October 23, 2023

INCELS and One of the ULTIMATE REASONS for Their Suffering

 

Hello!

 

I will approach the topic of incels from the perspective of reincarnation. I know about its existence from my personal life experience, which I talked about in my other videos and in the free eBook Simple Truths of Life. There you can find the details. Let me just say that for me reincarnation is not a belief, but knowledge. And I was even able to find one of my past lives; that confirmed the correctness of my conclusions, which I will talk about later.

Much of what I have said can be proven, and I even recorded two telekinesis sessions to show and prove that telekinesis is a reality and not a fantasy from books, films and video games.

 

To begin with, I’ll talk very briefly about the main thing. The Universe was created by the Superior Intelligence, which implanted a part of itself into a human being. The Superior Intelligence wanted to receive the sensations that people experience while living in their physical bodies, but it did not want to receive bad sensations. To filter them, there are 9 Higher Selves - which you may have heard about when people who had a near-death experience said that they saw the light at the end of the tunnel. That light is the Higher Self.

Further, all actions and decisions have consequences and we must suffer for our wrong decisions. This is one of the reasons why many incels cannot find a partner, no matter what they do.

 

It should be noted that sex is a normal, natural thing for people, but in order not to make a mistake, there must be love and spiritual affinity between the partners. If people sleep with everyone, act in XXX films, cheat, etc., then one of their subsequent lives may well be spent without any sexual experience and love. If a person learns his lesson - he understands why sexual interactions with just anyone is a mistake, in our case - then he will acquire spiritual knowledge, and, for example, we will assume that in the next life the person will have a body that will be liked by others, he will no longer sleep with casual people, he will eventually find a mate, and will no longer cheat on them.

 

I found confirmation of my thoughts when I found my past life. It would be very long to explain why I am sure and how I know that it was my very soul that inhabited that body - I plan to make a video about that experience, as well as write a free book where all the evidence will be given - so for now I will just say the name. Vivian Mary Hartley, known to many as actress Vivien Leigh.

Vivien had many positive moments in her life, but, alas, mistakes were also made. She stole husbands, cheated, and slept with other casual people.

There are many scenes in her films that are reflected in my life. So it turns out that even some details in the film and stage roles can be an error for the actor, unless, as I assume, the character portrayed is punished for his mistakes in the story. The thing is movies have an influence on people - this is obvious and logical - and when a character is not punished for mistakes, then some viewers may have the impression that the wrong action is the right one, and he may want to repeat it in life, hurting others in the process. Of course, this is just one simple example. I won’t go into details here, but it was the seemingly innocent roles in the films in which I played in my life as Vivien Leigh that were part of the reason for my stuttering, baldness, heart problems, and some of the main details of my experience with the girl named Natasha, who had to engage in prostitution, are almost exactly reflected in several scenes in the film Waterloo Bridge.

In my life as Vivien Leigh, I did not suffer much for those mistakes, but in this life I am paying in full.

While studying Vivien's life, I found many reflections and interconnections with my current life. But not all erroneous decisions of a past life are absolutely accurately reflected in the next. There is still much to be learned about the process of reincarnation, but so far it appears that various factors influence the events that we must encounter in our lives.

 

Besides reincarnation, there are other reasons why some people cannot find a partner. Here the reason lies in the decisions made in this life.

I've noticed that some incels look for a partner based on appearance. This is also a mistake.

I believe that in any life situation people make a decision that they believe will bring them some benefit - and it can be both material and spiritual - and those decisions are based on the material and spiritual knowledge that those people have regarding that situation in life.

Therefore, if a person does not have spiritual knowledge at all, then he will mainly seek benefit for himself, and it does not matter if his actions negatively affect other people. This person could be you too.

Of course, beautiful people can also be very spiritual people who have lived many lives and learned many lessons from them; What I'm saying here is that you shouldn't be obsessing with appearances. Focus more on who the person is in his moral, intellectual and spiritual qualities.

 

Further. Some incels, not understanding the reasons for their suffering - their own wrong decisions in past lives - go to the extreme and take the lives of other people, believing that this way they will somehow punish society for their own problems caused by their own decisions. Fortunately, there are not many such people.

In fact, they made another mistake, for which they will also have to suffer. When the ex-criminal does live a family life, someone or something will take away from him one of the members of his family - and perhaps all of them - so that he finds out on his own hide what the relatives of the people whose lives he once took experienced.

Of course, in some cases, prison can also be the price to pay for a mistake- perhaps in some cases it can even pay for the error completely.

But if such a criminal decided to avoid a prison term and removed himself from life, then in this case, in addition to all of the above, I believe he will have to be an incel again - after all, he has not learned his lesson.

 

In the end, I will mention that there are other joys in life beside sex. Instead of focusing on this topic, you can engage in self-development, acquiring spiritual understanding about life - after all, spiritual knowledge, unlike material knowledge, is not erased when we are reborn into a new life. And it will definitely help you not to make new old mistakes in your next lives.

Also, the psyche is part of the soul and therefore does not die either, and the data in the psyche is also preserved and passes with us from life to life. Therefore, if a person has psychological problems, it would not hurt him to eliminate them in his current life.

I know this from my own experience now that I have found one of my past lives. I have many psychological similarities with Vivien Leigh. As you may know, she suffered mentally. The problems were not completely resolved, and at certain moments in my current life those unresolved problems showed themselves. But I was able to learn enough about psychology during self-analysis to eliminate many of my psychological problems. Sometimes old habits bring back old problems, but I have made great progress; And knowing the exact cause of much of my suffering may help me finally break free of the remaining negative habits I've had for a couple of decades.

 

I won’t make the video very long and will end it here.

Thanks for watching and I hope this video helps other people in their lives.

October 22, 2023

Prophetic Dreams - My Experience

 

(I started recording the video and narrated without a script from memory. I only wrote the script starting from the second prophetic dream that I had.)

#2 - 3:

I was in a store called Pyaterochka, which was located in the building where in reality there’s a pet shop. As it turned out the Pyaterochka was almost completely empty. I took sprats and flakes - which I realized only when I was about to leave – and so I put them back on the shelves near the cash register on the left side of the store. It was the only place in the store that had the presence of products.

Until that moment, I walked the entire length of the store towards Открытое Шоссе, and I remember that someone either accompanied me, or was always there.

I left the empty store and decided to go to Pyaterochka, which I sometimes went to before. It was somewhere behind the 4th Grazhdanskaya street, and I remembered its internal arrangement very well - after all, I had already been in that store more than once.

I passed the big long house which some locals call bastille; crossed the road; and then I quickly crossed the 4th Grazhdanskaya street and went to the right. This is where the dream began to diverge from reality.

The crosswalk was in the wrong place.

On my way I made a comment about the snow on the football field to the girl who was walking in front of me. She did not answer anything, but after a while she asked some trivial question from another girl passing by - I thought she did this so that someone else was next to her.

I passed through the iron gate... I walked for a while before I realized I was in the wrong place. I was at the end of some long house - which was similar in shape to my house.

On my phone I opened a map and searched for nearest Pyaterochka store. It was somewhere behind me.

Then a few guys came up to me – maybe numbering 4. They asked something and I decided to answer them. I think the conversation was about the Pyaterochka, and the fact that I got lost. I was cautious about those guys…

Eventually I went to my destination and woke up...

 

Now I need to mention that not only this dream would later turn out to be prophetic – I’ll get to that – but it was also one of those dreams in which you have a memory that you never actually had in your real life. Despite this in the dream you don’t even question that memory – it seems to have always been with you.

Such was the case about me remembering not only the Pyaterochka store which in reality cannot physically exist in the place I knew it was in the dream, but I also its layout. In fact the layout was very similar to the 24 hours store, which in reality used to be in the exact place where the empty Pyaterochka was in my dream. So there is some connection and merging here.

What’s more shortly after I woke up I still had that dream memory of that Pyaterochka, which should be in the yards behind the highway... but I knew that it wasn’t there. I even opened Yandex Maps to make sure.

I used to have other dreams in which I had a memory of something that I definitely could not experience in real life. So I’m thinking - did I have a dream about that Pyaterochka before, but I didn’t remember it, and then suddenly in another dream I remembered it? Or was the memory about that store written into my Astral Body during that same dream? Technically from the book Thiaoouba Prophecy it’s known that such thing is possible; our Astral Body assimilates the knowledge about the Universe and the Superior Intelligence when we await a new reincarnation.

 

During that night it was still about 6-7 o'clock in the morning, and I fell asleep again.

I had a dream where I was in the corridor of the apartment building I live in, but the apartment number was different – although very similar to mine – in fact in reality there was a moment when I found in my mailbox the mail addressed to that apartment and I had to go and place it into the correct mailbox.

The apartment in the dream was also located very close to the garbage chute.

At one point I was able to gain control over my body for a while and the dream became simi lucid.  

I remember that there was a woman who was at the garbage chute. It was very dark there. She, it seems, beckoned me to come to her in that darkness, but I did not want to do this at all.

I told her about the fact that the door number was wrong. And she eerily answered that “they rented the apartment”.

I decided to ring the bell.

Nobody opened.

Then I opened the door myself to see the rather familiar furniture arrangement of my actual apartment.

All was in darkness, and only the light coming from the corridor dimly illuminated the furniture.

I woke up.

 

On March 20th, 2023. I went to the Pyaterochka store on Khalturinskaya street 15. All refrigerators were empty there - there was no meat, sausages, yogurts, cheese, etc., because they were in the process of replacing the old refrigerators and removed all the food from them. The only products one could buy at that time were the ones which don’t require refrigeration – sprats, cereals etc.

It was the same scene as in my first dream the night before.

 

On the next day – March 21st, 2023, it turned out that two relatives of the woman I rent out my apartment to did not live in my apartment despite me doing migration registration for them as per the request of the woman.

By law, they must live where they are registered. If not, then the person who registered such migrants who don’t live in his apartment can be fined 500 000 rubles, or go to jail for several years.

During our conversation the woman, it turned out, knew about this fact and still didn’t tell me the critical information – that her relatives wouldn’t be living along with them.

Eventually I ended up annulling the migration registration for her two relatives in order to be safe.

 

Here’s my thoughts on that last dream:

That apartment in the dream was empty, although the woman at the garbage chute said that "they" rented the apartment.

But at the same time, there is no one in it?

How so?

There is definitely a certain connection with the fact that the people who I thought were living in my rented apartment were not actually there - it was empty in this regard.

That woman in the dark could reflect the one to whom I rented out the apartment. And the darkness could indicate that she is hiding something – something which is difficult to see.

 

#4

October 1, 2023

 

The day after I watched “The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone” with Vivien Leigh. At the end I saw another reflection of my life in the film.

Spoilers! She supposedly dies by a man cutting her throat off screen; and many years ago I had three dreams in which I died exactly the same way.

Here I’ll need to very briefly note that during the past month I had an interesting dream in which I was saying in 40 year old plus Vivien Leigh’s voice that I was her in my past life. Later I would find the proof that it is true. It would take a long time to explain everything the correct way, and I’m planning to make a detailed video about it.

For now, let’s get back to my dream.

There were two people there. One was definitely a girl, and maybe the second person was male.

It’s a bit disturbing but they were in a narrow alley with walls on both sides, and they died the same way I mentioned above. I don’t remember who was the criminal.

Then I saw their heads being lifted, almost disconnecting from their bodies... not the best sight - and certainly not the best place to have a lucid dream at.

Half-awake, I had thoughts in my sleep about Vivien. And also at one time I saw the tag “leather”.

I woke up.

 

During that day I was walking home from Pyaterochka store I mentioned earlier. I had a big bag of products in my right hand.

As I was nearing the turn to the narrow diagonal pathway near the school, I decided to take the bag with my left hand.

I turned to walk on the narrow pathway.

Then a strange incident happened. A guy and a girl were walking towards me. They occupied the entire narrow sidewalk. Since I had just changed my hand - I decided to go to the left side, where the girl was walking, so that they would only need to move a little to their left... But no. The girl didn’t move at all, and the guy stepped right behind her, and our shoulders slightly collided. A moment later I realized that he was a disdainful - and she too, apparently, since that’s why he came towards me – and at that time I was already walking at the edge of the path.

He had red curly hair and later I thought that maybe I knew him before in school. That guy had similar hair and lacked the respect too.

Later that day I would realize that I had another prophetic dream that night.

The narrow sidewalk is reflected in the dream’s narrow alley;

And it showed a girl and, most likely, a man, who were the center of attention – of too much attention. And I actually gave those two people in reality way too much attention and thoughts then was required.

Another interesting thing to note here is that October 1st 2023 was the day Michelle Avila died 38 years ago. Two people killed her. Michele is a person with whom I have a lot of synchronicities and it’s possible that I was also her in my past life after the life of Vivien Leigh. I have a video about that experience.

(* Just to note, just in case, at the age of 38, Vivien starred in A Streetcar Named Desire. It has synchronicity with Michelle (broken bottle; advice to leave the guy)

And in Hamlet Vivien plays Ophelia who drowns in a brook – same as Michele.)

 

#5

This one will be short. Scotty Bowers wrote a book titled “Full Service”.

Knowing I was Vivien Leigh in one of my past lives, and being interested in learning how reincarnation works, it was of interest to me to know if what he wrote about Vivien was true.

There were people who said that he must have invented the stories about the dead people who can’t say otherwise anymore; but then on Wikipedia they actually say that some of people he claimed he was with actually confirmed his story in the book to be true.

I tried asking my Higher Self to show me red roses in the dream if it was; and yellow lilies if it wasn’t.

Since I was so tired I don’t recall the details of the dream I had, but I do remember that I was Vivien Leigh – I was having her body – and during the night I also tried to see if I some parts of the dream would stand out. Did I see any colors in it? Reds? Yellows? That’s when it dawned on me that the dream could have actually been black and white.

The next day, before I went to sleep, I saw an interview with Scotty Bowers. Minutes into the interview I noticed that there was no color – essentially it was black and white with a hint of blueish tint.

https://youtu.be/1S460gCmoRI?si=RuqPSNLYKev5EESN

When I found his book online and read the parts about Vivien Leigh, I saw yet another synchronicity between our lives, which I wrote in my notes about Vivien.

Here’s the screenshot if you want to read it.

 


It looks like his story is actually true.

 

I wanted to make this video so that people understand that not only prophetic dreams are real, but sometimes they do matter and can even help us if we identify the prophetic dream before we encounter its reflection in reality.

The theme of another type of dreams – called true dream - will be important in my next planned video about how I learned that I was actually the actress Vivien Leigh.

On this note goodbye!

July 10, 2023

Science, Charlatans, Skepticism & Knowledge

 


History knows many instances when people discovered or rediscovered something new, but they were not believed – yet they were proved to be right later.

Here’s several EXAMPLES:

1.      When the concept of electromagnetic waves was first proposed around 1864, it was met with great skepticism. As a result, the idea languished for a long time.

2.      Alfred Wegener ( /ˈveɪɡənər/; ) proposed that Earth’s continents move very slowly. Wegener’s theory of continental drift was rejected by most other scientists during his lifetime.

3.      Ignaz Semmelweis ( [ˈɪɡnaːts ˈzɛml̩vaɪs] ) published evidence that when doctors washed their hands before examining or treating patients, the mortality rate for women in his birthing ward in Vienna, Austria, was greatly reduced.
Although Semmelweis cut death rates in his own hospital, his attempts to spread the word failed.
Worse, he got clinically depressed when his work was rejected and started behaving odd. Later he was lured into an insane asylum, beat up, and put into a straightjacket. He died 2 weeks later presumably from his injuries.

4.      The idea of the Earth rotating around the Sun and not being the center of the Universe was rejected numerous times

5.      And there’s a lot more - Including some noble prize winners’ ideas being at first rejected for being too removed from reality and for other reasons.

 

People had to learn their lesson from history, but didn’t.

I know it from my own experience almost unsuccessfully trying to share with people my knowledge and findings regarding the real existence of auras, telekinesis, reincarnation, etc

 

I think we need a system where people are not going to either of the extremes and are right in the middle. They don’t reject all new ideas and discoveries, but they also don’t blindly believe everything. The stay neutral until they have proof/evidence to either back up the idea or reject.

We could have a panel of educated people whose job it would be to test and check the proposed ideas and discoveries. Obviously if no one is harmed by the experience. Of course, there’d be a lot more details to the system but they’re not important for now.

 

For example: About 100 educated and open-minded people could try to learn telekinesis – Even if just several people would be successful, it would still be enough to show it is real. Because if telekinesis is not real then literally nobody can move objects with their will, or mind, alone.

The same goes for auras, astral projection and more.                      

I literally described how I was able to experience all those things and so can almost anyone – but for some reason – one of the reasons I think is due to psychology – it’s just so difficult for them to allocate several minutes per day for, say learning to see auras by following my example. Instead of having beliefs people would have knowledge.

Those abilities are not gifts. I think all more or less healthy people can learn them. And they are sure not magical – there’s no magic, but knowledge.

I learned them in my early 20s and before that I wanted to live just like pretty much all people – have work, make money, have a house, have a family. Live a so-called normal life – what was considered normal at that time.

Spiritual/esoteric stuff wasn’t on my mind, although from early childhood I knew that some things do actually exist while people generally don’t believe in their existence. And there was a moment in my life when I was reading a lot about ufology related subjects.

I’ll mention that before my 20s I never even tried to practice seeing Auras or do telekinesis – in case someone thinks that you need to develop such abilities from early childhood. No, you don’t.

I’ve noticed that people often try to explain why such things are not possible by some information they learned from either school or from some other source – like a book, or religious text. For some reason those people don’t understand that in the first case scientists and researchers could have been mistaken – as they were in the examples of people who were not believed at first but were proven right later. In the second case if the origin of the religious text was legit, then during many centuries the message could have been distorted or even intentionally changed by some malevolent group wishing to take masses of people under their control.

 

Honestly, it amazes me that even when you say that you proved to yourself these things are real, you experienced them, many people still search for other explanations instead of trying to listen to you – “They have ears, but they hear not,” as the saying goes.

And then some of the so-called scientists and professors choose to call you names instead of having normal civilized conversation with the goal to set up a meeting for me to try to prove telekinesis etc.

Such was the case with the person who calls himself Professor Dave Explains.

I will say that his videos are very good, informative and educational, but only as far as the generally accepted subjects are concerned.

Instead of calling me names, he could have used the scientific method of following on my claims. On having many people try to do what I did and see if they can learn to see Auras, etheric field, or move light suspended thread telekinetically.

 

He called me a “delusional moron” and I noticed the following.

DEFINITION of Delusional is “characterized by or holding false beliefs or judgements about external reality that are held despite incontrovertible evidence to the contrary”; “based on or having faulty judgement; mistaken”.

When it comes to Dave’s views on Auras, etheric field and all other little know thing which are called esoteric by some people, he is kinda delusional – for despite being offered a way to prove the reality of those things, he chooses to hold false judgements that they don’t exist and people who say otherwise should be charlatans or delusional morons.

And the word “moron” means a stupid person. Well, as a professor he should know about the history of science; he should know that there have been numerous times when people were not believed, even beaten up to death for their attempts to help society, and yet they were proven right. I know that I once more mention this fact, but I feel like it’s an important historic lesson which clearly wasn’t learned by many people. And it’s a simple thing to understand – so why Dave was behaving like a child in his response to me?

He’s no better than people who didn’t believe Alfred Wegener, Ignaz Semmelweis, Nicholas Copernicus and others.

If humanity doesn’t destroy itself, I think relatively soon – which could be a century - people will start to discover that Auras, telekinesis, reincarnation and so on, are real. Perhaps then Dave will become yet another example for future generations how one should not act in a civilized society.

I’ll say that I did mistakes of varying magnitude in my life. I’m okay admitting it because it’s natural to make mistakes – it’s part of our learning experience. Also those words of his have nothing to do with me because I know that I’m correct regarding the existence of etheric field – I’ve seen it several times, and I also know about it from Thiaoouba book.

Fyi, I am well aware that there were also claims and discoveries which were wrong. That’s why I say we should be in the middle between two extremes, staying neutral until we have proof and evidence to either back up a claim or reject. And we should always remember that as long as we don’t know all there is to know in the universe, there’s a possibility that people had either made mistakes in their discoveries, or their discoveries were correct for their time, but were enhanced afterwards as more knowledge had been gained.

The example of latter here could be Newton’s and Einstein’s views on gravity and how it works; the main Newton’s idea is correct, but some details have been proved to be wrong.

And the example pertaining to the topics of aura, telekinesis etc, would be Darwin who was correct in his theory, but not all of it is true. As it turns out human beings in the Universe jumped over the process of evolution and were always humans from the very start of their existence. Sure, as a result of environmental influences people’s appearances have changed and do change; but people will always be people – creatures with 9 bodies, and animals will always be animals – creatures with 3 bodies. That’s why people are able to learn to see auras, even though literally hundreds of generations never even practiced developing their auric vision – people were created with that ability, and it’s up to us to discover it and develop it; that ability will not be lost due to natural evolution. Of course, Darwin couldn’t have known that, but it shows how people should not assume that they know everything, and should not place their discoveries automatically onto everything or everyone else.

 

Next. I have 2 telekinesis videos showing telekinesis. Yes, the quality could have been better, but I can’t buy expansive equipment just to record several videos not many people watch anyway.

Some people asked if static electricity could be the reason for the effect. No, it’s not static electricity. Given stationary hand and some object, static electricity would either only repel or only attract that object – and in my videos it’s clear that the tip of the thread sometimes attracts and right after that repels from the tip of my finger very quickly, sometimes it touches the finger and sometimes it doesn’t. I explained in video why – I have trouble keeping attention due to recent events happening around me and with me, so I can’t keep telekinetic control for a long time unfortunately. Also, I can, let’s say for now, feel in my mind that the tip of the thread is moving according to my will and not because of some other factors. It is 100% telekinesis - I wouldn’t be posting those videos if it wasn’t.

Of course, and I’m sad to say this, there were people how still were telling ME that telekinesis is not real and can’t be a thing… I’m reminded here about the “story of doubting Thomas who wanted to touch Christ’s wounds [after his resurrection], for, seeing them with his own eyes did not convince him enough; and yet, when he touched them, he was still doubtful. He suspected some kind of magic trick”.

My offer to try to prove telekinesis in public to try to help people realize that there are many little known but real things out there is left literally unnoticed – or ignored.

People should remember that inaction, silence is still a decision, and has a consequence. If it’s a mistaken decision, the one which contributed somehow to someone’s suffering, then they will have to suffer for it to hopefully learn their lesson

 

Now, a piece about charlatans. Sadly, there are many of those and many prey on people seeking spiritual enlightenment.

In my opinion they’re partly the reason for the existence of such heavy skepticism I’ve met in my life.

But one simply can’t reject an idea or discovery because some people used similar ideas to fool people into giving them their money etc.

Again, that’s why we have to develop a new system to check claims and new discoveries. We shouldn’t reject ideas because they simply seem too removed from our current view of reality. We should remember that the current view of reality that we have has been shaped by people of similar fates also.

 

As I said before - I’m willing to try to prove telekinesis and, if asked, other things – although I’d need a lot of practice for that and a lot of tranquility in my life.

For now, the first step is about proving that people can move light objects with their minds, without physically touching them or by using devices other than their own mind, their will.

How telekinesis works on physical level is not so important at this time because it’s the second step, which is logically generally not possible without people first acknowledging that telekinesis does actually exist.

 

For people who want proof I’d like to read Thao’s words from the book Thiaoouba: The Golden Planet:

“Jesus was fifty years of age when he arrived in Japan, where he married and had three daughters. Finally, he died in the Japanese village of Shingo, where he had lived for forty-five years. He was buried in Shingo, which is on the main island of Japan - Honshu, and beside his tomb is another, containing the little box holding Ouriki’s lock of hair.

Those of your fellow men who like evidence can go to Shingo, formerly known as Herai, in the district of Aomori.”

About 1/3 of a century has passed since Michel Desmarquet published the book but as far as I know nobody tried to conduct official and well documented – on cameras at least – excavations to see the box with the hair. It would prove that Michel’s book is true.

Of course, there are lots of other ways to prove that Michel’s book is true.

 

Some of you may ask - Why it’s all so important for me that I continue to try to share Michel Desmarquet’s book and my experience with Thiaooubians, which proved me that Michel’s book is true?

The message of Thiaooubians is very important and the details Thiaooubians shared about life can greatly improve people’s wellbeing. That knowledge did help me a lot and played the key role in bringing me out of a huge psychological hole I was in. I understood many simple truths of life by studying that book – all of that helped me.

Then Thiaooubians were very clear about the dangers of pollution of the environment - Humanity can disappear because of our civilized – in quotes – activity.

All in all - If people are spiritual, good willing and civilized then I’ll benefit from it too since I have to live in this society.

Having my experience with Thao and others from Thiaoouba, I couldn’t be silent and had to overcome my fears of speaking out – silence and doing nothing would be an error for which I’d have to pay by suffering, and I had a lot of that in my life.