fails she has merely to go out there to make a fortune . . . she is madly in love with her husband . . . and is convinced he is a much greater person than herself. She is unspoiled, has many loyal friends and only ambition to succeed as an actress. The adulation of her beauty leaves her cold.”
Beaumont noted she had “a man’s mind”, always honing in on the essentials of subjects.
This observation is similar to the one of Kenneth Clark’s younger son Colin:
“She had a mind which left most people behind. Most of us simply don’t keep our minds in diamond-cutting gear all the time. We get lazy . . . Vivien didn’t do that. Vivien’s mind was just like a diamond drill.”
(#spiritual-knowledge)?
Vivien could not keep still for long when painters were painting her portraits.
(#psyche-data)? For I can’t keep still for long either still.
(07.03.2024 – being Emma Hamilton this is of further interest. I’m yet to read about that life, though)
Olivier wrote to Trudy Flockhart: “We went to the furthermost corner of Wales – just to get away from every kind of association . . . we needed it as our nerves were in quite a bad way and we really felt a change was essential. We just forgot everything for 8 whole days! Walks, picnics, picking blackberries . . . Nobody has ever been made so happy as Vivien makes me – she’s my whole life.”
8 days. I’ve also planted 4 blackberry (3 survived so far) bushes in the back of my village’s garden. But then I planted many other trees and bushes, so maybe it’s nothing.
Niven remembered times at Durham Cottage. Vivien was playing piano and Olivier singing The Messiah.
I can’t play piano but I wanted to learn at several moments of my life. It’s interesting that I’m struggling with music theory, and yet I must have known it in my VL’s life since I could play piano (and cello).
(07.03.2024 – Knowing now I was Mary Magdalene, this is of interest. It shows once more the interesting peculiarity of reincarnation, when due to ‘fetter of oblivion’ (The Gospel of Mary) we can play to the singing of The Messiah without realizing we used to be literally within a hand’s reach near that same Messiah in our past life!)
Selznick didn’t cast Vivien to play Katharine in Henry V. She remained friendly to him, but never felt the same about him.
Again, this is me. I’ve several people I remain friendly with (try to) but I don’t feel the same about them after the things they did to me.
(#spiritual-knowledge)
“I look into my pigeon-hole at least 20 times a day. Oh, love, I miss you so.”
Page 118 talks about Notley Abbey), its location.
Maybe nothing. Just wanna note it’s technically the last house on the left; that Wes Craven reference. I did have syncs with Nightmare, but have also some similarities with Scream and the 1st Wes’ movie.
Vivien wrote Plato’s passage in her Commonplace Book:
“Then tell me, O Critas, how will a man choose the ruler that shall rule over him? Will he not choose a man who first has established order in himself?”
As I mentioned in play connections, I found the answer after I Knew Thiaoouba is a true book. And that quote represents very well what Thiaooubians taught us via Michel D. about the process of electing a new ruler (based on his spiritual knowledge).
Page 123 talks about VL’s tuberculosis. Also speaks about the gardens of Notley reviving V.
P 139-140: “He returned each night to Notley except before matinee days – where Vivien and he carried on with their plans for house and garden (a rose garden – of predominantly white roses – was a special project for her). For the most part life was calm but – only occasionally but for Olivier mind-paralysingly – there were instances of Vivien’s relapses into a sullen, withdrawn torpor, seemingly unreachable, mood-swings which he could never fully convince himself were nothing to do with him.”
Page 125 mentions instances of Vivien’s relapses into a torpor and mood-swings.
Vivien and Olivier flew on a plane, and the wing became ablaze. The pilot was able to lend it in a field in Connecticut. There were no injuries.
I started being afraid of heights when I was in school. Yet before that I could easily look down from 17-th floor of my grandparent’s house.
Tarquin (when he told Vivien of his interests and hobbies):
“She made me feel that they were precisely the things which interested her too. I felt discovered, understood and cherished. She was master of that art, but in all the years that have passed since that first conversation I have never personally had any occasion to doubt her truthfulness. She, whose passion had deprived me of my father, did all she could to bring us together.”
Page 131 mentions VL liked black.
Vivien and Olivier went on tour to Australia. The author notes how they could have made a lot more money in films, but decided to give up almost a year of their careers.
Not surprised I published TP for free and wrote my own book knowing its 0 monetary profit to me. (#spiritual-knowledge)
Company nicknamed Larry and Vivien “God and the Angel” when they handed them over 2 practical dressing rooms in the Capitol Theatre, while both of them changed and made up behind small screened-off areas.
(#spiritual-knowledge). I’ve met, kinda, literal angles (messengers from Thiaoouba) in this life. And know a thing or two about God. (09.03.2024 – May relate to Mary Magdalene’s life)
Page 137 mentions Vivien had a treasured catalpa at Notley. They also planted lime trees.
Page 292 mentions that catalpa was special favorite.
Catalpa is the tree that growths relatively near my house. I actually photographed it this autumn (September 10th of 2023 probably) to find out what kind of tree it is because I’m interested in these things (I don’t know how rare are these trees [in Moscow] but it’s the 1st time I saw one). Funny how in my other life I treasured this tree and now I have to image search it to find what it is. I still need to understand why all of material knowledge has to be erased…
(#curious)
Vivien remembered friends dealing with food shortages and sent no less than 31 large hams to England.
Vivien was aware Olivier was jealous, and sometimes teasingly flirted with younger males of the company (“he used to sit there watching her rehearse and he would embarrass everyone by getting an erection”).
Jealousy was present to some degree in my childhood years. Could be past life’s (#error)
Also, MA was said to be a big flirt.
Vivien had unquenchable enthusiasm for new places and people. She told Leigh about Sydney: “And the little beaches and bays all round the harbour are quite exquisite”.
(reference to me finding enthusiasm in grey Russian winters)
Peter Hiley about Vivien: “I always felt that in whatever age or class she had been born, she would have found prominence in one role or another – that bright star would have come to the fore.”
Interesting. If I was MA; she also got kinda famous after death (movie, books, YT videos, erticles etc).
Me? While my Thiaoouba related experiences and knowledge are prominent, not many people believe it.
(09.03.2024 – It’s almost certain at this time Vivien also lived the lives of Cleopatra, Mary Magdalene, and Emma Hamilton. It seems to me Peter’s observations led him very close to the truth.)
Vivien tried two times to repair friendship with Beaton.
I unblocked people whom I blocked before. I also sent friend requests to those people of my childhood whose actions affected me badly.
(#psyche-data) (#spiritual-knowledge)
(09.03.2024 – tldr, had to ban and block them again for they didn’t change for the better, keeping distorting truths of me. It’s a reference to my Missy’s life too, in which I gave second chances and was killed by 2 ‘friends’. It’s a lesson I have to learn - how to choose friends properly; who deserves forgiveness and from whom it’s best to stay away.)
Olivier didn’t like confrontations, and Vivien had opinion that dignified silence is the best revenge.
(#spiritual-knowledge). There were some moments which contradict that, but I do generally agree with that statement. It is me for the most part. It’s like ‘giving them the energy’ (Nightmare reference).
Page 148 talks about the progress at Notley. Rose garden and an alle´e of cypresses leading to a fountain were taking shape.
I love “alle´e of cypresses” types of green walls! (#curios)
Vivien’s Blanche was retreating into herself in face of approaching disaster.
(#reflection)
Alan Dent, finding Vivien still on stage (Streetcar):
“She was shaking like an autumn leaf and her lips were trembling. She clutched me and put her head on my shoulder and said in no more than a whisper “Was I all right? Am I mad to be doing it?”
Page 159 mentions how London’s Streetcar affected me in VL’s life. Some episodes involve talking to prostitutes, and others, as rumors had it, seeking sex with strangers or taxi drivers.
Joan Cunliffe, a friend, recalled how he had to wait for an appointment at Vivien’s before she appeared, wet through and “bedraggled, covered in mud. . . she had been in the square with someone”.
I can only wonder right now if those talking to prostitute moments also have played in my current life’s episodes involving prostitutes… (09.03.2024 – but then knowing now I was Emma Hamilton & Mary Magdalene in the past, the interconnections of this theme may go much deeper and be much more complex)
Page 159 talks about a very important topic. T.S. Eliot’s The Cocktail Party was Vivien’s favorite play. She was deeply impressed by it. Rex Harrison recalled how markedly struck, comforted, Vivien was by the play’s notion of having what Eliot called “guardians” in one’s life.
https://muse.jhu.edu/article/497731
“Michael Goldman rates the work of Eliot's "ghosts" or "spirits" (also denoted as "shadows, furies, spectres, phantoms, spooks, guardians , or even saints and martyrs ...”
Interestingly, Thiaooubians could, in a way, be considered “guardians” in my life. I certainly depended on their help in my life – the kindness of strangers… (#curious)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cocktail_Party
“Following Celia's consultation with the 'psychiatrist', it is revealed that the characters Reilly, Julia, and Alex are not, in fact, humans but angelic beings dedicated to the 'transhumanising' of the human soul: two paths lie open to humans: the first being the way of companionable self-deception ('the hearth') embraced by the vast majority – as epitomised in the relationship between Edward and Lavinia, and the second that of the saint, embraced by a gifted — or burdened — few.”
It's a gift to have found the knowledge that I did, and the vast skepticism of people does make it a burden also.
It’s of interest that recently I found similarities in my David Lynch’s favorite movie Mulholland Drive – and also in Twin Peak: Fire Walk with Me – and now I find similarities reflected in my life with my favorite play when I was living in the physical body of Vivien Leigh. There is some theme developing here… (#curious)
(09.03.2024 – again, this fact may be a direct connection to what experience and knowledge I gained in my Mary Magdalene’s life.)
Karl Malden, who played Mitch in Streetcar:
“Jessica was no star and neither was Brando. But Vivien – she could carry us all . . . Gadge (Kazan) told me something . . . he said the first impression the public gets of the woman who’s on the screen is fifty per cent of the battle. If Jessica had played it she would have had to work because she wasn’t glamorous. Vivien was Hollywood glamour.”
Kim Hunter, who played Stella in Streetcar, found Vivien a fascinating person:
“I would say she was a very determined person, was very strong in many respects. The fact that I was totally unaware of any illness during the filming surely says something.”
Suzanne was 17 during this time:
“What I remember most was the fights that went on between them – real theatrically pitched arguments behind closed doors. I knew Vivien was naturally high-tempered . . . But in spite of the shouting matches it never occurred to me that their marriage was breaking up. It was just too precious to Vivien. I put it down to two overwrought people at the end of long days’ work on their separate movies.”
Reminds me of my quarrels with mother until I saw and realized how old she became (I never noticed it before for some reason) and I just stopped arguing with her after that. (#psyche-data); some (#spiritual-knowledge) was gained, I think.
Vivien suggested they sail home (instead of flying). And they traveled on a freighter instead of some luxury liner.
(As I noted elsewhere) Just noting I developed fear of heights all of a sudden in my childhood. Sometimes it visits me. It also spread into becoming planet phobia. Could that incident with plane’s wings being on fire and having to land in the Connecticut field have something to do with this phobia?
The answer is in the Alexander Walker’s book about
Vivien (page 80). There was an issue with a sea-plane. Walker writes fear of
flying remain with me in VL life till the end.
Page 174. First mentions about Tynan. There are some reflections in my life. Some people also didn’t care when writing things damaging to me.
Page 180 says about my ‘worst “episodes” of depression’ in VL’s life to that date.
Wilfrid Hyde White admired VL’s discipline: “never once late for long rehearsals”.
Also try to be on time. (#spiritual-knowledge)?
Pages 181-182 talk about Vivien becoming abnormally nervous about their social reputation. It was some strange obsession. Olivier took her to a psychiatrist and later he wrote of that experience: “Her hysterical terror of photographers as we entered and as we left the doctor’s was distressingly pathetic”.
(#psyche-data)
Also it maybe have been lack of (#spiritual-knowledge) gained in this life.
(There’s more about that on the same 182 page)
Page 183 says more about psychic issues. It says LO’s sister Sybille recovered from her issues with help of spiritual healing. VL was never introduced to that concept as far as I know. In this life a form of spiritual healing did help me on several occasions. (#curious)
Guests of Notley were happy there. Jamie Hamilton wrote to Vivien:
“Your happiness in each other is so perfect that it affects your guests and makes them as happy as yourselves”
Maybe nothing but I’ll note that some of my school friends would come to me to play WarCraft 3. In village there were years when my friends would come to my house or garden on my bds and not only. There were some problems also later on when I was unnecessary cold to 1 person for sure (played WC3 with him online) but it was partially due to overcrowding of my tiny apartment I think? Anyhow maybe it was him who used my wc3 key on battle.net so that I had to buy a new copy of the game later.
.
Ginette Spanier remembered, as she told Vivien, “the joy of driving up Notley’s drive and seeing you – looking 15 – standing in the middle of the lawn.”
Probably nothing but 15 is the age that red haired Marina mentioned when we me; she was saying that it was easier to meet people at 15 and I killed it by saying that I had stutter and couldn’t.
Page 185 mentioned Tamara Finch’s story about VL in their apartment. That story must be true because the errors made were suffered for in my life with huge precision.
Page 188 talks about Elephant Walk and my past life’s dive into madness.
The dark eyes of Sinhalese people always frightened Vivien.
I had a dream in which a woman was having completely black eyes. Probably unrelated.
Another thing is I remember that Natasha must have had the similar dark eyes as Sinhalese people have. I couldn’t tell her iris from her pupil.
Dana Andrews mentioned how Vivien would insist on keeping active with no breaks, organizing excursions after filming.
Possible presence of (#psyche-data). I am kinda workaholic – some lessons have been learned, though; I allow myself to rest also.
Page 190 talks how Vivien visited Bible Rock (a mountain in Sri Lanka).
First of all, possible (#psyche-data) for in my childhood we’d also look into the distance from the hill and think about exploring those distant locations on our bicycles. I certainly liked exploring surrounding villages and other areas with my village friends. Those are very good memories from my life.
I walked a lot in Moscow after feeling better (28/29-33 years)
Secondly, it’s interesting the rock I climbed as VL is called Bible Rock, and in my current life I found/encountered the people from Thiaoouba who are the reason for some of Bible’s passages.
(10.09.2024 – possibly connects to Mary Magdalene’s life too)
Peter Finch liked to talk of “twin souls” and “Karma”, and Vivien was charmed listening to him. The word “beguiled” is used by Alan, but I think it’s his own opinion; being Vivien in my past life before last (10.03.2024 - and now knowing I knew about reincarnation, us having to suffer for our own mistakes, and other related topics, [at least] since my life of Mary Magdalene), those topics are something I’d be interested in and would not think that someone was charming me in a [possibly] deceptive way (definition of beguile) – unless, of course, they were actually doing just that; but I think Peter actually believed what he was saying.
(#curious) because in this life I did find a thing or two about souls and ‘karma’, aka us having to suffer for our mistakes, but also us getting benefits for our correct decisions. I wonder what I thought about that at that moment? How, if at all, those talks effected me in VL’s life?
Olivier (about VL cheating on him with Peter Finch): “Was he (Finch) not simply doing what I had done to her first husband seventeen years ago?”
Think I mentioned it before. 17 is the age of MA. And this passage has to do with sleeping with and stealing other’s husbands/bfs. So that’s an interesting sync. (#curious)
Vivien’s fears of flying are mentioned again, and also the fact that she had a panic attack, and tried to rip off her clothes (a symptom of manic Bipolar).
Mentioned it before. But I thought maybe that plane’s wing on fire could have caused my height fears.
Panic attacks have occurred in my life too… (10.03.2024 – recently had a very tiny panic attack settling in, and I did take off my gloves (in Russian winter) because I somehow thought it would help calm me a little (maybe I needed to cool down or draw my attention to something other than my worried thoughts). It actually did calm me, and I put the gloves on again)
(Filming of Elephant Walk) Page 193 talks of Vivien’s sometimes addressing Finch as “Larry”, and sometimes reciting dialogues from Streetcar. There are more details about the hysteria I had to deal with in that life at that time.
Sadly, also describes me to some degree – some lessons have been learnt. (#psyche-data)
John Buckmaster insisted a “higher power” had sent him to take care of Vivien. He was also committed to a mental hospital in his life.
Later, on page 194, it’s said how Vivien was sitting as if hypnotize, looking at the snow on TV.
I mentioned elsewhere about this episode kinda reflecting in Twin Peaks movie.
(12.03.2024 – after getting more evidence that I was Missy, I watched “Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me” again and found a lot more synchronicities. “Fire” word may also resonate with me – burning of Atlanta set and its fire related synchronicity.)
At one point a doctor and two nurses arrived. One of the nurses gently called to Vivien: “I know who you are – you’re Scarlett O’Hara.” Shrinking back further Vivien yelled: “I’m not Scarlett O’Hara! I’m Blanche Du Bois!”
Then it’s said Vivien was afraid of needles. And then Alan notices how what happened at the house paralleled with the final scene in the Streetcar.
Wanna note I had some reflections with movies I was in in that life already. Is it surprising I’ve them now? And if I was indeed MA, in hers also (Ophelia’s death, Blanche’s broken bottle)?
I might speculate here for a bit about the possibility VL played herself not only in current life but in the past also. IF so – yet need to verify that via lucid dreams… - then could that have had an effect on me? Like in this life there was a moment I thought I could be overpowered and consumed by my old VL self – hard to explain – and I even had to read about multiple personalities to ease my situation and then decided to take it all one step at a time and not all at once. It helped. But what if, since in my life as VL I didn’t know the things I know now, me getting too close to my old selves via characters I played overwhelmed me too (in addition to other issues I had at the time)? Of course, it’s just a speculation and I need to see my other lives first in lucid dreams. Just wish to save these thoughts here for now.
(also, a note for myself – they use the word ‘parallel’ to describe the reflection of movie in my life. I should use that also sometimes in place of ‘reflections’)
12.03.2024 – at this point it’s safe to say I was Cleopatra VII, Mary Magdalene, Emma Hamilton too. In Emma’s life there was made a portrait of Emma portraying Mary Magdalene (so I did kind of play myself in that life also), and there are other portraits which may synchronize with me too (I mention them in the ‘Emma Hamilton’ section of this file). And so as Vivien Leigh I did actually play myself in ‘Caesar and Cleopatra’ and ‘That Hamilton Woman’, without probably eve realizing I was those people in my past lives – this experience may teach us, people, a thing or two about reincarnation…
Then it’s said about Olivier’s encounter with Vivien (“more dreaded than any other in my life”). When she looked at him only pin-pricks of pupils were visible in her eyes.”
I wish they’d explain better the sight. It’s of great interest to me because in my current life I had episode when my pupils were so tiny that they almost weren’t visible – only iris and maybe you could distinguish a tiny speck in the middle among the iris’ black wavy lines (as pin pricks if I understand the meaning of that word correctly – a tiny hole made by a thin pin (Daylimail article confirmed that)). During that time my sight was as if ‘very light’ to the point I couldn’t feel my eyes – so light they seemed to me, almost non existent… it’s difficult to explain. I had to see an eye doctor because of that.
(#curious)
Vivien would not easily do something she didn’t want to do. She feared the possibilities of being institutionalized or of being abandoned.
Same. And yet I’ve no option but to share my findings which many will think of as crazy, produced by delusional mind; and those people won’t even try to look into the evidence I share – for they simply can’t understand that reincarnation, auras etc are real. (reference to my charlatan video with Dave’s comments)
Page 200 speaks of symptoms which were signs of possible new “episode”. Vivien later also voluntarily submitted to the treatment, which wasn’t at all enjoyable, believing it helped her.
I’ve still these ‘symptoms’ sometimes but I know now it’s only the consequence of my (wrong) decisions; all I have to do is live in the present moment. Meditation and concentration also help. There’s no need for any treatments as I had in my past life. (#spiritual-knowledge) learned?
Also it reflects in my current life when I asked my mother to see doctor who ‘treated’ stammer; I thought pills could help with my out of control stutter. Later, of course, I’d learn the true reason for stutter, which is very, very simple. And later on I’d learn about psychic issues and the simple reason for them also (perhaps, not all, but I’m talking about my own experiences).
Tldr: stuttering is not a disease; and I came to similar conclusions about psychological issues. It’s all consequence of how we choose to think – in short. If we do error, we, in our example, suffer either by stuttering or by having psychotic episodes (depending on the error, of course).
Vivien never missed a performance – even when her wrist was broken.
Unconditional loyalty was part of VL’s concept of friendship. (“the sanctity of personal friendship”)
I feel like this could describe Michele ‘Missy’ Avila. (I think I mentioned this elsewhere)
Page 208: “She was alone and fragile. We were all having a drink in the bar. She came down and Capa started to drink with her and then they danced – Russian dances. He was incredible – so much fun. I don’t think it lasted long with her. I don’t know if he had a life with any woman that lasted very long.”
I was born and lived in Russia all my current life.
Peter Finch and Vivien Leigh were interested in Eastern philosophy. Once Vivien described herself as “a Zen-Buddhist-Roman Catholic”.
Well, here I am, saying that there is, probably, truth in many religions and that people should study them all with open mind (there are distortions of different kinds in many religious texts). Of course, my Thiaoouba knowledge helps a lot here also. (#curious)
Page 208 talks about the early abandonment.
This abandonment theme finally made me remember a period in my life when mother found the photos of red haired Marina in my father’s room and we left. I thought I’d never see him again, for some reason, and I was actually more than ready to live a life without father; actually, and strangely, it gave me strength to live with my head up, and that feeling was gone when my father did drive to our house. The energy and desire I briefly had was gone. I think it only reappeared in my 18+ and then 28 years+. (#psyche-data)?
Hiley thought that Vivien was “not light in that way at all . . . a very strong woman, very intelligent, very streetwise, very generous”.”
(Around the time of filming Elephant Walk - 1953) Olivier thought that Vivien’s psychic disturbances were triggered by her miscarriage almost 8 years ago (VL played Cleopatra then).
Olivier was deprived of much-needed sleep during Vivien’s picnics or parties.
(#error). I think this is one of the errors I made in my past lives which resulted in me having problems with sleep in this life. Noisy neighbors and the air conditioning equipment of the businesses on the first floor are the main culprits.
Olivier described the tortured journey in Macbeth as “one going up and one going down ... he goes on and she goes down”. Larry and Vivien had nearly 20 years of joint joys and sorrows.
Max Beaverbrook is mentioned several times and he played a negative role. Just reminded me of that dream in which I was killed by a beaver. Also how beavers sometimes play distant roles in my life.
(12.03.2024 - And ‘brook’, of course, is a reminder of my fate in Missy’s life.)
Faulkner was discussing reincarnation with Vivien:
“She was convinced Peter was an ‘old soul’ full of timeless wisdom, tenderness and understanding – all the qualities that every woman looks for in a man. Larry was a brand new soul with a plastic karma and a marital deficit.”
This is very interesting that I at least believed to some degree in the concept of reincarnation in my VL life. Might explain why even before finding Thiaoouba book I thought that Buddhism is closer to me due to reincarnation. (this is also reflected in my thoughts in body of VL which I saw on page 208 – “a Zen-Buddhist-Roman Catholic”) (#spiritual-knowledge)? But then how can it be knowledge if it was belief in VL’s life? Or am I yet to learn something about 1 (or more) of my other lives before I was born as VL?
(12.03.2024 – I did learn about 4 more of my past lives since writing that note. One of those lives is the life of Mary Magdalene. Jesus did teach about reincarnation, but those teachings were removed in the 4-5th centuries. Now it’s clear that I knew about reincarnation from at least as far back as my Mary Magdalene’s life. Now it all makes sense.)
Later on that page it says how Peter Finch was talking to a flock of white doves. Pigeons played a rather big role in my life, and of course I humorously and with whole grasp of reality briefly talk to them sometimes.
Vivien once asked Olivier and Finch (probably jokingly): “Which one of you is coming to bed with me?” Then all 3 of them laughed as the story goes.
Concerning MA, if I was her, it shows how in my VL life I clearly wasn’t punished for sleeping around if I did something like that (even if it was a joke).
Vivien would say that actresses (usually citing Bernhardt) had always had lovers.
(#error) because it implies here lovers outside of marriage.
Vivien wanted to leave Olivier for Finch. A movie called “The V.I.P.s” was based on the particulars of that story:
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057634/trivia/?ref_=tt_ql_3
“Terence Rattigan's real-life friend Vivien Leigh's attempt to leave her husband Sir Laurence Olivier for Australian actor Peter Finch. Leigh and Finch made it to London's Heathrow Airport, but their plane was delayed by incoming fog, giving Olivier time to confront the two and escort Leigh home; after several hours of the fog delay, she had abandoned the plan.”
Interesting. Certainly, something I could see my old self do based on what spontaneous silly decisions I did in my current life, so (#psyche-data)
Also, interesting that Liz Taylor again played the role which involves VL in some way.
http://dameelizabethtaylor.com/blog1/
Apparently, there are many similarities between VL and Liz Taylor. Could we even share the same Higher Self I wonder now? It’s still to be understood if souls who share the same HS have also interconnections in their lives.
Alexander Korda died from a sudden heart attack. He had played a major role in both Vivien and Olivier’s careers for 20 years.
Hiley noticed Olivier’s professional dissatisfaction and his sudden change of attitude to the New Wave:
“He genuinely wanted a part of it. He saw people taking their ties off, wearing Tshirts, talking politics and he thought “This is wonderful! I can be young again!” Vivien was not so impressed. She could see through a lot of the phoniness in it.”
(12.03.2024 – maybe it’s unrelated. Just remembered how T-shirts were playing a role in the dream (I had several dreams withing dreams that night) I had about me being Mary Magdalene. I should note my T-shirt had buttons; usually T-shirts don’t have them.)
Vivien had an incredible memory for names.
Interestingly in my current life I thought on many occasions I’ve poor memory for names. This is important because this shows once more that life will find a way to ‘insert’ you into such a life situation which is required for your lessons to occur (e.g. if a smart scammer needs to become a gullible victim in his next life to suffer for his mistakes). (#curious)
It should mean that physical/physiological bodies should play roles in memory. That’s logical of course; even thought knowledge is stored in soul, there are physical ailments that can prevent access to that knowledge.
At one point in life Vivien partied each night. She was seemingly inexhaustible.
As mentioned elsewhere in my current life I had to go early to sleep. It’s possible that the reason was in my extreme use of imagination, daydreaming constantly, which could have exhausted me. Anyhow I got to experience life on the other side of the barricade again. (#curious)
Michael Blakemore wrote of Vivien’s role in Titus: “If she couldn’t be at the centre of the play she was determined to be at the centre of the company’s offstage life”.
(#psyche-data) subject I think. Because me being silent and afraid to speak due to stuttering made me plunge into the world of phantasies and daydreaming.
Audley said: “The saddest thing is that we didn’t realise that she had an illness. We all thought she was just behaving badly”.
Well, that could have been actually the case – I was behaving badly - now that I understand more clearly that there are no psychological illnesses. I lacked certain (#spiritual-knowledge) I think which is why I chose to behave like that.
Later on that page they say about a nightclub Ritz Bar in Zagreb. Just reminded me of how I wanted to visit Moscow night clubs but didn’t. Then learned about the dangers of noise from Thiaoouba Prophecy. I wonder if back in my VL’s times the music was just as loud at nightclubs?
Interesting that I didn’t feel like I was hugely missing out on something – not only on nightclubs but also on movies etc. Now I know I used to experience that before… maybe some data is stored in the psyche body? Or maybe it’s related to spiritual knowledge? I don’t know. (#curious)
(12.03.2024 – one of speculations is that it could relate to the Astropsychic body. It’s reference to Michel Desmarquet’s mention that some part of the 19% of electrons return to us when we’re reborn.)
Page 239 talks about VL’s protest against demolition of St James’.
Page 240 speaks about how Vivien and Kay Kendall marched for integration in London schools and against apartheid.
Vivien loved London’s architecture.
Many mentioned things resonate with my current self.
Later on that page it’s interesting to read how I tried to deprive Olivier of sleep. Then the incident happened which had me wear an eyepatch on the left eye. Anyhow, my neighbors deprive me of sleep sometimes. Maybe these events are related if it’s me suffering for my past life’s (#error)? It’s not the first time Olivier had troubles with sleep because of Vivien’s actions.
“Vivien’s virtue, always a prized one in my book, was enthusiasm, the physical expression of hope, the antidote to despair and that most deadly of sins, sloth.”
(#spiritual-knowledge)?
Also, today in my dream a monster said sleuth (“sleuth moth game”), I think, and the word ‘sloth’ reminded me of that dream. I doubt it could be sloth? I don’t often encounter these words, so I could have been wrong…
(13.04.2024 – There’s a movie “Sleuth” with Laurence Olivier & Michael Caine. It reminded me of what Vivien and Larry has to deal with in the marriage. So, the story felt rather personal when I watched that movie. Interestingly, the game is a big part of that film.)
P 259: (About Duel of Angels) Barrault reflects how approached Paola:
“She worked on her part with a hatred for her character. She assailed her. She was constantly on the lookout for reasons for not loving her character. This forced me to plead for Paola. It was only when she had exhausted all the reasons for hating her that she assumed her. In the part she was not merely a cat, she had become a panther.”
On page 245 Alan Strachan uses the words “dark souls” to describe Vivien and Peter Wyngarde in their scenes.
(#curious) about dark souls given I like the video game of the same title.
Elaine Dundy: “Vivien impressed me with her formidable intellect and her knowledge of art, literature and philosophy”.
One of girls who I talked to in the first summer (August) of my 28th year of life knew philosophy.
(13.03.2024 – Cleopatra, while in Rome, used to invite the brightest minds of Rome to hold philosophical debates. This indicates I was already interested in these topics 2000 years ago)
Gertrude about Vivien’s “illness”:
“There is nothing the matter with Vivien. She does not need all those psychiatrists. They just try to make trouble. Why, as a little child at the convent, the nuns told me she loved me so much she used to cover up my photograph with her blanket at night so my picture wouldn’t get cold.”
Vivien bit one police officer on the finger.
This was an (#error) which could have resulted in my negative interactions with police.
My childhood’s friend dog bit me 2 times (legs) but I don’t think that was me suffering for biting the finger of the policeman.
Vivien’s letter to Coward:
“Larry has asked for a legal separation . . . It is a very acute and terrible shock and I am, and have been, acutely miserable. I always thought that whatever happened between us – eventually we would be completely together as we used to be. It has always seemed that with a sense of humour and innate loyalty and respect and love, one would pull through anything. I shall never love anyone as I love him . . . Ever since The Entertainer I have watched Larry change. It has not altered my love but the change is apparent. Of course I am not putting all the blame on him but the fact is that when it came to the point in my life when I had to choose between him and Peter (Finch) there was no question in my mind.”
Vivien’s response to Todd, noting she had rehearsed:
“as many times as you wished me to . . . so you must believe me when I say that I found it hard to credit you are too exhausted to give me ten minutes to perfect something which is vitally important to the meaning of the play . . . I will not, if I can help it, see things less than perfectly done as possible.”
Possibly another indication of why I had my Thiaoouba related experiences (it’s subtle). Having knowledge Thiaoouba is a true book, I was correcting the errors of other people by quoting the book, etc. e.g., as mentioned elsewhere, I had already what it takes to carry through with difficulties involving skepticism around Thiaoouba. (13.03.2024 – but not with difficulties involving skepticism around my past lives…)
Vivien’s letter to Olivier:
“I intend to divorce you on the grounds of desertion – mental and physical – as soon as our present chores in the theatre and television are over – we are in any case separated. I did not want to do this until you had finished your work here but our telephone conversation tonight led me to think I was talking to a complete stranger – which is what you have chosen to become . . . Our lives will lie in quite different directions. I feel confident I should make my own life – and you have always made yours.”
Vivien had never lived alone, having lived with Leigh and then Olivier for 25 years.
Leigh’s letter to Gertrude:
“Let Vivien accept that what she did to me Larry is doing to her. It must be faced. She owes it to her relations, her friends and herself not to let this destroy that lovely and exquisite personality that we adore and cherish.”
This shows I think he was of course suffering the abandonment, and since VL never did experienced living without anyone by your side, I must suffer for that in this life since the time has come to pay the penalty. (#error)
Page 257: “Vivien must have known that something was amiss but she never once revealed the source of her desperate unhappiness . . . she had the most extraordinary, powerful personality I have ever encountered. She had the most exquisite taste and the most impeccable manner, as well as a dazzling beauty and flirtatious wit. She was also keenly intelligent, much more intelligent than Larry. I have never known anyone more perfect.”
“Flirtatious wit” reminded me of what certain people told about Missy.
Mu Richardson’s recollection of Vivien:
“And then would come the voice, on the tannoy saying ‘Half an hour’. She opened the play – and I came on very soon after. She was as if nothing had touched her at all . . . Her stance was very rare. You would never know that half an hour before she had been weeping.”
I can see myself here also.
Page 261 says Vivien had not worked with Jack Merivale since Romeo and Juliet 20 years previously.
Vivien’s letter to Tarquin:
“It really seems as if Notley is sold. I can hardly write the words . . . I walk from place to precious place and gaze at beloved views with tears pouring down my face . . . Oh, Tarkie darling, I just cannot live without him and it is an unbearable pain to be parted from him.”
Page 264 has interesting quotes from VL, writing about starting a new sensible and quiet life.
Before that page it said that VL made a move on Merivale. Could be one of reasons why I knew that it’s silly how some women think it’s below them to approach the man they like. If they get to know one another very good and decide to be together before sex – in short - then all is good.
(#spiritual-knowledge)
Page 268 says in my VL life I stayed in Chateau Marmont hotel. Reminded me of the awful story involving Kirk Douglas and Natalie Wood.
There’s a photo, taken a few years before that event, where Vivien sits next to Kirk.
Page 269. Just noting I had friends in life as VL who cared even despite my issues. In this one… it’s difficult to say because I had issues since 5 years of age – stammer – and got distant from many people in my life due to fear of speech and withdrawal into my dreams to detach myself from unwanted harsh reality (now it’s not the case anymore; I understand why the things had to happen the way they did). Anyhow, the result is I’ve nobody; just my mother but she’s also skeptical of my spiritual experiences I feel like.
When Vivien, Jack and Gertrude drove to visit the house, near Uckfield, she at once fell in love with Tickerage Mill.
Jack: “We came to a certain point in the drive, and we saw the house and a glimpse of the water beyond it and she let out a sigh.”
Water was a key factor in Vivien’ property specifications. There was a small lake fringed with willows. The house was hidden in a valley of the River Uck.
(#reflection-life) with Michele Avila (yet to have LD to confirm or disprove I was her also…) (18.03.2024 – I’ve had dreams and other experiences showing over and over I was Michele Avila)
Ophelia and brook (creek), Water, Valley, Willows – all these things relate to Missy’s life.
Vivien’s perspective on Olivier:
“Larry is not a strong character – he knows one thing, all about the theatre – period. He is and has been the centre of adulation attended by as many sycophants as friends. You don’t want him to pity you – for that diminishes you – the abyss cannot hold you – once down you must come up.”
I copied this because it might have some connection to my dream: “Женя, ты всю жизнь шёл вниз, не пора ли пойти вверх?” (Zhenya, you’ve been going down all your life, isn’t it time to go up?)
(18.03.2024 – At this moment of time I have found these past lives of mine: Michele Avila, Vivien Leigh, Emma Hamilton, Hypatia, Mary Magdalene and Cleopatra. The way I lived in this life, and there were drug related issues in Missy’s life too, I do see now that the dream was not ‘just’ a dream – it had to have been a true dream at this point, knowing what I know about my past lives; and that dream, clearly, had a big effect on me back in the day.)
Conachy wrote about Vivien’s condition:
“a most charming, able, intelligent woman afflicted by a manic depressive illness who with courage and marked strength of character has taken a heavy and continuous emotional strain in her stride during the past year.”
P 293: “Dodimead always remembered one late night when, after a party, a still-alert Vivien suddenly decided they should go together for a swim in the ocean, driving the Rolls to a secluded bay. Keeping the headlights on in the pitch dark they realised that with nobody around they could skinnydip. Vivien plunged in, swimming straight out – “out and out and out for a long, long way” – while Dodimead after a brief dip returned to the car, gradually growing apprehensive:
Dodimead remembered how one night Vivien suddenly decided they should go for a swim in the ocean. They did just that. Vivien plunged into the water and swam straight out - “out and out and out for a long, long way”.
“I waited and waited . . . it seemed like three hours. And then she came in, bright as a button . . . As we got back to the house she said “Bacon and eggs!” It was now fully daylight. But that’s a story of the madness of her – the best madness and the joy of being with her. She was so alive.”
This might have a (#reflection-life) in my current life. Only it was my father who would go swimming far away and for long in the lake (Тельвяково). I don’t believe I was very worried but I did have some brief uneasiness (I was with my mother by my side).
And once again it shows that I could swim and wasn’t afraid of water… something had to happen relating to water for me to be afraid of (deep) water in my childhood… MA’s case might answer why.
Later on that page it’s written about 90 year old Sir Ernest Davis who V got close to. He even left her shares in his changed will, which were worth nearly 20000 pounds. Familiar number.
Vivien abhorred apartheid. (#spiritual-knowledge)
Vivien, during one of his brief “episodes”, hurled a clock out of her fourteenth-floor window in a hotel.
I hope nobody was hurt.
It’s (#psyche-data) because I did the same thing in my life. Only it was a phone which I threw out of the window. It’s of interest also because that’s what people call ‘episodes’ and now I know exactly the reason – and I know that this ‘episode’ isn’t anything special; I know the exact reason why it happens and I wrote about in my book Simple Truths of Life. It’s just us deciding to follow the stupid urge in brief words; gaining material and spiritual knowledge helps to become calm and happy.
Also, it was 14th floor.
Pages 279-280 say how in Vivien’s life I visited the Dietzes’ home on Long Island, which became one of Vivien’s favourite places.
I wonder if (#psyche-data) could be at play here because when I really, really wished to go to USA and I thought about New York, such houses (only in New Jersey) did raise strong longings in me to live that life which those people lived.
Page 280: ‘Suzanne, who found her mother “wiser, gentler” had now given Vivien three grandsons and felt too that she had become even more conscious of the value of friends (“she became less other-worldly and began to show some sense of consequence”).’
Just noting that in my life – especially if I was MA killed by her 2 ‘friends’ – I was treated badly by some of my childhood friends and I think that maybe the reason why I don’t feel like I need friends in my life – I mean by that that I can live without them all alone, not that I avoid people; as for the latest years – same thing again – people just turn away from me because mainly of my knowledge and position on life and social values (which are based on TP and common sense; recent historic events showed that many lack that, sadly…).
“The musical Tovarich, which I shall be doing in New York next year, comes into that category. It may be a terrible disaster. Who knows? Who cares? The only thing that matters to me is that it’s worth doing.”
Probably mentioned it before. Stanislav Borisovich(?), physics teacher, called me once “товарищ Мешков” / Tovarich Meshkov.
Page 286 describes another of my serious episodes in VL life.
Diana Cooper described Vivien as “looking 28, dressed like a little powder-blue velvet pussy cat toy, slim as a sugar plum”.
Vivien returned to Los Angeles to film Ship of Fools. She lived in a house overlooking the city. Looking down on the illuminated highways and the city Vivien said:
“I suppose I’m here ... It’s hard to tell in Hollywood whether you’re here or not.”
Vivien asked Feibleman to bring out a plastic bucket. She vanished into the camellia bushes beside the terrace and then returned with the cut off flower-heads – they were plastic and taped to the shrub.
“I know I’m here now” she told him, “It takes a while to be able to see in a place like this.”
I wanted to go and see that so much in my 18-20 years, and yet I already did all that in my other life… (#psyche-data)?
The “I’m here” part and plastic flowers are also interesting bits to ponder about. I once bought a cactus with plastic yellow flowers glued to its top (poor green thing).
Elizabeth Ashley was fascinated by Vivien:
“You could see the stains and strains of life in that face but there was still something child-like in it. There are people who age but others who retain something of the child and I think that was true of Vivien – someone once told me the way she put a room together, the way she had a table laid, turned life into a work of art.”
Later on that page it’s said about tears. Just noting there were times I almost cried walking on the streets and had to turn away my head from strangers passing by.
“Karajaho”.
I’ve used pictures from that temple on a YT video without realizing I actually probably saw that place with my own past life’s eye.
It also mentioned VL’s trip to India and its cities and temples. I was saturated a bit with what I’d call spirituality (even though it’s based more on religion/faith rather than on knowledge)
.
Page 309: “I remember her now – walking like an eager boy through temples in Ceylon – walking in the wind near Notley. I always see her hurrying through life. I miss the fact that she is not somewhere in London or Greece or New York, among her friends, talking volumes – with those bright eyes always in laughter.”
This last chapter talks about the play Ivanov. Anna dies in it from tuberculosis. V had the same fate ahead of her. It was a girl by the name of Anna who told me a Streetcar Named Desire (Трамвай Желание) was her favorite play, which is how I decided to watch VL’s movies (Wind and Streetcar) eventually finding out I lived that life… (#curious) Anna is one of my fav names too.
Vivien’s diary records “Saved J.G. from drowning!” (John Gielgud; they were on a Barbados holiday on Young Island)
“Feeling the urge to travel later”
After I found out the true nature of stutter and still was in more or less good health I wished to travel the world… I enjoyed watching the travel channels… this could be related – same way I wanted to go to USA (#curious)
Page 302 talks about the play called A Delicate Balance that Vivien had signed to appear in. She had puzzled over the play. Albee’s (the play’s author) “All my symbols are cymbals” was one gnomic reply to Vivien’s quest for enlightenment.
Saving this because in my life, as I noted elsewhere, I was ‘enlightened’ regarding a thing or two about balances in relation to errors, extremes, and golden middle position of correct decisions. (#curious)
At the end of the play Agnes’s musing on why we sleep:
“They say we sleep to let the demons out – to let the mind go raving mad . . . And when the daylight comes again, comes order with it.”
Might be of interest since it was the true dream which returned me to search more info about VL, leading me to realization that I was actually that person in 1 of my past lives. And it’s lucid dreams which I wanna use to find my other past lives’ bodies.
(18.03.2024 – as it turned out ‘regular’ (not lucid) dreams work just fine too for this purpose. But it’s preferable to ask your Higher Self for some ‘key’ (object, light, color, etc) which will be your clue that you’re about to receive your answer in the dream. I’ve a lot to learn regarding getting information via true dreams, of course.)
Vivien rejected the idea of hospitalization.
This sounds so me still. In my childhood I made somewhat of a promise that I’d try to cure illnesses on my own rather than I become hospitalized… (#psyche-data)? Perhaps it may also relate to the lack of certain (#spiritual-knowledge).
Vivien kept smoking while being ill with tuberculosis.
Smoking was clearly an (#error) of my past life. Happy to say I never smoked in this life and have no wish to; I even try to avoid other smokers, like going around them so as not to breath in their fumes. And that, I think, could be attributed to (#spiritual-knowledge)
Vivien Leigh died. The cause of death was chronic pulmonary tuberculosis. A massive haemorrhage suffocated Vivien by flooding her lungs with blood.
Montaigne wrote in his Essays (which Vivien had on her bookshelves) of those who battle with recurring illness:
“being so often led to the port, confident that you are still within the accustomed limits, but some day you and your confidence will have crossed the water unawares.”
In my childhood I heard about tuberculosis and I’d try to avoid people who cough ever since… (#curious)
(18.03.2024 – the quote now reminded me of my own life also. My health got better after my 28 years. In the following years it would swing back and forth, but I would recover and feel healthy each time – becoming confident that I was “still within the accustomed limits” each time I felt worse. But then, shortly before I encountered synchronicities with my past life of Michele Avila, it got significantly worse. Since then, I haven’t been able to recover. Look like I “have crossed the water unawares”… again.
Also noting the water theme, which has been a part of my many lives.)
Vivien had the quality of forgiveness.
It’s true still. I unbanned and unblocked all people who behaved badly in hopes they learned their lessons. Also, I try not to hold negativity towards those who made my life miserable in my childhood and beyond. (#spiritual-knowledge)
Page 312 talks about not being able to categorize VL who was “beyond definition”; later it says VL had to qualms to speak her mind. I mentioned it elsewhere – born in this life I already had certain qualities which allowed me to withstand the wall of skepticism regarding my experiences and Thiaoouba; I had some ammo (e.g. spiritual knowledge and past lives’ experience) to carry through the difficulties. Of course, I still had lots to learn (e.g. ability to speak the truth about my life which I knew would be met by skepticism and thoughts that I’m crazy)
Page 315 gives an extract from Robert Louis Stevenson’s “We Thank Thee” which Vivien at times quoted and entered in her Commonplace Book. Alan notes that “The quiet mind” mentioned by Stevenson Vivien did not always find but the rest surely applied:
“Give us courage and gaiety and the quiet mind ... strength to encounter that which is to come, that we may be brave in peril, constant in tribulation, temperate in wrath, and in all changes of fortune and, down to the gates of death, loyal and loving, one to the other.”
“The quite mind” is something I still keep trouble finding. (#psyche-data), lack of certain (#spiritual-knowledge) how to live.
It also reminds me of “Silencio” from Mulholland Drive – the movie which at one point made a large impact on my current life and with which I’ve found many more synchronicities after I learned I was Vivien Leigh and Missy and watched it again.
(READ) The Life of Vivien Leigh (1987) - Alexander Walker
Alan Strachan (Dark Star author) said this book is ‘surprisingly error-strewn’.
On page 2 there’s a VL quote about saying what she thought and being prepared for the consequences of her actions. Now that I faced those consequences I’d think before saying things to people.
Karen Severson wrote in her book that MA would scream – what she thought – to Karen and Laura. She could’ve, should’ve, realized the severity and seriousness of the situation and realized that obscenities spoken towards two wound up girls who clearly hate you would only make things worse (possible death). (I have to CHECK again the account of events. I think MA said that the worst thing that the 2 girls could do is leave her there alone… but she still could’ve screamed obscenities) If I was MA too then it could be (#psyche-data) or lack of (#spiritual-knowledge)
During the filming of Ship of Fools, VL found herself hammering Lee Marvin’s face for real with her spiked heel.
(#error) which could have been paid for in Missy’s life when girls beat her up because of rumors.
Rachel Kempson had given Vivien the token, which was in the name of the Duchess of Wellington. ‘As near, I suppose, as one could get to Lady Hamilton,’ Vivien joked.
I hope I’ll have lucid dreams and my mirror experiments will be successful, and I’ll find out if I (and so VL) was or was not Emma Hamilton. Then I shall remember to find this note.
(21.03.2024 – I was Emma, and so in my Vivien’s life I played myself from my past life without probably realizing it)
Vivien sometimes felt nauseated in the slightly swaying Rolls-Royce, and she said once: ‘though it should be stable enough tonight, with Orson in it’.
If it was a joke about weight then I’m afraid this could be an (#error) I’m yet to suffer for by being somewhat overweight (possibly in another life). In this life there was a moment when I’d talk about my friend from village whose body was heavier than others. So, it could be compound again…
“Vivien’s supposed extravagance.”
That changed in this life.
Orson Welles was telling about the death of the Emperor Maximilian of Mexico, who insisted on going to the loo before his execution.
Maybe it’s nothing but V is said to have walked to the bathroom when she died.
During a party, Lilli Palmer wanted to go to bed, asking Vivien if she’d be okay with that. Winn noticed on Vivien the look of disbelief that anyone wanted to retire when they were all enjoying themselves. Lilli explained she went to bed late the other night, and Vivien said it was okay, but it seemed like Vivien’s voice indicated she found that to be a lame excuse still.
As mentioned elsewhere I remember how I’d go early to sleep and I remember how 2 girl friends whispered something to themselves as I went off. Suffering for an (#error) or just looking at life from another perspective.
It’s also interesting from the perspective of how physical bodies can be different not only in terms of appearance but also its function (perhaps it’s more about the physiological body)
Vivien and Larry had doves. Pigeons did play their roles in my life.
Page 16 talks about VL’s restlessness. As I said elsewhere it might relate to (#psyche-data). Even though I’d go home early I sill get overexcited. VL’s description matches me still.
Olivier didn’t have sleep due to all the partying.
It was (#error) on my part not to think about Larry’s sleep. I guess I suffered a lot for that in this life full of sleepless nights. I wonder if the air-conditioners were the synchronistic tools used by the Universe to punish me for depriving people of sleep? It doesn’t have to be exact reflection, meaning I have to have a wife who’d be so energetic and restless that I can’t sleep. There are other ways to teach the pupil a lesson, and I feel now this could be it.
Page 23 says how Vivian liked garden and outdoors. It’s (#psyche-data) or (#spiritual-knowledge) as mentioned ew
Page 26 describes turning Bible parables into playlets that Gertrude and Vivian acted out.
(#curious) because I made a video not long ago about Jesus’s parables. Of course, Thiaoouba has an intimate connection to Jesus too. In this life I literally had experiences with people who were from the same planet as Jesus (there’s a chance Thao was Jesus in her past life)
(21.03.2024 – knowing now I was Mary Magdalene, that episode in my past life of Vivien Leigh becomes so much more fascinating!)
In the Convent of the Sacred Heart at Roehampton all the pupils were given a number. Vivian’s was 90.
Vivian had French, Spanish and Austrian classmates, and there were also girls from Poland.
I studied German language in school (not my choice). Recently I bought two self-study books to learn French and Spanish. The firm I worked as a courier at had a secretary girl who spoke Polish (I think the firm had roots in Poland)
Vivian liked behaving well. Walker writes Gertrude had drilled it into her daughter.
(#spiritual-knowledge) is at play here. This, of course, describes me also. Of course material knowledge – which was ‘drilled’ into VL by mother – must have helped too I think. And it’s obvious the school didn’t help in terms of sexual desires in my VL life – again, lack of (#spiritual-knowledge) this time in regards to sex. Perhaps I acquired some in this life, suffering for my errors made in past lives.
Patsy Quinn, one of Vivian's school chums talks about ‘spiritual side’ of VL: ‘Like the rest of us, she believed what she was told. But she never struck me as a “believer” in the deeper sense of the word.’
Just noting that being religious and spiritual are different things; and I think it’s more than just my opinion based on what I had to learn and experience.
(21.03.2024 - Also it needs to be understood that the current Christian teachings are based on the Bible which was distorted several times, and the information about reincarnation removed. Recently I got answers from my Higher Self that I was Hypatia. By the time of that life the Bible had been distorted already several times. Hypatia gravitated to Neoplatonism instead of [distorted] Bible’s teachings and, assuming I was her, I’m not surprised at all to know that.)
Vivian’s reply to her school chum Maureen O'Sullivan: ‘When I leave school, I’m going to be a great actress.’ 17 years later, both girls acted together in A Yank at Oxford.
I died at 17 in Missy’s life. And it’s interesting how my declaration of becoming a great actress was actually fulfilled. Actually, from what I read, it looks like in Missy’s life I also had certain premonitions about the future which were fulfilled (death by drowning).
Vivian gravitated towards older girls for her friends. Her precociousness closed the age gap.
I feel like the same has happened in my current life. My friends were generally older than me. And I liked older girls up until certain point. (#curious)
Vivian was indulged by her father with exotic little gifts and expensive treats when he was over in England.
(#reflection-life) actually reminds me of how my father would bring me presents - tasty foods etc.
Vivian was flexible, following her father’s ways while with him, adapting herself to her rnother’s outlook when Gertrude rejoined them.
This describes me. In my childhood I’d also adapt to the behavior of some of my friends, and when I was in company of other friends, I’d adapt to their ways too. (#curious)
In one of letters, Vivian wrote ‘The Reverend Mother here is a’ – and below there was a sketch of a sour-looking cat below
This reminded me of VKontakte website. People were playing a game in a thread in which they’d describe the profile picture of the person right above them. One person said ‘a gloomy man’ (I believe) about mine and that affected me negatively, for I wanted to have a bit of fun, not misery. Could be (#error) related.
Page 36 at the ends says how Vivian was catching minnows downstream. This just reminded of this morbid story about Michele Avila:
“For two days Missy's body lies in the water. Rigor mortis has set in. Bruises on her face and arms have appeared. As her body begins to decompose, flies begin to swarm. Small minnows swim across and begin to feed.
1985 - October 4 - Two hikers in the Angeles National Forest walk by the creek near Colby Canyon Road. When they get to an area of the creek, they see something in the water. At first, they think it might be a small animal. But as they get closer, they can tell it's the body of a young woman, with a heavy log on top of her in about 8 inches of shallow water. Flies are swarming and minnows are feeding on the body.”
https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/cmm/michele-missy-yvette-avila-murdered-by-friends-kar-t3570514.html
It could be unrelated too of course.
Vivian had a new passion – the opera. Then Walker writes how she was as if hearing the music in her head and trying to shout above it.
Reminded me of how in my childhood my mother and I were riding in a bus to our village and I was able to bring up the music from the first Terminator movie in my head and ‘listened’ to it. (#curious)
At the age of 17, Vivian surprised Gertrude by asking her permission to get married immediately. She thought if she delayed, she’d never get married.
Later, they were lunching in a hotel in Munich, and Vivian said to a young waiter in German: “You deserve to be kissed.’ Gertrude slapped her face.
Possible connections to Missy’s life.
While Vivian and Leigh were on a holiday cruise in the Baltic, she got a telegram from the film company telling her to report ‘at once’. Listening to nothing her husband said, she caught the ferry home, leaving Leigh to go on alone.
Pretty sure it was (#error). Have I suffered for that?
Later this reminded me of how I left village at still 18 (turned 19 that summer) and I wished to find a way to go to USA sooo bad. Maybe it’s not related… but then I need to remember I also lived in California in my very last past life…
Vivian had no agent and so had to do her own hunting for parts. She went to all new plays, night clubs and anywhere else she could potentially hear of stage or film roles.
(#reflection-life) of the time between my 18-20 years when I wished to go to USA and try to be in the movies. This is actually somewhat similar to what I imagined doing (of course, times have changed since 1930s). (#psyche-data-astro-?) maybe at play here also. Noting here that I was right thinking (after I found TP) that maybe I lived in western countries, including USA, in my other lives.
Page 47 talks about the name change (becoming Vivien Leigh).
Another (#reflection-life) (probably mentioned ew). I said in VKontakte.ru to a vk friend about my wish to write screenplays for movies, and I said I didn’t know what name to have… she actually wanted to help me with that…
(I never got to write anything serious because: 1) Thiaoouba related experiences and my spiritual studies which took a lot of time. 2) Health issues. 3) Noise at home and other problems leading to 1 & 2)
John Gliddon recalled the time he talked to Leigh Holman, Vivien’s husband:
“All the time we talked, Vivian sat there and smiled like the Cheshire Cat. She knew she’d get what she wanted.”
I might have mentioned it already, but this reminded me of how in my childhood I could not help but smile widely when I was playing chess and I knew I’d won.
Page 49 says how in VL life I was given £50 to buy a fridge. On the way to the store VL spotted an exquisite Boudin (Eugène Boudin, a French painter) in the art gallery and bought it with the fridge money.
‘Far better than keeping the baby’s milk cool,’ Vivien said.
For some reason I find it hard to believe I could do and say that… (it may contradict with previous statement in the book, essentially saying V would ensure her daughter had all she needed)
On the other hand, if it’s true, it is an (#error) which might have resulted in me suffering when my father sold his mother’s apartment for fraction of the price and some portion of that money was wasted on alcohol (he did buy a car, tv, motorcycle for me and probably the change house).
Maybe nothing, but my current name – Evgeny – is a variant of the name Eugène.
And my love for paintings in VL life could be linked to my other past life of Emma Hamilton who was a model for painters.
Vivien was paid 5 guineas a day for 4 days’ work in The Village Squire (1935).
So, it was 20 guineas total.
“T thought we had an appointment,’ Vivian snapped. ‘I will not be ignored.’ These words were said when Korda kept Vivien and Gliddon waiting in his anteroom.
It’s interesting how I feel being ignored in this current life. And it’s unfortunate because the things I know and share have potential to greatly improve people’s lives.
Vivien wanted independence, having the option to do a play is she liked.
I like independence also (#psyche-data) or/and (#spiritual-knowledge).
Vivien: ‘So many actresses tell people they just love washing dishes. I just don’t believe it. I hate sloppy things. ... But you will say, won't you, that I haven't got swelled headed?’
Maybe I wrote about it, but I could not wash dishes without listening to music at first.
Vivien would make alterations to the designs of her gowns or suits.
(#psyche-data) for I prefer things to be unique – with a touch of my own (of course, if life situation allows that to happen)
Page 65 mentions John Buckmaster and his ‘lecture’ of what one could do with a piece of string.
Interesting that I use string (thread) for my telekinesis practices. But then it’s logical to use the long string for that.
Page 67 says that Vivien rushed into marriage because of both romantic and practical reasons. This duality characterized her nature all her life.
(#psyche-data)? Because in my current life I noticed that I had a certain duality to me – when I genuinely thought one thing to be the correct and moral choice, and yet sometimes I’d either do or think about doing the almost total opposite.
Page 69 talks about Moscow Nights film that LO was working on. Moscow is the city I was born and still live in. Olivier plays Capt. Ivan Ignatoff. There was a person with the same last name at my class in school – occasionally he bullied me and some others; Ignatovo (Игнатово) is the name of the village of my grandmother and grandfather on father’s side; I had a friend whose last name sounded noticeably close to ‘Ignatoff’. Capt. Ivan Ignatoff’s love interest is Natasha. At one point he thinks about suicide but decides to live.
Page 70 mentions Gliddon realizing how stubborn Vivien could be.
(#psyche-data) stubbornness. I’ve found myself to be a stubborn person in regards to certain areas of my life.
(25.03.2024 – me being stubborn still explains how while being Mary Magdalene in one of my past lives about 2000 years ago I’m still living on the planet of the 1st category, having made errors in the following lives after Mary’s, and having not yet learned fully ‘how to live, suffer and die’ [Thiaoouba Prophecy, p. 39].)
Page 71 mentions Vivien’s romantic experience, seeing Olivier playing Romeo over and over again.
(#psyche-data) At first, I didn’t want to approach women on the street to get aquatinted with them because I wanted something special in terms of romance. I wanted to have a story behind the meeting. Like when fate makes you meet accidentally under special romantic circumstances. Then I realized fate is always there and there could be special moments when you just approach women in parks also; I guess life proved that to be correct even though I found no one.
Then it’s mentioned how Vivien was breaking down huge leaps into small steps.
(#spiritual-knowledge) because I’m doing the same thing.
Page 79 says how Vivien assumed several Olivier’s characteristic attitudes and habits, including picking up several words – like ‘fucking’ – from him.
(#psyche-data) possibly. I mentioned it ew – ‘vampiric’ quality in me I noticed long time ago.
Vivien would obstinately refused to fall on her backside. ‘I am an English actress,’ said Vivien.
Either (#psyche-data) or (#spiritual-knowledge) for I’ve had moments in my life when I had to be almost begged to do something I didn’t fancy doing. And some things I’d never agree doing.
At the end of the page 83 it’s mentioned how reading Gone with the Wind was to change Vivien’s life.
(#psyche-data-astro-?) for if MD is right and some % of old Astral Body we had returns to us when we’re reborn, then it’s possible seeing so many ‘familiar’ names (like Hamilton) could start the fire withing my old self.
Page 84 says about affinity between Vivien Leigh and Scarlett O’Hara.
Page 85: “While Scarlett wasn’t the most easy-going type, neither am I,” Vivien told Robert Carroll in Motion Picture, in February 1940:
“I cannot let well enough alone. I get restless. I have to be doing different things. I am a very impatient person and headstrong. If I've made up my mind to do something, I can’t be persuaded out of it.... When Scarlett wanted something from life, she schemed about how to get it. That was her trouble. I just plunge ahead without thinking. That’s my trouble. Every so often I bump into stone walls and have to pick myself up and climb over them.
Scarlett had a strong sense of property. I have not a little.... She could take care of herself when she had to. I think I could, too. ... I went to school for a time in Germany. That meant that being a girl I had to learn what every Hausfrau should know, and hated it. That was one of the things that helped me make up my mind to become an actress... I hope I've one thing that Scarlett never had. A sense of humor. I want some joy out of life.... And she had one thing I hope I never have. Selfish egotism.... Scarlett was a fascinating person whatever she did, but she was never a good person. She was too petty, too self-centred.... But one thing about her was admirable. Her courage. She had more than I'll ever have.”
(#psyche-data) (#spiritual-knowledge).
Alexander Walker notes that Waterloo Bridge was widely screened in Russia and remained (as of 1980s) Vivien Leigh classic.
(#curious) interesting since I was born in Russia and it’s here that I’ve my real life reflection with that movie I did as VL (my, as VL, fav movie also)
Interesting that Walker even had to mention that fact in the book…
(After playing Ophelia in Hamlet at Elsinore). Vivien returned to London, and in several days she told Leigh Holman she was leaving him and gave the same news to Oswald Frewen on a postcard dated June 28, 1937.
Page 90 talks about VL’s prophecy she’d be the one to play Scarlett
‘Larry won't play Rhett Butler, but I shall play Scarlett O’Hara. Wait and see.’
I mentioned it ew. I wonder if it could have been related to déjà vu – meaning some portion of the ‘film’ was not erased from my soul in the River of Oblivion? And so I knew that I was destined to play Scarlett O’Hara in GwtW? Or was I just this much confident? Or maybe there was something else (remembering how there was synchronicity when I first arrived at the set when burning of Atlanta was being filmed). Just a thought…
Page 91 talks about 21 Days movie, and how Vivien and Olivier saw it for the first time during its American opening and left before the end. Then Walker says how neither had overcome his or her condescending attitude to films.
In this life I like movies more than watching plays in theatre (although, to be fair, I only watched plays when I was in school [with mother or with the class – and mother was also there usually]). So, my soul did overcome the ‘condescending attitude to films’ eventually.
P.S. It’s not clear to me if that was Walker’s opinion or statement of fact based on evidence. In Vivien’s life I did make some movies; I just had my opinions regarding the ‘film star’ status.
Page 92. Harry Nathan: “You, Mr Olivier, can do nothing for the moment. You will probably have to wait until a settlement is agreed to before your wife will divorce you. As for you, Miss Leigh, your husband is a Catholic and probably doesn’t think he can reconcile divorce with the tenets of his Church. Well, I advise you to be patient. He seems to me to be a man who sets great store by family life. Having been deserted, he may well feel the need to start another family or, if he is a charitable man, will not wish to stop you doing the same. Let human nature take its course.’
‘What a ridiculous little man,’ Vivien snapped.
Could be an (#error). But was it paid for?
Also, I see some sense in his words now.
Little man. Doubt it’s related, but in MA life I was 1.5 meters in height.
When Vivien started living with Olivier, John Gliddon thought that Vivien started having far less patience, and her demands turned intemperate.
P 114: “He found she had far less patience; her demands turned intemperate.”
Lack of (#spiritual-knowledge) maybe for I still am impatient sometimes. But not by a lot.
On page 93 Walker writes how Vivien felt judged in Maureen O’Sullivan’s presence. Maureen married a devout Roman Catholic, and their marriage would be blessed with many children. Vivien had a breach in her marriage and, essentially, abandoned her child.
(#psyche-data) possibly due to me also having had times when I felt people judged me, but I overcame that to some big degree. Maybe it relates to (#spiritual-knowledge) too.
Page 93 talks about several hints of similarities between Vivien’s role in A Yank at Oxford, Scarlett and also Blanche.
Page 94 mentions again the duality, which became a part of Vivien’s nature.
(As mentioned before) It's interesting because I’ve noticed the certain duality – mirror situations as I called them – in myself. Like in what I genuinely thought/knew and how I acted contrary to that.
Then it’s said that Vivien had a severe pain her foot: ‘I have to go up to London to see my chiropractor, I just can’t stand the pain in my toe.’
I wonder which toe? In my life I had problems with nails on both my thumb toes. The right one is still giving me trouble because the part of the cut off nail still remains, growing on its own and cutting into the flesh sometimes. (#reflection-life)
Page 95 talks about footwear issue and mentions dates: 8 October 1937 and 4 November 1937. Probably nothing but this year (2023) I had interesting dreams on these days (in my Dream Diary).
Both messages were written by John Gliddon. I actually had a dream mentioning his names (many times I think) when I read Dark Star biography, but I don’t remember the details.
The shoe matter was serious – or more accurately what followed that, which is my ‘attack of fury’. Maybe there could be some synchronicity going on, for those dreams are also a serious matter to me.
Page 96. Gliddon: “Her voice turned suddenly hard ... rasping ... contemptuous. But the worst thing was her eyes — the look in them: They had completely changed from the smiling eyes I was accustomed to seeing. They were the eyes of a stranger.’
‘Unless you tell me this minute, you must leave the house.’
‘Tm not telling you.’
‘Then get out!’
Later Vivien was back to being ‘the old Vivien’, chastened, embarrassed. Gliddon passed it off as lightly as he could — ‘Overwork ... nerves ... frustration.’
‘No, John,’ said Vivien, ‘I’m liable to have an outburst like this now and then. It frightens me sometimes — and I'm always deeply sorry for it, as I am now. What I really need is a clause in my contract giving me two or three days off when I'm filming and I feel one of these “states” coming on me. Please do forgive me, John.’
Just thoughts. Maybe yesterday (22 November 2023) I read my dream diaries and I remembered the dream in which Thao told me essentially that I killed my mother (in another life) and that’s why we had to live together and had difficulties and quarrels. If that dream was also a true dream (the structure of it – a dream in a dream – is certainly interesting; and in general that dream feels similar in its ‘texture’ to my true dream with VL) then neither VL and Michele Avila killed anyone. So, it means, if true, that happened before I was born in the body of Vivian Mary Hartley; so, if I did have that darkness in me, then it could potentially explain my outbursts in VL’s life. (#curious)
Page 99 talks about Vivien’s relationship with her daughter, Suzanne. Later in life Vivien would understand the errors she’d done and she would reproach herself.
Vivien was drinking a lot. But she was not an alcoholic.
Maybe there’s no connection, but I wonder if it may somehow relate to the fact that my father was drunk when he started hitting my mother and I became stuttering?
Pages 101-102 mentioned the coded looks and phrases exchanged between Bobby Helpmann and Vivien.
Maybe nothing but reminded me how Vova and I used (very poorly) coded words to talk for a few minutes.
Page 103 talks about St. Martin’s Lane movie (American title is Sidewalks of London). It also mentions how Vivien disliked Charles Laughton’s gross body; she said she felt she could never get near enough to him. She disliked her role too.
Could be an (#error) regarding what I said about Charles’ body. Not sure if I’ve suffered or not for that if it’s the case.
Also, now I actually like this movie.
Pages 106-107 have an interesting story on how VL got a chance to do several films in Hollywood but treated it as an ultimatum rather than an opportunity because accepting it meant saying goodbye to the chance of getting the role of Scarlett O’Hara, which she had set her heart on, as Olivier said, ‘with an almost demonic determination’. At the time Vivien was not even a contender to play Scarlett, yet she was prepared to turn down present riches and the prospect of future stardom just to keep the door open to play that role.
Again, I find it interesting that I really, really wanted to play (and possibly even knew or sensed I would) Scarlett O’Hara. After having realization that I could have played myself and the roles I played have connections to my past lives – e.g. last names – it’s even more interesting… because if I had a chance to play myself, without knowing it in terms of material knowledge, then I guess my Higher Self could have helped me somehow with that determination and decisions… or maybe there’s something else... (#curious)
(26.03.2024 – it may be related to (#spiritual-knowledge) (and/or (#reflection-life) because in my current life I’m doing a very similar thing in my pursuit of sharing Thiaoouba book and my experiences and knowledge associated with it. I’m doing it at the expense of work, and so I have much less money than I potentially could have, which also to some degree relates to me not having a family.)
When Olivier was leaving to New York – on Vivien’s 25-th birthday – she pressed a small silhouette portrait of Emily Bronté into his hands.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emily_Bront%C3%AB
Emily was born on 30 July 1818 and died 19 December 1848 (aged 30). I was born on 30 July 1988.
Maybe there are some connections/synchronicities with her.
Certain things from Emily’s life reminded me of Kristina from Ostankino who also liked dogs and animals (сказала, ей легче с животными, чем с людьми)
Her death is similar to VL’s in that it was tuberculosis, and she refused to see doctor (VL refused to be hospitalized) until it was too late.
Olivier was shooting Wuthering Heights (originally book by Emily) during VL’s introduction to David Selznick and her test scenes. Important moment of my past life and there’s these possible connections also…
On page 113 Walker writes (his opinion, I presume) that Vivien’s vertigo would not allow her to climb on top of the tower on which David Selznick and Cukor were.
Mentioned it ew. Sudden fear of heights.
Page 116 mentions the word ‘Missee’ (about Scarlett O’Hara).
(#curious) another person uses the word similar to ‘Missy’ (Missie & now Missee – e.g. miss, young lady). It’s logical of course to use this word in this context, but still…
Gliddon’s reply by cable on 6 January 1939: ‘DEAR VIVIEN MANY THANKS FOR CABLE. YOUR NEW PROPOSALS MEAN SERIOUS LOSS TO ME. BUT IN ORDER TO ASSIST YOU WOULD BE WILLING TO CANCEL YOUR PRESENT OBLIGATIONS TO ME ON CONDITION THAT YOU AND MYRON SELZNICK JOINTLY PAY ME £2,700 BY THREE EQUAL YEARLY INSTALMENTS, THIS FIGURE BEING MINIMUM AMOUNT OF MY LOSS. LOVE, JOHN GLIDDON.’
…
On 11 January 1939, he had Vivien’s reply: ‘DEAR JOHN I DO NOT FEEL YOUR PROPOSAL A FAIR ONE BECAUSE IT INVOLVES MY PAYING COMMISSIONS ON FUTURE EARNINGS WHICH I MAY OR MAY NOT RECEIVE. CONSIDER MY ORIGINAL SUGGESTION EXTREMELY FAIR BOTH TO YOU AND MYSELF, NAMELY TO PAY YOU YOUR COMMISSIONS ON MONIES RECEIVED UNDER MY NEW KORDA CONTRACT AS AND WHEN I GET PAID. IF I LIVE, YOU ARE WAY AHEAD. LOVE, VIVIEN.’
Walker writes that the signing of the contract (GWtW) was awaited on 16 January 1939.
VL said it was 13th (David Lewin interview) and many sources say the same thing. It’s book’s error I think for I was very specific that I signed the contract on Friday the 13th.
I’d like to note that the black dress I wore to the signing had what looked like 2 lions at the top near neck. VL used to talk about her birth sign – Scorpio – and my sign is Leo.
https://www.britishpathe.com/asset/138816/ I was presented with Lion of Saint Mark (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lion_of_Saint_Mark) - the symbol of the city of Venice - for special acting honor.
Page 121 has interesting insights into my almost 9-month long work of 9 hours per day.
Page 122’s story about Clark and VL is funny.
Walker writes that “Vivien’s scorn for Hollywood gave her the self-confidence to tackle her semi-mythical role: after all, if she failed, she could always go back to the stage.”
I no longer have scorns for Hollywood, although I understand my old self, but the reason I quoted this is to record possible (#spiritual-knowledge) of not having all eggs in the one basket. I like having options.
It was 2 weeks into filming, George Cukor suddenly withdrew from the job on 13 February 1939.
After Cukor was fired, Vivien went to Myron Selznick to complain with indignation. He said very coldly: ‘If you quit this film, you will be in court till your last day on earth. You will never work again on stage or screen. You will never be free. David will see to that. And so, too, Miss Leigh, will I.’
Walker writes Vivien had tasted for the first time Hollywood’s ruthlessness.
Cukor was Vivien’s ‘last hope of ever enjoying the film’.
Page 124 talks about the contract issues. The numbers involved may be of some connection to the event which happened in my current life.
Gliddon wrote on 27 March 1939 to Myron Selznick: ‘You and your American organization have known for some time that Miss Leigh was under contract to me. Her agreement of December 20 with you must have surely been entered into with the full knowledge that in signing [it] she was acting in breach of her contract with me…”
(#error) on my part. If I never suffered for in in VL’s life, then maybe that incident with the publishing company who gave me different contract to sign was my way to suffer for that mistake – for many things got wrong at that time and my mind was distracted by mother not picking up the phone; and I didn’t feel too good too. Of course, I should’ve been more careful and attentive to what was going on (reprinting of the contract) but then external factors played a role also.
.
Vivien’s letter to Gliddon: “My Dear John,
Please forgive me for not having written before to explain this situation to you. It is awfully rude of me. I was very distressed to get your wire saying you would be willing to sell your contract to Selznick, as I had been insisting that all the English side of my contract would still be with you. I cannot see how you would lose by this, excepting for this year. But in the long run, surely, there would be no question of your losing. As you said yourself, Korda would certainly not have taken up his option after this year and by this agreement it is practically impossible for him not to do so, as he will have had a ‘name’ made for him and I will be found more useful than before. I would never have signed this contract, as you know, except for this particular picture, but it seemed impossible to refuse it, and, besides, they would not consider it without a contract. I do hope you will remember this, John, as I do not want to leave you at all.... Please believe me, John, that I have thought of you throughout this thing and I have your interest at heart. I hate Hollywood as much as I thought I would and I know I shall never be happy here. I can’t think what will happen when I am alone.... So please write me as soon as you can. I do want to know what you think of this.
With much love,
Vivien.
ps. I’ve really been working terrifically hard or I would have written sooner. I'm so sorry for the delay.”
.
Ironically, it was David O. Selznick who brought Vivien to court for breaching her contract, not John Gliddon.
Might explain why I got out of my contract situation quickly if that was the suffering for my past life’s error.
A message from Selznick’s executive to Gliddon: ‘You know, David would have paid Vivien a percentage on the net receipts of Gone With the Wind if she hadn't behaved so badly while they were making it. That dame is screwy.’
The arguments with Fleming is probably what they refer to…
(26.03.2024 – I’ve written here already whom I was in my past lives, and about the possible reasons I as Vivien wished to play Scarlett so strongly. It may explain somewhat my behavior in that life during the making of that movie.)
.
Victor Fleming didn’t have time to read GWtW script nor the book. This immediately earned him low marks with Vivien, who always had a copy of the novel at hand. She referred to it during arguments and seemed to treat it as a sort of talisman. Fleming barked one day (not understanding the [possible] deeper reasons behind my connection to GWtW): ‘Miss Leigh, you can take this script and stick it up your royal British ass.’
I mentioned it elsewhere but again – interesting how in this life I treat Thiaoouba book in similar ‘talismanic’ ways. Only this time it’s a true book and I Know it – so it’s important for all people.
But I also wonder WHY was I so… attached to the GWtW book? (I wrote my thoughts that maybe I had to play it if I did play myself and the last names of Scarlett were mine also in previous lives)
Page 128 quotes Vivien saying/answering: ‘Of course we're living in sin,’ going off into a peal of laughter.
(#quote)
(26.03.2024 – I’ve talked about it before. Sometimes couples are on ‘different waves’ (because they probably made error(s) in how they chose the partner) and in that case, I think, it’s more than okay to seek for a new partner with whom you’ll [hopefully] have more similarities, love, spiritual affinity, etc. ‘Sin’ has nothing to do with anything here.)
The scene, when Scarlett declares ‘As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again,’ was shot in the San Fernando Valley.
Michele Avila grew up in Arleta, Los Angeles, in the San Fernando Valley. The thing is in the movie Scarlett mentions ‘killing’ & ‘lying’, and in Michele’s life I was lied to and then killed. Not sure about stealing and cheating. (#curious)
As I mentioned before, movies, being part of the Universe, do influence people. If the message a character is giving to the audience is wrong (e.g. some people may follow the character and repeat their erroneous decision in real life, hurting themselves or someone else in the process) and it’s never clearly stated that it’s wrong (e.g. either directly, or by showing that character having to suffer for that mistake in the movie) then the actual actor playing the character may have to pay for that error. It’s just a theory for now. Also, I suspect I died in Missy’s life for the error I did more than 2000 years ago in Cleopatra’s life. But it’s possible that tragic event may have been compound too – when several different errors were suffered for during one single event (again, it’s a theory for now that there could be compound events that have several ‘roots’ in different times and/or lives).
There were no less than 27 copies of the calico dress, each in a different stage of disintegration.
27. It was one of synchs related to IT.
‘Ways to Kill Babies’ was the name of the game that Vivien proposed her guests play at her parties in Hollywood. Players had to mime some out-of-the-ordinary means of disposing of an unwanted infant.
(#error) which might have been the reason for my 2 miscarriages in VL’s life.
Sadly, it might explain the memory I’m afraid I actually have from my early childhood… it involves plastic bottle and poor insects in it… dead. If I did that actually then I feel so very bad. Currently I even tried to let cockroaches outside instead of killing them so much I like nature (but I did also cry during that moment when I slapped some bag on my leg, being afraid it was someone/something dangerous). Lack of (#spiritual-knowledge) and possible acquisition of it.
Another thought is that it reminded me of Emma Hamilton’s Attitudes. Writing this after the dream with message writing 4 names (Emma, Vivien, Michele, Evgeny).
Anatole Litvak, a Kewish refugee from Hitler’s Germany, tried to open the eyes of reluctant movie colony to the threat of the Nazis posed to peace in Europe and possibly in the world. He was making little progress because the studios had huge investments in the German box-office. Vivien was disgusted at this.
By April 1939, American public opinion was rather chastened by Hitler's war moves. ‘They're a little cowed now, thank God,’ Vivien wrote to Leigh Holman.
(#spiritual-knowledge)
Pages 131-132 talk how Vivien found it hard to leave lengthy roles, which caused her stress and drained her physically. Some close friends believed the roles she played accumulated like different identities, which would suddenly repossess her during a crisis.
(#psyche-data) I sometimes say lines from whatever medium which got ‘stuck’ to me for some reason.
(26.03.2024 – At this point it’s a fact (to me, at least) that in Vivien’s life I played myself in several roles – here I mean past lives I had before I was born as Vivian. It’s possible I played myself – to some degree – in other roles too. As said earlier, if Michel Desmarquet was correct in his book Nature’s Revenge, saying some part of our past Astral body’s electrons return to us in our new lives, then that could explain the issues I had as Vivien.
In fact, as I also must have mentioned, I think I kind of experienced the mild form of what I experienced as Vivien. It happened after I found enough proof that I had to be Vivien Leigh and I felt that my identity was shifting to becoming Vivien Leigh – my old self. I realized what was happening and so I simply took things one step at a time; and I also read about multiple personalities disorder. It worked.
This experience also had me thinking – what if people who have multiple personalities disorder relive, so to say, their old self from their past lives? In other words, each personality corresponds to their character - to their self - in one of their past lives.)
Vivien would call in her mother whenever Vivien’s emotional problems got out of control. But she also went on her independent way, and even sometimes considered Gertrude’s well-meant help an irritation.
Selznick rejected Vivien for Rebecca. She was ‘resentful’ for a very long time.
Maybe (#psyche-data) for it may remind old me. Now that I know all people will suffer for their own mistakes, and I know I’m making an error if I harbor negativity while I can live happily, I try not to have such negative feelings and thoughts.
Vivien hoped she’d play in Pride and Prejudice, but Greer Harson was cast instead, and Olivier played in it too. Waterloo Bridge was Vivien’s film, in which she played alongside Robert Taylor, who was the Yank at Oxford movie. Walker writes to Vivien it seemed that fate got its directions confused.
And yet it was Waterloo Bridge that I found the great reflection with my current life and so this movie helped me realize I AM actually Vivien Leigh.
(27.03.2024 – after rewatching that movie I’ve noticed several more possible reflections in that film with my life. Interestingly, it also concerns the same episode with Natasha. I wrote about those reflections in the ‘Movie/Play Reflections’ section.)
Page 136 talks about fusion of Scarlett and Vivien. Interestingly this is what’s happening now with me that I found 1 of my past lives – in a way I get ‘fused’ with the person I used to be.
(About VL’s Waterloo Bridge performance) Bosley Crowther in the New York Times wrote: ‘Miss Leigh shapes the role of the girl with such superb comprehension, progresses from the innocent, frail dancer to an empty bedizened streetwalker with such surety of characterization and creates a performance of such appealing naturalism that the picture gains considerable substance ... ’ Vivien, he added, was ‘as fine an actress as we have on the screen today. Maybe even the finest.’
Leigh Holman and Jill Esmond divorced Vivien and Larry respectively. The Danish expedition to play Hamlet in Elsinore was named as the occasion for the break-up by Jill.
VL played Ophelia in Elsinore. Ophelia dies in a creek which might be reflection with my fate in my MA’s life. (#curious) And it would have been poetic… another type of reflection when events absorb certain elements of the past in their manifestations.
Vivien started playing accordion as a hobby in order to stretch her chest and improve her vocal projection.
Never played it myself but some of my relatives did in the village. (maybe it was a Bayan (Баян)).
(Vivien on Romeo and Juliet’s failure) ‘Larry and I were too greedy’. They had to leave their expensive hotel and live in Katharine Cornell’s guest house at Sneden’s Landing in up-state New York. There was a garden sloping down to the Hudson River.
Sonny Hudson was my nickname on freelancer.com
Vivien did what she could in New York (being of value to the war effort) and was featured in Look assembling ‘bundles for Britain’.
VL was featured 3 (as far as I know) times in Look magazines:
July 18, 1939 – ‘Why The Jews Are Persecuted –by STANLEY HIGH’ is written on the cover, and thanks to Thiaoouba I now the answer to that question;
December 17, 1940;
March 11, 1952;
Not featured on the front page, but there’s an article about VL in Look Magazine March 25 1941.
The synchronicity here is that Thao told me “Look!” when I was watching tennis and there was 33 minutes showing (an important number; it’s 333 days on Thiaoouba and 33333300 kasios in a year) (#curious). Also tennis is what I as VL was watching on the day of my death.
This sync reminds me of the ‘Joy’ one, which also had Thao tell me that word telepathically (‘There are other joys in life’)
And yes, VL was featured in other magazines which have different names.
https://www.britishpathe.com/asset/74366/
“Vivien Leigh wins 'Look' magazine movie award for her role in 'Streetcar Named Desire'.”
‘One night we were speculating what might happen if the Germans won,’ says Merivale. ‘One of the actresses said, “I hear all the pretty girls will be drafted into brothels and the rest will be made to do road work. I'm sure I'll be put on hard labour.” “Oh, no,” Vivien burst in brightly, “don’t be silly, darling, of course you'll be in a brothel!”’
‘What fun we had!’ Merivale recalls. ‘Piling into cars after the show, Larry driving the Cadillac, Vivien egging him on to crash the red lights, screaming along the Hudson…”
(#psyche-data), lack of certain (#spiritual-knowledge).
Pages 148-149 talk about the Chinese checkers game and my anger when I lost. Actually, it reminded me of the Hearthstone game. I wasn’t behaving in a good way playing it and said many things I regret; having negative feelings also clearly didn’t help – and it was at that moment that I had the dream about the 17th page of the specific Bible in my possession, and when I opened that page, it talked about – basically – the consequences of words; that you shouldn’t say mean things – it’s an error. Lack of (#spiritual-knowledge), (#psyche-data)
Page 152 talks about Lady Hamilton movie. After short description of who Emma was, it’s said that they had to show Emma’s downfall before and after her ‘immoral’ rise. It was necessary because of Hollywood censors.
As it turned out, they were right to require that errors are paid for on the screen…
Korda’s only criticism of Vivien’s performance. ‘My dear Vivien, Emma was vulgar.’ Vivien snapped back, ‘My dear Alex, you wouldn’t have given me a contract if I'd been vulgar.’
(#spiritual-knowledge)
Page 154 mentions Vivien’s managerial qualities. Perhaps Walker meant something else, now what I originally thought. But here’s the idea I wrote anyway:
Reminded me of the fact I was made an admin in 3 groups (2 on VKontakte.ru; 1 on Facebook – TPXP). Maybe it’s some (#reflection-life) situation which could include (#spiritual-knowledge)
Page 155 has a story about a spat between VL and Larry.
That story actually remined me of my current life’s story involving Sergey from village. I realized he wanted to join other company because of girls, but it would mean he’d start to drink there – which is something he was strongly against before. He did join them; he drank; almost disregarded his plants that Vova Sh. almost stepped on; many years after he had health problems from that past childhood drinking.
Vivien listened to the Government’s rules and regulations – like having a leather gasmask at hand which other people didn’t care about.
Reminded me of the coronavirus situation. I used to wear mask also for a while. Then I’d only wear it in public transport and there were women who pointed out to themselves I had the mask on (and they didn’t)
Don’t know if it’s (#psyche-data) or (#spiritual-knowledge)
Also reminded me of how Vova was fooling around putting Dima’s gas mask on. Maybe it’s unrelated, but then I do notice how in this current life I’m occasionally presented with ideas, objects, events, etc, which played some role in my past lives also.
Pages 157-158 say how VL and Larry went back to England during the WW2. I find it impressive. It also talks about the Contract to Selznick.
‘…fractious Vivien…’
(#psyche-data) I used to be somewhat ‘fractious’ in childhood
Page 158 mentions the drive to Plymouth.
Maybe nothing, but I thought the blue car in my dream (slit throat) could have been Plymouth. But it also could have been Camaro relating to MA.
Vivien really wanted to do the Shaw play - Caesar and Cleopatra.
Page 161 mentions how Vivien overheard 2 RAF boys talk about ‘Larry’. One said: ‘He’s a duck out of water.’ She knew it was her Larry.
(#curious) what are the chances VL had to be in the right place and in the right time to hear it? It relates to me finding my 2 past lives on the Internet too – now I’m pretty certain it was no coincidence or luck; it was meant to be according to the Universal Law.
The Doctor's Dilemma play opened in London in March 1942 and ran for 13 months — then a record for a play by Shaw.
Page 162 (Vivien’s advice to Attenborough): “Go away — and look for a part you can play now.”
Reminded me of a woman who said the word “сейчас” (now). It was Olya with whom I met once after 5 months of texting and she didn’t want to meet with me again. She thought she could find someone ‘now’ even though for some reason she was single in her 30th year of age. I don’t know if 2 events are related; I feel like I was right in VL life to give that advice given the circumstances.
‘Vivien was a very shrewd career-plotter,’ Attenborough says. ‘She could see the way ahead with enormous clarity and certainty — for others as well as for herself.’
Page 163 and 164 tells how Vivien got the part in Caesar and Cleopatra. Vivien’s shyness is also mentioned (I’ve been shy in my childhood and teenage years; I think it was mainly because of stuttering and me not knowing how to live with that serious problem).
Page 167 has an interesting story about an Easter egg present which I eventually ate. It might have some (#reflection-life) in my life. Some people implied hypocrisy when there was talk about hydrogen cars (but they assumed wrong things before).
In my life I found it silly to waste money to paint or wrap in decorations food which should be consumed anyway.
There have been other egg related situations in my life. Some of them are too shameful to tell…
Page 168 starts talking about the experience filming Caesar and Cleopatra. I mentioned some points elsewhere. Essentially it shows once again how much time, energy and money was spent on a movie which wasn’t even very historically accurate and focused on unnecessary things (some of which I’m sure are [partially at least] the reason for me experiencing baldness).
Plato and Hugo, as well as Michel Desmarquet (in relation to Thiaoouba book), are contrasts here; Thao mentioned them for not embellishing a true story and reporting it accurately.
Page 169 can potentially confirm my suspicions that miscarriage on the set of that movie could have been the payment for the error of playing a character who beats up slaves and is never punished for it.
(After miscarriage) ‘There'll be plenty more where that one came from,’ V told friends.
In a shortly lived life of 17-year-old Missy I had no children. In my life I wanted family and children but it’s seemingly impossible to achieve now…
Miscarriage occurred on the first week of September 1944, but I don’t know which date. September 4, 2023 is when I had a dream I was VL.
Page 170 mentions Vivien’s transfigured features and her sharpened face.
Difficult to say what they mean exactly by ‘transfigured’ but maybe it’s (#psyche-data) for I’ve problems with facial expressions in my life…
Then she began berating her dresser for some small sin of omission she discerned in her costuming.
Could relate to lack of (#spiritual-knowledge) in regards to the episode when I started dragging that guy in the snow when we were in school. But it’s subtle.
They say Vivien had no recollection of her bad behavior during the manic-depressive states. She’d write apologies to those affected.
Vivien didn’t watch Caesar and Cleopatra movie for 6 years – when she was playing the role again (on stage this time) with Olivier as her Caesar.
(28.03.2024 – there’s a lot to learn about reincarnation and how our psychology changes over lives. But I find it very interesting that I played myself from my old life and the experience had brought me so much misery in Vivien’s life... But as I said before, now I think the movie should have been more serious and historically accurate… It was probably an error to play in a story which not only didn’t portray the historic events in the most historically accurate way possible, but it also painted my old self in an incorrect way. If so, then it’s no surprise the experience of filming that movie has brought me (in VL’s life) troubles.)
Page 173. Vivien’s wilfulness:
Note about willfulness which I mentioned ew. After publishing TP in Russian I was insisted to remove the images so that they only appear in a paid book. I stood my ground and kept the images in the free e-book.
Korda bought the film rights to Enid Bagnold’s novel Lottie Dundass from Myron Selznick for $40,000 expressly to star Vivien in the film. She turned it down.
https://www.concordtheatricals.co.uk/p/64594/lottie-dundass
“Dundass is living obscurely in a bungalow colony on the Downs with four of here seven children. The eldest of the four is Lottie, who wants to become an actress, but has health issues with her heart.”
7 is present in both Cleopatra’s and Mary Magdalene’s lives. And there were times when I thought about acting, but had issues with my heart…
Jack Merivale thought Vivien was thinner than she should be.
Just noting I’ve had rather thin bodies for 3 lives (Vivien, Michele, Evgeny).
Vivien’s Sabina in the Skin of Our Teeth had a shoulder-length wig dyed carmine.
Carmin is essentially a deep red color. It’s similar to that which Marina (from Moscow) had I’d say. It’s the one color of the [dyed] hair that I like in women actually. (#curious)
Also, shoulder length reminded me of the fact the blonde girl had shoulder length hair, but when I viewed pictures of Sabina she clearly had longer hair than the blonde.
Pages 178-179 describe how Vivien learned about having tuberculosis. What Walker writes about Vivien almost perfectly matches me – which is not a surprise since I am/was Vivien and only 17 years of my life as Missy separate my current self from that past self. Not a lot of time to change completely as a person – provided certain changes are required for the spiritual growth.
While recovering from illness, in V’s life I read Trollope and also the Life of Buddha. As for the later, Walker says V was captivated by its mix of the mystical and practical.
(#curious) So this is one of the times (there could be more, I don’t know) when I read about spirituality.
Also - “Anthony Trollope (24 April 1815 – 6 December 1882) was an English novelist and civil servant of the Victorian era. Among his best-known works is a series of novels collectively known as the Chronicles of Barsetshire, which revolves around the imaginary county of Barsetshire. He also wrote novels on political, social, and gender issues, and other topical matters.”
Perhaps I could have learned something spiritually by reading his works? I did realize some truths about life in my current incarnation (I suppose my ideas are generally correct).
Page 180 later has a bit about VL suggesting ‘The Battle of Life’ book to Williams. Antiwar propaganda. Haven’t read it but could be (#spiritual-knowledge) related.
Williams: ‘…A marvellous bit of anti-war propaganda! I adopted it for the show — but it was Vivien’s intelligence that had spotted its potential.’
Suzanne talks about the atmosphere at Notley: ‘Mama had created an atmosphere that was regulated to the last degree, and yet very relaxing. Everything had its place, its order of precedence and appearance — yet no one felt put upon. People lay about, the meals arrived unbidden and at just the right moment — all due to Mama’s meticulous planning. Nothing went unsupervised.’
They say Vivien was indefatigable…
Even though I’d go to bed early, this still can describe me. (#psyche-data)?
Then Vivien’s ribald sense of humour is mentioned.
Another possible connection to why I was almost obsessed about sex in this life and why the thought of not having it was so hard to live with. (#curious)
Page 186 mentions scatological sing-songs.
Scatological relates to faeces. Made me remember how 3 girls came to stand near me at the train station in Pokrov. They were discussing faeces and I found myself losing interest in them (I was maybe 18 or something like that). Some time later, when I had my talks with Julia (the one I talked to on ICQ, or similar app, only), the subject came up again and I realized it is part of life (although one should remember about extremes and appropriateness also). (#reflection-life) maybe.
Then there’s a mention of the ten day stay at the Hotel Miramar. The party cost them £7,000. Olivier with his collaborators wrote the screenplay and Vivien sunbathed on the terrace under the jasmine.
First, I tried to write screenplays. Second, I approached one woman, who turned out to be in her 50s and with kids, near a jasmine in Catherine Park.
Vivien’s strong will clashed with Duvivier’s while filming Anna Karenina.
As mentioned elsewhere I believe – (#psyche-data) for it is me 100% still. Due to accumulation of spiritual knowledge some things can change, but just recently I stood my ground defending and trying to show the reason behind my telekinesis video (and there are a lot more examples, including me openly writing my thoughts on homosexualism while some others tend to bend over before the lgbt+ people who are clearly in the wrong)
On page 188 Walker speculates if certain photographs of V were showing her manic-depressive mood, and that’s why she didn’t like them and asked to be destroyed.
(#psyche-data) or lack of (#spiritual-knowledge).
There was the moment of some people/things being ‘suspects’ when I was thinking too much what other thought or said about me. Sometimes I was right because some unknown people clearly laughed at me being depressed – which showed on my facial expressions… which leads to the second part of the quote where I had the same issue of not wanting my pictures (now videos also) showing me in my ‘manic-depressive’ mood. I’ve still this same issue (but I think now that I know the reasons for me suffering in this life I can overcome them)
On the day of the King’s Birthday Honours, which included a knighthood for Olivier, Beaton breezed into Vivien’s dressing-room crying, ‘Oh, I’m so happy for you about the great news!’ He later recorded: ‘A face of fury was reflected in the mirror.’
(#curious) for it was my reflection in the mirror of that dream, which told me «Я никогда не дам тебе выйти из себя». Also, it’s thanks to the mirrors that I can see my past lives in them.
Also, in some movies VL was shown in mirrors’ reflections.
(1938 Sidewalks of London,
1939 Gone with the Wind,
1948 Anna Karenina,
1961 The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone,
1965 Ship of Fools;
1951 In Streetcar there’s a mirror but Blanche never looks into it,
1937 Storm in a Teacup. 42:15 I’m shown in mirrors reflection but never look into it)
So far, it’s 7 movies that I found VL seen in a mirror. Unless I missed something in other movies, the number could be a synchronicity with the lives of Cleopatra and Mary Magdalene. It should also be noted that I’ve never seen The Village Squire and Gentleman's Agreement, which might also show VL’s reflection in a mirror.
Laurence Olivier was knighted in 1947. Investiture was on 8 July 1947. Vivien became ‘Lady Olivier’.
Just noting that exactly 20 years after I died as VL (although some write 7 July as the death day). 20 number has been showing up in my life from time to time.
Pag 190 has a story about VL and Larry’s travels and how they were received. It’s interesting to discover this about my old self.
Olivier wrote in his diary how they were on board of a liner and on the second night out Vivien turned to him as they sat at the captain’s table and ‘suddenly with an alarmingly wild look ... said, “Tonight I should like to play dominoes.”’
(#psyche-data) and possible reflections. I saw in Olya (and that other Bible woman) facial expressions which could turn away some people.
Also, I played dominoes in the villages.
Vivien and Olivier sailed home from Wellington on 17 October 1948. Olivier had to be in his cabin for 2 weeks because of his knee operation. Vivien organized hectic charades, made everyone laugh, wore revealing gowns and danced the whole night with the young bachelors of the company. Olivier had to rebuke her for ‘humiliating’ him by making up to one young man in public.
Maybe nothing. On 17 October 2023 I decided to tell my mother about me being Vivien Leigh and possibly Michele Avila. It’s been 75 years since that date.
(#psyche-data) in regards to hectic things. Sometimes silly ideas would overtake me.
Then I remember how my mother, when I was very little, was ‘making up to’ Виталик (a guy who was older than us by quite a lot). I felt awkward and unsure at the sight; and the looks of smiles at me from my village friends didn’t help either. Possibly suffering for old (#error) or some reflection in case Olivier’s rebuke did the job (meaning I paid the penalty then and there).
On board the ship Vivien was also reading the play A Streetcar Named Desire, and when they reached home, she was determined to play Blanch DuBois as she once was to play Scarlett.
Interesting that role had also won an Oscar. Additionally, that role is also reflected in Michele Avila’s life. (#curious)
Then Walker writes on page 194 a bit about who Blanch is and how that role is similar/different to that of Scarlett.
(#reflection) of my current life. Again, if I did play people I was in the past (obviously, in terms of spiritual growth; of character) then it could make sense that at first I didn’t give a damn, and then, when reality and Universal Law hit and I was met by harsh reality, I got immured in the past (just as it happened in my current life – hence the tag).
‘Elysian enchantment’ may have been found, in a way, by me finding Thiaoouba Prophecy and proving, of course, it’s a true book by having all my spiritual experiences.
Alan Dent begged Vivien not to play Blanche, but I said ‘Impossible’.
(#curious) Again I feel like there could be some literally higher power (yet unknown Universal guide; astropsychic body; etc) which made me wanna play certain parts no matter what.
Stanley Hall, the London wig-maker and theatrical entrepreneur talks about Vivien’s hair: ‘She had crinkly hair, generally not very good hair. She disliked it and it required a lot of attention. But as she was determined this should be a brilliant performance, she did everything she could to help herself get into character and this included bleaching her own hair. I made her a dark wig to wear during the day. A little later, when she came to do the film, I made her bleached wigs, because the idea was that Blanche should have ragged-looking hair, like someone who had gone through life neglecting herself. She used to send the wigs back from Hollywood, by air mail, to be cleaned and redressed by me — didn’t trust the American hairdressers.’
I started having wavy hair when I was about 14. I was called Pushkin by some of my school friends because of that. I wonder if I didn’t like my crinkly hair in VL life – could it be the reason I got them again and had those comments from my peers? As a way for me to start loving myself the way I am.
Page 197 at the end speaks about similarities between Blanche and VL.
Page 198 follows up on that, describing how the character of Blanche affected me. It has also (#reflections) in my current life.
Lucinda Ballard: ‘She was sitting on an outsize chair with Danny Kaye at a party Ivor Novello gave. She had on a vivid red dress. Her beauty was dazzling. Yet something about her hinted at how she could transform herself into something less of a lady and more of a... well, entertainer, a comedienne of the kind who plays the resort hotels. I decided she had absorbed Danny Kaye’s comic allure by some natural osmosis and tipped into it her own bawdy sense of humour, which only a woman with her looks could get away with. As I got to know Vivien, I saw this chameleon side to her — she could assume a look very easily.’
As I said before, reminds me of how I once realized that I can as if assume the character of someone else’s persona… I used to call it vampirism. It reminds me of what is said about me as VL in the quote. (#curious)
Vivien would write down thoughts or interesting information in a notepad. She also had multiple photos of Olivier, affectionate notes, etc., in her house.
(#reflection-life). It’s what I’ve done by printing out the movie reflections on paper and hanging them near my bed so that I can see them and remember who I was and why (amid the mountain of other reasons) I know it.
Page 201 has a quote from Suzanne about VL. She was 17 at the time. MA was also 17
‘She had made up for having relatively few friends when she was younger and now had dozens, and was passionately possessive of them. She never wanted to risk letting people go ... slip out of mind.’
It actually describes MA so well… it was 1 of reasons for her death - she had to let Karen and Laura go… now I understand it, having experience living alone etc.
Next Suzanne describes the quarrels between V and Larry. It was me until I decided to be more calm. It means that what Karen wrote about me in my Missy’s life (Lizzy as she named Missy in her book) could be true as I mentioned elsewhere. (#psyche-data) or lack of spiritual knowledge. Essentially, Karen Severson wrote I ‘attacked back’ [verbally] (page 48 of her book) when they were verbally attacking me.
Vivien was asked: ‘What do you think happened to Scarlett O’Hara after Rhett Butler walked out on her?’
Vivien paused for a second and then said: ‘I think she probably became a better woman. But I don’t think she ever stopped loving him.’
This is of interest to me because I have the reflection with that movie. And I did see it as becoming a better person (human being) – growing spiritually. (#curious)
On page 203 Walker writes that “for Vivien, the most brutal moment came when Karl Malden snaps on the light to expose Blanche to ‘reality’ — and she ducks, terrified, as if he has made to hit her. ‘I don’t want the light — I want magic.’”
I don’t know how Alexander knows it (assuming he did) but this finds a (#reflection) in my life for I went into daydreams in order to protect myself from the cruelty of the world around me; then I had to face the world to discover its true nature, beauty and simplicity (thanks to Thiaoouba)
The 2 Cleopatra plays were separated by a historical gap of 21 years.
21 does appear a few times in VL life.
Churchill’s oil painting belonged to England and hung always opposite Vivien’s bedhead. Vivien knew she was at home whenever she opened her eyes in the morning.
(#reflection-life) due to me hanging photos from VL movies to know/remember who I was and who I am.
Vivien never got bored – at least easily.
Stanley Hall: ‘I think there was another reason why some people were shy of Vivien. She had a man’s mind. You could never say to her, “That's a most beautiful dress, Vivien,” for she’d cut you immediately. She couldn’t take compliments — she reacted like a man. Obviously, she'd still be polite, but she’d simply say, “Thank you,” and walk away, never, “Darling, do you think so?” Binkie Beaumont got on so well with her because he knew her mind. “You must always think of her like a man,” he'd say.’
Interesting because in my life some hinted I thought/behaved like a woman. Of course, now I know all people of both genders have the same range of self-identification and due to various reasons some group (e.g. males and females, etc) can be at one end and the other at another; I try to be in the middle (e.g. be in the mood which is correct for a specific situation) because I think it’s the correct way to live (of course without practice and being social it’s a long journey for me). (#psyche-data)?
The scenery of the two Cleopatra plays weighed 27 tons.
Just noting 27 number.
Vivien started calling Finch ‘Larry’ at one time.
(#psyche-data). I remember how in my life I said «здравствуйте» (Good day) to one of my bosses again during the day – I intended to say something else. (I was working as a courier). There were possibly other similar situations when I’d use a different word but I can’t remember them now.
During one of her worse ‘episodes’, disturbed Vivien was battering at the windows of the aircraft to be let out. Maybe it happened on 27 March.
Maybe it’s not fully related here. But once again I note that in this life I started to fear heights all of a sudden – even though I liked looking down from the 17-th* floor of my grandparent’s apartment windows. (#curious)
*I originally wrote 16-th floor, but it was a mistake. I checked and the floor is 17-th. Of course, it did remind me of what age I died at in my very last past life.
Walker, on page 213, mentions 25 years and re-enactment of Romeo and Juliet.
Just noting 25 years (Natasha mentioned a guy of 25; I remembered it at 25 and I didn’t like my age; a streamer girl then also didn’t like her 25 age)
Then Walker writes about Vivien being under deep sedation in Netherne Hospital at Coulsdon, Surrey, a centre for treating psychiatric disorders.
I feel like this is the place to note that my mother had some problems and would be prescribed some drugs (she’s okay now and doesn’t take any drugs). Also, her sister Tanay had mental problems. I did suffer a bit because of those issues in my current family. There could be some (#error) situation when I had to pay the penalty – after all now I realize that while mental issues are clearly serious, it seems to me they are consequence of our own wrong decisions (it’s logical since we all suffer for our own mistakes).
Rachel Kempson, the actress wife of Michael Redgrave: ‘She said to me, “I'll never forget Netherne. All those other patients walking around — I thought I was in an asylum.”’
After that moment, Vivien had a resolution to never go into hospital lest it turn out to be an asylum.
Could be one of reasons I try to stay away from hospitals (#psyche-data).
(VL about electro convulsive therapy) Vivien said to Rachel Kempson, ‘It leaves my mind totally numbed and when I come out of it I don’t know where I am or what I’ve been doing. In fact, it’s worse than before.’
On page 220 Alexander Walker refers to Vivien as ‘It’ instead of ‘She’ when he talks about her Royal Variety Performance with Olivier and John Mills that caused another miscarriage.
It’s of some interest to me since I’ve had my sync experience with IT monster from movies based on King’s book of the same title. (#curious) Then in one dream I thought maybe it was hinted I was it – this line was clearly known to the Universe a long time and maybe it played a role somehow? Just speculating and obviously maybe it’s not connected.
Walker writes that Vivien became at one point a burden on Olivier.
What was written on that page made me think if I am suffering for that somehow? In a way, maybe I am and I need to be careful expressing my thoughts. I have to live with my mother who needs help (she has problems with eyes and legs too; and she’s past 70 yo now). I obviously like the fact that I have my mother (but we did quarrel a lot when I was 14-18; I actually thought of living somewhere else but life had other plans for me; eventually I started to look differently at my situation and life), but I feel like this situation could have been caused by my past life’s attitude in VL life.
On page 218 Walker writes that Vivien’s elements of her own romanticism were largely responsible for forming the public image of her and Larry.
(Mentioned it before) Possible (#psyche-data) in connection to how I wanted something special (e.g. romantic) from getting acquainted with women (but then realized it’s not the point; spiritual affinity is the most important thing I now think – not a ‘special’ place or time in which the two people met each other)
John Barber: ‘It kow-tows to the most fashionable couple in show business. The titled lions of Mayfair salons. The pair royally known as ‘Larry-and-Viv’. Now look beyond the gloss. Olivier was a great actor. But since his gleaming; viperish Richard III, his fiery Hamlet, he has lost his way. Now, at 48, he is an ageing matinée idol, desperately fighting to win back his old reputation. To young people, his is a name that is attached to no outstanding achievement. She is a great beauty — still, at 42. As an actress, excellent in a dainty, waspish way that seldom touches the heart. It is time we saw them both as they really are.’
Just noting that I was born Leo and zodiac signs have been mentioned before.
(02.04.2024 – Emma Hamilton was born as Amy Lyon)
Page 222 talks about Tynan’s review which triggered another manic episode in VL.
Possibly I sometimes pass through the same thing in my life… (#psyche-data)?
Despite the troubles, Vivien still manifested the kindness to friends and acquaintances.
Might be (#psyche-data) in relation to my Michele Avila life.
Rosemary Geddes recalls how ‘Vivien and Sir Laurence laid on coaches to take the entire theatre, usherettes, cleaners, caterers, everyone, down to Notley one Sunday for a party that went on well into the night and must have cost £2,000 — a huge sum then.’
According to Alexander, Vivien privately considered Marilyn Monroe rather vulgar and not a little obtuse.
I have trouble understanding the last part. (#error) if I understand it correctly. And there were people who would consider/call me the same thing (but openly, not privately).
I used to study okay in school etc. But due to lack of sleep, personal issues, and due to me being consumed by Thiaoouba I did not learn to socialize. Some people may think me those things also – privately – without knowing the truth about me.
Vivien and Larry wanted a girl. The chosen name was ‘Katherine’.
Katie is a diminutive (I called one of my budgies that). Ekaterina, Katay, was one of girls I suddenly fell in love with but couldn’t say her it due to stammer and fear of speech I started having because of stammer. It was a very big moment of my life and it was then when I first seriously thought about ending it all – which leads to my first palmistry related experience when I saw a dot appear on my life line and disappear just as suddenly when I decided to go on living. (#curious)
Also a connection of sorts in wanting a girl because as I mentioned elsewhere I feel like it would be easier for me to have a child who is a girl than a boy.
Vivien disliked the raffishness for it offended her fastidiousness.
I am fastidious (very attentive to and concerned about accuracy and detail). (#psyche-data) maybe.
On page 229 Walker writes about how Gliddon signed up the first Lady Olivier (VL) and then the actress who was to become the second one (Joan Plowright). Gliddon could see the irony in that.
Now that syncs are proven to be something more than just a coincidence, maybe there is something here in terms of Universal poetry of life.
VL was resilient, bouncing back after each attack.
(#psyche-data)? Reminded me of 1 of my fav quotes spoken by Sylvester Stallone in Rocky Balboa: “It's not about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.”
What is said about VL next is also of interest. Might related to MA too (page 230)
Rachel Kempson: ‘I'd get over to Notley, and a distracted Larry would meet me and say, “Oh, you can’t help me — she’s tried to shut the cook in the cupboard,” or something else. I'd say, “Let me sit with her and talk to her.” And I'd do that, and we'd walk around the gardens, and she'd get things under control and she'd say, “You know, I’m not really as bad as all that.” Her troubles left her so puzzled and apologetic.’
First of all, that silly cupboard thing may or may not relate somehow to my no less silly episode when I’d sit in pitch black bathroom listening to the music on the radio (it was when I was not willing to go to school anymore due to my speech problems).
I also want to note that in that VL life I had friends who didn’t turn their backs on me. In this life the situation is completely different. Of course, I shouldn’t be a weight on other people’s shoulders; but they also shouldn’t laugh and gossip (to get benefits in terms of laughs or spent time basically – not for reasons of learning something about life) about other people’s misfortunes. Also, maybe VL was ‘someone’, as some people say (I feel like all people are someone – for we all have our roles in the world; it’s like having a play/movie with no supporting actors or extras), and I am considered to be ‘no-name’ as some could put it (of course my Thiaoouba experience proves otherwise, but not many know/believe that to be true)
Vivien’s collection of pictures included the Degas painting of the woman washing.
Water theme. Also, in MA’s life I apparently washed hours before my murder. In Karen Kingsbury’s book that episode mentioned because the details are rather important. And to me it shows once again the connection to the past life of Vivien Leigh and to the future life of Evgeny Meshkov (my current life).
Vivien would have her curly hair straightened fairly often.
I actually also bought a hair straightener but it was faulty and I decided to just refund it and never bother about my hair. I will write certain lack of (#spiritual-knowledge) for I think it relates to us learning to love ourselves the way we are naturally (provided we’re healthy).
In Belgrade Vivien disappeared for a whole afternoon. The company was searching for her, eventually finding her sitting alone on a park bench crying.
Possibly (#error) for which I might have paid in this life when my mother would leave house and not return for a long time. I’d get worried often and once even called police.
Vivien was in Olivier’s dressing-room at the Palace Theatre. At one moment he looked at her reflection in his mirror, and remarked in what was almost a throwaway line: ‘I suppose you should know I am in love with Joan Plowright.’
Mirror theme.
Page 237: “Jeanne Moreau, the French actress, was a guest at Notley; there was some talk of her appearing in a play with Olivier. The atmosphere round the lunch table became tense as the mood of Duel of Angels closed round Vivien. She spoke in the voice she used in the play, scrupulously polite in her words, mercilessly cutting in her intonation.”
Vivien to Jeanne Moreau: ‘Oh, you speak English well enough, do you, to play with Larry? And you think you look young enough to play the part, do you?’
Anthony Quayle: ‘It was quite awful. Vivien insulted Moreau all through lunch. Fortunately, Moreau realized she had something wrong with her, and didn’t let herself be baited. She really was an angel.’
(#error). Lack of (#spiritual-knowledge) obviously and maybe I’m learning in that regard now. Sometimes I’m tempted to write in the same manner to those who hurt me but I try to be actually polite for I know now those people will suffer for their errors and I don’t need to make my own mistakes. So I am at the side that Jeanne Moreau was in not letting myself be baited.
Walker writes that appearances were still desperately important to Larry and Viv.
Lack of (#spiritual-knowledge). Now I know from another personal experience that it’s what behind the appearances that counts (spiritual knowledge and maybe healthy psyche too since it holds data apparently)
Vivien about Eva Peron: “She died at thirty-three. I'm forty-five. Eva Peron was lucky.’”
As said elsewhere it was an (#error) to say that. Who knows, if I was MA, then it could have also influenced the way MA died – at young age. Also, a girl named Eva played the key role in putting the 2 criminals in jail.
Page 243 mentions one particularly manic and vindictive mood of Vivien’s.
(#psyche-data) maybe and lack of (#spiritual-knowledge). Actually it’s something which I had to deal with yesterday (Sunday, December 10, 2023) after learning I was banned by probably Shavaun in Remembering a friend FB page (yet I was able to see all content and even comment; just couldn’t like it). I tried to remember the Universe will punish all people who make errors and now I know it for a fact also. But I did at times in life wanted justice which would touch upon (unreasonable) desires for revenge.
Vivien’s father’s death was crushing to her spirits.
I cried when my grandfather died and then when my father died. In the first case I didn’t know about reincarnation; in the second I didn’t expect it, and I thought why could I not live differently? Maybe father’s life would be influenced by that also and maybe he wouldn’t be drinking so much…
Page 245 describes Jack Merivale and why V liked him.
(#spiritual-knowledge) perhaps because I usually tend to follow (Twitch, Youtube, etc) people similar to that – someone who I’ve something in common.
Jack knew Vivien to be impulsive. Page 247 describes one such episode when Jack and Vivien were making love and, all of a sudden, she leaped out of bed and ran to call Olivier to discuss their separation.
(#spiritual-knowledge) and/or (#psyche-data). I did impulsive things in my life too and I can totally see myself in the situation Jack described.
Jack: ‘To my horror she’d get on her hind legs and start to hector her American colleagues on the unfairness of milking the British players working on Broadway for five per cent of their salaries to support the strike. I'd try to pull her down and shut her up — she was becoming very unpopular.’ Some of what she said was wrong, but Vivien apologized right away and was applauded for frankness.
Hector means talk to (someone) in a bullying way. Just reminded me of that post about Michele being a bully. If the person had his facts right then that’s a connection.
The last sentences are of interest to me also since I’ve written a book in which I touched upon the sensitive and important topics.
Radie Harris recalls how coming down the escalator at Bloomingdale’s, where Vivien had gone shopping during the Equity strike, she stumbled. Jack caught her. She said she’d have sued Equity had she fallen and hurt herself.
Jack: ‘How could you do that?’
Vivien: ‘Because if Equity hadn’t caused the strike, I wouldn't have been shopping at Bloomingdale's.’
That was funny.
It’s written in Walker’s book that the episode gave an insight into the childlike way Vivien’s mind sometimes worked. Maybe I (as VL) was just joking out of anger and people misunderstood that.
Vivien, at one point in her life, rode in a chauffeured blue Cadillac to Eaton Square.
Googled the photo of 1960 Cadillac and it bears some resemblance to the blue car I saw in the dream with the man and throat.
Vivien and Larry were known as ‘the Oliviers’. After the separation Vivien found it impossible to see herself apart from him. She was experiencing an identity crisis among other things divorces bring.
I’ve had a sort of identity thingy once I realized I was VL. Now I realize I have to treat that life in terms of ‘I/me/mine’ and not ‘she/her/hers’ since I lived that life and thinking of oneself in the 3rd person is madness.
Vivien to Jack: “My Darling Love,
I am on my way to you with a beating heart — and the only point of this little scribble is that it makes me feel nearer. I wonder every minute if you are awake. I was at 5.00, this morning.... This has been a most extraordinary week. I think the most extraordinary of my life. Alone and yet so infinitely close to you. Sweet dear love, I ache and long to see you.”
5 o’clock was the time I’d wake up for some reason before I and Olya finally met outside and walked for 2 hours. I told her about this. Maybe it’s nothing.
Jack asked V to cut down on her drinking. No hard liquor. Only wine was allowed when he was around.
(#reflection-life) or gaining (#spiritual-knowledge). In my life I almost didn’t drink. I certainly had no desire to – mainly because of the fact I started stammering because my father got drunk and almost killed mom. Later I’d ask my dad not to drink a lot and sometimes he’d listen. That’s so similar to how Jack asked me not to drink too much and I listened also as is evident on the next page.
Page 255 mentions the numbers 8, 20, 8 again, and 22 in relation to VL, of course.
Maybe nothing of course but these numbers did play a role in my life and they relate to syncs with movies and two females (VL, MA).
(On a train an attendant asked if they wished for anything to drink)
‘Will you be with us all of the trip?’ Vivien asked him.
“Yes, ma’am.’
‘Then do tell me your name.’
‘Name, ma’am? Larry, ma’am.’
Vivien and Jack smiled.
(#curious) it shows I already had syncs in my VL life happening.
Page 256: there’s a story about 14-year-old Hayley Mills. VL says she should come to see Duel of Angels and sort it out for herself. Just noting this because of the 14 age.
The story on page 257 about my mischievousness. Reminded me of myself for in my childhood I did some silly things which were (#errors) to some degree. Lack of some (#spiritual-knowledge)
It’s described how Vivien had a romantic urging – the idea of the coast road in the moonlight - and they (Viv with Jack) drove to San Francisco at almost midnight.
(#reflection-life) Before 18 I think I dreamed about future and I saw myself having a car driving to the village at Friday nights after work. Possibly during sunset or maybe moonlit/starry or just dark nights. It was a romantic thought.
Also, when I had trouble feeling love for Katya and being unable to say anything due to stutter, I thought about going to the river and making there a campfire just to sit alone and think about my life. Later I’d think about this fact and wonder why I didn’t want to Just think about my life in any other place and without it being so dramatic? Again, I was romantic. It might relate to (#psyche-data) also.
Along the way their brand-new Thunderbird began having issues. They had to hire a new car – bright red Impala (not Viv’s favorite color) – and then had to transfer Vivien’s 28 cases.
28. just noting and maybe it’s nothing. But I have to write these things down after my sync experience with movies and 2 women, which turned out to actually mean something and be of importance. Universe is number based and such seemingly unimportant things can mean something actually.
The Thunderbird car was black and white. But in shape it also has some distant resemblance to the one in my dream.
Jack and Vivien decided on a whim to go back to England by boat, just as they’d made a snap decision to cross America by train.
This describes old younger me to some degree.
On page 259 Walker tells how one cottage wasn’t big enough for V’s tastes, but another, a mansion, was.
(#error) in the ‘eyes’ of the Universe perhaps. Just yesterday I found the house MA lived at and I was surprised at how it looked. Reminded me of my Russian village house (especially the trees nearby). So maybe that was the reason why MA lived a modest life. I’m also living my current life in a 1 room apartment.
Vivien believed the presence of water was a good omen.
Water has been a part of my many lives it seems like.
The 20-year marriage of Larry and Vivien was dissolved in 28 minutes.
20, 28.
When filming The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone, Vivien rode on a horse on which Olivier had ridden in his film of Richard III. There was an incident with that horse but Vivien was thankfully okay.
(#curious) syncs present in my VL life.
Then there’s a mention about Vivien asking to drop the false economy when the previous day’s shots were shown to them in black and white only instead of being shown in color. Walker describes that episode as one showing her stubbornness.
(#spiritual-knowledge) …maybe it’s not fully related, but I remember how I asked my father why he bought Russian cars only when foreign were (reportedly) better and broke less often.
Vivien and Jack had to live separately while Vivien was divorcing. But they lived quite close still – five minutes to walk. Despite of this Vivien would still write love letters to Jack and deliver them by mail – as she said, ‘writing a letter was an act of love, delivering it just a job.’
Reminded me of how I once was entering my apartment’s front entrance and there was a woman who was about to drop a letter into someone’s mailbox, but when she saw that someone was coming towards her (me) she pulled her hand back with lightning speed.
I also had to write a letter (via icq or something) to Katay, telling her about my feelings, since I was not able to talk with my tongue.
During a holiday Vivien learned to snorkel. She also gained some weight and had to lose 20 pounds later.
Some months ago I was wondering about snorkeling after watching some YT shorts.
Vivien would gloss over her tuberculosis, but once she cried this: ‘Why can’t I have some clean kind of illness like cancer?’
(#error) yet another sync with that illness, and I find myself wishing yet again I never said those words in my past life…
My grandmother (mother’s mom) died of cancer 8 days after MA’s birth (16/2/1968). This reminded me of half life syncs in my current life.
Jack didn’t want to go to South Africa: ‘Not only on racial grounds, but because I knew that someone like Vivien would be provoked into condemning apartheid so publicly it would cause a scandal — and twenty-five years ago, that wouldn't have served anyone’s cause. She was absolutely without prejudices, racial or religious, but also without politics. She once told me she voted Liberal. “Why, angel?” “Because everyone else I know is voting Tory or Labour.” That was Vivien’s politics.’
(#spiritual-knowledge) regarding not having racial or religious prejudices. Knowing what I know from Thiaoouba book, and having my own views on how countries should be governed (they’re in agreement with what Mu had), I’ve never voted in this current life.
Vivien would seek out all the excitement and curiosities a place had to offer. One day she dragged Jack and Bobby Helpmann to Sherbrooke Forest to catch a lyre bird performing its fantastic range of vocal mimicry at dawn. ‘That kind of determination to see all of life was typical of Vivien,’ says Jack.
(#psyche-data) - (05.04.2024 – because in this life I’ve done similar things when I was healthy and could explore the surroundings – both in Moscow and in my village.)
Maybe relates to spiritual understandings also.
Page 269 at the end once more says I didn’t like red in VL life. Funnily in my life I said red was my fav color once but it was only because it was Anton’s fav color. I guess I was so shy back then that I couldn’t say dark blue or purple. Pure red wasn’t my fav color in this life either actually.
Then on that same page 20 minutes are mentioned. The story about the Cockateel told shorty after is funny too.
Vivien said 8 April was the day they really fell in love. She concluded: ‘You have taught me more than you imagine, Dear Love — Happy Anniversary! Your very own Angelica.’ Jack remembered VL used to say Leigh Holman had taught her about being a wife and Olivier about being an actress — but he had taught her about living.
Number 8. Also reminded me how we live on the 1-st category planets ‘in order to learn how to live, suffer and die, but also to develop spiritually as much as you can.’
At the Prince of Wales country club party VL seemed to Jack to be in high spirits.
Wanna note they call it high spirits. I think I’ve a good idea of what they mean from experience. (#psyche-data)
Page 272 says VL went off with several men who were ‘seduced by her beauty’. Jack was excluded for the first time. He followed them to make sure she wasn’t misbehaving. Upon her return, ‘All hell broke loose.’
(#reflection-life) (#error). Marina in village once had several guys flock around her and I was excluded.
VL collected seeds from a variety of exotic plants she’d seen on tour. Her favorites were Coral trees and the snowball-covered viburnums.
Viburnum (калина) is growing near my village house.
In general I sometimes pick up chestnuts and oak seeds to plant them near my house (dogs usually kill the young trees or thy get cut along with the grass, or something else happens). In general I used to plant a lot of things in my village garden (#reflection-life)
Suzanne felt VL became ‘wiser, gentler, more resigned and more considerate of other people’s feelings — altogether easier to get on with.’
Peter Hiley: ‘Her personality definitely began changing. She became more aware of the value of friends, especially the ones who had taken her side after the break-up. She became less other-worldly and began to show some sense of consequence.’
(#spiritual-knowledge)
Aumont remembers Vivien looking at the queue at the box-office and saying sorrowfully, ‘Poor people! They're buying tickets to see one play without suspecting that they're going to see another.’
(#spiritual-knowledge)?
Jack played in The Importance of Being Ernest in New York. During that time he saw how dangerous VL’s condition was.
Just noting I read that story when I was learning English.
07.04.2024 – Michele Avila’s father is Ernest. Vivien’s father is also Ernest.
.
She was becoming more and more fractious and by the summer was missing her performances.
I shirked school in my days of trouble (a bit in 9th, but mostly in 10-11 grades)
Vivien screwed up or torn into pieces the pictures of Aumont family during one of episodes.
(#error) clearly. Have I suffered for it already?
Probably nothing; only mention of torn photographs are in MA life – after Irene knew Karen killed her daughter she would tear Karen out from pictures they had at home.
.
Jack Merivale says, ‘I always remember her telling me that when they'd been sedating her in Hollywood at the time of Elephant Walk, she thought she'd heard Larry saying, “Give her some more” — for the sedative wasn’t taking — and she never forgot that. This time I had to hold her down while she was being injected. It was agony.’
Made me remember what 10 yo MA wrote in her diary – that she hated shots. So did I.
Page 281’s story fits current me rather well still. So (#psyche-data) or lack of spiritual understandings – still need to figure out the difference/details etc
It’s actually kinda what I’m going through in this life. I can also ‘suddenly’ come back to life and be relaxed, composed, clear minded, happy etc.
After ECT Vivien felt terribly ashamed of herself. ‘Everyone must know I’m as mad as a hatter,’ she said.
Jack held her tightly. “You're not! You're not mad! You have a mental condition and that’s entirely different. That can be coped with.’
And now I’m called/considered ‘mad’ by some people for telling the truth about my life experience and even for showing/proving telekinesis is real on camera. (#curious)
I suspect I might have been skeptic myself in one of my past lives before my VL life and maybe now I have to suffer for that error also – just a speculation.
‘I'll put some on ice right away. God, I hope it'll be chilled enough — they'll be here in twenty minutes.’
20 is mentioned again in a quote.
In Chekhov’s play Ivanov her character's early death is due to tuberculosis.
Vivien said she ‘would rather have lived a short life with Larry than face a long one without him’.
In my MA life I died at 17. Might be life’s way of teaching to be careful of what one says or is wishing for.
Page 291 talks about shopping sprees and a parakeet.
I remember at times I enjoyed shopping in this life – but I have to be mindful of what I buy now for money is limited. (#psyche-data)
VL brought a parrot and I was persuaded not to bring it to Britain because of cats and winter. In this life I had 3 budgies and the first one was killed by a cat. (#curious)
When life didn’t co-operate with V, she still became terribly tetchy.
Actually, yet another thing I’ve been experiencing several days ago. (#psyche-data) or lack of (#spiritual-knowledge).
Vivien had an offer for a role from Russia. She was asked if she’d play Mme von Meck, Tchaikovsky's mistress, in a film biography of the composer's life that was to start shooting in Moscow in January. Lady Hamilton and Waterloo Bridge had been shown in public cinemas in the Soviet Union. She was one of the best known English actresses in that country. Vivien was very tempted, until she was offered another role.
Since I now live in Russian capital Moscow – was born here also – this info about my past life is of great interest to me. (#curious)
Vivien thought she’d got over TB before and she'd get over it again.
The same thing happened but only regarding my father. I thought he’d got over his drinking consequences for so many times and he’d be home again… but he died.
A Delicate Balance was postponed. ‘At least it'll give me time to try and understand it,’ Vivien said to Jack.
As mentioned before, in my current life I did come to some understanding about the importance of ‘balance’ – correct golden mean and erroneous extremes. (#curious)
Emlyn Williams found Vivien smoking (while being ill with TB). He was worried, but most people were not worried that much.
(#error) regarding smoking. Theme of friends which is present in MA life and in mine.
Page 293 says that Larry had prostate cancer about the time VL had TB. I find it of interest – maybe syncs related or maybe just a coincidence.
Stanley Hall arrived on the evening of 6 July with a 16mm movie projector and a copy of a film Vivien wished to see — the James Ivory.
It’s actually a sync with Michele Avila. When I decided to watch the movie ‘A Killer Among Friends’ based on MA life they show a movie projector shortly before the day MA was killed. I don’t know if actual MA actually watched a home video on a projector or not (probably never will since her family chose to ignore my inquiries). (#curious)
https://www.tokyvideo.com/video/a-killer-among-friends
Page 294. According to the timestamps on that page VL died between 11:00 pm+ and 11:30 pm on July 7 (not 8). Now, there’s no way to know for sure (unless I ask my HS to give an answer in a dream?) what time it was that my spirit was released. I wonder if the exact time has the meaning in my life but I’ll keep that to myself for now.
Vivien’s lungs had become filled with fluid and, like someone trapped under water, Vivien had suffocated.
05.04.2024 – I’ve had numerous confirmations I was Michele Avila too in my past life, and it’s somewhat eerie how similar my 2 very last deaths are (in terms of the cause of death).
The Observer's drama critic J.C. Trewin: ‘She had the misfortune to be one of the most physically beautiful actresses of her period. She was an undervalued intellectual artist, a personality of endearing grace, loyalty and humour. We can be certain that stage historians will remember Vivien Leigh for more than her “fatal gift of beauty”’.
(#reflection-life) In my current life I feel like a similar thing is happening only in reverse. Due to the way I look some people don’t believe my experience and what I’ve to say and share.
In her will Vivien had bequeathed her eyes to medical science to be used in corneal grafting. But because of her medical history, they weren’t accepted.
(#curious). I’ve eye issues. My mother has them also.
05.04.2024 – I also remember now how, while working as a merchandizer when I was 19, I’d pass the hospital specializing in eye surgery (I think it was МНТК Микрохирургия глаза им. академика С.Н. Федорова). I remember now how I noticed that hospital – not in a regular way, but it’s subtle… it has reminded me of the way I’d notice ‘Leigh’ in my childhood, oblivious to the fact I was looking at my own name from another life, or how there was something about that Mr. Ballen’s video about Missy’s murder… I think there’s a good chance that episode with the hospital might relate to my will in my past life of Vivien Leigh.
There was a lengthy list of bequests to family, friends and servants, including sums of money (£12,000 total) and many of Vivien’s paintings. ‘This demonstrated both her love for people and her awareness of their personal interests and needs,’ says Peter Hiley.
After Vivien’s death. Jack walked for the last time through the woods they had planted with wild anemones, aconites and bluebells. That was one of Vivien’s favorite parts of the estate.
Jack scattered Vivien’s ashes on the water of the old mill pond – ‘the lake’, as Vivien called it. Walker writes ‘she was made one with the element that she had always believed to be a benign influence on her life.’
I don’t know if this could relate to MA demise… again, could be compound…
05.04.2024 – In my Cleopatra’s life water played a major role. Maybe many of these water connections are coming from that old life?
The last page, 304, briefly talks of what happened to Leigh Holman, Jill Esmond, Larry, Jack and Gertrude. Many things mentioned there are important to me. Some relate, in my opinion, to some of my current life’s experiences – like Leigh Holman never remarrying.
-
In the book there was mention of VL being punctual. And how I made a will – not because I was thinking about dying but just to get it out of the way. (last pages of last chapters)
(#psyche-data) because I’m still kinda like that. I’d like to do things done and have no worries later.
(READ ABOUT VL ONLY) LAURENCE OLIVIER - CONFESSIONS OF AN ACTOR
Olivier writes that Vivien had an almost demoniac determination to play Scarlett in Gone With The Wind.
As mentioned before this is so extraordinary that I feel like maybe there was something else at play that made me desire the part so much in that life.
Getrude, Vivien’s mother, was a highly successful beautician.
Just noting Karen Severson attended beauty school. Maybe nothing, but then I found that I sometimes see little similarities between appearances of people I know/knew and how I used to look in my past and possible past lives.
If my suspicions are correct, maybe there are connections/syncs between people we know also.
Also, I’ll note ‘our adored France’. I’ve a dream saying about French words and how many are present in Russian – so learning French shouldn’t be too hard. That’s why I decided to buy a self-study book to learn French (which turned out I knew in my past life)
Alex’s voice came over the phone: ‘Larry, you know Lady Hamilton?’
‘Not imtimately,’ Olivier said. ‘Wasn’t she Admiral Nelson’s piece?’
‘Right,’ he said. ‘Arrange meetings with Vivien, Walter Reisch and R. C. Sherriff. I’ll come at once.’
In case it’ll turn out I was Emma Hamilton. Would be interesting if Larry did actually know her intimately (VL) but didn’t realize it VL was Lady Hamilton in past life. For now it’s just a speculation
05.04.2024 – Well, since that entry I’ve had many confirmations I was Emma Hamilton. So yeah, Larry did actually know Emma intimately – kinda – he new intimately me as Vivien Leigh who was Emma Hamilton in the past life. I’m also curious to know who was Larry in his past lives now…
They lived in a house with an egg-shaped pool on Cedarbrook Drive and worked with Alex Korda, Walter Reisch and Bob Sherriff on the script for Lady Hamilton.
Almost positive it’s nothing special. Egg reminded me of Doko buildings on Thiaoouba. Cedar brook reminded me of MA. (That house and egg-shaped pool is mentioned again on page 180.)
Page 125. Larry talks about our voyage back home on a ship with 23 total passengers and with German captain. We had nightmares about U-boats taking us hostage.
This reminded me of VL’s role in Dark Journey. The movie ended on a boat. I’ve had movie reflections in my current life and in MA life, so it’s possible some things could have been ‘reflected’ in VL life as well.
Larry describes the moment when VL said ‘I don’t love you any more’.
How affected Larry was is of interest. I might be paying the consequences of errors (obviously I do, but which one corresponds to which situation in my life?) by failing to get a gf. In my VL life I clearly didn’t choose my partners by means of spiritual affinity; apparently, I chose them by appearances (in many senses of the word perhaps), and in my current existence many people rejected me because of my appearance, without trying to get to know me. My throne (accidentally wrote throat instead of throne for some reason) is empty.
Pages 181-182. Larry talks about Caesar and Cleopatra and Antony and Cleopatra and VL being scared…
I had a dream saying VL was Cleopatra, which has at least two meanings. In case of the direct one – who knows at this point – it would be once again interesting that a soul was destined to play itself (in a past life) in a movie and a play.
05.04.2024 – As I’ve written before – yes, I’ve had many more various confirmations I was Cleopatra.
Larry writes about Vivien: “She started to be like a slightly frightened daughter; she was inclined to lean close to me and want me to put my arms round her. This gave me a new kind of happiness; it had very little, if anything at all, to do with passion; it seemed a funny little, child-like, clinging need for protection.”
Maybe it’s not connected but reminded me of MA’s words describing herself:
“Who feels lonely, desperate, and hurt.
Who needs love, comfort, and caring.”
Could be (#psyche-data) related – and I’m aware that the life situation in my MA life could have prompted those feelings and needs as well of course.
I’ll mention here how in my childhood I’d ask mother to care for me and I’d also ask her if she loved me. Could be related to the data in my psyche also and connected to what I wrote in that MA’s poem.
I certainly needed love in my life. But then who doesn’t if even Thiaooubians mentioned love word and its importance?
Larry says Vivien became abnormally nervous about their social reputation. If they were tired to go to a party, Vivien would avidly plough through New York newspapers next morning to see if the absence had been noticed.
And what Larry writes about next.
Lack of (#spiritual-knowledge) and also relates to (#psyche-data). As I said before it felt almost like a suicide to write and publish my book about my life and errors I’d made – but I managed and I felt so relieved to have done it, freeing myself from the chains of other people’s opinions I’d been bearing for so long.
Olivier writes about Vivien receiving suggestions of future appointments with ‘piteous dread’.
(#psyche-data) maybe for, as I remember, I dreaded some doctor appointments also. Reason probably similar too.
Larry then mentioned ‘the tiniest pin-prick of a pupil’ which was discernible in my VL’s eyes.
Mentioned this already. The ‘tiniest’ word proves once more that I somehow had exactly the same pupils at one point in my current life.
Larry writes Vivien at one point in life yielded to a fit of fury with poor Gertrude and tore her breast, hurting her badly.
(#error) obviously. Sad it happened. Also I can’t help but wonder if I paid for that mistake or it’s still ahead of me? In my youth I had an injury mother inflicted on my arm with a fork; it wasn’t deep… MA’s earring was torn from the ear and teeth broken… I don’t know if all that is related or not…
Larry writes Vivien was terrified of needles, hypodermics of any sort.
Connection to MA and me not liking needles/shots.
I didn’t need a lot of sleep in my Vivien’s life. Gertrude once called Vivien ‘not a sleepy baby’. And Olivier saw it as a title for a book about Vivien.
Makes me remember several things. First, while people on Thiaoouba are serious when they need to be, they seem, from what Michel described, playful, and at times even child-like in our opinion (when they flew away and were as if playing).
That said, sometimes I behave like a child but I can also be serious; actually, becoming too serious is one of reasons I had trouble removing all my daydreams long time ago (it was boring and I wanted to have some fun in life also), until realizing I can have a happy attitude to life without daydreaming – just how I choose to think/feel about the events happening around me. (#curious)
This also relates to the coming of age theme in GwtW and in my life.
Larry uses the words ‘sickness’ and ‘permanency’ to describe his opinion about Vivien’s condition, which, he writes, ‘in some cases cured itself spontaneously’.
Said it before, but I’ll say again how in this current life I came to realize the word sickness/illness isn’t correct one to use about mental/psychological issues. They’re results/consequences of our wrong decisions made out of lack of certain knowledge – material, spiritual, or both. That’s why Larry observed how the condition I had in my Vivien’s life cured itself spontaneously. People who read my free e-book Simple Truths of Life know I’ve had pretty much similar cases happen in my current life.
Pages 213-214 talk about Larry’s lack of sleep coz of me (VL).
Page 214. Larry writes: “God help me if she didn’t put on the most devastatingly convincing performance of a calm, sane, normal woman, not even aggrieved to have been brought all this way:…”
I’m certain that Larry meant the best he knew at the time of course. But as I mentioned before, in this life I understood the reason for these issues. In my VL life I also said that people overreacted during the Elephant Walk incident and I’d be okay in several weeks – I believe my old self.
Page 236 talks about the wet towel and lack of Larry’s sleep situation.
Then Larry says that something snapped in his brain, and that even though he remembered what happened, he’d not be able to tell a judge what his intentions were.
Finally, it made me connect another event in my current life. The one when I barely had any sleep from Sberbank’s air-conditioners and I called in the morning to ask them to turn them off for they were working all night. The woman refused and would dare to tell me she switched the switch – so in her mind the air-conditioners were off but they clearly weren’t. Being almost zombie like from not getting sleep and also the noise acting on my brain I snapped and there was mention of the cut throat I dreamed about during that night - the 1 dream out of 3, in which the blonde girl in the theater-like building was shown. It’s as if once again I feel what it’s like to be on the other side of the barricades – confirming my views I had about reincarnation before I found my 2 past lives.
(#curious) (#error)
On the back cover it reads: “…wayward but doomed Vivien Leigh…”
(#psyche-data)
The Oliviers (1953) – Felix Barker
Page 101 speaks of how VL in childhood was cast as a lion who roared and crawled. This reminded me of how in my now current life’s childhood I used to try to road like a lion (my sign too) while lying on mom’s bed in village, trying to learn to pronounce the sound ‘R’. I succeeded in, maybe, hour +/-. (#reflection-life) (might have seen/mentioned this elsewhere)
Then it’s written how the lion (VL) essentially bit Gertrude’s leg. (#error) which might have resulted in the reason my childhood friend’s dog (такса – Кузя) bit my leg during two separate occasions.
05.04.2024 – I was born as Amy Lyon in my Emma Hamilton’s life.
After Finds (Michele Avila)
(NOTE: I’ve eventually received and found enough evidence that I was MA 100%. But when I was researching Missy’s life I didn’t know it yet, and that’s why you’ll often see me write “If I was MA”, etc.)
Here I’ll list the new things I found regarding MA.
Michele Yvette "Missy" Avila (February 8, 1968 – October 1, 1985)
Brothers: Chris, Mark, Ernie
Sister is law: Shavaun
Missy’s Murder book says they lived on Ottoman Street.
(There are public records on the internet showing the exact house; I moved the info to another file.)
Also of note is the look of the house. I expected it have front windows like all other US houses. There’s also a dry tree standing uncut (maybe willow tree MA and K played under?) and it reminds me of my life’s situation with willow tree at our village house. Also, it seems to me, if I was MA, that MA started experiencing the other side of life living in such a house. Of course, book should not be judged by the cover; and maybe it was comfy inside. But I just noting the fact that the current (the year 2023 and earlier, as seen on Google Maps) exterior of the house is nothing like the houses standing nearby.
Then the name ‘Ottoman’ related to Turkey and Natasha was from Turkey. That word - Turkey - played a huge role in my life and whenever I heard it I’d remember Natasha, my decisions and I’d feel… drained of energies, I’d get devastated. An interesting sync; and I wonder again what are the chances all of this has to fall into place and have a strong connection to my current life? I looked through Google Maps in LA to read the street names and I actually couldn’t find any that would feel I have connection to – it just had to be that one street with the house which actually reminded me (but distantly) of my own village house – in the way it looks compared to other houses; also the fact it had many trees around it.
The house I apparently used to live in my past life on Ottoman Street has a fence with planks painted in white, blue and red. Those are the colors of the country I’m living in – Russia – and they are arranged in the same order also.
For now I’ll write here that after I got ignored and then blocked by Shavaun Avila I started to distrust her claims about her psychic experiences. It’s strange that someone who knows he/she’s perceived as crazy by many people and yet knows it’s not so by having personal experiences should badly treat other people with their own unusual experiences. She could’ve answered me briefly, but she chose to do what she did even though I said it’s important to me.
What would be the reason for the lie if it is so? (I not longer 100% believe her, but I won’t think she’s 100% lying also – the following is just a speculation and may be totally wrong).
Well, for some reason it was her who published Michele Avila’s diary on Amazon. It’s her who gets the money. With her ‘light flickering’ and ‘spirits’ videos she could have tried to interest people in Michele Avila’s case so that they buy the book.
She also created 2 groups (why 2?) on Facebook (there’s her email address and not Missy’s brothers for example). So again why is it so important to the person who is sister-in-law to Michele?
The book “Missy’s Diary” which she published (not MA’s bio family) costs >$5 and it provides not a lot of info to casual people (If I was MA then I’m glad I read it). It should’ve been posted for free on Facebook page as a .pdf – at worst it should’ve been selling for $1 on Amazon. So it kinda nudges my suspicions towards that maybe that woman’s intentions aren’t very light, sadly…
Writing this feels so silly, yet I again remember that there’s 99% chance I was MA… so it is kinda important for me to think about… also if true, then once again it shows that I need to be more careful who I trust.
I saw a video where it was mentioned how police had to interview people to get information. I realized that it’s the same thing with my quest – and only the specifics are different. It’s as if those people who ignore and block me would do the same thing when police was trying to investigate a crime so that the criminal can be caught and society is safe from him/her. The society would be safe if the knowledge about reincarnation and the truth of Michel’s book was proved and studied. People would know they’d have to live another life and suffer for their mistakes and evil doings regardless; and so I think many would try to seek peace not violence.
On December 17 I think I found old post by Sh in Remembering a friend FB group. She was writing that she was psychic and didn’t want to sell anything; she did some readings. I need to check into her YT videos. (08.04.2024 – She, or someone else, later deleted that post (but I have a screenshot of it) after I wrote a comment with my suspicions of her and that maybe her ‘precious Missy’ was living in a new body and had found her own past life and was trying to get some info about her old self to learn about reincarnation – so why would ‘psychic’ Shavaun not be at least interested in hearing what I’ve got to say and also give me several simple answers which don’t give out any private information? – Like why in Missy’s life I was afraid of “windy days”, “And the ocean”. For me those facts look like syncs to my Vivien’s life (Gone With the Wind) – and also to the water theme that’s been following me for several lives now (maybe more).)
Honestly, given that I probably was MA and died partially because I trusted wrong people, it’d make sense I now have to learn to see through the [possible] bs and lies of others in order not to repeat the sad history. Maybe it’s the lesson for me which could give me some (#spiritual-knowledge). But again – so far it’s just a possibility.
(08.04.2024. After I wrote that note I did watch Sh’s YouTube channel where she and another woman, Sabrina, talk about the spirits (souls, Astral bodies). https://youtu.be/AqO-Zc36Unk?si=AXhJF-aIz7ehb6hF. Long story short, anyone who knows the truth about what happens after death, the truths about reincarnation – from Thiaoouba Prophecy, for example – will see immediately that the two women are simply lying. Why? The answers are in the video too – it was apparent to me they tried to sell their documentary about my past life and in another video Sh said she also had a book coming – about Missy, of course, and she said it had some ‘new’ information. She also mentioned something about Laura’s will (not the exact word) or something and it actually made me concerned for the person who killed me in the past life…
So, tldr, my concerns were proved to be correct about that woman. I hope the brothers of Missy have nothing to do with her ‘work’…).
***
https://www.behindthename.com/name/yvette
French feminine form of Yves
Diminutives Yveline, Yvonne (French)
There is a photo titled: “Michael Redgrave, Vivien Leigh, Robert Helpmann and Diana Wynyard viewing the under construction site of the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre, Guildford, April 23rd 1964”
https://www.behindthename.com/name/yves
https://www.behindthename.com/name/ivo-1
In Alexander Walker’s book ‘Yvonne’ is mentioned several times.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-murder-of-michele-avila/id1179629560?i=1000412946584
Was listening to a podcast about Missy and saw something. Missy said to Randy she didn’t want to get back with him and then said that Karen shouldn’t be dating him – as the podcaster said she was giving Karen a good advice but she wouldn’t have it; she thought differently. It reflects to some degree my recent situation with that girl Marced from Facebook – I gave her advice several times (about her errors which affected me too because she essentially spread false distorted information about me) but she wouldn’t have it, thinking I mean bad things or whatever – yet I just tried to help the best I could.
If I was Michele too then it’s kinda poetic that I had to live and die in the city of movies – the city in which I once worked as an actress, playing in Gone with the Wind, etc, but also actually sleeping with men who had girlfriends or wives…
The point is this could have happened anywhere but it had to be Los Angeles.
-
During the hearing Karen mentioned Michele would go partying. Just noting VL liked that too, possible (#psyche-data)?
07.04.2024. I’ll mention here that in her book Karen Severson wrote that Lynn (who’s Eva Chirumbolo in reality) “dethroned the queen of her beauty by cutting a section of hair near the top”. Don’t know how true her words are, but she does call Missy a queen, and now it’s clear I (and so Michele Avila) was actually a queen in the past life of Cleopatra.
I’ll note in A Streetcar Named Desire Marlon Brando’s character says at the end to Blanche: “the place has turned into Egypt and you are the Queen of the Nile!”
Maybe it’s nothing, but for the sake of full openness I’ll mention that in the Thiaoouba Prophecy XP group on Facebook a guy, jokingly I’m sure, said I could be a King of some new [spiritual] country or something like that. (His last name is ‘Anthony’, interestingly enough. While on this topic, I’ll add that my childhood best friend’s name is Anton and his mother’s name was Julia. The names relate to Antony and Julius respectively).
-
https://www.facebook.com/MissyAvila68/videos/807370869761757/
(08.04.2024. At the time of writing the below notes (up to the next * sign) I didn’t yet know the sad truths I’d find later about Shavaun. And right now I’m questioning the truthfulness of what the ‘blonde woman’ (Shavaun) said.)
(Ernest and Shavaun Avila)
14:30+ He says they moved to Toluca Lake. It’s in LA, but it’s also a lake in Silent Hill game in I’ve had certain syncs with.
17:-- psychic connection. Irene said she saw the canyons and that Missy is dead.
This is huge because maybe those people won’t think I’m crazy if I ask them some questions and explain briefly my story (can it even be explained briefly?)
17:55 the blonde woman says she heard Missy’s voice say her name. When she opened the bathroom door there was the killer standing right there. Irene walked out of bed and said she heard Missy say the name.
After she says they were doing a seance. She says she took images and there was an orb; when they zoomed into it she says they could see Missy’s face. (08.04.2024. There’s no such photo to be found on their pages or in personal photo albums. You’d think they’d have the photo – as well as the film (assuming they shot the supposed image with a film camera) - analyzed by now by many photo experts.)
22:20 - Scorpions - Lady Starlight was playing on the radio; it was played on Missy’s funeral. She heard it first time in 34 years. So there are some synchronicities present also – maybe they’ll be accepting of my story if I do ask…
*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWGbkV2xWPs
Shavaun pinned a comment to a video. She says the lights in the house started acting up after they found out about Karen Severson’s book, and that they stopped working on February 8, 2013. (08.04.2024. As I said before, I have all the reasons not to believe her. It’s easy to fake the flickering lights too…)
Just noting 2013 was the year I went to see Natasha (whom I couldn’t find, and whose looks reminded me of how Missy looks on the black and white photo.). It was an important year for me.
*
Michele was thrown firecrackers at in a park (read it from Karen’s book today – 10.11.2023 – it’s page 43.). She wasn’t injured. Just remembering it because I read in Dark Star that LO, seemingly, was pointing the fireworks rocket at Peter Finch but changed the direction to launch the rocket into the air. Just a curious similarity; but also quite different because firecrackers and fireworks are not the same.
Dark Star, page 5: When Vivien was born there were fireworks for Guy Fawkes’ Night. On subsequent birthdays Vivien would ask why people were celebrating, and Gertrude would tell her “It’s for your birthday, darling.”
Dark Star, page 208. Susana Walton: “I had the distinct feeling that Larry, while setting off the Christmas fireworks, was pointing a rocket directly at Peter, but reluctantly changed his aim at the last minute and shot the rocket up into the evening air.”
*
In my only attempt to end the struggle I could have experienced to some degree what I might have experienced in MA life if I was her. When my body as if by itself ripped apart the plastic bad in panic and struggle for life… in MA case 2 people prevented that though…
*
Watching one of Mr. Ballen’s newer videos (https://youtu.be/btzFaCuKUjg?si=4tFZ1qVsqD-yRBTZ) I realized that it makes more sense that I decided to continue watching his channel to learn from other people’s mistakes now that I know I had to be MA. Suddenly such ‘far away’ cases as in the linked video feel pretty close to home now that I know I was murdered by my two friends in the past life – and it seems to me I didn’t realize the gravity and danger of the situation till almost the very end when I was held under water.
(04.03.2024 - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MrBallen today I learned that Mr. Ballen was born on October 1, 1988 – which is exactly 3 years after I died in MA’s life! I was also born in 1988.
Also, his name, Jonathan, means "YHWH has given" in Hebrew. And ‘YHWH’ is ‘Thiaoouba’)
*
I was looking at Mission High School pictures and there was a video. It was shot during sunset (I think; or dawn), coloring everything in orange color, and it hit me so much to remember how I’d walk in Moscow during orange sunsets and realizing just how much I wished to go live in sunny California… who knew I already lived that life… which was so early taken from me (for a reason - my errors I had to pay. I do remember that) (Note: might relate to (#psyche-data)
*
People Michele had sex with:
A special boy at Mission High (Karen Kingsbury’s book)
Victor Amaya
Bobby Miller probably (maybe not the real name)
Karen Severson mentioned ‘John’ on page 127 of pdf, but she could have lied. (17:56 Shavaun also mentions Johnny who was Michele’s old bf in this video https://youtu.be/J4lGfkA3psA?si=ELpnNKar3azAGFat&t=1076)
She also said MA slept with Randy (Jimmy). Only Victor is known to be 100% correct.
*
https://youtu.be/mzpIfg2Nk1k?si=lqoi-3Ni5c68ekG9
31:05 Shavaun says Missy barely wore any make up. Probably true. In that case another (#psyche-data)? And connection to me. I thought that some girls give too much attention to make up, hiding the truth behind it, rather than working on developing themselves.
Also, around this time Shavaun says Missy wore simple cloth. Reminded me of my interview in Vivien Leigh life, mentioning no particular care to chasing latest fashion or something in that nature. So again, the spiritual profile matches up.
***
(The below notes are of my mother’s entries in the diary she wrote when I was little)
F:\Art\Writing\0 Vivien Leigh\2 My Childhood Info\Katie verse
When I first saw this verse of my little self I got slight chills. I talk about Katie (parrot) having escaped getting drowned because she could swim and swam to the Kremlin. But before that she screamed for help but there was no one there to help. Knowing I was MA now, that verse seems so reflective of what happened to me in MA life – because I did scream (as Eva testified) before being killed… It’s just so strange of all the topics I had to think about the water which was the reason for my death in the very last life…
(The drawing I did as a child)
There are drawings showing creek or small river, and others showing flowers (which could be daisies). Maybe it’s nothing, but maybe it may relate to the data returning from old soul (astropsychic body if MD is right). Several drawings showing boats. This is unusual for Moscow where I could only see them from movies or photographs.
There’s a verse about a mouse. Reminded me of how in MA life I got bitten by one. There are drawings showing (presumably) mice also. Some show birds and flowers (maybe daisies)
Then mother (Galya) writes I was singing when I was around 2 years old.
At 3 I was already shy. Why? And mom writes I had trouble meeting people (I can only speculate atm if the betrayal of 2 people I thought were friends in the last life somehow contributed to me having trouble making friends?). Also, I recited poems; and at 4 I wrote my own and continued doing it in later years (could be VL and MA related. In my last life I wrote poems and it’s mentioned in Kingsbury’s book)
January, February 1995 (then in 1997) – mother writes we visited filming of «Звёздный Час» (Star Hour). In Missy’s life Lady Starlight was one of my favorite songs, which I asked to play at my funerals in case I’d die.
(Vivien Leigh Info. I’ll write it here so that I know it comes from the same diary my mother had.)
F:\Art\Writing\0 Vivien Leigh\2 My Childhood Infor\left eye closing often.jpg
My mother writes that I often close my left eye. Eventually I had a problem with this eye which sees everything with a blur. In VL life I had an eye patch over my left eye after the quarrel with LO. Again, it could relate to that life, or it could not. If it does then why I didn’t have eye issues in my MA life?
Mother writes that I’d often wake up early – at 5 in fact. This reminded me of my VL life in which I didn’t sleep a lot.
Mother writes Anton talked a lot while I talked a little (but Anton was always talking a lot). She also writes I steered away from strangers while Anton would talk to anyone; once strangers are gone I’d start sing and go wherever I wanted. I wonder why I got so shy after 2 knows lives I lived (shyness, as I discovered, has a lot to do with a person spending way too much time in his mind. Another question would be why I was focusing on my inner world more than on the reality around me)? Before that my mom mentioned a streetcar and me saying «Дзинь» (the bell sound) upon seeing it. Later mom writes I’d start liking being around people.
Mother then writes that I was saying something like «ба», «ва» - вода (water) while pointing at the shower. Maybe it’s nothing, but I was killed in water in the very last past life. Later, on another page, mother says it herself – I was afraid to bath and would start crying; she also writes I’d undress and lie naked – I was a bit more than 2 years old then. She also mentions I liked water and playing in it too – it was купание (bathe, bathing) I was afraid of.
Then mother writes about my mischievousness. She writes I’d demand something, cry and wince, while looking with one eye – what is the reaction like. This reminded me so much of Scarlett O’Hara at 2:24:00 into the movie! Of course, it also reminded me of how it was said that during the production of ‘A Yank at Oxford’ my antics were seemingly paying dividends. (#reflection-life)
20.06.1991 - Later ma says I was playing a dog, copying them.
18.08.1991. Ma writes I was stubborn. If I wanted something – I demanded it, crying, knowing that by crying I could get ‘anything’. Another lack of (#spiritual-knowledge-?) linking me to my Vivien Leigh life (antics and dividends)
Later ma says I said I had headache (she wondered if I lied), and then I had hysterics, trying to tear my mouth. It’s another (#psyche-data) related link to my VL life.
14.12.1991 – ma writes I played a theatre at home. I cut out some figures of kolobok, bear, wolf, grandpa and grandma. Can be a link to VL life (and poems to MA life)
13.03.1992 – ma writes again I was kind afraid of other children. I played near them but alone. It’s a regular theme which she mentioned before. I was around people in VL and MA life; I wonder (again) if so called ‘friends’ – Karen and Laura – killing me had something to do with this psychology? I mean, I must have realized something during those last minutes of my life? It was also traumatic experience I’m sure, being betrayed… I did change school to be near that Karen… and then, minutes before my death, I knew who she was – I must have realized the truth of Sonya’s words that it was Karen who lied them about me so that they’d beat me up for ‘nothing’ (well, some error was clearly made by me since I suffered). (#psyche-data)? Those events could have potentially led me to be wary of people (strangers) – but then I was seemingly okay with friends I knew…
Ma often writes the dog Дик (Dick) and some others (?) as my friends. Of course, Sergey, Denis, Ira, Lena were also my friends already. Just noting this as dog theme is one of links between this life and VL’s. (08.04.2024 – There are 2 portraits of Emma Hamilton with 2 dogs too)
5.1.1993 – mother writes down my poems. There are mentions of daisies, water and death. It’s clear I had a childish mind then based on the content of poems.
At the end mother writes when she was crying because Tanay offended her, I came over to her and asked something, getting her attention off the negative thing. Then she writes I’d ask if mother loved me – «Мама, ты меня любишь?» This reminded me of MA’s last words to her mother – ‘Mom, I love you!’ (08.04.2024 – getting attention off the negativity also relates to an episode in my Vivien’s life when I did a similar thing)
12.2.1993 Mother writes I started ‘dancing’. Jumping, waving hands, and sings ta-ta-ta.
25.06.1994 – mother writes that 9 of May – Sergey in drunken madness tried to kill her in front of me. She writes I started stammering after that and couldn’t say a word. This is the time father buys land in our village – 3 houses away from ours.
Don’t think anything significant happened on this date in my other lives I know. Just that in VL life: ‘9 May: opens with Olivier in Romeo and Juliet in New York. Play closes within two weeks.’
23.03.1995 – ma writes I felt something was wrong (with speech). Asked if it’d go away.
--.12.1995 – Mom writes I liked school. Had 4s and 5s. Possible connection to past life.
16.1.97 – after writing down some of my poems (the content of some raises questions in me about my old little self), ma writes that I liked to talk to her in the evenings. I mentioned it as a possible connection to my MA life, in which I had night talks with my mother also.
5.11.1997 (bd of Vivien Leigh) – Mother writes she tried to poison herself. Depression. “We (she and I) are not needed on this Earth. There’s nothing for us…”, she writes, “it’s best for us to ---…” (08.04.2024 – As far as poison goes, maybe relates to my life of Cleopatra…)
At one point I saw a possible connection to VL going to LO and leaving daughter behind. My father went to Marina (or he thought so) and left me and mother behind. Can be me suffering for that (#error) but it should be noted that in MA life father also eventually left the family – but at least he was around for many years.
--
1950. 2000 COLDWATER CANYON DRIVE - BEVERLY HILLS Producer Charles K. Feldman let the Olivier's stay here at his home while they were in Los Angeles filming. Vivien was working on "A Street Car Named Desire" and Olivier was making "Carrie".
-
‘Missy Loved White Top.png’
“Stacey Manfull Glink
I remember the top Missy is wearing like it was yesterday. She loved it so much. And of course it looked great on her. Xoxo”
Maybe another synchronicity. Kiara Madisen on YT wore a similar (? At least it reminded me of her) top and I liked her in it – of course, in my male eyes. Generally, I like such tops on women. (#curious)
I’ll also mention that Kiara and Michele studied or wanted to study human physiology.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2359256/?ref_=tt_mv_close
Deadly Women S4E18 - about MA.jpg
This episode about MA aired on January 13 2012. It was Friday. This comes as no big surprise because at this day and month, but in different years I:
1) Signed contract to make Gone With the Wind
2) Approached Marina in Moscow when I was 28, and it marked the end of my 14-year period of going down in my life. (#curious)
https://www.timeanddate.com/date/durationresult.html?d1=1&m1=10&y1=1985&d2=30&m2=07&y2=1988
There are 1033 days between the day of my death in Missy’s life and my current birthday.
Or there are 33 months and 29 days.
https://www.timeanddate.com/date/durationresult.html?d1=1&m1=10&y1=1985&d2=11&m2=12&y2=1987
If Michel Desmarquet is correct about souls inhibiting embryo at 6 weeks of pregnancy, and assuming I was born at around 9-th month, then there could be some numeric synchronicities also – but without knowing exactly how long my mother’s pregnancy lasted it’s a guess work.
*
There’s a photo of Missy and a girl named Kim standing near Sheldon Street.
Sidney Sheldon was one of the first authors whose book I read after starting learning English.
Moreover, “If Tomorrow Comes”, published in 1985, at least partially (don’t remember the plot) took place in New Orleans – the city where the events of A Streetcar Named Desire take place.
“Tell Me Your Dreams” is about split personalities – something which could be related to reincarnation, meaning the hypothesis here is that maybe people who have this disorder manifest their own selves from their own past lives. (08.04.2024 – I know now I was Mary Magdalene, from who 7 ‘demons’ were driven out. It’s logical to assume I had 7 psychological issues, and I’m speculating if I could have multiple personalities numbering 7, but people of those days thought that to be a demonic possession? As mentioned before, at one point I felt I was becoming Vivien Leigh – my old self – but I recognized what was happening and took things easy… but how did I know what was going on and what I needed to do? If I’m correct about Mary and 7 multiple personalities, it could explain why I later even got the idea that maybe those personalities are manifestations of who we were in our past lives… If so, one of those split identities might have been Cleopatra, interestingly enough…)
(READ) Missy’s Diary
(Page numbers are actual from the book)
Doing the things I do I need to remember about confirmation bias. I have to be careful with my conclusions.
On page 1 (Wednesday, August 30, 1978) MA writes she went to Las Vegas on 20th august 1978.
Then MA says she got bit by a mouse which she picked up; she and her friend felt sorry for it (mouse).
Later MA writes her mam and grandma took her to ER. Of interest here is that MA writes she hated shots – it can be interpreted as being afraid of needles. It’s a (#psyche-data); actually in my VL life I got shots during the Elephant Walk situation and later David Niven called VL Missie when he described that incident.
Page 3. At 2 went to diary(?), at 4 went to park
On page 4 MA mentions water several times; and the fact she was swimming with her friend in friend’s pool. They also played barbies.
Page 8: she says she played cards with her brother. Of course, many people play them. But VL did do it also. Just as many people watch TV
Page 9 says MA’s friend is Karen. So, it was her pool they hang out at. Just a note about pools. In VL life I liked swimming and just yesterday (December 10, 2023) I downloaded colored photos of VL and some of them showed old me near pools or in the pool. But again, by itself it’s nothing substantial.
While on this topic I will mention that my village neighbors – Vova’s parents – discussed plans/wishes/dreams to create a pool at the back of their plot. It never happened, and it’s actually so bizarre to hear about pools in such a climate; also Natasha – my cousin’s daughter – had a plastic pool in her backyard in Lakibrovo. But it’s just interesting if that episode has some connection to these other pool episodes in my past life(lives).
Page 10 says MA watched TV for a long time. Again, many people do, but then I did also and it was a big part of my life; also Missie (VL) is also mentioned to have stared at TV static during the Elephant Walk situation. Maybe nothing of course, just noting.
Of course, the fact MA had a diary, and so did VL, and I also wanted to write from early childhood, is kinda interesting. There are many people who write down their events but not all.
MA asked her mom again if Karen could sleep over – ‘no’ was the answer. If I was MA then there could be connection to VL’s parties which of course included friends who would sleep at their house. But then again, I saw Williams from Ghost Hunters mention something about sleep overs in her twitter – maybe that thing is common in US. But still, it requires a person to have desire to have someone stay at their house.
Also, I’ll note here how I thought to bring Anton to village but for some reasons it never came to be. Partially because we had an old house and I think he’d be miserable without Moscow’s easy to use sinks and toilets. Also, there were not enough beds anyway. But the point is I did have a desire and it is a type of possible connection between VL, MA and myself.
Page 11. I’ll note MA – even though she was 10 – writes a lot about the same thing: watering, going to Karen, swimming, watching tv, playing cards, eating, writing diary. It actually in a way may relate to me; when I started a diary I also realized I write about the same thing so I stopped and only try to write unique entries of actual value and importance now.
Page 12. Had to go water at 6:30. This actually reminded me how I also had to water plants (strawberries, lettuce, etc.) in our village’s garden in the evenings. But then many of my other friends did the same thing.
P 15. I’ll just note MA liked and was able to swim. In VL life I was able to swim quite good apparently and enjoyed it too.
P 17: night swimming. VL once night swam in the Australian ocean for long hours.
P 19. It was September 4, 1978. MA says she played Monopoly with her brother.
P 25-26. MA talks about going to the beach with someone whose names I couldn’t read. She took a shower after. Nothing of obvious importance; it just reminded me of how we went to the lake and took a shower after because the water was from a swamp and not very clean.
P 32. Just noting both VL and MA had to go to other people’s houses to swim in a pool.
P 33: MA says she doesn’t like school. Technically there is some connection to my VL life I think. As for me I think I’d like school if it wasn’t for my stammer.
The verdict is that even though MA was 10 and that’s understandable, I wish she’d write only the unique events in her life. But there’s still something to learn about her and if it will be clear I was her then I could draw certain conclusions.
There are 33 pages total in the book, but that’s including the cover. So, it’s 32 total pages.
(READ) Karen Kingsbury - Missy's Murder
(currently I 100% sure I was Michele Avila; thanks to syncs and the dream in which I sw myself as MA in the mirror and then I saw VL; and some other dreams I had since)
As before, I’ll write down all the things I spot – no matter how small or silly they may seem. Also I hope the information I quote is accurate and I don’t lead myself into a wrong direction (similar to movie Memento, but different in specifics)
09.04.2024. Recently it’s been reconfirmed again I was (and so was Missy) Cleopatra, Mary Magdalene, Hypatia, [someone named Jade; nothing else is known about that life as of this date], Emma Hamilton, Vivien Leigh, and Michele Avila. Knowing this many things described about Missy’s life - the weather changes on the day of my death, how the detective Catherine treated that case, etc. - make a lot more sense now. And believe me, I don’t wish to sound or look entitled, important, etc., but those were my lives and what am I supposed to do if certain [big, unusual, extraordinary, etc.] events keep happening to me because of the decisions I made in them? Since I’m interested in knowing how the Universe works, and in this case reincarnation, I have to report all of my thoughts, ideas and theories. I can’t hide or be silent because of a possibility some people will think I’m lying, crazy, or whatever else – it would be a mistake to turn my back on this important experience and research I’m doing.
Actually, it makes sense now that in my current childhood I saw that yellow entity near my house. That episode is one of main reasons I got interested in UFOs, ghosts, etc., and, in part, thanks to that interest I eventually found Thiaoouba Prophecy. I’m almost certain now Thiaooubians were responsible for that experience (Yellow Entity) so that I’d find their book written by Michel Desmarquet, and eventually find my past lives – in one of which I was Mary Magdalene…
What this whole experience of my [current] life has in store for me – I do not know… Time will tell.
)
[
CINDY SILVERIO is actually Eva Chirumbolo
Steven (Eva’s bf) is Johnny
Michael is Randy
Tina must be Sonya (might also not be the real name). (Noting that Tina was a character in the first Nightmare on Elm Street movie)
Jimmy Mitchell is Randy (Noting Margaret Mitchell)
Andrea is Stephanie, Karen’s daughter
Christy Crawford is probably Tammy
]
Michele’s mom name is Irene. Dad’s Ernie, which is Diminutive of Ernest. VL dad’s name was Ernest.
Missy was drowned in a creek/brook/stream. My first internet provider was called ‘Стрим/Stream’. And obviously there’s a connection to Ophelia. Also, in VL life I made love with LO almost in front of his wife Jill.
Cover (Page 1): BONDFIRE BOOKS.
One of my email (and maybe nicknames) had ‘Bond’ in it.
Opening page, describing what happened to Missy’s body after several days of decomposition… it was difficult to read this page, knowing now it was my old body…
Catherine Scott was the homicide detective. She carried the lock of Missy’s hair while the murder was unsolved.
I’ll just note that several people named Катя (Catherine) have played some big roles in my life. I don’t know if the name is real, but then I did have syncs with IT and Nightmare (fictional movies), so it doesn’t matter too much for now.
Unusually, the Santa Ana winds started blowing in the Valley on October 1, 1985. Generally, the winds come later in the month, and occasionally even in November.
Ana is pretty much similar to Anna, the name which followed me in my life. It was thanks to a girl called Anna that I discovered A Streetcar Named Desire play/movie, leading me eventually to finding my past lives.
Smog reminded me of the mist/fog in GWtW, but maybe it’s nothing of course.
But it’s interesting that the winds started blowing on that date… actually, only now do I see just how much it reminds me of the movie which meant so much to me in my past life - ‘Gone With the WIND’… (#curious)
Also, I know from later pages that in MA life I was afraid of windy days…
After finishing her math homework earlier, her English teacher read Missy’s poem aloud as an example of descriptive writing.
As I said before, I wanted to learn to write from a highly early age (at or before 5?) when I was in village.
The name of Missy bf is Bobby. Reminded me of Bobby Briggs from Twin Peaks, the movie which recently proved to be so, so similar to my soul’s recent life (Vivien, Missy, me)… just like Mulholland Drive. Of course, the real name was probably changed.
“I just can’t do it. Laura’s counting on me.” Said Missy. Missy was loyal. She never stood up a date with Bobby. She made a promise to Laura and she was gonna stick to it.
In VL life I’d usually be on time for work and rehearsals in theater etc. Of course, I also try to be on time if others could be waiting. Loyalty and sticking to promises connects to me also. (#psyche-data)?
According to Irene, Missy had loving spirit and happy, care-free heart.
(#psyche-data)
Missy, and her brother, had night talks with Irene for several years.
In my childhood I’d call my mother to talk to me about different things before going to sleep. It was usually quite dark in the room (with maybe just the tv and kitchen light reflecting from the walls). (#curious) (#reflection-life)
Missy was 4 feet 11 and 90 pounds.
Next the book says about MA beauty, freedom, friendship with mother, and jealousy from others. Just recently I’ve noticed similarities in facial features of my past 2 lives. There may have been jealous people in my life too (maybe still are because of my TP experiences…) This theme might have been a part of my soul’s life for some time…
Page 18 mentions Irene and her tennis shoes. It was the day of Missy’s death.
In VL life I watched Wimbledon on the day of my death. Here’s the tennis theme is showing itself again during the day of the death of my next physical body. And Thao said ‘Look!’ during a tennis match – it was showing 33 on the tennis court’s clock. (#curious)
Irene preferred working at home than at an office.
It’s about Irene, not Michele. But still reminded me of how I preferred working at home rather than working in an office.
Missy wanted to help Laura get over her breakup with Vic, and maybe even help them get back together.
As mew I tried to help the village friend even though by that time he’d been calling me ‘пёс’ because of my stuttering. Somehow, I still forgave him… (#spiritual-knowledge)
They said Missy was too trusting.
Missy wanted everyone to like her.
Either (#psyche-data) or possibly lack of (#spiritual-knowledge) because in this life at times I felt the same – I as if wanted everyone to like me and that was actually one of reasons for why it was so darn difficult at first to reveal the truth about my Thiaoouba related experiences for I knew that many would think I’m crazy. After that I once found myself realizing that I literally wanted for some reason (now becoming to reveal itself) absolutely everyone to treat me nicely – that was impossible I realized too; then I realized the truth about those others having to suffer for their errors if they laugh or think I’m crazy without checking out the evidence I provide. So eventually I started to care less and less about other people’s opinions.
Actually, this is another connection to my syncs with IT and Nightmare; the finally revealed theme of that experience of mine was about fear of what other people think of me – do they like me, do they hate me, do they laugh at me, etc.
Hours before death, Missy took a shower. When the phone rang, she ran dripping wet into the kitchen to answer it.
I decided to check my entry in the diary about the dream I had on November 7, 2023.
I was a somewhat dark-skinned girl in it, and when I was walking outside, I turned around and said “I love you, mom!” to the emptiness of the 2nd floor of the house. Those actions and words are pretty much what I did and said in MA life on the day of my death. But there’s more. I noted in my diary how I started to get sick – and I did become sick for several days. The reason for that was me opening windows to let a bit of fresh air in not long ago after I took shower; it was unusually humid inside and I started sweating; it was about 10-11 degrees C outside so I thought I’d be okay if I lay covered in bed with just my head exposed to the cool, light and smooth winds resulted from air movement.
I find it (#curious) I took shower shortly after my death and in this next life I have a dream about that past life when I start to get ill from getting a shower and opening windows to let the fresh air in.
The girls drove to Stonehurst Park to do a few lines of cocaine.
Sad. But also reminded me of one time I confused cocaine for a hallucinogen, having no experience or care for this awful thing in this life, and I wrote my mistaken message in a group about astral voyage, warning others about the dangers of hallucinogens to the astral body/soul. One guy took it way too close to heart, even though I admitted I got the drugs confused but the main point is correct, and he even threatened to kill me I think. He got banned and blocked quickly of course.
May connect somehow to Beverly Hills tv show and Kelly Taylor too (when I saw her do the white thing it brought up some strange and uncalled for attraction in me…)
Reminded me of Twin Peaks also once more.
Page 24 or 25. At the end there are mentions of the wind. Also, it was around 11 o’clock when Irene began to cry…
Page 26 starts chapter 2, which talks about Irene. I must say I can see certain similarities between her morality and life and mine (both in Evgeny’s and Vivien’s life).
I used to think if I were to have children would they be spiritual people because of my experiences and knowledge thanks to Thiaoouba? Of course, it would depend on how I’d teach and raise them, but also on life’s factors beyond my control (their fate, karma, etc.).
So far, I’m not surprised Irene was my very last past life’s mother. She seems similar to me in some crucial aspects.
Irene was 26 when she got pregnant. She had nausea and headaches. She’d had miscarriage before and doctors ordered strict bed rest from the 7-th month on. Irene had a feeling that getting through the 8-th month would mean the baby would survive. The delivery was very complicated, with doctors fearing that both mother and the child could die. They called Michele Missy from the beginning.
Sadly, no mention if MA was born a bit early. It had to be ~36 weeks or, according to Michel Desmarquet, Vivien Leigh could not have been born as MA. (09.04.2024 – but clearly I was born as MA, so it’s either Michel is correct and the pregnancy lasted 8 months, or Michel is not correct when he says the Astral body starts inhibiting the embryo when it’s 6 week old. He wrote it in his other book Nature’s Revenge, which was not ‘dictated’ by Thao, and so after so many years since his journey to Thiaoouba Michel could have misremembered certain details.)
Also 26. That was the age in VL life when Oscar was won for Scarlett role in GWtW, and all the rest has followed.
.
November 1, 2019. The image was posted congratulating Irene with 80th bd.
So, Irene was born in 1939 (the year of GWtW).
Missy is 4 months old. Irene is told by a doctor to feed her daughter more because she was so tiny. Missy is 8 months old and it’s clear to Irene Michele would remain smaller than her peers.
Missy learned to crawl, boy-fashion, and with a toy truck in hand. She’s be playing outside with her brothers in the mud too. But there were also moments when Missy was all little girl, smiling coyly at her brothers, tilting her head and flirting.
Confirms my ideas and theories that both males and females have the same range of self-identifications or feelings (self-perception is maybe a more accurate word) about who they are, and it’s the environment that mostly affects how each person will think of themselves. Of course, the data from our psychological body(ies), spiritual knowledge, can influence that also.
The last sentence is of great interest to me. First of all, coyly means shy.
Second of all ‘tilting’ of head is the similarity I first noticed between me and Vivien Leigh when I had no idea I was her, but that head tilt of VL on imdb page did make me think in the back of my head ‘what if?’ Especially since during that time I had a habit of tilting my head also. (#curious) if this is not a coincidence then it could relate to the astropsychic body (if my theory is correct about that body. Meaning Michel D. was correct in his Nature’s Revang book and some part of the 19% electrons do rejoin our astral body when we are born in a new physical body. So I speculate if the data from our past lives still present [I assume] in those electrons does affect somehow the astropsychic body; by populating it with some data for example)
Irene’s brother about Missy: “She’s going to be a real heartbreaker when she grows up. You can see it in her eyes. You’re going to have your hands full.”
That’s who I was in VL life, sadly. This time it was my fate to pay the penalty for heartbreaking – clearly, I mean the broken hearts of women whose boyfriends/husbands I took away and/or slept with (Leigh Holman, Larry, Peter Finch, etc). It’s interesting that MA’s uncle noticed that connection between Michele Avila and heartbreaks.
.
Then it’s said how Irene realized Missy would really grow up one day, falling in love, marrying, and leaving home. Irene knew she’d be with the broken heart, and she prayed the day wouldn’t come too soon.
Firstly, it reminded me of me in VL life believing if you wish something hard it will come true. Secondly, reminded me of the phrase ‘be careful what you wish for’; unforeseen consequences may be not what you expect them to… as sadly was in our case. Thirdly, there could be a set up here for future lives in which maybe Irene’s soul and mine would live together again and this time there will be a wedding (me having learned from my past errors and suffering resulted from them)
Missy swallowed a bathroom cleaner and had to be rushed into a hospital. One of the doctors said: “…Her lungs were partially collapsed and she was getting very little oxygen when you brought her in. But we cleared the poison from her system and gave her an antihistamine for the swelling in her throat…”
18 months old Missy drank a bottle of bathroom cleaner apparently. Obviously, the connection here is the situation relating to lungs.
09.04.2024. Knowing I was Cleopatra, this makes me wonder if the rumors about Cleopatra poisoning people to test poisons are true (Some say it could have been pro-Octavian propaganda). If so, that incident with Missy could have been a suffering for a very old error. What seems obvious here is that during that event I didn’t suffer for the error I’d done in those 18 months. What could I have possibly known about the dangers of some bottle’s contents in 1.5 years of age? It may be of interest to note that in this instance in order for me to [potentially] pay the penalty for the old error from my other life, another person, Irene, had to make an error also by not having Missy in sight all the time.
It may be of interest to note in this life I’d often get food poisoning. And there were at least a couple of instances when I couldn’t recover for a long time (days); but this could be attributed to my stubbornness not to clean the stomach by drinking a lot of water to get rid of the poison one way or another.
Missy lived on Ottoman Street. Mark and Chris Avila had been to a barbecue on October 1.
Ottoman street is connected to Natasha from Turkey (which was Ottoman Empire before). Michele Avila’s black and white photo reminded me of how Natasha looked. I searched for other streets in LA and would find not a single street name which would resonate with me. So, this experience is once again not just a coincidence. (#curious)
Also, I’ve noticed ‘barbecue’ which reminded me of GWtW first scenes but perhaps it’s just a coincidence.
Page 34: 3 A.M.
Missy was with a faster crowd, meaning she could have partied, drank, etc.
Possible (#psyche-data) connection to my VL life in which I clearly liked partying.
Page 41 starts Chapter 4. The tings mentioned on first several pages may somehow relate to GWtW – in terms of people of color and how they were (maybe are to some degree – I don’t live in US now to know from the personal experience the details about the subject) treated. Actually (#curious) bits of information in that chapter, showing me yet again there are multiple interconnections between my lives – and the same is the case for other souls of course.
Missy was beautiful and people noticed it.
Interesting to note VL was beautiful and me also (at least several people said so) until I started to go bald and got a scar on my lip.
Missy looked forwards to the first day of school.
In this life due to stammer I felt kinda uneasy to go to school. But by contrast when I was not having issues with my speech I actually enjoyed going to school to the point I was looking forward to waking up for school. During my English classes, which I took when I was 19, I thought to myself how I’d enjoy school if only there was no stammer in my life… possible (#psyche-data)
A teacher: “Missy seems to be very popular with the other children. She, well, the boys love chasing her and showing off for her and the girls all want to be her friend.”
Reminds me of VL life… and about what I thought my current life could have been if only I didn’t have my speech problems, making me become shy and then outright afraid to talk…
Missy didn’t like life to be unfair. She became friends with Karen, who, from what is written, it seems like not many wanted to play with.
(#spiritual-knowledge) based on the fact I tried helping the friend from village who was calling me bad word coz of my stammer. Also, there was that talk when I said some wisdom I knew withing me and my father said I was not like him. In VL life I was friendly too, but also made some mistakes.
Karen’s parents bought a house after 8 years of saving money. They bought the house on Nagle Street, which ran into Ottoman Street. Missy Avila was 8 then.
Page 52 talks about Karen’s tactics to get what she wanted. They include lying.
The info which is written next about Karen’s tactics is of big interest also. I fell for her lies apparently, and that cost me my life. In this life I’d fall for scams also – although sometimes it happened due to some synchronized events forcing me to make certain decisions I wouldn’t do otherwise – I suspect it’s one way life will make us suffer for our own old errors no matter what.
Also, the next page is of interest too when I think that it was the very next life I lived after being Vivien Leigh.
Missy was adored by her brothers. Karen created 3 of her own (in her mind).
This actually reminded me of how I met that Katya girl in Sokolniki. She painted fairy wings to her photograph and that’s a sync with VL playing Titania.
But that girl also invented, as it became clear later, husband, children, and whoever else. When I realized something is off, I decided it was time to go. But I still tried to help her later. (#reflection-life)
Noting 20s in chapter 6:
The stream was 20 yards wide, and never deeper than a foot or two.
20 is mentioned several times in relation to 2 people who found my body (Robert Sanders and Jim Rutledge)
The 20-mile winding trip up to the mountains.
Robert, Jim, and Libershal waited for police for the long 20 minutes.
Rutledge: “Dick, it’s a body. Do you see it? Over there under the log. I’m serious. It’s a body.”
ROBERT SANDERS and Jim Rutledge are their names as written at the beginning of the chapter. For some reason Jim calls Robert ‘Dick’ and not ‘Bob’. There was a dog named ‘Дик’ (Dick) in my village. He was always around our house – especially when my father would come to visit us, bringing Dick some food also. Dick even traveled with us to Lakibrovo (nearby village) once – as was depicted in my niece’s video she recorded back then. Anyhow, I don’t know if the names are real or not.
I’ve got a habit of crossing my legs – left leg over the right one. I think I got a bruise from it on my left leg near the bottom. There’s a crime scene photo, showing Missy being pinned down by a huge log and the crossed legs are visible, and it appears it was the same left leg over the right one (it’s in reverse when you face down)
Before meeting each other, both Karen and Missy longed for a sister.
Reminded me of how I wanted a brother in early childhood. Even had a dream about it, but it was a weird type of dream… the brother was tiny – about the size of a match -, and I think made of plasticine. I think I broke him by accident and felt awful because of that…
Karen was bitter about Missy’s high grades and constant praise from teachers. Eventually Karen was crazy with jealousy in regards to Missy’s looks.
As I mentioned before I might have had good grades (I’ve had 4s mainly and not 5s) if stutter didn’t take so much of my energy and thoughts. And I think that in early years of school some teachers also praised me for either good grades, good behavior, or maybe both – don’t remember exactly now.
At the age of 13 Missy’s body developed curves and caused males to stop and stare at her.
13 years is when I started having sex drive and made my first error – masturbation instead of searching for a gf (fear of speech had overtaken me by that time).
Page 61. At the end there’s a story about girls sleeping with the same guy at a party. Maybe those girls told MA what went down at the party and then MA told Karen… probably this is what happened – I doubt MA was present at the party and knew about it from personal experience… otherwise there’d probably be a note about it in the book. (actually, at page 64 it says MA was virgin and friends knew it)
Missy: “Mom, its not easy to tell you this. Karen is six weeks pregnant. She told me she wants to have the baby.”
Just noting that Michel Desmarquet wrote in Nature’s Revenge it was at the age of six weeks that the Astral body was to start inhabiting the embryo.
(After Irene says about Karen having the option to give the child up to adoption)
Missy: “I know. I think she knows, too, but she says she wants to keep the baby and raise it. We’re going to be so different now, Mom. She’s not old enough to be a mother and what about high school? What about dating guys? We have so much ahead of us.”
‘What about dating guys?’ part is I’m afraid a sign of another connection to my Vivien Leigh life in terms of some lack of (#spiritual-knowledge) I had at the time I said those words. Now, after much suffering and learning, I realize that it’s best to find a pair who is of similar spiritual affinity and with whom you have love, and you know you want to live together and have children in case of pregnancy.
Of course, dating doesn’t mean having sex sometimes. But still, it is implied, I think, in the way I say it in MA life – e.g. dating guys in plural.
So currently I think people should get to know each other before having sex. That would take care of many problems – including diseases.
Later it says Missy was 14 and very close to losing her virginity. But the thought of going all the way scared her.
14. A very important age/number for me. I fell in love at first sight at this age. If there was no stammer maybe I’d have a gf at this age too for sex drive showed itself at 13.
Time of 2:44 PM is mentioned. I used to see/notice 33 a lot. Some time after finding my past life of VL I started seeing 53 (the age I died at in that life). I’d also constantly see other numbers during various periods, including 44 I believe.
It was 3:30 PM when Detective Catherine Scott and Lieutenant Ed Emerson came to the crime scene.
It was almost exactly 4 days (but from what I understand, 4 days since Missy said the final words to Irene – “I love you”. The murder itself happened some time after.)
Then it’s described in the book what the consequences of the log lying on top of my past life’s body for 4 days were like…
It’s not quite easy to read these things about my old body… thankfully I was prepared by life several months ago when I had to look at Black Daliah photos and then saw dead Sharon Tate – I had to look after a video on YouTube showed Black Daliah’s dead body without warnings… it was fight or flight situation and I decided to man up – after all it’s life and some people have to deal with these things all the time (it’s their work).
Anyway, about the arched look. I don’t know if it’s related or not to my past dead body somehow, but due to small space in my room I had to constantly sit not straight and I noticed the arch in my spine going a bit sideways. It’s awful. I might suffer for this life’s errors of not thinking well about the consequences to my body, and maybe the past errors are at play here also… given the noise was and is still at play, guiding the way the furniture HAS TO BE arranged in my room…
Page 70. The last paragraph says the woman detective was 5 feet 10, which is 1.77 meters – pretty much my height in this current body. I found her story also of interest; she was beautiful and smart, and sought a different job – “seeking something more adventurous than secretarial work”. I mean, she had to investigate the murder of Michele Avila who was the famous actress Vivien Leigh in the past life… I’m not surprised there’s a special story behind the detective who took the case. (10.04.2024 – since then I’ve found several more of my past lives, as you know by now, and my conclusions have been reinforced even more. Actually, NOW it makes a LOT more sense the detective, Catherine Scott, would have a special story to tell about her life.)
Also I can’t help but remember now how I decided I didn’t want to spend my life in the office and went to search something else for myself… it was the secretary named Natasha (different person from my niece or from Natasha who looked somewhat similar to Michele Avila) who played a role in me deciding that I don’t want to spend time in the office too.
As I keep reading about the detective, I can’t help but see new resemblances across my three lives (Vivien, Missy, me) – my soul’s progression.
.
Catherine Curtis knew she wasn’t a slut or a whore…
I don’t wish to say badly about myself in VL life, but the things I did kinda point to those two words… and in this life, as I mentioned before, I came to the conclusion people need to know each other and be sure they want to live together and have kids in case of pregnancy before having sex (marriage has little to do with it being just a custom).
Then her story has some similarities to what I experienced in Vivien’s life during my marriage to Leigh Holman. We were both determined to follow our dreams despite our husbands having other ideas.
So again no surprises this woman worked on my case.
Kingsbury speculates Missy must have tried hard to free herself from the attackers.
Sadly, I might know from experience a portion of what I might have experienced in those final moments. I mentioned that thing elsewhere. It concerns a bag and is connected to me in VL life playing 4 characters who had to deal with ending of their own life to some degree.
Then I wonder if that tragedy had something to do with the fact I tried to stay clear from fights in this life? In fact I was even afraid of them
Missy was 4 feet 11, weighted 97 pounds, had brown hair and Brown (?) eyes.
Don’t know why Karen writes brown eyes when they’re green.
Anyway, I hope the information about the weight is correct. It’s 44 kilograms.
There were no drugs or alcohol found in Missy’s body. Just a 0.03% alcohol reading.
Missy’s father would bring her a candy or a toy. He’d remark about her pretty hair and long dark eyelashes.
My mother would say I had long eyelashes too. Recently I’ve noticed other similarities between my 2 past bodies (Vivien & Michele).
Also, my father in this life would also bring sweats and other things pretty much whenever he’d visit us.
Missy’s 14. Her father leaves the family. The separation angered and confused Michele.
About separation between Ernie Sr. and Irene, which affect MA. Maybe there’s some connection to VL life in which Suzanne lived almost without her mother. In this life I lived mostly with my mother only. Clearly, I’m still paying the penalty for some mistake, and it probably has to do with not taking a good care of my children in my past life or lives.
Page 86 talks about MA switching schools and her grades tanking. As I said in sync video the similar thing happened to me after 9th grade.
MA bought a black biker jacket and started listening to heavy metal rock music.
It reminded me of how I wanted to buy a similar jacket also at one point.
Missy describes herself as ‘Impatient’. I in VL life was often described as impenitent and it describes me also. (#psyche-data)
MA also writes she ‘fears Big roller coasters, windy days. And the ocean.’
Missy loved the ocean when she was a little girl. Then she got caught in a strong undertow. She had nightmare she’d drown [in the ocean] after that incident.
So that explains it. In my VL life I could swim in the ocean for hours apparently. MA loved the ocean as a little girl – loved – so this one checks out. Also, I have had some fear of deep water and ocean is certainly falls under the definition. Might be related. (Found a reflection in GWtW)
Also, that dream might be considered the true dream in 2 regards. 1) It could have been prophetic since MA was drowned. 2) If my theory about Titanic is correct, then the dream could also show the past – but I give little chance to this right now. Regardless, I’ve had numerous true (prophetic and at least 1 telling about the past; 10.04.2024 – I’ve had a lot of dreams telling small pieces of truths about the past and about the Universe.) dreams;
As for wind I can only think about Gone With the Wind. I also remember one peculiar episode from my life. I was walking near Izmailovo hotel (maybe it was 2007-8?) and out of the blue a very strong wind started blowing at me, and I started having difficulties breathing. I actually felt like I could suffocate – strange – and I think I actually ran to get out from that highly windy spot. After that I’d avoid that place until I forgot about the incident when I was often walking to Izmailovo park for walks and maybe to meet someone (gf). This is a sync possibly connecting all my 3 lives – VL, MA, mine. (#curious)
Then I remember how we dug out those two rocks from the ground near my house in our village. The strong wind started blowing hard when we decided to bury them back.
“Who needs love, comfort, and caring” could relate to VL and even to me at a young age (still need love).
“Who gives friendship, advice . . . And second chances.” Again, this connects with VL and me.
MA write she was lover of music. I had MTV as a home page at one point in my browser when I was in school. I almost each day listened to the music on the radio and then watched video clips on TV. So, I was/am still a lover of music. In VL life I also had some records nearby to listen to.
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Thoughts on big roller coasters (could be totally off): I read in a review about Vivien Leigh’s biography that the career brought her (me) high and low and everything in between, comparing that life of mine to a fascinating roller coaster. This made me remember my VL’s mood swings (which I’ve had in this life too but to highly lesser extent I think), and since now I know I was Missy too I theorize if those big roller coasters could have raised some psychological data from within and I started to be afraid of them for their sudden highs and sudden lows (so they became a representation of that manic depression [bipolar disorder])?
Note: on 15 February 2024 I had a dream in which VL was in a color movie made in her youth; LO was also in it. The title was something like: “the all there is to it”, and some letters were replaced – similarly how Missy and Missie pronounced the same but spelled differently. When I Googled that movie title (adding vivien leigh) from my dream I clicked on the first link and read the review about VL.
29.04.2024. In ’21 Days Together’ movie there’s a scene in which Vivien and Larry’s characters (Wanda & Keith) ride on a big (I guess) roller coaster – 1:00:19. It’s possible I suffered for some mistakes done in my Vivien Leigh movies in my Michele Avila life too, and maybe I got that fear of big roller coasters as a punishment for some error shown to the public in that movie. Wanda & Keith are shown to have a good time while an innocent man is being judged in court for Keith’s murder (done in self-defense, but still). I feel like it is an error, and both of them are never shown to suffer for it.
Chrisy Crawford said Missy always looked at the marijuana as a way to escape the problems her mom and dad were having.
In this life my imagination became a way to escape from problems, and, thankfully, I’ve had no experience with any substances other than some mild alcohol.
Page 89 talks about Missy listening and singing to Scorpion’s Lady Starlight song and then out of the blue asking to play that song at her funeral in case she dies.
Maybe another prophecy (like the ocean dream) or sensing of something. Obviously, it syncs with my life in terms of me having lots of spiritual experiences, including prophetic and true dreams.
People say 1984 was the year Karen’s jealousy of Missy started consuming the place in the heart that still loved her.
1984 is the year the first Nightmare on Elm Street was released. I’ve got a lot of synchronicities with that movie, and those syncs were proven to be real and of high importance to me (my video about charlatans and how I overcame some of my fears)
Also, I understand the psychological process involved. I described it in my free book Simple Truths of Life. Essentially Karen needed not to become obsessed by her thoughts and needed to pay much more attention to what was happening in reality. What I call for now active knowledge was covered by obsessions and whatever else she decided to hold in her mind.
Page 91 talks about another Karen’s lie. It got me thinking about importance of knowing Auras are real and also about the ability to see and read them. Because if you can do that then you can spot a person with bad intentions, you can probably tell a liar. This could literally save lives in some rare cases as I had in my past life. Makes me feel it’s not a surprise Aura topic did save my life in this existence and also was one of the things to show me the truth of Michel Desmarquet’s book. (#curious)
Karen also kinda acted like an actress in her lies. I don’t know if there’s some connection to the VL life… but it wouldn’t be the last time she acted though…
Missy and Vic slept together while being friends. They felt it was part of their friendship.
Technically it was still an (#error) as I know now.
This goes in line with what I might have done in my VL life. Who knows what I would have done in my current life if I didn’t start being afraid of speech because of stammer. Since I started watching erotic and then P movies, and also had that experience in early childhood, there is a chance that before finding TP and making new realizations I could have done similar things if I had the chance… I mean, even after TP, when I was 28 and started turning my life around, there was a period I tried to find a girl in sex dating websites, so.. clear similarity between all my 3 lives (VL, MA, myself), showing the identical lack of (#spiritual-knowledge) about certain life situations.
Missy and Laura started spending some time in the afternoons in Stonehurst Park playing Frisbee, drinking beer, and occasionally smoking a little pot.
Just noting I had played that too in this life probably still have the disk laying somewhere in my village. Of course, it’s probably of no importance.
Page 102: Fireworks incident. Should have seen who Karen is and ended any communication with her.
At the end of the page there’s a classic case of misunderstanding which I still keep experiencing in this current life. I’ve talked about some of those incidents in my book. But I also sometimes have [seemingly] minor misunderstandings. (#curious)
Page 103 mentions 20 minutes.
Missy would occasionally talk about living near a stream with mountains around, after getting married.
Other than being a prophecy, may also relate to the past life of Vivien Leigh. There were creeks and ponds near the houses I lived at in that life.
Missy: “I don’t get it, Vic. Why does this keep happening to me? They’re two of my best friends, but secretly they worry that I’m going to steal their boyfriends. Is it me, Vic? Do I do something wrong?”
And now I know the answer. I had to suffer this way for my past life’s mistakes, the memory of which was erased in the River of Oblivion after VL’s death.
Victor told Missy he had broken up with Laura. The two hugged and then Vic kissed Missy. Laura saw it from her car, which was parked 20 feet away.
One more 20.
Btw, I’ve found a lot of 20 numbers in Nightmare movie after watching it again after I already uploaded my Synchronicity video. At first, I didn’t think them important I guess or just didn’t notice for some reason.
Also, on this page depicted yet another misunderstanding I’ve experienced in my soul’s life.
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Then Missy whispered, “Vic, go talk to her. I don’t want her to think there was anything between us.”
This whole episode, or scene, actually reminded me of the scene in Gone With the Wind at 3:10:35, when India sees Scarlett and Ashley hugging (but not kissing). It could be another (#reflection) I have with my VL’s movies and plays.
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Victor thought: “Nice timing, Laura.”
Another sign the Universe was guiding my life toward the inevitable – me paying for my old life’s errors. It’s interesting to note how these things work; although the exact process of why we just can’t escape the consequences of our decisions (all types) is still not very clear… it would require to know a lot more details, including the details about other people’s lives (including their past ones). For example, why did Laura just had to drive to Vic at that exact second to see what she saw and misinterpret it? I’ve had similarly timed events happen in my current life too, when it was clear that if I was just several seconds too late or too early then I wouldn’t have experienced a certain important thing In my life… (E.g. me falling in love at first sight during 3 times which changed my life enormously)
Missy asks Vic after he talked to Laura, “What’s wrong? She wasn’t mad at me, was she?” Vic couldn’t reveal her the truth because she was too sensitive, and friends matters a lot to Missy.
I’ll tag this as (#psyche-data) or possible lack of certain (#spiritual-knowledge) for now. This actually may relate to my syncs with IT & Nightmare, which showed me that I grew up to some extent; became stronger psychologically – or became less sensitive.
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“No. She was mad at me. I told her I didn’t want her hanging around because it was all over between us, and she peeled off.”
Missy appeared uncertain.
“Hey, Missy. Don’t worry. She wasn’t mad at you, I promise.”
Perhaps if he told the truth maybe I wouldn’t decide to go out with Laura on October 1… As I think atm, we do the things we think will benefit us, or at least won’t harm, based on the spiritual and material knowledge we have regarding a particular situation in life…
Page 109 says Irene would regret not telling her daughter the details of Karen’s visit, during which her true feelings were revealed. That could have saved my past life, but it all had to play out the way it did.
Page 112 starts off chapter 12. It’s of great interest to read because it literally shows innocent Missy paying for the mistakes she never did in her life, but which clearly were done in the past life of Vivien Leigh (10.04.2024 – I’m assuming the actual murder could have been the payment for one of the errors in Cleopatra’s life). The description of Karen’s thoughts matches rather well my decisions in Vivien Leigh’s life (of course I’d lived other lives before Vivien’s life; I suspect I might have done errors in those lives also which might have also contributed to the fate I had to experience in Michele’s life), but not in Michele Avila’s life in which I was a new person (who possess the soul and intellect that once inhabited and controlled the body of Vivien Leigh). It’s so unfair if we take only one life of Michele, but all becomes logical and fair if we take all lives of my soul that once inhabited Michele’s body – especially since I probably had killed before (another possible true dream I had (10.04.2024 – probably that dream meant my Cleopatra’s life)) and had to suffer for that also – hence I think that’s why it had to be murder that I had to experience; if I didn’t need to pay for murder, then maybe the events would have been the same, except I would have been just left beaten up at the creek to walk many long miles back home, wondering why this ‘injustice’ had to happen to me.
Obviously, the two criminals committed a huge error when they killed another person. Doesn’t matter the fact that other person had to pay the penalty (for her own past life’s crime). It’s like a relay race, when one person (unknowingly) suffers for his crime, and the new criminal, making the error by killing that person, takes the penalty onto his soul, waiting to be punished by life and by some new criminal, liberating him from the old error (and hopefully he learns the lesson, of course, and never repeats the same crime again).
Page 117 begins chapter 14 which has this sentence:
“It was time to say good-bye.”
Then the lines repeats. I found it to be (#curious) actually that I’d listen to a song by Sarah Brightman called ‘Time To Say Goodbye’ back in late summer of 2023 and I would think to myself that the song title fits very well to my thoughts at the time – it was time to say goodbye to Thiaoouba since at the time I had done all that I only could to try and share the book, my experiences and knowledge with people. I also thought that I had already learned the major things about life thanks to Thiaoouba and there was little for me to discover… how wrong I was when I finally realized I was Vivien Leigh and there IS a way to actually discover one’s past lives without the ability to visit the Psychosphere!
After that I saw another reason for me finding that song at such a moment – it was time to say goodbye to old habits now that I knew the reasons for me suffering so much in this life. It was time to learn to live in a new way guided by the knowledge about my past lives. Learning who I was did change who I am now in other areas too – even if it’s subtle.
I’ll note here a possible sync I just realized could be present.
‘Vic’ is often written in the book (Victor Amaya). Old Vic Theatre was often part of my life in VL life.
Page 121: “Oh Missy. . . My precious, precious daughter. . . Why did you have to go when I need you so badly? . . . Did you struggle? Did it hurt? . . . Sweetheart, I’m so sorry, so sorry I wasn’t there to help you.
You’re up in the stars now, but we’ll meet again.
Someday, little girl, someday. When this life is finished and the pain is gone forever. Good-bye, Missy. A day won’t go by when I don’t ache for you, when I don’t remember the little girl who slept in my arms and lay in a hospital bed poisoned by cleanser. Oh, God, why didn’t you take her from me then? It would have been easier than this. No. It would have been worse. At least I had seventeen years with you, Missy. Seventeen years. Someday we’ll meet again. I promise, Missy. Someday.”
As I mentioned before there is a chance our souls will meet again.
Irene passed out at the funerals. She woke up in a hospital and it was 5 P.M.
Don’t know if it was exactly 5 or not. I was born at 5 P.M. 15 minutes.
P 136 talks about Karen supposedly (she could have lied) seeing MA’s ghost (19% of the electrons of the Universe). Technically it’s possible. I’ve seen the ghost of my father shortly after his death.
The chapter talks about how Karen moved into Avila house and even slept in Missy’s bed until she saw Michele’s ghost. She was the killer living literally in the same house with her victim’s family, and yet nobody sensed that; this reminded me of how we don’t sense our past bodies even if we see them on the screen – as was the case with me, watching GWtW in my childhood. It’s another sign of how knowledge is important; how it can change our perception of reality.
Brian Taylor and Katy Vincent were good friends of Victor’s.
Most likely nothing. VL’s character’s name in GWtW was Katie Scarlett. In VL life I was in several movies with Robert Taylor.
Laura sent a card with 20-dollar bill to Irene.
Page 140 mentions how Stephnie, Karen’s little daughter, suddenly started saying:
“Missy, Missy! Missy in water, she in water!” And then: “Missy in water, Missy go in water.”
The detectives thought Karen must have told her 3-year-old daughter the details of Missy’s murder.
Karen stopped sleeping in Missy’s bed, but she was still sitting in her chair during meals.
This quote reminded me of my aunt Tanya who once tried to make me go away from the seat near the window, which she liked too I guess. Another of my aunts, Zina, almost cursed at her for that and that was the end of it. I do remember mentioning this when I was talking about possible reflections of movies I was in in my lives: this episode of life reminds me of me playing Cleopatra in VL life and having to throw the guy off the throne/seat.
(after Karen made her daughter look like a young woman) Karen: “There. You look just like Auntie Missy.”
Creepy… actually reminded me of another obsessed person; only he’s seemingly obsessed about Vivien Leigh, writing stories about my ghost which can’t be true for they contradict common sense and TP… I felt a bit uneasy [about that situation] once I knew for a fact I was Vivien.
Some of Missy’s friends were willing to kill for her sake.
Through various experiences in my life, and also thanks to Thiaoouba, I’ve realized violence is not a solution. I try to live by this motto.
Libershal remembered that there were white canvas tennis shoes on Missy’s body, her legs crossed, and an arm stiffened behind the back. Her face – pinned by a log - was under 8 inches of water.
(#curious) as I mew in my VL life I watched a tennis match on the day of my death. In my current life I heard Thao say ‘Look!’ during a tennis match. And tennis shoes were mentioned before in this book also.
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Also of interest is that in this chapter a movie crew was filming “just a hundred yards downstream from” (Page 171) where MA was killed. Clearly if there’s some another Universal interconnection between lives it must have to do with Michele being an actress (Vivien Leigh) in her past life; who did several movies in Hollywood also.
And I might have mentioned it, but in Alexander Walker’s books it’s said on page 128 that ‘As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again’ scene was filmed in the San Fernando Valley. I’ve found that the stealing and killing part was unnecessary. There could be some further connection to why it had to be also a valley where they killed me in Michele’s life…
Page 182. Karen reminds me of several people I met online (thankfully) in my life. They’d also cling to some random small ‘clues’ making their wild fantasies/theories real; accusing other people of some crime they most likely never committed. Of course, Karen knew the truth, she was acting like an actress, but still…
Karen went to a beauty school and met there a girl, Lynne Robbins, who lost a friend to suicide. Kingsbury notes that it was strange how the two of them had so much in common.
Thanks to my synchronicity experiences and just having some knowledge about life I don’t find it strange at all. Looks like these things happen all the time. Somehow people who must meet each other will meet no matter what.
Page 187 mentions 14-month-old murder.
Lynne was in Karen’s room, which made her feel very uneasy. She saw a big picture of Missy on her dresser; walls were covered with Missy’s photographs of different ages; news articles were present.
Creepy.
Also, it’s funny how seemingly the same situation may have different reasons behind them. After finding out my past lives I printed out some pictures of Vivien Leigh to remind me of my past life – it helped me. I also have saved pictures of Michele after it was clear I was her also after all. I did it for the sake of memory and also for the research of reincarnation (one does not usually get to find one’s life and be able to see at his or her old physical body). So, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with my actions given the reasons behind them.
Page 209: Chapter 33 talks again about Eva’s nightmares. It got me thinking. Since I found my past lives (and even thought Vivien life as the first to be confirmed to be mine [now I realize it had to have been for there’s actual undisputed proof to be found in my Vivien bios], it was Michele Avila actually, who was the first with whom I had found many synchronicities – even more than with Vivien at the time of making my videos about syncs), I got a feeling these clearly unusual events (Eva’s nightmares, Karen’s madness, detective’s determination and personal feelings about Missy, etc) might have a bigger reason behind them. The one of reasons being for me to find out about Michele Avila, finding synchronicities, which would eventually lead me to finding my 2 past lives. If it wasn’t for Eva’s nightmares and the suicide of her brother, then it’s possible I would not have found my 2 lives.
4:14 A.M.
Later in the page Eva’s older brother calls her to tell about their brother’s suicide… Eva starts to understand what it felt like for Avila family to lose someone they loved. Eventually this will make her tell the truth about who killed… me.
After 4 months in Vegas, Eva and Steven were going back to LA. (It also said 3 hours later.)
4 (clearly, if this number has a sync meaning, synchronicities are part of many people’s lives. So, the same number may appear to different people during similar circumstances other people have experienced)
I’ll note Eva was living in Las Vegas with her bf when she heard the news. In my Michele’s diary I wrote how I visited Las Vegas when I was 10 in Missy’s life.
Chapter 34 made me remember a thought I’ve had. I know thanks to Thiaoouba about Bakaratinians’ method of getting to the truth – telepathy. If we knew telepathy was real and knew how to use it then Karen and Laura would have been caught a lot more sooner, I’m almost positive. Interesting that this murder situation and the telepathy theme from Thiaoouba are so close to me now that I know who I was in the very last past life.
(About Eva) When her dreams returned, Allen had been dead for almost 4 months.
(July 25, 1988 – 5 days before my birth. Eva has decided to tell the truth and calls her brother Jack whose father is a police officer.)
“Sure, baby. No problem. I’ll meet you at your apartment as soon as I leave here. About five-fifteen. That okay with you?”
5:15 (17:15) was the exact time I was born on July 30, 1988! (#curious) (I hope that the time is accurate and based on what Eva told Karen Kingsbury during Karen’s research for the book. Even if not, it’s still of interest that it’s such a perfect match)
The mystery behind my passing in my last life was finally revealed (the next day – 26 - was the official date), ending the 3-year search, and my new life would start exactly 5 days later. I was softly crying looking for the picture of my birth tag, showing the date I was born…
Also, Karen calls the officer Steven. The name is probably not real, but I did use it as my alias at one point in my life; it’s one of possible syncs I’ve mentioned in my video about syncs with IT & Nightmare movies.
Eva’s apartment was on the 3-rd floor.
There was one apartment located on the 3-rd floor; and it’s connected to Natasha, whose looks remind me somewhat of that black and white photo of Michele Avila.
Then Kingsbury mentions a loud fan in Eva’s apartment. Perhaps it’s nothing but made me remember the nightmare I had to deal with when air conditioners didn’t allow me sleep normally.
The third cycle of the nightmare Irene was having reminded me of that car scene from the first Nightmare on Elm Street movie, where the teens were also trapped in the car and couldn’t get out.
[ADDITION. When I searched for ‘nightmare’ word [in Kingsbury’s book] and read just this part I thought Irene had this nightmare before the killers were caught. It’s still of interest though]
Irene has a nightmare about Karen and Laura – Missy’s friends. In her heart she knew they would not hurt her daughter, but deep inside she was convinced they did kill Missy.
Before there’s a long description of Irene’s nightmare. Today is 18 December 2023. I had a dream which I wrote about in My Diary and I thought maybe it’s about me having already the answers but still asking questions and having doubts and being very cautious not to make a mistake. Interesting that I have to find out about probably my past mother’s nightmare exactly today…
So, Irene literally had the answer shown to her in the nightmare but couldn’t fully accept it is the truth. (#curious)
Karen and Laura were ordered to remain at Sybil Brand Institute for Women in East Los Angeles.
Just reminded me of character Cybil (C vs S) in Silent Hill video game. Since I’ve found some possible syncs with the game – e.g. Toluca Lake, Sullivan – I’m gonna mention this one also. Silent Hill town is a type of punishment for criminals I might also add.
It’s about a reporter who wanted interview Karen in jail. The person was told to sit in booth number 14.
Page 255 talks how Randy happens to find the article, saying Karen was charged with murder of Missy. Again, sometimes life as if guides us to finding the important to us things. I feel like I’ve found my Michele life the same way – I just searched a bit about her and then I was overwhelmed by synchronicities, wondering what they could mean…
Laura was taking computer programming courses.
Before that the book said Randy also studied programming.
This time I decided to make a note of this because I used to briefly work as a web programmer on freelancer.com
Doubt it’s a sync but who knows at this point. The name of the Judge was Jack B. Tso; and the last partner in VL life was Jack Merivale.
Then the book says Karen and Laura did make a stop before they reached their destination. I don’t know the details, but wonder if this was an opportunity to save myself by running out? Of course, I’d need to know or realize it was a matter of life or death…
Eva: “When Laura was in there she had tennis shoes on and it came up to, well, I guess you could call it her lower shin or just above her ankles.”
Tennis reference again.
Another tennis match reference on page 303, but this time it’s coming from the book’s author Karen Kingsbury.
Coroner Dr. Eva Heuser talks about the injuries to Missy’s body.
[maybe the coroner’s real name was changed for the book. But then I found this article (July 16, 1995), mentioning her name
https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1995-07-16-tm-24327-story.html
“All eyes in the coroner’s conference room turn to Deputy Medical Examiner Eva Heuser, a sweet-faced grandmother with an uncanny knack for getting bodies to reveal their secrets.”
So, it looks like the name wasn’t changed but Karen K. never mentioned that.]
Another Eva. Ива (Eva) is a willow tree. It’s one of syncs I noticed with Michele who also played with Karen under a willow when they were kids.
(It’s about the video showing just how long the path from the cars to the murder scene was. Karen and Laura had plenty of opportunities to change their minds)
When I was first watching Mr. Ballen’s video about Missy’s murder, not yet knowing I was that girl in my past life, at the point when Karen and Laura were taken Missy down the final path to the creek I said to Missy in my head: “Run!”. It was the first and only time I did that (mentally said something to the victim) watching Mr. Ballen’s videos or anyone else’s.
It may be connected to several unique thoughts I had about Vivien Leigh when I yet didn’t know I was that woman in one of my past lives. One has to do with me noting name ‘Leigh’ and wondering why the actress had that last name. Another one has to do with people commenting Vivien Leigh played herself in her movies, which made me surprised for I had a different thought about Vivien Leigh, thinking her to be a family woman. Then when I was about to watch GWtW for the first time in English maybe there was something in the back of my consciousness. All of those things never happened on account of anyone else; the people involved proved to be my past lives later. (#curious)
“You see, Cindy Silverio has a very difficult time dealing with death, with the finality of death. So she doesn’t want to see what happened in the stream and she cries and cries. For twenty minutes.”
Don’t know if it was actually 20, but this number is still present during a negative event.
(About Tamia) She took the elevator to the 6-th floor.
The 6-th floor detail is very important. It could be a sync with a situation I had in my life. It was the 6-th floor where the publishing company was located. Their employee gave me a different contract to sign than what I’d read; The date was 20.02.2020 and it’s brought up by other syncs and connections I have with VL (e.g. how adding 53 [age of VL] to the year of death [1967] gives 2020; 1985 + 17 gives 2002 in which year I was 14 and made a fateful decision in my life. [2020 and 2002 share the same digits only a bit rearranged).
[I might add that 1912 + 25 (year Butler on Titanic died and his age) gives 1937, the year in which I in VL life slept with Larry almost in front of his wife Jill, while we were doing Hamlet in Elsinore; that may connect to why I had to be drowned in a creak – provided I was the Butler, but so far I got no answer about that.]
Page 330 mentions that certain people became Christian.
A point about how spiritual advancement works. First people don’t believe in God and creation; then something bad happens to them (they suffer for their errors) and some people start seeking reasons for it, and some would start believing in a religion; then they will come to understanding that one needs to know and not believe [in what actually the truth] (possibly from suffering for believing a lie or a distortion in a religious text); then further refinements will occur also until the soul is finally perfect and ready to reunite with the Spirit.
The verdict, convicting both Karen and Laura of a 2-nd degree murder, was announced 8 days before Missy’s birthday (born on February 8).
Irene speaks before courtroom: “Your honor, I am hoping and praying that my family will see justice done once and for all in this case. Missy’s brothers will never know what their sister could have been, we will never watch her grow into a beautiful young woman, never know what she could have contributed to this society”
Maybe nothing but in Michele’s next life of mine I contributed to the society by honestly speaking about my Thiaoouba related experiences; I tried to share Thiaoouba book – a very important book – with the rest of humanity… it looks like, if all goes well, I’m going to work on sharing the truth about reincarnation too…
(12.04.2024. I can’t say it enough: The knowledge in the Thiaoouba book can help people enormously. Auras, reincarnation, Higher Selves, Universal Laws, The Purpose of the Universe and all of us being a part of the Superior Intelligence [The Spirit, God, the Father, etc.], etc., all these topics are highly important to know if people don’t want to make serious errors in their lives and then suffer greatly for them.)
The specific details of the last 20 minutes of my Missy past life are unknown.
Karen Severson: “Missy wasn’t as innocent as everyone thinks.”
These words match those written by an anonymous poster on this forum
https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/cmm/michele-missy-yvette-avila-murdered-by-friends-kar-t3570514.html
I said in my sync video that it’s possible even Michele’s killer could have written that. So it might be a lie. It’s known from the book that Karen did pretend to be Missy on the phone, damaged cars, and did other nasty things. She’s certainly capable of creating a simple profile on a forum to post one anonymous comment, trying to degrade Missy once more.
Emma Hamilton
(12.04.2024. When I was writing these notes several months, I didn’t know I was Emma Hamilton. How could I? It was some time later that I’d get hints and then confirmations I was Emma Hamilton in my past life also.)
https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/33744333/emma-hamilton
Birth
26 Apr 1765
Neston, Cheshire West and Chester Unitary Authority, Cheshire, England
Death
15 Jan 1815 (aged 49)
Calais, Departement du Pas-de-Calais, Nord-Pas-de-Calais, France
Burial
Church of St. Pierre
Lille, Departement du Nord, Nord-Pas-de-Calais, France
Memorial ID
33744333
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma,_Lady_Hamilton
I decided to read about Emma while watching the movie That Hamilton Woman with Vivien Leigh.
Interestingly, there were several things that caught my eye in terms of coincidences, syncs.
And yes, I do see this as the classic… when you perhaps find the right things but then get overwhelmed and overexcited, and apply the same concept to other unrelated or different things (e.g. the detective who said to learn his father killed Black Dilia and then went on to claim his father killed a lot of other people and was the Zodiac killer – who knows of course, maybe it is so – but some people saw it differently and turned away from him.)
Emma occupied many roles: maid, actress, sex worker, model, muse, mistress, wife, diplomat, lover, mother and leader of fashion.
Was known as Emma Hart. Vivian Mary Hartley was Vivien Leigh’s name. It is highly subjective but I wanted to include this.
Dame Emma Hamilton, known upon moving to London as Emma Hart, and upon marriage as Lady Hamilton.
She was born Emy or Amy Lyon in a mining village in Swan Cottage, Ness, Cheshire, England in 1765.
Cheshire cat is who I was compared to in my VL life (when I smiled like one, knowing I’d get what I wanted at the dawn of my acting career). Actually, some people believe the phrase ‘grinning like a Cheshire cat’ originated in the village Emma was born in.
Swan could be nothing, but for the record there’s Swan Lake playing in Waterloo Bridge, which was the movie that helped me see I had to be Vivien Leigh.
Her mother’s name is Mary – same as VL’s middle name. (12.04.2024 – Mary Magdalene)
She married at the age of 26 Sir William Hamilton. On July 26 my father died and also 30 years before it became known who killed Michele Avila. 26 has other connections to me in several of my lives.
“With her grandmother struggling to make ends meet at the age of 60, and after Mary went to London in 1777, Emma began work, aged 12, as a maid at the Hawarden[3] home of Honoratus Leigh Thomas, a surgeon working in Chester.” Leigh – same name as Vivien took for her stage name, which was the middle name of her first husband.
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honoratus_Leigh_Thomas was born on 26 March 1769. He died at Belmont, Torquay, on 26 June 1846. Aged 77)
“She is said to have danced nude on his dining room table.”
Vivien would be seen naked in public gardens.
I’d fully undress during a brief moment of my yearly childhood life. (#psyche-data-?)
“She was witty, intelligent, a quick learner, elegant and, as paintings of her attest, extremely beautiful.”
Just a thought… Michele was in a class for smart children, Vivien is said to have been witty too. As for myself… I do know some things… (#spiritual-knowledge-?)
“Emma set off for Naples with her mother and Gavin Hamilton on 13 March 1786 overland in an old coach, and arrived in Naples on her 21st birthday on 26 April.”
Vivien appeared in 21 movies according to imdb. Also 26.
21 years between Vivien’s death and my birthday
Since my first writing this I’ve found other 21 numbers in my lives.
“Emma's vulgar toilette, unaristocratic mannerisms and drinking sometimes raised eyebrows by her company, the Duc de Bourbon remarked during a dinner in Naples at the manner in which Emma drinks port, which must have been a 'habit of hers as she did not become drunk after finishing two or three bottles'.”
Drinking was Vivien’s problem at one point…
The clothing theme can also relate to some degree to me in VL life and my own.
She was a model (for painters). There was a time when at about 18+ I foolishly thought I could try modeling (of course no one was interested.) To be fair the fact that years before several people called me beautiful influenced that wish…
Also, in my VL life I was kinda modeling for a bit.
There are 98 years between her death and Vivien Leigh birth… I mean… one could come a full circle during this time…
“Lady Hamilton made the striking of attitudes into an art form, portraying classical themes”
There are some actress vibes about her. (#psyche-data-?)
She used to write many letters. So did Vivien and I wanted to learn to write in early childhood. MA had a diary and had notebook in which there’s a little poem. (#curious-?)
(12.04.2024. I could write in my earlier lives of Cleopatra and Hypatia too. Maybe in Mary Magdalene’s also. Apparently, I was educated – to some degree or another – in quite a few of my lives.)
“By the autumn of the same year, upon Emma's advice, Nelson bought Merton Place, a small ramshackle house at Merton, near Wimbledon, for £9,000, borrowing money from his friend Davison. He gave her free rein with spending to improve the property, and her vision was to transform the house into a celebration of his genius. There they lived together openly, with Sir William and Emma's mother, in a ménage à trois that fascinated the public”
… well…
Also, in VL life I watched Wimbledon on 7 July – hours before my death. The tennis theme was also a part of the October 1, 1985 – the day I died [as Missy]. In this life I watched a tennis match when I had a voice say ‘Look!’ near my ear (the word is connected to my VL life) (#curious-?)
“Emma also made herself useful to Nelson's sisters Kitty (Catherine), married to George Matcham, and Susanna, married to Thomas Bolton, by helping to raise their children and to make ends meet. Nelson's sister-in-law Sarah (married to William), also pressed him for assistance and favours, including the payment of their son Horatio's school fees at Eton. Around this time, Emma finally told Nelson about her daughter Emma Carew, now known as Emma Hartley”
– I almost cried out in a suppressed squeak seeing this - Vivian Mary Hartley is Vivien’s name.
I’ll note just in case Kitty is the name of Myra’s blonde friend in Waterloo Bridge – movie, which made me realize I was indeed Vivien Leigh. (#curious-?)
“Emma continued to display her attitudes to audiences, and at this point of her life grew obese and her drinking intensified. In April 13, Joseph Farington wrote in his diary;”
She was about 36 years old. Vivien was I think 36 when playing in Streetcar (play; movie was short shortly after and then released after some months). The thing is it’s roughly the time both were near the turning points In their lives (drinking for Emma, psychological problems for Vivien)
VL daughter’s name is Suzanne Farrington (was born Holman). It’s just 1 ‘r’ more.
“Nelson's father became seriously ill in April, but Nelson did not visit him in Norfolk, staying home to celebrate Emma's 37th birthday on the very day Edmund died; the son did not attend his father's funeral.”
I had health problems which prevented me from seeing my father still alive… but I did find strength to bury him. That quote just reminded me about this event in my life.
Merton kinda reminded me of Tara in GwtW. Just slightly.
Jason M. Kelly summarized her: "In a world of aristocratic privilege and powerful men, her common birth and gender ultimately circumscribed her options".
She was accompanied by her mother.
I have to stay with my mom.
“The Hamiltons moved into William Beckford's mansion at 22 Grosvenor Square, and Nelson and Fanny took an expensive furnished house at 17 Dover Street, a comfortable walking distance away, until December, when Sir William rented a home at 23 Piccadilly, opposite Green Park.”
Vivien Leigh played in the Piccadilly Theatre. It’s on the same street I think. I hope photos in the Interesting folder.
Also the play The Skin of Our Teeth was played in the Plymouth Theatre (I thought the blue car in my dream could have been that). Scotty Bowers was photographed near a Plymouth car. (photo in Interesting folder)
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https://globalmaritimehistory.com/finding-lost-daughter-lady-hamilton/
Emy Lyon’s name was subject to several changes throughout Emma’s life.
Amey
Emily
Emma Hart
Lady Hamilton
Vivian Mary Hartley had seen her name change several times also. (Vivian Leigh, Vivien Leigh). At 1 point she’s said to have considered April Morn, Avril Maugham, and Suzanne Stanley for her stage name (http://vivandlarry.com/vivien-leigh/vivien-leigh-stardom-and-screen-image/) . Avril means April in French.
I used different names also in various websites until I became happy with who I am. (Steve Hudson, Sonny Hudson. And the names for not so important game accounts, or secondary social media accounts made for tests are: Anna Hudson, Anna Pierce, Anna Chilbin (or something like that; Vivien was in Manhattan, New York and must have seen Hudson River – the reason I wrote Hudson as the last name). (#curious-?)
It seems to me that both Viven and Emma weren’t exactly the model mothers… Lack of (#spiritual-knowledge-?)
21-month-old Horatia.
21. Probably nothing. Just wanna keep a record.
She started having diarrhea problems in the end of her life. That thing has played awkward roles in my life. There were 2 incidents in school. Also comes to memory the episode when the child was thrown out from someone’s window. I remembered about reincarnation but diarrhea kept me home, unable to even try to approach the baby’s mother and try to offer her potential help…
Just a note. Nelson was prematurely aged by years at sea. Vivien was prematurely aged by her psychological problems.
Okay. Emma showed bad example to society by having her affair with 2 men, by sleeping with someone else’s husband. Not to jump to any conclusions, but in my life I saw the importance of high morals and values. I lived with my mother almost all my life because she found photos of my dad and red-haired Marina. I suffered from being rejected, and I saw how some people have harems almost, which is obviously depletes the available people to have romantic relationships with. And I tried to share those high morals and values with others via book and videos…
(#error-?)
She was imprisoned. My freedom is important to me and I’d never want to lose it. (#psyche-data-?)
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horatio_Nelson,_1st_Viscount_Nelson
“Nelson kept the bulk of the Jacobins on the transports and began to hand hundreds over for trial and execution, refusing to intervene, despite pleas for clemency from both the Hamiltons and Queen Maria Carolina.”
On IMDB a reviewer said an opposite thing, but I found that Emma probably was asking for clemency. I would too… (#spiritual-knowledge-?) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0034272/reviews?sort=curated&dir=desc&ratingFilter=1
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IF – if – this can be what, after actually finding out I was Vivien Leigh, I suspect this could have been – that Vivien Leigh, me, played herself – Emma Hart – in the movie “That Hamilton Woman”. That is Vivien Leigh was Dame Emma Hamilton (Emma Hart)… I did remember that I was, probably still am, very stubborn. I wasn’t able to get rid completely of daydreaming and PMO until I learned about Vivien… It seems to me the stubbornness can play a role here (in relation to sex) IF the picture here is actually true…
The more I think about it the more I remember how I was surprised to see someone write a comment that Vivien was often playing herself (Streetcar, Wind, Waterloo, to name a few). What if there’s even more truth to those words?
It’d show how you can be reincarnated and never know you play yourself… (#curious-?)
IF such is the case, then not young Emma’s monologue (in the movie) is even more… fantastic! (when she speaks about the dead face in the mirror)
“Personal_Memoirs” page 217-218.
“…for when the white flags were seen on the forts, and it was known that the patriots had obtained favourable terms, the ambassador's wife frowning said, " This will never do-we must have blood !”
I hoped so much this wasn’t true… makes me wish I wasn’t Emma….
(on Wikipedia it says Hamiltons were against the executions)
(12.04.2024. I was Emma. But I was also Mary Magdalene and Hypatia, dying because of my error in Cleopatra’s life. I’m sure I had to have gained some spiritual knowledge during Mary’s and Hypatia’s lives not to desire blood several lives later. Right now, I tend to believe Wiki because it matches the spiritual profile I must have had in Emma’s life.
Another point: I’ve noticed that many people lie about me in my other lives – as well as in this one. It concerns my lives of: Missy, Vivien, and to some lesser degree [for now at least] my life of Cleopatra [but then if we remember the Roman propaganda about Cleopatra, the degree starts to be rather enormous indeed]. It’s possible there were people who lied about me as Emma Hamilton also.)
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https://www.rmg.co.uk/stories/blog/emmas-mother-unseen-power
Amy wished to escape the confines of class and not accept the fate of her family.
Just noting it could be similar to ‘headstrong’ quality of V and me (wrote about it in GwtW section)
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I’m wondering if people whose portraits were drawn also have some reflections in their next lives? As I do with the movies I was in as VL.
The portrait of Emma used for Lady Hamilton movie – but with VL on it – is showing 17-year-old Emma. It was the first image I decided to save when I read the description. I was 17 when I was killed in Michele Avila’s life. That number has appeared several times in VL life.
Also Emma is tilting her head in the portrait. The tilt of head is one of syncs between my current life and VL life.
“Lady Hamilton as Titania with Puck and Changeling, by George Romney, 1793” is one of portraits of Emma. In VL life I played Titania in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and in this life I had a reflection when I met a girl, Katya, who tried to draw fairy wings on the photograph of her. It turned out she was consumed by her imagination to a rather dangerous degree.
Since both Emma and Vivien were artists it’s not that surprising to see this similarity. Could be nothing.
“Emma as a Sibyl, by George Romney, c. 1785” – another portrait.
Karen and Laura were ordered to stay at Sybil Brand Institute. There are possible syncs to Silent Hill which has a character with similarly sounding name.
(The sibyls were prophetesses or oracles in Ancient Greece)
“Lady Emma Hamilton, as Cassandra, by George Romney”
It’s somewhat related to Alexandra – the name which have played a role in my lives, and in this one my mother considered naming me Alexander.
The description on Wiki says that Cassandra was a Trojan priestess who uttered true prophecies but was never believed.
It reminded me so much of my situation. Only I don’t usually speak of the future; merely about my experiences and findings – but I’m mainly not believed for some reason (since I also have some proof, and said how it’s possible to get proof).
“Lady Hamilton as Ariadne by Élisabeth Vigée-Lebrun, 1790”
Wiki: Ariadne is associated with mazes and labyrinths because of her involvement in the myths of Theseus and the Minotaur. In the first dream in which I saw myself asking my HS to change my body in the dream to the one I had in a past life I was among the maze made of mirrors.
There are several portraits depicting dogs and/or wolves. 2 portraits show dogs, and there are 2 Vivien’s movies which either show or mention dogs, and both scenes are reflected in my current life.
“A contemporary caricature of Sir William Hamilton inspecting his antiquities. Lady Emma is depicted as Cleopatra and Nelson as Marc Antony.”
In VL life I played Cleopatra. I also had a curious dream in which something was said about Vivien Leigh being Cleopatra.
12.04.2024. I was Cleopatra.
George_Romney_-_Lady_Hamilton_(as_a_Bacchante)_3
In this image Emma’s face reminded me of Marina from my village. I’ve been noticing this theme of me in my past lives resembling someone I know in this life; and other people who played a role in my past lives also sometimes resemble people I know in this life.
George_Romney_-_Lady_Hamilton_as_The_Magdalene
20.02.2024. Just several days ago I found I have many synchronicities with Mary Magdalene.
Note: My Astral body should be of the 1 category, otherwise it’d mean I’ve stuck on this planet for some reason. And Magdalene was, reportedly, Jewish, and if she was ‘pure’ Jew, it means her Astral body was of higher category than 1. If the two points are true, it would be the first case in my life when synchronicities with another person who lived before me mean something other than reincarnation. If not, then it could mean I kinda played my old selves even before I was Vivien Leigh.
12.04.2024. I’ve had several confirmations I was Mary Magdalene. And when I asked my Higher Self to show me of what category Mary’s physical body was, I was shown a battery charge which was almost drained; The charge level remaining would correspond to the 1 (at most to 2) if the 100% of the charge is equal to 9. Pure Jews are reportedly of the 3-rd category. If the dream was true and the charge was the answer to my question, then my Mary Magdalene’s physical body was of the 1-st category.
Johann_Heinrich_Schmidt_-_Emma,_Lady_Hamilton
In this portrait something in Emma’s appearance reminds me of Dima from village.
https://www.english-heritage.org.uk/visit/places/kenwood/history-stories-kenwood/emma-hamilton/
At 13 she became a nursery maid for a local surgeon’s family.
Emma conveyed messages to and from the Drury Lane actresses.
Would be interesting if I was EH; one life you convey messages between actresses, and in another you are an actress - poetic. Sheridan last name appeared in VL life too.
Maybe Emma had hopes for a career on the stage.
Due to some reason Emma left Linleys’ employement and worked for some time at a fashionable brother run by Mrs Kelly in Arlington Street
Emma’s letter to George Romney:
‘you have seen and discoursed with me in my poorer days, you have known me in my poverty and prosperity … Oh my dear friend, for a time I own through distress my virtue was vanquished, but my sense of virtue was not overcome.’
Tough to say, but if I was EH and Waterloo Bridge alone wasn’t enough to manifest my prostitution experiences, then this could have been it. I mean I doubt EH suffered for her error given the high places she’d end up at later.
Apparently, Emma had ambitions. So did I in VL life. Even in this one I had a brief firely desire to link my life with movies.
Emma was taught French, Italian, history and singing. Then she became a star hostess at Sir William’s nightly parties; it was at those parties that Emma first performed the ‘Attitudes’
In VL life I knew French; in this one I had a dream about learning French and actually bought a French self-teaching book. The last bit reminded me so much of the parties I reported had in my VL life…
Maybe nothing but I often fantasize to sing the songs I listen too on YouTube music.
From the article it appears Emma had expensive tastes, and Sir William’s income wasn’t enough.
This is important because if I was EH and learned a lesson, then in VL life I had to live more modestly… I honestly feel like I did; The apartment on Eaton Square wasn’t too large from what I know. Notley Abbey was LO’s idea. Tickerage Mill wasn’t too large too I guess.
On 21 October 1805 Nelson was fatally wounded. After his death Emma’s friends and acquaintances abandoned her.
21 again.
I might find it of interest I don’t feel too bad about not having friends. I attributed this to MA life, but of course experiences from other lives could have also prepared me for the loneliness.
When Emma died at 49, her daughter Horatia was 14.
Sir William was 35 years older than Emma. 35 was my age when I had the true dream telling I was Vivien Leigh and shortly after I realized I actually was.
Emma Hartley (Daughter)
Her name (last name) changed several times too.
Emma Hartley taught English.
I tried to do the same (it was a mistake because native speaker should be doing it)
Emma Carew died on the 26 March 1856. 26.
Mary Magdalene
(13.04.2024 – Once again, I first discovered what I for now call synchronicities with Mary Magdalene. And it was only after that discovery that I decided to ask my Higher Self, and also Thao, Biastra, and Latoli to tell and show me the name I had in my that life I lived during the time Jesus walked on this Earth – provided, of course, that I lived at that time. I had several dreams in a dream – quite unusual experience for me (it was the 2-nd time I ever had such dreams) – and I was clearly told in one of the dreams that the answer is ‘Mary Magdalene’.
Some of the below notes were written when I didn’t yet know I was Mary Magdalene.)
If Thao was Jesus (Aarioc) and if I could have lived during the 30-33 year A.D., then whom I could have been? Obviously just speculations but maybe I’ll notice something. Whatever name I write here doesn’t mean I think I was that person in my past life. Also, since my Astral body is probably of the 1 category, I could not have been a pure Jew. Still, I’ve found some interesting similarities in my life and in lives of some of people who were close to Jesus (Aarioc)
Mary Magdalene was from Magdala, a town on the western shore of the Sea of Galilee.
I remember how as a child I was reading a book. I don’t remember if it was the Bible – it might have been… And at one point I started seeing light around all black letters. Maybe it was yellow-white in color. Actually, reminds me now of that yellow entity. That was the only such case when I saw a glow around letters. My mother was sitting near me to my left. I told her what was happening and she agreed I should stop reading and rest.
Honestly, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Magdalene seems to have some possible syncs.
Mary & in Russian people say Мария (Maria). I have syncs with Silent Hill game and the second part – my favorite – has Mary & Maria characters. Maria is manifestation of Mary.
Prostitution talks (even if untrue)
Name Mary (Vivian Mary Heartley. There’s also mention of 3 Maries [Magdalene 1 of them]. 3 has played a large role in my life)
“These texts portray her as an apostle, as Jesus's closest and most beloved disciple and the only one who truly understood his teachings.”
I made a video about Gospel of Thomas. I think that I understood some of Jesus’ teachings after finding TP and learning some things about life on my own.
Jesus exorcised "seven demons" from Mary Magdalene. In the first century, demons were believed widely to cause physical and psychological illness.
Cleopatra VII.
According to John 20:11–18, Mary, now alone in the garden outside the tomb, saw two angels sitting where Jesus's body had been. Then the risen Jesus approached her. She at first mistook him for the gardener, but, after she heard him say her name, she recognized him and cried out "Rabbouni!" (which is Aramaic for "teacher"). His next words may be translated as "Don't touch me, for I have not yet ascended to my Father" or "Stop clinging to me, [etc.]" the latter more probable in view of the grammar (negated present imperative: stop doing something already in progress) as well as Jesus's challenge to Thomas a week later (see John 20:24–29). Jesus then sent her to tell the other apostles the good news of his resurrection. The Gospel of John therefore portrays Mary Magdalene as the first apostle, the apostle sent to the apostles.
(In case Jesus actually spoke those words to Magdalene at one time or another... «Слушай ты… перестань говорить/повторять моё имя!» / “Listen, you... stop saying/repeating my name!” - These are the words that Thao told me. The second part has some similarities to what Jesus (Aariok) might have said to Magdalene.)
They write Mary died in Ephesus, Türkiye. (of course, that other person says she died in south of France)
If true, it’s of note that Arsinoe (Cleopatra’s sister) went to live in exile at the Temple of Artemis in Ephesus. Later she was killed in Ephesus by order from Mark Antony after his stay with Cleopatra.
They say that there are several relics (bones) of Mary Magdalene on display in churches around the world…
One of them is skull.
Also left hand. There can be some type of sync here, for I noticed several years ago, when I was going to the open-air gym, that my left hand was stronger due to me having to use almost only it when certain [bad] habit reminds of itself.
And foot bone. In VL life I broke ankle and it led me to reading Gone with the Wind.
In about 2-2.5 km from my house there’s a church dedicated to MM. Its address: Колодезный пер., 2А, стр. 7. The significance of this is that several years ago, several years before I found I was MM, when I was walking on the Колодезный переулок, a man asked me directions to a church. I thought he meant the one in the Sokolniki park, but from what he was saying I got the impression the church he was interested in was located somewhere among the buildings nearby – exactly where I now know there’s a church dedicated to… me in my past life… it’s a similar synchronicity to that which I had with VL when I saw a woman read English GWtW in a bus.
I should note there’s another church nearby. And there’s another a bit further back. It’s possible he meant one of those. I don’t remember the exact words he said. Regardless, that episode is very significant.
Another synchronicity – even if the story is not true – has to do with a person saying Mary was 14 at the time of crucifixion, and she preached the Gospel for 14 years until she was 28. Age 14 & 28 played a huge role in my life; and it’s a synch with ‘A Nightmare on Elf Street’ movie – house 1428. That person also said she was born in the year 17 AD.
I have synchronicities with Silent Hill video game(s). In my dream I said ‘Mary Magdalene. Maria Magdalene’. Maria is how people in Russia say the name of my past self. Mary and Maria are characters in Silent Hill 2 game – which is my favorite [Silent Hill game].
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nag_Hammadi_library
http://gnosis.org/library/marygosp.htm
These are my words in Mary Magdalene’s life (I say what Jesus told me but others do not know):
‘18) When the soul had overcome the third power, it went upwards and saw the fourth power, which took seven forms.
19) The first form is darkness, the second desire, the third ignorance, the fourth is the excitement of death, the fifth is the kingdom of the flesh, the sixth is the foolish wisdom of flesh, the seventh is the wrathful wisdom. These are the seven powers of wrath.’
7 is of interest here.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hollywood_A.D.
It is the 19-th episode of the 7-th season of The X-Files.
“Searching Hoffman's apartment, they find bombs and counterfeiting tools, as well as a forged gospel of Mary Magdalene”.
The X Files series were one of my favorite and also the reason I started chatting with that young woman from India – later it became one of syncs with my Vivien Leigh life.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Dreams/comments/xl5a6/my_mary_magdalene_dream/
Found this post. Some answers have mentioned things which reminded me of my past lives. Is there some connection? I don’t know. Just reporting it for now.
Interestingly, the video screenshot of that page I did was recorded on this date and time: “Dream a person had about Mary 2024-03-16 14-28-02.mp4”
14 & 28 appear again when it comes to my life of Mary Magdalene. I noticed the numbers after I made the video.
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tisa_Farrow
Maureen O'Sullivan, VL’s school friend, had a daughter whose name was Theresa Magdalena "Tisa" Farrow. Her other daughter’s name is Maria de Lourdes (María de Lourdes is a Spanish feminine given name taken from Our Lady of Lourdes a title of the Virgin Mary). She had 7 children in total.
Bible
Since I was Mary Magdalene, I will have to read the Bible to get an idea of the events I was, or might have been, involved with. Of course, I’ll have to filter out distortions.
33 number is a big part of Jesus’s (Aarioc’s) life. It has been a big part of my life too. Numbers are important in spirituality. I wonder if I find something of interest in terms of numbers.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2019&version=NIV
John 19:23. It’s mentioned how soldiers, who crucified Jesus, divided his cloth into 4 shares – 1 for each of them (so there were 4 soldiers).
4 has been playing a role in my life.
Mary Magdalene mentioned in all 4 Gospels as a devoted follower of Jesus.
Mary Magdalene is mentioned in the Bible in
Matthew 27:56, 61; 28:1;
Mark 15:40, 47, 16:1, 9;
Luke 8:2, 24:10;
John 19:25, 20:1, 11, 18.
13 total. As I noted many times, this number showed itself during important events of my lives.
Gnostic Texts
‘They said to him, "Why do you love her more than all of us?" The Savior answered and said to them, "Why do I not love you like her? When a blind man and one who sees are both together in the darkness, they are no different from one another. When the light comes, then he who sees will see the light, and he who is blind will remain in darkness.’
I can see myself here alright (#spiritual-knowledge). When I read Thiaoouba Prophecy book for the 1 time I knew ‘inside of me’ it was true. Now I know why I knew it. But it’s important to note that I must have had some spiritual knowledge before the life of Magdalene. I know that as Cleopatra I listened to philosophers, being interested already in the world around me.
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Dialogue of the Saviour
Mary Magdalene, Judas, Matthew, and the Lord are conversing with Jesus.
Mary said, "I want to understand all things, just as they are!"
This is so me! It’s been a long time since I realized I was interested in many things. And I did try to understand the truths revealed about a number of topics in Thiaoouba Prophecy book – one at a time, of course. (#curious)
The Savior said, "The lamp of the body is the mind. As long as the things inside you are set in order, that is, [...], your bodies are luminous. As long as your hearts are dark, the luminosity you anticipate [...] I have [...] I will go [...] my word [...] I send [...]."
Maybe it’s about Auras, which are dull when people are consumed by materialism.
Judas said, "Tell us, Lord, what was [...] before the heaven and the earth existed."
The Lord said, "There was darkness and water, and spirit upon water…”
Just noting the “sensations pass through the immense ‘filter’ of nine Higher-selves before arriving in the etheric ‘ocean’ that surrounds the Spirit”. (TP, page 78)
First Word might mean the 1-st Atomic Force, but I’m not 100% sure.
Mary said, "Of what sort is that mustard seed? Is it something from heaven or is it something from earth?"
The Lord said, "When the Father established the cosmos for himself, he left much over from the Mother of the All. Therefore, he speaks and he acts."
(Когда Отец создал для себя космос, он многое оставил от Матери Всего)
Cleopatra
(13.04.2024. As before, I didn’t know I was Cleopatra when I wrote some of my notes. Later I’d receive many confirmations from my Higher Self I was Cleopatra VII in my past life.
There will be mentions of certain quotes by Cleopatra. When, at a later date, I was searching for them online, some led me to William )
She was the second of Ptolemy XII Auletus’s children. Her older sister,
Berenike IV, had been born in Alexandria in 77 BC, probably to Auletus and his sister Cleopatra V Tryphaena.
Cleopatra VII Thea Philopater was born in early 69 BC (or late 70 BC), then three more children in close succession:
Arsinoe IV (born in 65 BC),
Ptolemy XIII Philopater (born in 61 BC) and
Ptolemy XIV (born in 59 BC).
Ruler
of Egypt (52–30 bce) [22 years], as well as
of Cyprus (47–30 bce) [17 years],
Libya, and Coele-Syria (37–30 bce) [7 years]
The numbers representing how many years Cleopatra ruled over countries are found in several of my lives.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ptolemy_XIV_Philopator
Ptolemy XIII of Egypt died on January 13, 47 BC (aged 14).
Ptolemy XIV Philopator reportedly died on 26 July 44 BC. (exactly 2061 years after my dad died)
Both dates (13, 26) have played huge roles in my current life and in my others. (#curious)
*
I’ve had a dream in which it was said that Vivien Leigh was Cleopatra. There are many ways to think of that dream. Was it even true in any way? Anything is possible now that life has led me to my 2 past lives. So I’d like to see if some synchronicities can be found between Cleopatra and myself (Vivien Leigh, Michele Avila, Evgeny Meshkov + possibly Emma Hamilton if I’ll have more confirmations I was her)
The problem is we live many lives to learn more and more. So if I continue to discover my lives, then it becomes harder to tell synchronicities from the fact that many people will be experiencing similar things in their lives. But maybe it’s about chances. Like there are 365 days in a year, and 7 days in a week, and 12 months in a year – so what are the chances many people will have important events happening on Friday the 13 and in January?
.
Speaking of that dream. I had in on October 8, 2023. And after that dream on that same night, I had the dream in the mirror maze in which I saw myself as that dark haired woman with large breasts. Just thinking if the 2 dreams could be related… could that dark haired woman be Cleopatra?
Now, there’s a bust of Cleopatra and on it Cleopatra’s breasts could be of quite close size to the size of the breasts of the woman in the dream. The question is who made that bust and when, and how accurately it represents Cleopatra?
But then that woman appeared as rather good looking (not a model, but she looked okay), and I hear that people say Cleopatra had some issues with looks… I’d need to check on that. I’d also need to ask my HS in a lucid dream to show me again that dark haired woman. There’s a Roman sculpture of Cleopatra and the face looks different to what I saw in my dream. It should be said the shape of the face of that sculpture looks different to what the dark bust with large breasts shows, which is also closer to how the dark woman looked like in my dream.
Then there’s a painting of Cleopatra and she has red hair in it and face is clearly different to what I saw in my dream.
It should be said some say Cleopatra was beautiful. Others say something else. I think here I’ll just have to rely on (lucid) true dreams.
.
Wiki says “Coins dated to the period of her marriage to Antony, which also bear his image, portray the queen as having a very similar aquiline nose and prominent chin as that of her husband. These similar facial features followed an artistic convention that represented the mutually-observed harmony of a royal couple.
I did think before if maybe the image on the coins was artistic for some reason (e.g. how statues of Thiaooubians in Mu were artistic rather than realistic. If so, then the fact that statues of Cleopatra look like her image on the coins could be explained by sculptures using Cleopatra’s image on the coins. For now it’s all just a speculation.
I played Cleopatra in VL life. I’ve also played Emma Hamilton and it seems like I could have been her in my past life too.
According to Russian Wikipedia Cleopatra was born around 13 of January in 69 BC. But English writes it as Early 69 BC or Late 70 BC. Died on 10 August 30 BC (aged 39)
Born in Alexandria. I could have been named Alexander. (13.10.2024 – As Hypatia I also lived in Alexandria.)
I’ll mention there was a guy who had the middle name of Alexander (C. Alexander S.). His last name also corresponds to the one of the actress who played Ophelia in Hamlet alongside Laurence Olivier. The thing is he clearly didn’t believe my Thiaoouba experiences and eventually he decided to go all in and openly wrote many nasty things about me, including wishing to do me physical harm.
Was Queen of the Ptolemaic Kingdom of Egypt (Ptolemaic Empire was an Ancient Greek state based in Egypt during the Hellenistic period). Was a member of the Ptolemaic dynasty. Her first language was Koine Greek, and she was the only known Ptolemaic ruler to learn the Egyptian language.
As VL I was interested in Greek mythology. In this life I was kinda interested in Egypt. Even thought about learning to read hieroglyphs but thankfully decided not to pursue that idea.
Cleopatra VII Thea Philopator (Cleopatra "father-loving goddess" | “goddess who loves her father”). “Theia” was the name I gave to the Rendering Engine in my application to build 3d models (I’ve stopped working on that project). The names are close and it’s not the first time I encounter such things – e.g. in VL and MA lives.
"Theia was the Titan goddess of sight (thea) and the shining ether of the bright, blue sky (aithre). She was also, by extension, the goddess who endowed gold and silver with their brilliance and intrinsic value. Theia bore the Titan Hyperion three shining children--Helios the Sun, Eos the Dawn, and Selene the Moon. Her name was derived from the Greek words thea "sight" and theiazô "prophesy". She was also named Aithre (Aethra) "Blue-Sky" and Euryphaessa "Wide-Shining"."
People use the 2 words almost interchangeably https://www.reddit.com/r/namenerds/comments/do1kqu/baby_girl_due_in_2_weeks_thea_or_theia/
Maybe nothing. ‘Time to Say Goodbye’ by Sarah Brightman is the song I sometimes remembered when was thinking that I had done all I could for Thiaoouba and it was time to do something else. Then I found my 2 past lives. Sarah Brightman’s Christine played Cleopatra in the music video of ‘The Phantom of the Opera”. Also Christine was extremely close to her father. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christine_Daa%C3%A9
Кристина is the name of that Ostankino girl who walked shelter dogs on her weekends. Dogs relate to my life, to Vivien life, if I was Emma Hamilton she was also portrayed with 2 cute dogs. (13.04.2024. There’s a dream a person had about Cleopatra (VII Thea – me) who gave a dog a drug and then killed it. https://www.reddit.com/r/Dreams/comments/6hpxbz/dream_of_cleopatra/ I found it of interest that of all the animals that person’s dream just had to involve a dog – you should already know how that word, but in Russian, negatively affected my childhood. I’m curious if the dream could have been true… it could explain why I had all those synchronicities with dogs and later I was called by a certain word because 2 people thought my stuttering somehow resembled a dog’s barking or whatever. Also, if the dream was true, it doesn’t mean I harmed a dog in Cleopatra’s life; it could have happened in another life of mine. In Michel Desmarquet’s true dream about Thao’s past life he also saw a statue resembling Thao and not her past life’s physical body – which, I must note, did look similar to her present one).
Watched the 2004 movie ‘The Phantom of the Opera’. Liked it. Gerald Butler plays the Phantom, who is really a man of flesh and blood. Some things may be very distant reflections of my life. Interestingly someone on quora.com compared the Phantom to E.R., whose book I had to read to help myself better deal with my problems.
But, obviously, all of this can be just coincidences. But the reason I even mention such possible syncs is because I read that in the Ancient Egypt people believed or knew there were 2 souls and they believed or knew there is reincarnation, and so they said our lives were intricately intertwined – or something like that.
Cleopatra, then 14 years of age, would have traveled with the Roman expedition into Egypt; years later, Antony would profess that he had fallen in love with her at this time
Some people think that Octavian’s (Augustus) narrative of Cleopatra as of a beautiful seductress may have downplayed her competence and significance as a ruler.
This bit reminded me of how in VL life I didn’t like when people called me pretty, beautiful, because it as if took away from my intelligence and personal achievements.
In The Streetcar Blanche is compared to the queen of the Nile.
Caesar appointed Cleopatra's 12-year-old brother, Ptolemy XIV, as joint ruler with the 22-year-old Cleopatra in a nominal sibling marriage, but Cleopatra continued living privately with Caesar.
21-22 years is about when in VL life I started my theater/movie career.
Cleopatra's Gate in Tarsos (now Tarsus, Mersin, Turkey), is the site where she met Mark Antony in 41 BC.
Antony was 53 years of age when he died by killing himself after hearing the ‘news’ of Cleopatra’s death. In VL life I died at 53.
Cleopatra told Octavian: "I will not be led in a triumph" (said to be the exact words of Cleopatra). Reminded me a little of my VL’s words: “I won’t be ignored”.
Cleopatra’s lovers Julius Caesar and Mark Antony.
There was a time I was walking outside in Moscow and heard how a mother called her child Mark. It stuck in my mind because it’s a rare name to hear in Russia.
Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus (Гай Ю́лий Це́зарь Октавиа́н А́вгуст). Cleopatra died on 10 August 30 BC. Maybe just a coincidence but when you have synchronicities leading you to your many lives anything is possible.
And Octavian died himself on 19 of August, 14 AD.
Purple color. Cleopatra had purple sails on her ship. There’s a picture of Michele Avila, of about 9 years, in which I wear a purple garment with shapes. In this current life I like purple color and I have some purple cloths too. In my childhood I used to have almost full purple cloths too.
*
https://papyrus-stories.com/2020/07/20/on-a-document-signed-by-cleopatra/
On 23 February 33 BCE, the Queen of Egypt, Cleopatra VII, issued a royal ordinance granting.
33. 23 of February is The Defender of the Fatherland Day (День защитника Отечествa) in Russia, but I don’t know if it’s of any connection.
Date: 23 February 33 BCE (26 Mechir, year 19 of Cleopatra’s reign.)
26.
Also
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meshir
Meshir (Coptic: Ⲙⲉϣⲓⲣ), also known as Mechir (Greek: Μεχίρ, Mekhír) and Amshir[1] (Egyptian Arabic: أمشير [ʔæmˈʃiːɾ]), is the sixth month of the ancient Egyptian and Coptic calendars. It lies between February 8 and March 9 of the Gregorian calendar. The month of Meshir is also the second month of the Season of Proyet (Growth and Emergence) in ancient Egypt, when the Nile floods recede and the crops start to grow throughout the land of Egypt.
February 8 was my bd in MA’s life.
.
“The name of the month of Meshir comes from Mechir, the Ancient Egyptian God genius of wind”
Remembered the beloved Gone With the Wind, of course.
*
At one moment in my life (it was May 27) I met with a girl by the name of Maria (Mary) in Tsaritsyno (Царицыно). Царица means a queen. It was a rather important event for me because before that I’d not ventured too far away from my house due to health problems – for 4 years, in fact.
*
Make up. People say Vivien Leigh could apply make up herself and was skillful. Cleopatra wore make up too.
Also, as mentioned earlier, it’s been several lives ago that I stopped caring about make up too much.
From spiritual perspective it makes sense that after using make up you start to learn a thing or two about it and when to use it – if at all. (26.04.2024 – it’s possible I lived a life before Cleopatra – around 1300 years before Cleo’s birth – and I also wore make up then)
*
Since I decided to report everything I notice – no matter if it’s related or not to reincarnation atm – I have to report that my first tenants threw out the furniture I didn’t allow them to. When it was time for them to move out, they paid for that furniture by leaving me their carpets they bought and laid on the floor of my apartment (they also paid some money on top).
It remains to be seen if it’s somehow related to the carpet episode from my life of Cleopatra.
Living in Russia, carpets did appear in my life here and there in other very minor and possibly unrelated episodes.
(READ) Cleopatra: The Egyptian Queen. The Entire Life Story
Kindle Book https://www.amazon.com/CLEOPATRA-EGYPTIAN-QUEEN-ENTIRE-STORY-ebook/dp/B07CNRPSDP/
P 1:
I will not be triumphed over.
I’ve mentioned it ew.
They write she was beautiful and her name is synonymous with sex. The dark-haired woman from the maze matches the description. But I do know some people say the description of Cleopatra can be wrong.
P 4: Her father was called Ptolemy XIII Auletus. It’s an error, he was XII (12 not 13)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ptolemy_XII_Auletes
P 11. Cleopatra was tutored in history, astronomy, medicine, toxicology, and more. A plague made her interested in medicine and poison.
Noting I’m interested in many things. (13.04.2024. The same was in Mary Magdalene’s life; In Hypatia’s life I was, apparently, interested in quite a few sciences too)
I had a strange dream about plague long time ago.
P 12. Cleopatra was the Queen of Egypt at 18.
In this life I found the truth about stuttering at 18. It changed my life.
P 13. Ptolemy XIII was about 8 years younger than Cleopatra.
P 18. People had antipathy toward Cleopatra. Ptolemy XIII and his regents were the source of that.
There’s a light resemblance of a similar situation right now. In regards to some people in TPXP group who misunderstand me and think and spread (purposefully or not) false information about me.
P 19: Cleopatra was 22 when she first met with Ceasar (carpet). The next morning she was made a queen again by Ceasar.
22 is roughly the age when in my VL life my movie/theater career started. Both events played a big role in life.
If I was her, I can actually see myself doing something so unorthodox (carpet story). In pursuit of sharing TP I made some unusual attempts. (#curious)
Plutarch: “interaction with her was captivating, and her appearance, along with her persuasiveness in discussing and her character that accompanied interaction”
P 19. The author speaks about courage and boldness of Cleo.
If I was her, then it’s of interest to me. I had to gain courage telling the truth about my experiences with Thiaoouba – but it relates more to knowing I wouldn’t be believed and so also lonely (no gf or family). But I was also afraid of certain situations and people. Of course, there are many reasons for all of that…
P 24. When Ceasar and Cleopatra were under siege (Achillas with 20k+ people) they had 4000 soldiers in the 4 legions.
20 & 4s
P 24. Cleopatra suggests to Ceasar burning fleet so that wreckage prevents Achillas and his men from attacking from the water. Interesting.
Sadly, the wind fanned the fire, spreading it to the library at Alexandria.
https://www.quora.com/What-really-happened-to-the-Library-of-Alexandria
People don’t know for sure who’s to blame for the distraction of so many valuable texts.
I noted that I had to deal with libraries in my life, giving them copies of my Russian translation of Thiaoouba Prophecy. Many libraries got rid of them and the fate of those books is unknown. I understand the importance of keeping knowledge preserved and safe. Maybe there is something here if I was Cleo.
Also (from above url), it says that in 2002 the Bibliotheca Alexandrina opened in Alexandria. It has space for 8 million books and the main reading room is 220,000 square feet.
I was 14 then and the date is important to me. 8, 2s & 20s can be observed again.
P 26. Probably nothing. Cleopatra ordered digging of wells in the city for Ganymedes (Arinsoe’s tutor) was injecting seawater into the fresh water canals. Just reminded me of how in this life, when I was a child, I was digging dugout house and then at least 3 holes in the ground. Some of them were dug with my village friends.
P 27. Cleopatra showcases herself as Living Isis, mother of Horus, the sun god.
When I did my first and only practice of remote viewing, I had a warm feeling in my chest area. Then it turned out the picture was of the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacan.
Pyramid could also be some connection to Cleopatra.
This is good time to note how in my childhood I saw the pictures of Anubis and I think they raised mixed feelings in me. There were some traces of fright too.
P 27. Cleopatra took 400 Roman ships, along with her own pleasure barque.
Maybe me thinking too much of it. Michel Desmarquet was taken by Thiaooubians on his journey on 26 June of 1987. There are 400 days between that date and my birthday on 30.07.1988. He returned 9 days after on July 5, 1987 – almost 20 years after my death in VL life (19 years, 11 months, 26/27 days).
26 itself has played a big role in my life. So has 27.
P 28. Cleopatra married Ceasar who already had a wife.
P 29. They mentioned the stigma of ‘home wrecking’ which stained Cleopatra’s image. ‘Home wrecking’ are the words used by the person who generously shared what Tamara said about me in my Vivien life – which was of great help to me for it was yet another piece of evidence I was VL. (#reflection-life)
P 30. Caesareum.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesareum_of_Alexandria
There are 2 obelisks – Cleopatra’s needles – which stand now in Central Park in New York City and on the Thames Embankment, in London. In VL life I lived in both cities. It’s possible I saw those obelisks in person too then.
Nelson’s name is written on the plaque of Cleopatra’s needle in London, which was gifted in 1819 by Muhammad Ali - Ottoman Albanian governor and de facto ruler of Egypt from 1805 to 1848.
13.04.2024. I was killed at the steps of Caesareum in Hypatia’s life; probably for the crime of ordering to kill Arsinoe IV.
P 30 Mark Antony fell under the spell of an actress.
P 34. Cleopatra wore cosmetics but also gauzy gowns. Reminded me of what Tamara wrote about my visit to her when I was Vivien Leigh. I had similar clothes on.
P 34. Cleopatra stayed in Rome for 2 years. Unfortunately for me she was carried in a litter by slaves. (#error) – was it paid for?
She was exotic, beautiful & one of a kind.
Also, she stayed at Ceasar’s Greek styled garden estate. In VL like I was interested in Greek mythology.
She held frequent dinners. Brightest minds of Rome were invited to come and have philosophical debates. This reminds me of first of all myself who’s interested in life; also about that philosophy woman near the Preobrazenskaya ploshad metro – near the statue. This would imply, if I was Cleopatra, that I already had some spiritual knowledge? So I had lived before and had several lives at least.
P 37. Caesar, descendant of Venus. Had a friend Венера (Venus) on vk.com who was Russian and lived in London. She was the one whom I’d ask to add me back as admin to groups about movies and tv series.
P 38 may explain, if I was Cleopatra, why I had to be born in modern day Russia and have no means of leaving it for another country.
Monarchy, dictatorship, power etc. I may have tasted or was in literal arms’ reach to those things myself and now live on the other side of the barricades, learning what it’s like. (#error) if the speculations of scholars are true.
P 42 Ceasar had epilepsy. Reminded me of how my mother had to deal with it many years ago – before I was born from what I know (don’t want to ask her and possibly upset or bring bad memories)
P 45 Cleopatra ordered to kill her brother Ptolemy XIV. He was strangled to death. (#error). As Vivien I suffocated. As Michele I was drowned. In this life I also had breath problems – still do. Could be connected to those events.
Noting - There was a dream in which Thao told me I killed my mother (in another life of course).
P 48 speaks of Tarsus, city in modern day Turkey. Mentioned it elsewhere.
P 48 It’s often mentioned Cleopatra was reincarnation of the goddess Isis. Unless Isis was a real person it’s impossible. It’s just interesting I have found my past lives and know a bit about the actual process of reincarnation.
P 50. Mentions hosts. A theme common in VL life. Cleopatra told Antony he was a perfect host, simply presenting the true face of who he really was (when she accepted his invitation to come to Forum of Tarsus. It was the third day. On first two Antony would come to her pleasure barge)
P 53: Cleopatra: “Be it known that we, the greatest, are misthought.”
I don’t think of myself as greatest or whatever, but my experience with Thiaoouba and my lives are shining quite brightly. I am ‘misthought’ often by people who for some reason create their own versions or ideas about me. (#reflection-life)
P 53 compares Cleopatra with an actress.
P 54 mentions licentious parties that Antony and Cleopatra visited
P 58 Fulvia, Antony’s wife, was ill and depressed. So, I was sleeping with other women’s husbands long time ago before my VL life. But surely I must have paid the penalty for those errors in 2000 years?
P 60 mentions Cleopatra exchanged many letters with Antony. Possible additional connection to the fact that I wanted to learn to write when was a child.
P 63. Antioch, city which Cleopatra visited and where Mark also was present, is located now in Turkey. It’s yet another connection to Turkey. I can also wonder atm how Natasha is related to all this; what lives did she live?
P 65 In his will Antony bequeathed everything he owned – including much Roman territory – to Cleopatra and their progeny.
This reminded me of how that one man - Sir Ernest Davis – whom I met in Vivien Leigh life bequeathed some of his possessions to VL (brewery shares worth of nearly 20000 pounds at the time) (#reflection-life)
P 67 says Cleopatra was beloved and loyal queen. She treated her subjects with fairness and open hand.
P 68 Cleopatra starts building ‘House of Eternity’ – a tomb in Alexandria. It was a tradition, but Antony’s soldiers may have seen this as a sign of Cleopatra preparing to lose. Many deserted to Octavian’s camp.
P 71. Cleopatra tried to keep Antony happy. Then she also had coming-of-age celebration for Caesarion, who was 16.
Coming of age relates to Gone with the Wind and my current life’s experiences. In MA life I was 16 when I had a chance to see who Karen truly was.
P 72. Antony refused to kill Cleopatra to be pardoned, and Cleopatra did the same. They were loyal to one another.
P 75 Antony died in Cleopatra’s arms after he tried to kill himself, thinking Cleopatra was dead. She went mad with grief, tearing hair and smearing herself with his blood.
Maybe nothing bad my MA’s hair were torn before murder.
P 75. They write that a venomous snake bit Cleopatra on her breast. But some say it was poison.
P 78. Cleopatra improved lives of common Egyptians. (#spiritual-knowledge)
P 78. Mentions Cleopatra had reputation for sexual excess. It also says it’s a lie because she had 2 husbands. Regardless, I did have sexual excess in my Vivien Leigh life; in my current life lack off sex, while having high sexual drive, is one of main reasons for my troubles; it’s possible in other lives I also had high sex drives.
Cleopatra: A Biography by Duane W. Roller
(haven’t read this book yet)
Cleo Quotes
I will not be triumphed over.
My honour was not yielded, but conquered merely.
Fool! Don't you see now that I could have poisoned you a hundred times had I been able to live without you.
All strange and terrible events are welcome, but comforts we despise.
In praising Antony I have dispraised Caesar.
Be it known that we, the greatest, are misthought.
Is he a good man?" "Define 'good'.
Leave the fishing-rod, Great General, to us sovereigns of Pharos and Canopus. Your game is cities and kings and continents.
And make death proud to take us.
Thoughts
I’m a bit sad that the movie I made in VL life wasn’t historically accurate.
Links to Read
(READ) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleopatra
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Early_life_of_Cleopatra
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Cleopatra
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reign_of_Cleopatra
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Alexandria_(47_BC)
https://penelope.uchicago.edu/~grout/encyclopaedia_romana/miscellanea/cleopatra/bust.html
https://www.worldhistory.org/Cleopatra_VII/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1st_century_BC
(READ) https://www.britannica.com/story/what-did-cleopatra-look-like
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isis
Other Books I Might Read
Cleopatra: A Life, Stacy Schiff, © 2010, Little, Brown and Company, New York, New York.
Cleopatra: A Sourcebook, Prudence Jones, editor, © 2006, University of Oklahoma Press, Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Cleopatra and Antony: Power, Love and Politics in the Ancient World, Diane Preston, © 2009 Walker Publishing Company, New York, New York.
Cleopatra the Great: The Woman Behind the Legend, Dr. Joann Fletcher, © 2011 Harper Collins, New York, New York.
The Divine Julius Caesar, Plutarch, translated by Prudence Jones, © 2006, University of Oklahoma Press, Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Egypt in the Age of Cleopatra, Michael Chauveau, translated by David Lorton, © 2000 Cornell University Press, New York, New York.
Life of Antony, Plutarch, translated by Prudence Jones, © 2006, University of Oklahoma Press, Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Hypatia
(13.04.2024. Similarly to my experiences with my other past lives: At first, I had no idea I was Hypatia – in fact, as you’ll read shortly, I didn’t even think Hypatia’s story is related to me at all. But I made a note of its sadness… then, after I learned I was Mary Magdalene, I was thinking about Hypatia’s tragic demise and realized that actually it would made all the sense in the world that after ordering the murder of Arsinoe IV I could be born as Hypatia and in the end pay the penalty for my awful crime… I’ve asked my Higher Self who I was in the time Hypatia lived, and in several dreams I got a clear answer – Hypatia.)
Perhaps unrelated to anything concerning me too closely. Just a sad story.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypatia
13.03.2024 - actually... It would make a lot of sense if I was her and had to die like this for being the instigator of Arsinoe IV’s death at the steps of a temple… both crimes shook the nations
It sure would have been poetic to be murdered for my own crime in or at the temple I myself conceived in Cleopatra’s life.
As before, I’m writing my speculations only for now, and I simply ask could I have been Hypatia based on the known facts about her. To save space I won’t be repeating words like “IF I was Hypatia this or that could be the reason or connection to this or that”.
Born c. 350–370 AD
Alexandria, Province of Egypt, Eastern Roman Empire
Died March 415 AD (aged 45–65)
Alexandria, Province of Egypt, Eastern Roman Empire
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neoplatonism
This makes a lot more sense than what the distorted Bible teaches. They believed in reincarnation too. It’s possible Higher Selves and different categories of the soul could be part of their views also. Aftermaths of joining with the Spirit seem the same. Essentially, many views resonate with what Thiaooubians taught Michel Desmarquet.
Plato, who was mentioned by Thao as someone who’d report things accurately, plays the key role in this philosophy which is interpretation of Plato.
If I was this woman, it’d make sense my life was attached to this philosophy.
In Vivien Leigh’s life I quoted Plato in my Commonplace Book. That quote concerns the question of how to choose rulers.
-
She was murdered by a mob of Christians led by a lector named Peter.
Peter was one of Jesus’ apostles and there was some kind of negativity from him towards me in Mary’s life.
People by the name of Victor have played roles, sometimes negative, in my three lives: myself, Missy, Vivien.
The fact they were Christians may also have some deeper meaning.
Towards the end of her life, Hypatia advised Orestes, the Roman prefect of Alexandria, who was in the midst of a political feud with Cyril, the bishop of Alexandria. Rumors spread accusing her of preventing Orestes from reconciling with Cyril and, in March 415 AD, she was murdered by a mob of Christians led by a lector named Peter.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyril_of_Alexandria
It’s the same Cyril, who was the president of the Council of Ephesus in 431, where the 3rd important distortion of the Bible took place.
That council was held in the Church of Mary (who gave birth to Jesus), located it the city where some scholars say Mary Magdalene died. It’s also the city where Cleopatra’s sister was murdered.
(Maybe nothing. Cyril died on June 27, 444. IT (2017) movie started filming on June 27, 2016, in Toronto. Number 27 itself is a sync with IT. Three 4s are of interest too.)
The mob stripped Hypatia naked and murdered her using ostraka, which can either be translated as "roof tiles" or "oyster shells".
I collected small shells on the Ока river. I also used to collect oysters from the Тельвяково lake; we thought to eat them but then released them into a local pond near our village (or maybe it was local river). Roof tiles don’t ring any bells; I had to repair roof of our house, but it wasn’t covered with tiles of any kind.
She was a Neoplatonist philosopher, astronomer, and mathematician.
Philosophy played role in Cleopatra’s, Vivien’s, and my lives.
I like astronomy in this life. But in Vivien’s life math wasn’t my favorite at all.
Caesareum of Alexandria was converted to Christian church in the late 4th century – (for references, late 20th century typically refers to 1970-1999). So it happened during the time Hypatia definitely lived.
This could be a possible connection to Mary Magdalene.
It was also the time in the middle of the distortions of the Bible taking place.
20 is the difference between 350 & 370 (2 of possible dates of birth).
She wrote a commentary on Diophantus's thirteen-volume Arithmetica.
13
Theon, Hypatia’s father, was the head of a school called the "Mouseion" (мусейон).
It sounds similar to «Музеон». It’s located in Gorki Park.
Although Hypatia herself was a pagan, she was tolerant of Christians.
Bible was doctored with by that time. What exactly was removed in the 2 councils isn’t known. But if the teachings about reincarnation were removed, then it would make sense that as Hypatia I wasn’t interested in Christian religion, even though just a life before I was [probably] Mary Magdalene (according to an answer I got in a dream. Ideally, I’d need to reconfirm that at some point).
Seven letters by Synesius to Hypatia have survived.
Synesius describes Hypatia as "... a person so renowned, her reputation seemed literally incredible. We have seen and heard for ourselves she who honorably presides over the mysteries of philosophy." Synesius preserves the legacy of Hypatia's opinions and teachings, such as the pursuit of "the philosophical state of apatheia—complete liberation from emotions and affections".
The Christian historian Socrates of Constantinople, a contemporary of Hypatia, describes her in his Ecclesiastical History:
There was a woman at Alexandria named Hypatia, daughter of the philosopher Theon, who made such attainments in literature and science, as to far surpass all the philosophers of her own time. Having succeeded to the school of Plato and Plotinus, she explained the principles of philosophy to her auditors, many of whom came from a distance to receive her instructions. On account of the self-possession and ease of manner which she had acquired in consequence of the cultivation of her mind, she not infrequently appeared in public in the presence of the magistrates. Neither did she feel abashed in going to an assembly of men. For all men on account of her extraordinary dignity and virtue admired her the more.
Damascius writes that Hypatia was "exceedingly beautiful and fair of form".
Damascius states that Hypatia remained a lifelong virgin and that, when one of the men who came to her lectures tried to court her, she tried to soothe his lust by playing the lyre. When he refused to abandon his pursuit, she rejected him outright, displaying her bloody menstrual rags and declaring "This is what you really love, my young man, but you do not love beauty for its own sake."
(Assuming it’s true)
Reminded me of my Vivien Leigh life. Some people thought a beautiful girl can’t act.
13.04.2024. It may also have been an (#error). Being a virgin for at least 30+ years (excluding the childhood and early teenager years) certainly means living at an extreme – and as I came to realize that’s an error. If the prostitution rumors about me in Mary’s life are true, then it would also make sense I decided not to have sex in Hypatia’s life. And this would confirm my ideas that we, people, live our lives by going from one extreme point to another until we reach equilibrium in the middle – in the perfect balance (The Delicate Balance).
Orestes frequently consulted Hypatia for advice because she was well-liked among both pagans and Christians alike, she had not been involved in any previous stages of the conflict, and she had an impeccable reputation as a wise counselor.
If I was her, this may relate to how in several of my lives I cared too much about the [negative] opinions of others.
Although no concrete evidence was ever discovered definitively linking Cyril to the murder of Hypatia, it was widely believed that he had ordered it. Even if Cyril had not directly ordered the murder himself, his smear campaign against Hypatia had inspired it.
Hypatia wrote in Greek, which was the language spoken by most educated people in the Eastern Mediterranean at the time.
Greek was one of the languages I was interested in. But no time to learn it.
According to Mary Ellen Waithe, Hypatia used an unusual algorithm for division (in the then-standard sexagesimal numeral system), making it easy for scholars to pick out which parts of the text she had written.
Damascius was not entirely kind to Hypatia either; he characterizes her as nothing more than a wandering Cynic, and compares her unfavorably with his own teacher Isidore of Alexandria, remarking that "Isidorus greatly outshone Hypatia, not just as a man does over a woman, but in the way a genuine philosopher will over a mere geometer.
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cynicism_(philosophy) According to Cynicism, people are reasoning animals and the purpose of life and the way to gain happiness is to achieve virtue, in agreement with nature, following one's natural sense of reason by living simply and shamelessly free from social constraints. The Cynics (Ancient Greek: Κυνικοί, Latin: Cynici) rejected all conventional desires for wealth, power, glory, social recognition, conformity, and worldly possessions and even flouted such conventions openly and derisively in public.
It may not be such a bad thing. Kind of makes sense if I was Hypatia.)
The intellectual Eudokia Makrembolitissa (1021–1096), the second wife of Byzantine emperor Constantine X Doukas, was described by the historian Nicephorus Gregoras as a "second Hypatia".
Perhaps it’s nothing, but only Hypatia’s father is mentioned. Nothing is known about her mother. If I was her, I must have been murdered in the life for the crime done in Cleopatra’s life, and so I should mention this meaning:
Cleopatra "father-loving goddess" | “goddess who loves her father”
In Greek, Cleopatra means “famous in her father.” Her full name means “Cleopatra the Father-Loving Goddess.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyril_of_Alexandria
Hypatia, an astronomer, philosopher and mathematician who had considerable moral authority in the city of Alexandria, and who had extensive influence.
“…later historian Byzantinist Fr. Adrian Fortescue, says that the mob of Christian Parabalanies and Peter, cruelly tore her to pieces on the steps of a church.”
“steps” word was in italics. Arsinoe was killed on the steps of a temple. This could be the most direct connection to the crime made in my Cleopatra life if I was Hypatia.
“Damascius adds that they also cut out her eyeballs. They tore her body into pieces and dragged her limbs through the town to a place called Cinarion, where they set them on fire. According to Watts, this was in line with the traditional manner in which Alexandrians carried the bodies of the "vilest criminals" outside the city limits to cremate them as a way of symbolically purifying the city.”
There was a dream – dream in a dream which could actually be a true dream relating to one of my Cleopatra’s crimes – in which the words “convicted [murderer?/criminal?]” were mentioned.
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444 years between Cleopatra’s death and Hypatia’s. (Cyril died in 444)
(2014 years between Missy’s & Cleopatra’s deaths.
1400 years between Emma’s & Cleopatra’s deaths.)
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https://www.amazon.com/Hypatia-Legend-Ancient-Philosopher-Antiquity-ebook/dp/B01N7WCTCL/
*
https://penelope.uchicago.edu/~grout/encyclopaedia_romana/greece/paganism/hypatia.html
The murder of Hypatia happened in the 4th year of Cyril’s episcopate.
Synesius of Cyrene addresses seven letters to Hypatia and refers to her in some others.
Hypatia was killed by “ostrakon” – can be translated as “a tile or potsherd”, but has been also translated as “shells”. The words “oyster shells” has also been used.
Maybe nothing (especially if Hypatia wasn’t killed by oyster shells), just reminded me of how recently I learned that Cleopatra liked pearls, which are made by marine oysters and freshwater mussels.
There’s a story about the death of Mark the Evangelist.
It reminded me that Mark Antony and the person who actually killed Arsinoe IV had to suffer for that murder too – or maybe they haven’t yet paid for that crime as of today. So it got me thinking if, perhaps, that Mark the Evangelist could have been one of them. But maybe he used to be someone else in his past life. It’s just a thought I’m noting.
*
https://www.livius.org/sources/content/synesius/synesius-letter-010/
Seems to me Hypatia didn’t write letters too often to Synesius
*
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/premium/article/murder-hypatia-philosopher-alexandria
It says in the article that Neoplatonism combined spirituality and science, and applied math and astronomy to philosophy as means to understand the world, the universe, and the individual’s place in it. They sought the knowledge of the One – the supreme being from which all things emanate.
I can totally see myself here. In fact, I might have hinted towards the same ideas in my videos and book. (#spiritual-knowledge) (?) for even though I was Magdalene several centuries ago, I wasn’t inclined to attach myself to the already distorted Bible (I can only assume they removed the teachings about reincarnation by the time of my life as Hypatia).
It looks like Hypatia was not a devout pagan, did not practice theurgy, magic and oracles. Many other Neoplatonists did.
It’s also said Hypatia stayed neutral while Christians and pagans clashed.
Maybe it’s another indicator of (#spiritual-knowledge). I can totally see myself in this description. I guess now that I know I was MM, it’s no surprise I had some spiritual understanding (*) present in my soul at that time.
* - regarding specific subjects, of course. Later lives of mine proved that I had still to learn some things about how to live.
Arian George of Cappadocia was killed in A.D. 361.
Proterius was killed in A.D. 457.
It’s said in the article all 3 murders share similar patterns.
I’d need to read about those people. For now, I’ll say this:
I used to ponder if the souls of Mark Antony and the person who actually killed Arsinoe IV already paid their penalties. I knew that 3 people were involved in it. It just so happens I know now for a fact I was Hypatia and I died in such a brutal way for the error I had made as Cleopatra. So, it got me thinking if Arian George of Cappadocia and Proterius could have been Mark Antony and the person who killed Arsinoe IV?
Maybe I’ll ask my HS this question. (13.04.2024 – I did ask but I don’t know if I got any answers. Maybe I’ll ask it again one night.)
